September 2nd 2018
That’s Life©1966 #743 (8-31-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 742 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman.com

Hickman’s “Believe it or not

Even though you live in California and know wackiness has no limits… this one is both hard to believe and hard to swallow. Your libertard governor signed a bill Tuesday that will make Ca. the first state to eliminate bail for suspects awaiting trial if they can’t afford it. I guess if they say, “I’ll be there” it will be good enough to let them out of jail….A get out of jail free card if you will. I’ll go more into the convoluted reasoning next week. This is more than enough for now…check it out yourself!

Granny Get Yer Gun; Again!

Dove season starts Saturday.

 

Species Season / Area Season Dates Daily Bag Limit Possession Limit
Mourning Dove and White-winged Dove Statewide Sep 1 – 15 &
Nov 10 – Dec 24
15, up to 10 of which may be white-winged doves Triple the daily bag
Spotted Dove, and Ringed Turtle Dove No limit
Eurasian Collared-dove All Year No limit

…So Saturday morning, if you live near the country it may sound like a war going on when actually it’s just the start of the annual 15 day hunting season for Mourning dove… and it will be like that, off and on, for the next 15 days gunning for the little pretty sounding birds you see and hear all of the time in the city. Unfortunately they are being bullied and bred out of existence by the invasive Eurasian collared-dove.    We try to shoot everyone one of the vulgar sounding pigeon like mega doves and lay off the little mourning dove when we can. (See photo of one of each above). Also pictured from a past year are  neighbor Shane Nichols and I in one photo and shot gunning Linda Hickman and Missy Nichols both shooting O/U 20 gauge shotguns, in the other… seen with near limits of the tasty critters. The fast flying birds are not easy to hit and with winds are even more difficult.

This is another food item which can’t be bought in the market but is considered a delicacy and relished by many.  PETA; yes we are active members and have a bumper sticker to prove it!

Speaking of Shooting…

If you own a firearm and don’t shoot it you might as well sell it or give it away (via licensed FFL dealer). No place to shoot it your say? Balderdash (whatever the hell that means). There are two indoor shooting ranges in Vacaville and they even rent handguns to try out if you don’t have one but want to get into the shooting sports; or just learn how to shoot to for self-protection. There is also a primo outdoor shooting range “Yolo Sportsman” located between Davis and Woodland (by the Davis airport) where you can shoot pistols and rifles…. The main sight-in area for deer hunters at this time of the year… Goggle all of them for more info.

We are lucky in Solano County that we have a sheriff who is not opposed to people have CWP (concealed weapon permits). The dimwitted sheriff  in Yolo County allows none I hear or makes it so difficult that many give up, or just don’t try. In Davis you don’t need one you can use words to hurt someone and just politely asked them not to rape, rob or kill you or your family and they will probably say Ok and just go away…In Woodland,  maybe not so much.

Our just re-elected sheriff, Thomas A. Ferrara, told me he has no problem issuing permits (they must be issued by the county sheriff’s department) to citizens with clean records with a reasonable reason for wanting one. The permits including, the class you must take, county and state permit fees and the time and travel it takes to get one up the cost a bit, but what the heck

You can get one by starting the process on Solano County’s web site, clicking on the Sheriff’s Department and then following instructions. Once you have your permit, and learn all of the ins and outs in the class you take (taught by seasoned law enforcement officers) you can then carry a handgun, concealed on your person (with some restrictions) or in your vehicle. With the way the world is today the time and money spent getting the permit could save you or your family in an emergency life threatening situation. In our immediate neighborhood we probably have a lot more guns and ammo that the police department. We have many hunters and shooters on our block alone.

You have to qualify with your handgun (s) you select to carry, and then renew and re-qualify every two years after taking a refresher course. I have had one (CWP) since the 60’s when my life was first threatened after doing a story on a drug bust. Most of our adult family members have one too. Honestly; It’s better to have one and not need it than need it and not have one.

In the Invading hordes magazine there’s a foot note that you might want to stay away from our area because the odds of you picking the wrong house to pillage or maim or whatever, are not in the bad guy’s favor. The rules are strict, the path not the easiest,  BUT you can get a permit in Solano County if you really want one. The photos below show my first wife, Linda shooting a .25 Browning auto and me a Glock 40 (with a laser sight). We were shooting practice rounds at an indoor range with the .25 the 9mm and the 40mm.at A.S.P. Shooting range, at 27 Commerce Place just of leisure town road… yes, we are good shots.

If you’ve ever thought about it now’s the time to act while we have a pro-CWP sheriff in office. A few years from now who knows?

 

More Things for thought

*Whenever I’m about to get in a bar fight I give a karate bow to my opponent…in hopes he gets scared and backs out before I totally humiliate myself.

*I’m sick of hearing about this world class chef that supposedly works at taco bell! Everyone knows chefs don’t work at taco bell… your weed dealer works at taco bell.

*Jay-z has an underachieving brother named lay.

*They couldn’t explain the ever-increasing numbers of Christians and the continuing decline and dwindling population of lions…….but the Roman emperors thought they’d devised an elegant solution to both.

*Could someone familiar with cartoon lore tell me if Pluto, Goofy, Porky Pig, Donald or Mickey still has testicles……and if not, who was responsible for their neutering?

*Looking forward to the new show about enjoying Asian noodles… “everybody loves ramen”.

*The best form of transportation out of the big 3, (train, plane, ship), is the train… as it is the only one where you can see a cow out the window without feeling a justifiable sense of panic.

*Roses are red, violets are blue, and I need another cup of coffee…….and a donut, too.

*As she looked at the pregnancy test she said “hmmm, it’s positive. That’s strange.”… he thought back to opening the condom wrapper with his car key, “yep. Sure is.”

*I wouldn’t call myself an actor… but I once believably feigned interest for more than 7 minutes while a co-worker showed me baby videos from her phone.

*Solved the problem of getting dizzy when I stand up… stay seated.

*My bank’s website is just one letter off from some very descriptive porn site and it’s really annoying… I keep accidentally visiting my banks website.

*Was at the pet store and asked if the birdcage was made of nickel. “No, I think it’s made of aluminum”, he said… “Oh, migawd, it’s a nickeless cage!”

*Grandpa always said “drink until she’s beautiful… but stop before you ask her to marry you.”

*Have you ever noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn such as baseball, skiing, golf, whatever… there’s always some well-intentioned pseudo-expert telling you to keep your knees bent?

*I just ate an omelet made with organic eggs and sesame seed butter… never have I felt more prepared to buy a Prius.

*I washed a man in Reno… just to watch him dry.

*When we were young we didn’t have online dating so we’d write ‘for a good time call…’ on public bathroom walls … and then wait for the phone to ring.

*Got asked to leave a vegetarian potluck… for bringing animal crackers.

*My first day of work at the zoo I informed the boss “I got the pandas to have sex, it wasn’t that tough.”  He queried, “You actually got the pandas to mate with each other?”… “Oh, no, not with each other.”

 

I’ve never asked for contributions or endorsements before, but this time I’m being advised to fight fire with fire…or money with money, depending how you look at it. You can make or send deposits at or to the first northern bank or send a check to me/us as “committee to re-elect ted Hickman” (acct # 01083764) @ 650 sierra dr. Dixon ca. 95620… please understand you, and your family members, can make anonymous donation of less than $100 by check or money order to any or all candidates, and it won’t be reported publicly… Over $100 it becomes public record.

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August 24th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #742 (8-24-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

Dixon Lions –Texas Hold’emTourney, tomorrow evening at the old Vet’s Hall downtown! You can still get tickets or just drop in by 6.

 

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 741 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

 

WARNING: This column was written by an award winning photo journalist without prior approval of the Dixon City Council, American Legion or the Dixon School board; so proceed carefully.

Switch Hitters on your city council!

Wanna play ball huh? I only know hardball!

…No more Mr. nice Guy, I warned you!

(Editor’s note: It wouldn’t seem like we would have to explain this but here goes: Ted Hickman is a reporter/photographer/columnist for this publication and has been from almost the start. He writes this very popular column as a columnist…it has no baring or relationship to his elected position as one of our city councilmen. That’s one hat, this is another. His record as an elected official stands on its own and goes without question as being one of the best in recent history.

           So, Ted Hickman has written this column for decades in various publications and continually for the last 14 & ½ years for this publication. He is a state and national award winning photo journalist and was singled out for persecution for a column he wrote in July saying he was personally offended by the television news coverage of showing California  where the huge gay pride parade was televised passing it off as the norm. He went on to say if the LGBT community has wrangled the whole month of June in California to be “gay pride month” then the month of July, starting on the 4th should be celebrated as “SPAM” Straight Pride American Month. Using his own brand of satire and humor he said he knew he couldn’t make any proclamation as Dixon’s vice mayor, but if he could he would proclaim July as SPAM month. He later said if he had it all to do over he wouldn’t have used only the two words “vice, mayor”.

          The ultra-left took this as an opening to rally troops around their causes and champion the LGBT movement… Several dozen people attended a city council meeting and protested Hickman’s right of free speech and demanded his ouster from the council and that he be stripped of his “vice Mayor” title… neither which occurred. Two of his fellow elected officials turned on him to settle old scores and joined the LGBT support movement calling Hickman’s column as “disgusting, horrible”, etc. They tried to get him removed as vice mayor and had authorities check to see if he could be removed from office… During all of this Hickman, much to his credit, stood firm and made no comments about any of it or his fellow councilmembers stabbing him in the back to gain LGBT political backing…Which brings us up to date and this column below explaining some things from his viewpoint.)

            Young councilman Devon Minnema will go down in Dixon political history, for seriously being questioned by many if he was eligible to run for council in the first place. Secondly he is noted for his embarrassing run for county supervisor foolishly thinking that his non-productive two years on the Dixon City council somehow qualified him for that higher office. Not only did he lose his own home town, but didn’t even carry his own council district (they didn’t even vote for him)… and then for orchestrating dirty politics campaign while giving Dixon negative publicity trying to have me crucified by his gay “friends” for a tongue-in-cheek article that appeared in this space in July, all of which failed.

His latest failure was to try and have me removed from the council or at least stripped of my position as vice mayor. The city attorney’s office and the first amendment coalition set him straight about what he and the council could and couldn’t do and told him to peruse this stupid high schoolish thing could cost the taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars… so he had to eat it once more.

As a last ditch effort to save some face this LGBT supporting twosome (Minnema and Pederson) demanded and arranged for a statement to be read at the city council meeting last Tuesday which read: (out of context)“ we don’t agree with what you wrote”…Oh no, woe is me. Boy what a burn! To which I replied (after recusing myself from the stupid vote) “I didn’t ask for your agreement (and certainly didn’t need it)… what do you want now? You want to act as an editorial board and pre read all of my future columns? How about the other 740 I’ve written for the past 14 years and the over 1,000,000 (that’s over one million) words there? Are we going to go over all of those too; and (letters to my sister)? I’m sure you can find something offensive in a lot of them… This met with deadly silence too; WTH folks? Soo… the Dixon censorship, book burning board fizzled before even caught fire…

But at least two of your councilmembers tried to decide what you can and can’t read; gotta give them credit for that huh? The Gaystopo is alive and well in Dixon with two of your elected officials carrying their banner… go figure.

Give it up Devon. Yes, I/we supported John Vasquez, your opponent, for the supervisor race because has proven to be an effective, trustworthy, efficient leader for the people of Dixon and Solano county; and you; not.

As many of you may be aware, and some might not be, we have two of your elected city councilmen, who until a couple of weeks ago were self-proclaimed conservative, Christian, Republicans. At the fist LCH (let’s crucify Hickman) meeting back in late July councilmembers, Devon Minnema and Scott Pederson folded like a deck of cards and switched sides to become ardent supporters of the LGBT program with the backing of a union troll and a nasty, vengeful woman who doesn’t even live in Solano County. She is trying to control our local government here through a trumped up web site which she controls, censors, refuses to allow submissions, and uses it as a personal tool against anyone one (or thing) not to her liking…and a few people still read this garbage and think it really is an open site discussing objectively concerns of this city….. She doesn’t even live anywhere near here or even near Solano County, but keeps meddling in our city’s business like she really knows what’s best for us; … She’s an enemy of mine too because I voted against her appointment to the planning commission because I knew her true colors and intent… which became apparent shortly after taking her seat.

At last Tuesday’s meeting Pederson talked out of both sides of his mouth (again) using “Christianity” as his crutch and inviting everyone to “his” community/(his  house too I guess) where they will always be welcome… That was really big of him. He joined the LGBT anti- Hickman bandwagon (actually Minnema was the one who orchestrated the whole thing) and they have proclaimed their love and open support for the LGBT community…  They tried to orchestrate (they meaning Minnema and his follower Pederson) a move to get me removed as vice mayor so Minnema could take over the spot (like that would ever happen).

They again folded like a deck of cards and traded in their Republican, Christian values to proclaim their support and recognition of the LGBT lifestyle. Minnema answered a lot of questions when he came out at the first meeting to greet a fairly large crowd wearing his LGBT tie (see photo) and waving his LGBT flag for all of the assembeled media and world to see. The big media turn out was there to witness my cruicification but I woulnd’t play so all they had was the event promoter, Devon, to interview.At the next council meeting with a small audience he wore no colors. But he and Pederson both attended a local Gay pride picnic he promoted he wore his colors again . These are facts.

I’ve said nothing until this article…and now that I am really pissed for one of the things this group did to us; now it’s Katie bar the door,

The two city councilmen now have many people wondering about them…. Asking me about them. Their personal lives are their own and I don’t care what they do with whom or how… and I’ m tired of being asked” and lately I have been nastily replying, “If you want to know ask them. They came out in public supporting the LGBT, not me”…  I feel about them just like I feel about the rest of the LGBT community…they have their life styles and I/we have ours; “family values”. As long as theirs isn’t flaunted in my face I could care less about their cause, problems course or destination… It was live and let live.

I Hope the funding from the LGBT groups for his (Scott’s) re-election campaign, for his run to get re-elected to the city council, proves to be worth it. He and my opponent are their people, obviously, not me… And, again, I could care less what they put where or with whom…

My job as a councilman is to ignore this silly stuff and attend to city business… and to do the best I can for the city; and I can work with them (Minnema-Pederson), or around them. They have to continue to support the great programs I/we now have going for public safety and infrastructure up grades… because it’s the right thing to do they have no choice.

They are powerless and have shown their true colors…as have I. The only difference is I won’t digress. They have to explain themselves to the voters; I don’t, the voters understand me; always have! But you two and the council are right. The voters of Dixon will decide my fate, not your imported group of whatevers from all over.

Is this article going to bring another round of threats and attempts of intimidation? Who cares? What can they say they haven’t said, what can they try to do they haven’t done. Bring it. Just be careful because I am no longer in the defensive mode.

I’ve Never asked for contributions or endorsements before, but this time I’m being advised to fight fire with fire…or money with money, depending how you look at it. You can make or send deposits at or to the First Northern Bank or send a check to me/us as “Committee to re-elect Ted Hickman” (Acct # 01083764) @ 650 Sierra Dr. Dixon Ca. 95620please understand you, and your family members, can make anonymous donation of less than $100 by check or money order to any or all candidates, and it won’t be reported publicly… over $100 it become public record.

Four years ago when I ran I refused all endorsements and donations and ran beating out thousands of dollars and a crowded field to win… and would have done the same thing this year except for the organized love/hate groups throwing money, endorsements, helpers and unlimited resources with only these goals in mind…My defeat, and them having an alternate lifestyle liberal sympathizer elected and seated on our city council… As if  apparent new LGBT converted current city councilmen isn’t enough… They want a majority of “their people” to rule our city like they promised would happen…So here I am a straight arrow BTW (my election email is straightarrowted@gmail.com)…you can take it from here and add your own choice comments. In plain English, here in little old Dixon, it’ become a battleground between me and my “family values” and the Gaystopo…It’s that thimple.

Seriously, I’m accusing the LGBT of trying to interfere with the internal workings of the City of Dixon and taking over and influencing elected positions for a start. I have sent a message to USSR President Vladimir Putin asking for him to intercede in our upcoming election on my behalf. I’m pretty sure he’ll take my side in this matter. How about it Vlad? I’m being accused of being a “little Trump in Dixon politics’ and for that I thank you all.

The funny side of all of this is: Not one word or ctritisim about anything I have done for the citizens and city of Dixon as an elected official, NOT ONE…It’s a long list which will become apparent in the coming weeks and all of it factual…So there!

 

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August 24th 2018
Elk herd At Grizzly Island, Linda scores!

Posted under Elk Hunting Linda 8-17-18 & Hunting/Fishing Articles & That's Life Columns

Last week I ran a photo of part of an Elk herd

At Grizzly Island with …More to come. Remember?

Here’s the story: My first wife Linda and our sons have put in for the Grizzly Island special controlled “Elk Hunt” for over 16 years. Linda had 16 “points for the drawing” as did I. Wouldn’t you know it, Linda, the one not really motivated killer in our family, gets drawn for this special hunt.

Grizzly Island Wildlife Area is a state refuge of 8,600 acres of the Suisun Marsh surrounded by like 155 duck clubs. The native species of Tule Elk now roam freely after making a tremendous come back from 2 to 20 animals in 1860 to between 300 and 400 today… Those numbers, two to 20 animals, was down from the estimated 500,000 Tule Elk  that roamed this (and our) area along with Grizzly bears, and big numbers of Antelope and deer in the early 1800’s until market hunters decimated their numbers to feed the gold rush hungry 49ers.

The comeback was started in 1914 with 22 herds dispersed throughout the state… by 1971 there were over 500 animals in three major herds… the state’s programs have been so successful they now have to cull the herds to keep the populations healthy and from outgrowing their environment and possibly becoming a public nescience… and possible danger or going off the refuge and damaging surrounding private property and ranches. This year they issued 87 tags which included, mature bulls, spikes and antlerless (cows). Thousands apply each year for the strictly controlled numbers available in the computer drawings.

Elk go where they want and unlike cattle fences, roads, rivers, nothing stops or bothers them… and an aggressive bull or cow can be dangerous to the public, and to motorists if they get on to roads… so each year they take a few animals to keep the breeding population somewhat in check and have a full time biologist to monitor the herd, their numbers and general health…So…  It’s Linda that gets drawn, (naturally) for one of the few cow tags and last Thursday, for the 28th year of this special hunt, we get there before sunrise and try to find a herd… it’s a BIG place.

We, meaning Linda, our back up son, Shane Nichols, (see photo) and me. Only one person other than the hunter with the tag can be in the field to assist the hunter. I know my limitations and since the stroke a year ago and lot of my get up and go has got up and gone… so we got a healthy, in shape local USAF serviceman with which Linda was comfortable to go out into the field with her while I sat in the parking lot glassing the area. As it worked out the arduous hunt would probably have been a little much for me physically because I don’t know when to quit or rest and they had quite a physical time getting into and out of positions.

You can only park in designated areas and can only start your hunt from one of those areas so it doesn’t matter where you see the critters it’s basically spot and stalk in flat sometimes marshy land with little cover. The only way to hunt them we finally figured is to find a small herd, see their direction of travel and try to get ahead of them and wait for an opportunity. The first few hours of this approach didn’t work for one reason or the other. The bigger herds have many eyes and these are wild animals so it’s not a cake walk. A little later we found a smaller bunch and Linda and Shane made their way through dried ground, marsh, weeds, tulles and stuff and set up once more. They had a huge 7 point bull in rut pass within 40 yards of them bugling with steam shooting out of his nostril.

He paid no attention to them because he was herding his harem away from other bulls in the area. If you’ve never heard a bull bugle you really don’t know what chills up and down your spine can be. Early in the morning from a distance it sounds like a banshee wailing and can be heard for miles. Up close it is an experience you’ll never, never forget.

With this group were several mature cows, the kind they wanted harvested. When they finally got an opening (the herds are fluid and constantly move unless bedded down) and a clear shot was available Linda placed one of the new copper 180 grain (lead is illegal) 30:06 round just above the shoulder and dropped the huge 400 pound (see photo of huge heart) animal in its tracks. We had her practice at 100 and 150 yards with a big game rife she had never shot before. With a yardage meter Shane knew the distance to be within her accurate range at 170 yards. It was the first and probably last big game animal she had ever harvested. She has carried a rifle and shotgun for years and is a good shot, but only grudgingly has taken a few pheasants and dove. She has always enjoyed the outdoors experiences and hunting and fishing trips but just doesn’t have or want that killer instinct that her husband and sons have. She shot this elk because it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and shed a tear at the animal’s demise and will now hang up her big game rifle…

A heart the size of a bowling ball..

…But wait; she has also been drawn for a special either  sex shotgun slug only deer hunt at Grey Lodge Wildlife Area next month…which is even a tougher hunt with almost a primitive weapon….Then she can retire. How she alone got drawn and the rest of us didn’t is still somewhat of a mystery but what away to start and end your big game hunting career huh? She put a year’s worth of meat in the freezer for a couple of families, what a turnabout?

At one point we saw five mature bulls in one field and 11 spikes with another herd  on Grizzly. The herd is healthy because of great herd management and keeping the numbers in check. When the season ends in September it’s a great drive for you and your family to take. Less than an hour door to door from Dixon.

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August 17th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #741 (8-17-18)* By Ted Hickman …

Posted under That's Life Columns

All of you fans might really want to read next week’s column…the gloves are coming off, I’m through taking this crap and I’ll be explaining a lot!

Don’t forget the 11th annual Lions Club Texas Hold’em fund raising Fun tournament next Saturday at the old vet’s Hall in downtown Dixon. If you’ve never played but have always wanted to see how good you are with those not your neighbors, family or friends, come on down and join us. It’s a yearly fun night for me (see photo).  It’s a $75 donation to a good group for local causes and its laid back, fun, and you get tri-tip sandwiches to boot. Contact a Dixon Lions Club’s member or go to their web page for more info.

Coast Rifle season opened last weekend;

  • Inland archery this weekend!

300,000 plus acres burned from about Ukiah to Lake Berryessa in two separate fires that started about an hour apart burning homes, livestock, and wildlife and costing human casualties.  If they catch the SOB that started them why not life in prison; or death.  A couple of fires lately were started by convicted arsonists out walking around free as a bird… And, BTW, can someone tell me why the looters in the Redding fire couldn’t be shot on sight? How low can you get?

An arsonist that caused the loss of life, not to mention thousands of homes lost and many family’s life works and possessions destroyed should never see daylight again. But then again, this is California, the state know world-wide to be comprised mainly of fruits and nuts. So here they go to court and give some lame assed excuse about an abusive childhood or a genetic quirk and they set them free to light another one… WTF folks?  At least take away their matches

Along with all of the tremendous devastation over a big chunk of Northern California it encompassed  the destruction of the pear growing region Hopland, Ca. one of our favorite hunting spots… high above the Mendocino County valley where we’ve enjoy the morning clouds below us  as we overlooked  the vineyards and see a lot of wildlife… no more. The photos below, of the hills of Hopland will still be the same…Just grey-black-white ash and orange patches from the air drops replace the rolling oaks and dry grasses…

Elk at Grizzly Island? 

There sure are! I took this photo of a small herd last week with my cell phone. Grizzly Island is a huge DFG refuge in Suisun and there is a Tule Elk herd now living there, spread far and wide that numbers 400+. It’s really something to see. Hopefully, I’ll have more on this next week… Linda, of all people got drawn for a once- in-a- lifetime tag to harvest a Tule elk… this week.

More Things for thought!

*My girlfriend was quite disappointed when I came home from the store empty-handed.  She said “I thought you wanted to buy me something I would look good in”… to which I replied, “sorry, no one sells the dark.”

*A man took five years to write a 1,305-word suicide note prior to killing himself… what made him suicidal, writer’s block?

*Growing up as a fat kid… I thought a “jam session” sounded delicious!

*I met a really nice girl in a club last night and after some great conversation and a few drinks she asked if I would like to go to her place for sex… I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I said no.

*I got thrown out of law school… for cheating on the ethics exam.

*Still confused about why my wife’s going to a baby shower today… considering we have a perfectly fine adult sized shower here at home.

*A guy got crushed when he fell between a floating dock and a ship… you could say he died from pier pressure.

*I’ve been reading “Lord of the Rings” and apparently Gollum was once a normal guy until wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and joy of life… it’s probably the same one I put on when I got married.

*At the age of 97 my grandmother still races horses… although she never wins.

*I was sunbathing on the beach and a woman came up to me and asked, “What do you think of my flip-flops?”… “They’re horrible,” I replied, “put your top back on!”

*A successful relationship is not one based on a physical connection… rather a ‘spiritual’ one like vodka, or bourbon or gin.

*A bear walked into a restaurant and ordered a salmon________sandwich.  The waiter asked, “What’s with the big pause?”… the bear replied, “Really?  I’m a bear!”

*According to the movie “The Founder, a narrative about Ray Kroc and his relationship with the McDonald brothers, Mr. Kroc was basically the hamburglar.

*The car in front of me had a “what would Jesus do” bumper sticker… well, I thought, he sure couldn’t drive any crappier than this schmuck!

*Sure, that old rabbit’s foot that you carry on your keychain is lucky for you… but the poor bunny it belonged to has to live with the nickname “stumpy” for the rest of his life!  

*Took a tour through Egypt… what the hell, they walk like everyone else!

*Statistics compiled show that only 1 crime in 1300, or less than 1%, are solved by DNA evidence… in case you were worried about drooling or masturbating while robbing a bank.

*When I first started dating my wife she asked me what my dreams were so I told her about the one I had where the T-Rex didn’t get a job ‘cuz he couldn’t tie his tie… apparently she meant goals.

*Sarcasm should be like a good tequila… so smooth you don’t feel the burn until long after you take the shot.

*The wife and I were staying at Howard Johnson’s and enjoying it… until he told us it wasn’t a motel, that was just his name, and would we please get the hell out!  

*They say laughter is the best medicine… which is exactly why I laugh when friends tell me they’ve contracted gonorrhea.

*”Excuse me, ma’am, but I have a huge package, especially for you.”… something I’d get to say everyday if I worked for UPS.

*Newlyweds say “I love resting my head on your chest so I can hear your heartbeat as I gently drift off to sleep”… a few years later it’s “I recorded your damn snoring so you can hear how friggin’ loud it is!”

*Calvin Klein will soon be releasing a new scent called “cougar”… a delicate blend of honeysuckle and vanilla with subtle undertones of cigarette smoke and desperation.

*I once had sex while enjoying a cold beer and didn’t spill a drop… I just wish there had been someone there to witness it.

*The first rule of camping:  don’t bring the kind of toilet paper that attracts animated bears.

*I find myself randomly shouting out “broccoli” or “cauliflower”… I think I may be suffering from florets.

*Three days after his death Jesus appeared to his faithful and said,” I would have been here sooner but someone left a bunch of eggs in the tomb and I wanted to find them all”… this may be why we have Easter egg hunts.

*I’m really starting to hate these stupid little Russian dolls… they’re just so full of themselves!

*An 83-year old former playboy bunny will be modeling lingerie for Victoria’s secret… apparently that

This is The Independent Voice. Really!  All other papers in this area are now corporate owned and controlled…and this free voice is a danger to all who can’t control its content and refuse to acknowledge the first amendment and a true open and free press. You can help the publisher by subscribing ( it’s easy just send a check to:     ) or by advertising or at least supporting its advertisers telling them you saw their ad here, offsetting those loonies trying to shut down this paper by intimidating its advertisers.

 

 

 

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August 10th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #740 (8-10-18)* By Ted Hickman …

Posted under That's Life Columns

*

For the first time ever I Just opened an election account. Its at the First Northern Bank, Dixon called: “Committee to re-elect Ted Hickman” Acct # 01083764   (catchy huh?)

I’ve Never asked for contributions or endorsements before but this time I’m being advised to fight fire with fire…or money with money, depending how you look at it. You can make or send deposits at or to the bank or send a check to me/us as “Committee to re-elect Ted Hickman” (Acct # 01083764) @ 650 Sierra Dr. Dixon Ca. 95620

Four years ago when I ran I refused all endorsements and donations and ran beating out thousands of dollars and a crowded field to win… and would have done the same thing this year except for the organized love/hate groups throwing money, endorsements, helpers and unlimited resources with only one goal in mind…My defeat, and them having an alternate lifestyle liberal sympathizer elected and seated on our city council… As if  apparent new LGBT converted current city councilmen isn’t enoughThey want a majority of “their people” to rule our city like  they promised would happen… *So here I am a straight arrow BTW (*my election email is straightarrowted@gmail.com)…you can take it from here and add your own choice comments. In plain English, here in little old Dixon, it’ become a battleground between me and the Gaystopo…Its that thimple.

They wanted (demanded is more like it) me to quit, resign now, roll over, and not run again…With all of their threats and organized terror tactics still happening it only strengthened my resolve to run again, on my outstanding record, and show these people exactly here the true heart and soul of this community lies. If their organized, well liberal financed campaign wins out in the end, so be it, but all of those of you who know me, know I won’t go down without a fight…A fight based on “Family Values” and the fact of what I’ve helped do for this city, not promises and pipe dreams and promises for their future

Deer Hunting Question…

Ted: Looking forward to hunting season… but I do have a question. If I shoot a buck in California, but I only have a doe tag, can I claim the buck wasn’t really a buck?

I mean … maybe he’d always wanted to be a doe, but with no choice of his own he was born with the physical attributes of a male. And yet … on the inside I felt he’d always known he was truly a female. I’m just wondering if I can get the game warden to buy that story because a small part of society and the Supreme Court does.

BTW: I’ve seen a doe with antlers mounted in an Eagleville bar… for what it’s worth.

Elk at Grizzly Island?

 

There sure are! I took this photo of a small herd last week with my cell phone. Grizzly Island is a huge DFG  refuge in Suisun and there is a Tule Elk herd now living there, spread far and wide that numbers about 400. It’s really something to see. More on this later.

 

 

 

Tour de France, what a crazy thing!

If you look in the dictionary under insane you will see a picture of French people, obviously with limited mental capacity trying to run up a mountain, waving a flag in front of a bike rider huffing and puffing to get through the smoke cloud from a flare set off by another Mensa French person.

The “sports fans” wearing everything from speedos (all older men and not a pretty picture) to cartoon character costumes rooting for their favorite bike rider. The French really are nutsy about this sport and will go to great extremes to get to choice spots to watch their favorite wiz by in a matter of a few seconds. The reason for the fevered fans base according to sports folks is that it the only major sport (yes its big bucks and it is a major thing in all of Europe) is that it is the only sport where fans can get within touching distance of their heroes and fans do touch, slap, and push them one even got his camera strap caught on the handlebars of one of his heroes, wreck the poor schmuck and broke his back just last week.

When the tour came to Northern California a few years back we wanted to see what all of the excitement was about so we researched their route and found out it would be going on the back roads between Davis and winters on the way around Lake Berryessa. So we went out just beyond Stevenson’s Bridge and set up on the curve they would have to negotiate to get on the Putah Creek Road and waited for the “exciting” event to occur. They didn’t have any time when they would be by and I wanted to take pictures for the paper so we go there like an hour early. So we waited and waited and finally saw and heard a helicopter which is a sign they are coming. I got the camera ready and doubled checked the setting so I wouldn’t miss getting the pic I wanted… Then all of a sudden we see a bike, then a blurry sea of bikes, like 175 of them wiz by in no more than15 to 20 seconds… and that was it. Like my old Friend Mel Topance used to say…”And I shaved my legs for this?” Hardly worth it, although they do wiz by at breakneck speeds.

  

Newish from the email box (thank you!)!

  1. Do not argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience… One thing recent history has taught me.
    2. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    3.
    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
    4. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
    5. We never really grow up we only learn how to act in public.
    6.
    War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
    9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

    10.. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    11..
    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
    12.. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
    13.. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part
    that says “In an emergency, notify:” I put “Doctor”.
    14..
    I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
    15.. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
    16..
    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
    17.. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
    18.. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
    19.. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
    20..
    There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
    21.. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

22.. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
23.. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
24.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
25.
I prayed to God for a new bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

Signs:

*A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs:

   We will heel you

    We will save your sole

     We will even dye for you.

 *a sign on a blinds and curtain truck: “Blind man driving.”

 *Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:  “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

 *In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

 *On a Septic Tank Truck :Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

 *At an Optometrist’s Office : “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, You’ve come to the right place.”

 *On a Plumber’s truck “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck : “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

 *At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :  “Invite us to your next blowout.”

 *On an Electrician’s truck :”Let us remove your shorts”

 *In a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

 *On a Maternity Room door : “Push. Push. Push.”

 *At a Car Dealership : “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

 *Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming”

 *In a Veterinarian’s waiting room : “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

 *At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.

         However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”

 *In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

 *In the front yard of a Funeral Home : “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

 *At a Propane Filling Station: “Thank Heaven for little grills.”

 *In a Chicago Radiator Sho“Best place in town to take a leak.”

 And the best one for last… Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: “Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

 

 

The Independent Voice. Really!  All other papers in this area are now corporate owned and controlled…and this free voice is a danger to all who won’t acknowledge the first amendment and a true open and free press. You can help the publisher by subscribing and supporting its advertisers by telling them you saw their ad here.

 

 

 

 

 

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August 3rd 2018
That’s Life©1966 #739 (8-3-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 737 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

This is a sneak peek at my new book cover. The book is titled; “How to start a national movement without even trying(subtitled: “LBGTQ VS Family Values” the boomerang effect.)

For the first time ever I Just opened an election account at the First Northern Bank, Dixon called: “Committee to re-elect Ted Hickman” Acct # 01083764  I’ve Never asked for contributions or endorsements before but this time I’m being advised to fight fire with fire…or money with money, depending how you look at it. You can make or send deposits at or to the bank or send a check to me/us as “Committee to re-elect Ted Hickman” (Acct # 01083764) @ 650 Sierra Dr. Dixon Ca. 95620

 

Our anniversary; birthdays, Etc…

In the photo above…Linda and Ted Hickman, Aug 1, 1964, Wright Patterson Air Force Base, Dayton, Ohio… We haven’t changed a bit; except, Linda’s gotten more beautiful and I’ve grown into my ears. August 1st is also our eldest son, Trey’s 42 birthday. We had him on our anniversary so I didn’t have too many dates to remember… and as a premature baby back then I’ve never forgotten how we came close to losing him at birth!

In the photos above…Linda’s and her on her mom’s 94th birthday which was July 25, Trey’s 42nd is Aug 1st and his daughter Shannon will be 14 on August 7th. The photo of him and his daughter is for those who haven’t seen him in a while, since he’s been helping out our friends and working in Oklahoma all summer. He’s kind of laid up right now  back there just coming off an ugly surgery to repair a badly torn Achilles tendon he popped stepping in an armadillo hole getting off a tractor. If you have his email or phone send him a text or email… he’s still cutting and bailing those huge round bales of hay with his foot in a cast and his rifle nearby to thwart any threat from more wild pigs that are tearing up the ranch.

 

 

Stop! Caution: Read no further if you are satirically, irony, or otherwise impaired. Back handed jibes, questionable humor and tongue-in-cheek are SOP. This weekly column is considered toxic by a few with a limited mental capacity to think outside their own narrow background, education, peer group and hang-ups. If you fall into any of these categories or are hooked on any one-sided social media site, too young, to old, to immature, or possibly a Demoncrat or Libertards: stop now.

 

 

Instead: Read something that brings you comfort, assume a fetal position, suck your thumb (or whatever) and find your inner peace…because this weekly space will never produce what you need…Like ever… some say its “toxic”. Sometimes, I don’t think so, but maybe. So what the hell are you doing reading this if it offends you so greatly? I know; it’s like a traffic accident, you don’t want to look at the carnage but you can’t help yourself. So if that’s the case, its ok, you can be a closet reader. You don’t have to tell anyone you read any of this stuff… Just don’t read and then bitch about it… or do, I really don’t care, bitching is apparently good for your soul…and you gotta do what you do best.

What did you do last Saturday, anything productive?

When you have a full time job as part of the U.S. military, are married and have two small children spare time is severely limited. So when a USAF neighbor found he had an early Saturday morning open were on the water well before sunrise to fish for “largemouth” black bass. We had forgotten the benefits of the pre sunlight presentation of different lures. To make long story shorter… we caught and released more than four limits (limit is 5 each of 12+ inches) in the one and one-half to three + pound category, plus lost a couple of BIG ones (see photo above … does my cell phone with its portrait lens take great photos or what? I rarely use the 35mm anymore). We started with buzz baits and surface lures in pre-light (what a kick), changing to shallow crank baits with some light and then went to spinners and plastic worms when the sun hit the water… and caught fish using every method and lure type we tried.  All of this done in the local sloughs about 15 miles south of here. And again, the wild black berries are at a premium about now. Almost all water ways and rural ditches have them growing. You can tell when they are at a premium…It smells just like cotton candy when you get close…Yum, blackberry, tarts, pies, cakes and over vanilla ice cream.. It doesn’t get much better than that!

Absolutely a great fishing day and we were home as close to noon as we have ever been. Fisher people know “we’ll be back around noon” is a worn out statement usually followed by “well, it must be noon somewhere” when you coming dragging in sometime before dinner.

Three hours later…My “papers” are in!

 It took about three more hours Tuesday to finish and submit all of my paper work to run for the first ever city council seat (hold on to my current position) in the newly formed District 2 this coming November.

Four years ago I was elected by the whole city to get stuff done. And  I’ve got stuff done!

 Now I’ve decided to run one more time to finish many things I helped start. The stack of paperwork required is ridiculous as you can see by the partial stack by my pen in the photo below. That’s our Dixon City Clerk, Leticia Miguel, in the photo above with me guiding me to sign the many required forms…

Four years ago when I ran I refused all endorsements and donations and ran beating out thousands of dollars and a crowded field to win… and would have done the same thing this year except for the organized hate groups throwing money, endorsements, helpers and unlimited resources with only one goal in mind…My defeat and them having a liberal sympathizer seated on our city council…like two apparent newly converted half libs aren’t enough.

They wanted me to quit, resign now, roll over, and not run again…With all of their threats and organized terror tactics still happening it only strengthened my resolve to run again, on my outstanding record, and show these people exactly where the true heart and soul of this community lies. If their organized, well liberal financed campaign wins out in the end, so be it, but all of those of you who know me, know I won’t go down without a fight…A fight based on fact of what I’ve helped do for this city, not promises and pipe dreams of the future.

This is The Independent Voice. Really!  All other papers in this area are now corporate owned and controlled…and this free voice is a danger to all who can’t control its content and refuse to acknowledge the first amendment and a true open and free press. You can help the publisher, Dave Scholl, by subscribing, advertising or at least supporting its advertisers telling them you saw their ad, offsetting those loonies trying to shut down his paper by intimidating its advertisers.

 

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July 27th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #738 (7-27-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email: straightarrowted@gmail.com

for the 737 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman.com

Seriously…You may or may not be aware of things going on locally and an orchestrated campaign (by a spiteful non-resident to shut this paper down by threatening its advertisers and the publisher… and shut up this part of the country’s only remaining Independent Voice. Really!  All the other papers in this area are now corporate owned and controlled…and this free voice is a danger to all who won’t acknowledge the first amendment and a true open and free press. You can help the publisher by subscribing (go to www. independentvoice.com to see how) and supporting its advertisers telling them you saw their ad.

 

No Canned Crap, eat healthy, live longer!

Justin case anyone was wondering what’s going on with our eternal quest for local foods… we’ll add black bass (see photo) and black berries (see photo of berries and homemade black berry pie) to this week’s menu. In the past few weeks I’ve shown you wild aspargrass, artichokes, local lemons, cherries, tomatoes, and peaches and apricots from Vacaville plus frog legs and crawdads all from within 10 miles of our house. Last week I caught a limit of black bass (yes, they are delicious, firm meat, not fishy tasting) and we picked a zillion wild blackberries that are free for the taking along just about any waterway or rural road. When we were done picking it looked like we had just finished voting in an Iranian election with our thumbs all blueish.

You can go out to Liberty Island or down highway 113 out of town to the Lindsey Slough crossing…  or continue on to Highway 12, turn right and go to  Suisun to Grizzly Island and fish from the bank for catfish, black bass, crappie, striped bass, sturgeon and even Salmon at the right time of the year FREE! All you need is a fishing license and you can put fresh food on your table.

Now I know not everyone one can (or will) go out and gather or catch or dispatch their own food… but the point is; you can, if you live in Northern California. From now through like October, and you should never buy a caned product of any sort.

Just about everything you can name is grown in our neck of the woods. Fresh fruits and veggies should dominate your family’s menu from now through Halloween.

Now is approaching the zenith of goodies, I mean cherries, berries, plums, apricots, at least 10 varieties of peaches, the great sweet corn … you name it (see photo). You can get it all here displayed and sold daily, fresh from the field and at a more than reasonable price as close as Dixon’s Pedrick  Produce (at Pedrick Rd, over the freeway, on the North side). PP now has fresh, sweet corn, at 7 ears for a dollar (see photo of Scott holding corn below)! The new owners said they want to be part of the community like the old ones were…That’s going to be a task… but it appears they are fitting in quite well…  You long time readers know I don’t endorse anything or anyone without vetting it/them first. I’ve never steered you wrong on restaurants, food, movies or businesses.  I’ve never had someone tell me what I’ve said wasn’t true… So my word is my bond … and I’m telling you the two brothers/owners Brad and Scott Clauson, who are growers themselves, are real farm to fork guys. Being growers themselves they meet and inspect each grower they do business with to check on their farming practices. Scott said they need to know how their products are grown and harvested to be delivered… farm fresh on a daily basis. He said, “We are truly a farm to fork operation offering dozens of varieties of fresh fruits and vegetables delivered to us daily, harvested and brought to us straight from the field”. They skip the middle man and deal directly with growers they know and almost all of their products were just in the fields a short time before being displayed for sale at their market.

In addition to the huge variety of fresh fruits and veggies the little store has many surprises lurking in every corner from peanut brittle to dried beans, fruits and nuts (like almonds, walnuts, peanuts, pecans pistachios) to premimum olives and oil, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, Salamis, salsas and their new line of fresh baked Tamales fixed mexican style.One of the big surprises is their collection of hot sauces from mild all the way to “hell no burn the tastebuds out of your mouth”. Go there and tell them you read about them in the IV… and if you think I was wrong about this place let me know.

If there is a produce they don’t have I’m sure if you ask they can get it for you… Their products are always fresh and as much from the local area and varied as they can get. As most of you know I am not a big supporter of the PROD (People’s Republic of Davis) but these folks do know good fruits and veggies and many of them come to Pedrick to get their veggie fix on…. Along with many highway travelers and especially the weekend Nevada bounds families…to stock up on healthy goodies.

Quit killing our seniors, us, yourself!

 

 

We’ve had four deaths, in our immediate zip code, three of which were senior ladies, in like the last 10 days. One (a friend of ours) was T-Boned on Midway Rd. One rolled a car into oncoming traffic getting on the freeway entrance by Walmart and one was hit head on, one Highway113 near Hay road and the dump. Another person was also killed in that one. All in the daylight, all in clear weather (see the photo above I took about a year ago when a young man lost his life) while reportedly not safely stopping at the intersection of Midway Rd and Highway 113. We happened upon the scene before the dust had even settled.

What the hell is going on folks? According to the CHP at the scene of the fatality pictured above, a lot of people new to this area aren’t used to rural roads, big rigs and simply don’t know how to drive safely. They said this intersection is a good example of people not stopping or stopping and then looking one way and then the other and driving ahead without looking back a second time. They emphasized people not used to rural roads don’t realize how fast the big trucks are going 55-65-MPH and misjudge the speed and distance, the fact they can’t stop on a dime;  and POW! The next thing you know they are notifying the next of kin. The point is the rigs are big multi-ton monsters and their speed is deceiving and they can be on you before you know it. In the photo above the big rig driver was found to be not at fault and the young man that died at the scene will not get a second chance to make the same mistake again.

Our friend Mary Ann who was killed a few days ago at the intersection of Midway and Batavia Roads was right, dead right as it turned out. She was driving along safely when a young woman reportedly ran a stop sign, T-boned her car and killed her. So, you too can be right. You can be on your phone, distracted by something or the other and you too can be right, dead right. The moral of this story, especially if you are new to the area is: Turn off your phone, turn off the radio, don’t eat, drink, or turn to yell at the kids…Drive safely, defensively, and give your full attention to the multi ton lethal weapon you are steering and avoid the kill or be killed scenario happening all too often right here in our immediate area.

Tomato trucks now  are rolling along with a zillion garbage trucks,  with  the nut and sunflower harvests are just around the corner… meaning more big rigs hauling crops will be scurrying to and from to the  local fields to the canneries and processers… What’s this got to do with you staying alive?  Do what we do and what we taught our sons to do. Be aware, stay awake, assume on every rural road where there is a four way stop that any oncoming traffic WILL run the stop sign and be prepared for it; if they don’t you’re good. If they do you and yours stay alive to drive another day.

 

More things for thought!

 

Caution: Don’t read any further if you are not a mature, sensible person who doesn’t have thin skin… otherwise keep reading, and don’t bitch!

*I suppose if there’s a bright side to going bald… it’s that no one notices all the gray in your hair.

*Apophasis is a condition where one brings up a subject and yet says they don’t want to talk about it… my wife does this continually, but I don’t want to talk about it.

*Humans share nearly 50% of their DNA with bananas which is why you should never exhort anyone to shove two bananas together… there’s a risk you could form a human.

*All women are after only one thing…  flattering pants with usable pockets.

*No! “Leave it to beaver” is not some 1970’s porn flick!

*I finally realized the extent of my hearing difficulties when I was corrected for saying “don’t wet your panties at lunch”… to the more correct and understood “don’t get your panties in a bunch”. 

*Yes, pigs are very cute… unfortunately they are also freakin’ delicious!  

*Fat weighs less than muscle… so in theory I should be getting lighter.

*Behold the cat!  After 1000’s of year’s evolution have produced the perfect hunter, a combination of stealth, power, and aggression… and then some schmuck stuck a bell on its collar!

*Grandmothers appear to be obsessed with their grandchildren’s weight and say things like “you need more meat on those bones”… this suggests that every grandmother at some time thinks of cannibalizing their progeny.

*Damn!  I sprained my wrist again… furiously writing a check, tearing it angrily from my checkbook and saying “I trust this will suffice!”

*My girlfriend is a porn star… she’ll kill me if she finds out! 

*You know you’re married when your hands accidentally touch in the popcorn bucket at the movies… and you instinctively growl at each other loud enough they stop the film thinking there might be wolves in the theatre.

*When mick Jagger dies will the rolling stone gather no mas?

*My father, a WWII vet, would gather us around and tell stories about surviving the war…..with no such history to relate I gather the kids and watch YouTube videos of an Asian kid playing “Africa” by Toto on a rubber chicken.

*The checker at the store yelled at me this afternoon… “Don’t insult me by looking in my eyes.  This bra costs me $65!”

*Of the nine planets earth would be the brightest as the sunlight would reflect off all the planets water…hopefully you weren’t naive enough to believe it would be the earthlings IQ.

*The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper……wow!  Perhaps the constitution was written on rolling papers.

*My friend held up two kayak paddles and asked me which one I wanted… I said I’d take either/oar.

.*I was driving my kid somewhere and asked him to get the map out of the glovebox… his smartass response was “easy there Indiana Jones, I’ll just google it!”

*I won’t kill you softly with my song… but I’ll probably annoy the crap out of you with my yodeling!

*What do infancy and an alcoholic blackout have in common…you scream and drool, poop yourself occasionally, and don’t remember any of it.

*Anesthesiologist prior to surgery “do you have any questions?”… “Should ketchup be kept in the fridge?”

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July 21st 2018
That’s Life©1966 #737 (7-20-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 736 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

Just in case you go looking for me I ran into an old hunting buddy and found out he is a real estate broker and a veteran too, and I now have my real estate license with him: Virgil Cabrera, … of Cabrera Realty

Way cool…

Photo by Ted Hickman

Herman and Lucy Gnos of Dixon have a talented daughter, Colleen, who painted this great portrait of her Dad and his lab. It was so good in fact they had it mounted and it’s on public display along I.S. 80, eastbound between Midway Road and The West A Street exit.  She said this public art was done to “celebrate agriculture… because they are the entitled stewards of the soil.” (see story and photo on Page one in Today’s paper and on www.tedhickman.com on Friday.

Movies in the park; Friday nights, downtown at dusk!

 Photo by Ted Hickman

 While working at the NRA dinner last Friday we stepped outside for a minute and saw the “Movies in the Park going on across the street from the old Vet’s Hall downtown. Way cool. At dusk, on Fridays, in the library park downtown they show free movies outdoors for families to gather and watch. If you’ve never been, see what’s coming up on the city’s website, pack up the kid and go. Two upcoming are: “The Little Mermaid” (July 28th City of Dixon sponsored) and the final season’s film “Moana” (August 4th with sponsorship by the Dixon Rotary Club).

 

The #1 question about last week’s column…

 

                                                                                         Photo by Ted Hickman

… You’d never guess it with everything going on, but the number one question about last week’s column was…#1 “Just how big are the crawdads you guy are getting?” See the battle going on in front of Linda’s shirt?  #2 Do they bite?  No,  #3Do they pinch? Oh heck yes and it hurts like hell. Do they taste good? Another heck yes. In butter they taste like lobster (they kind of are fresh water lobsters) and in shrimp sauce they taste like sweet shrimp!

More Things for Thought!

Caution: Do not read from here on if you are sensitive, humorless, or subject to irrational delusuions of piety.

  • A casino in Las Vegas asked a breastfeeding mother to leave… Hell, everyone knows the boobs in Vegas are only for the conventioneers!
  • Everyone knows a relationship isn’t just about a physical or emotional connection between two people… it’s about getting yelled at for something you don’t do.
  • Mi in F ger… typing an inquiry to webmd after a July 4 fireworks mishap.
  • Porn sites on the internet, such as Pornhub, are reporting viewership is way down during the World Cup… which makes sense since soccer fans cannot use their hands.
  • I’ve been hearing disturbing voices virtually non-stop lately… my psychotherapist tells me those are called “children”.
  • Joey Chestnut broke his own record at the Nathan’s hotdog Eating Contest consuming 74 hotdogs in 10 minutes… that kind of ability to consume weiners can only be described as Kardashian-esque.
  • A study claims consuming 7 cups of coffee a day decreases your chances of dying by 16%… which makes sense since active-shooters don’t usually check the restrooms.
  • In Australia a video shows a woman being bitten while feeding a shark.  Thankfully she is fine but hopefully we all learned something from this… sharks do not need help being fed.
  • Call me crazy but I believe our ancestors were better at intimacy than we are… probably because they had to constantly check each other for parasites.
  • In Thailand they’re having trouble getting 12 boys out of a flooded cave, but if they would have simply thrown in a soccer ball and tell them to play like the US World Cup team… they would  have  been out in no time.
  • My wife handed me a paring knife to slice some peaches… apparently, we don’t have a peaching knife.
  • Alfred Southwick, a New York dentist, invented the first electric chair for executions… and of course, the first one had a small sink attached so you could rinse.
  • When painting your house from up on a ladder… never take a step back to admire your work.
  • It’s only the fourth day of summer break and the kids are eating leftover cotton candy for breakfast… let’s see what next week will bring other than child services.
  • There was a video of a seal that jumped into the back of a boat to avoid a killer whale that went viral… they were trying to orca-strate a meal but didn’t seal the deal.
  • I’ve spent the last two years looking for my brother-in-law’s killer… but no one will do it.
  • In hospitals a code white means a “violent person”, a code blue designates a “cardio-respiratory arrest, and a code “Blue on Blue”… well, that means Bobby Vinton is in the hospital.
  • We’re not together anymore, she broke my heart. Now she’s got a new boyfriend and I heard a rumor he’s physically abusive which just makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat… and then blame him.
  • It’s been shown that pizza delivery often shows up faster than medical responders…it may be wise to order your large combination and a defibrillator.
  • I have been told I snore quite lustily most nights not unlike a male walrus hauling his fat ass up on a crowded beach in search of room to stretch out… and romance.
  • My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man… so I can get a better girlfriend.
  • Whenever I meet a really pretty girl the first thing I look for is intelligence ‘cuz, well, if she doesn’t have that… I’ve got a pretty good chance!
  • A historian tells us that in 1665 physicians used to tell patients to fart in jars and then sniff the gas to ward off the bubonic plague… I got a Lazy-Boy cushion that could cure a small town!
  • We were in a cab in San Francisco and a small sign said “please don’t smoke: Christ is our unseen guest.”… If he could overcome the crucifixion I don’t think a Marlboro Light is gonna bother him much!
  • When I turned eight years old I was given an empty box for my birthday…. my parents proceeded to tell me it was the new Invisible Man action figure.

 

FIFA World Cup Lessons

As many of you know I ref’ed a few soccer games at most all levels (like 3,000+) and in soccer games I’ve pretty much seen, heard and said it all. Also being an instructor  I wasn’t happy In the world cup that just concluded. What was wrong: The USA didn’t even qualify, Mexico, Argentina, and Portugal all got bounced too soon. The refing was good but the dives, “embellishment” fouls, crying, whining, face making, hand gestures, I didn’t foul, and I was fouled, certainly were not examples for young players to follow… but if they want to make the pros now is the time to start working on your try and con the ref crap.

Never put the ball in play where the ref spots it. Always go just a little over the line on all goal kicks, free kick and corner kicks (like that cheating will make a difference). So to that end I’m announcing…

…Hickman’s Future Pro Soccer Camp Coming!

 

The course will have Diving 1a; protesting a call against you; protesting a call not made for you; protesting  possession call; protesting giving a card; protesting not giving a card; faking injury (different than diving): How to celebrate after a goal, how to expose yourself; How to call the ref names and question his parentage in 28 different languages; how to point your way throw in on each ball over the line, how to always protest either a goal or comer kick, and how to throw a tantrum when called offside;  How to protest every time you’re touched by another player; how to touch (with authority) another player and then protest you didn’t do anything. How to look surprised and act like an angle after you about broke another player’s leg… The advanced course will upgrade all of the above to movie and television acting levels!

 

 

#

 

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July 14th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #736 (7-13-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

 

*By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email:  For the 734 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman.com

*One has to have the courage of their convictions or their words mean nothing

 

NRA Dixon Dinner is tonight, Friday the 13th

Sorry,Had to change my column this week!

I told my first wife, Linda, after watching the super bowl half time show, “If Intel ever puts on a drone show anywhere in the area we’ve got to go see it…and you know what? On July 5th, rescheduled from July 4th because of the winds,  Intel indeed put on a show for all of our service people for the 75th anniversary of Travis Air Force base…and we went. It was only about a 10 minute show and took about an hour to get going but it was worth it! What we saw were about 500 drones put on what will surely be the fireworks shows of the future. The quality of the pictures isn’t that great because I took them with my cell phone, but you can still get the idea.

The photos ABOVE are as follows: #1the drones appeared. #2 a fireworks like burst, #3 The Golden Gate Bridge, #4 a salute to the 75 years in California, #5 “No Bounds” the Travis AFB 75th’s motto (it opened in Fairfield-Suisun as an Army air field in 1943, a really good year!), # 6 The  base’s  KC-10 and C-17 . #7 the California Bear logo, # 8 the American flag which drew a huge cheer from all of those watching and # 9 another fireworks simulation. How cool is all of this?

How did you spend the 4th?

            Our retired USAF neighbor and his son invited about a dozen people on the fourth for their amazing “Southern Crawfish boil”. We trapped the crawdads, they and their guests added, giant shrimp, potatoes, corn on the cob, sausage, seasonings and other stuff and when it was ready poured it on the table and everyone ate until they could eat no more. The photos show the crawdads we trapped live before and cooked afterwards. Heck of a way to finish up the fourth coupled with a brew or two. Trapping the crawdads just goes along with the wild asparagus, magnum lemons, wild artichokes and now blackberries, black bass and stripers we’ve harvested…that I’ve written about in the last month or so… Right around the corner comes deer season, duck, dove, pheasant and goose seasons… none of which you can buy, but all of which can be harvested right in our area… so you go ahead and buy your store bought, processed meats and stuff and we’ll stick to fish and game and veggies we harvest ourselves and have meals you can’t buy… and it doesn’t get any better or fresher than the crawdad boil… and BTW the corn was the best I’ve ever eaten…All coming from within about 10 miles of town.

 

Never quit learning or trying new things

Almost weekly I urge readers to get off the couch, put the damned phone down and get OUT and do stuff… and make the kids go with you. Many of you know I’ve jumped out of an airplane (skydived), walked on the bottom of the ocean, been in the jungles of South America, hunted caribou in the sub artic, and been through the Panama Canal. Scuba dived in Tahiti, hunted (bow and gun) and fished throughout North America, Mexico and Canada… But one thing I had never done (or ever thought of doing) was to ride and electric scooter, until this past week. # 1 those things really move and #2 kind defeats the purpose of not having to scoot doesn’t it? But they’re fun but I can see where they can be dangerous.

 

More Things for Thought!

*According to new research spiders use global electrical fields to fly hundreds of miles… perhaps one day they may even possess the technology to defeat a rolled-up magazine.

*”Correct me if I’m wrong”… probably the number one thing married men never have to say to their wives.

*”If they could see me now…” I hum loudly as I’m handed a rusty trash can lid attached by a chain to the door key for what is sure to be a filthy gas station restroom……”around back.”

*”God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”… which explains why I’ve never been in a threesome.

*As I age I have determined that I have lived a life much like an oatmeal-raisin cookie… no one’s favorite, but perfectly respectable and not unwelcome.

*All the neighbors who survived their firework accidents are out in the street…high-fouring each other.

*I just apologized to a chair after walking into it… let’s focus on my impeccable manners before judging my sobriety.

*Today, I intend to stand at my front gate and recite Bill Pullman’s speech from the Independence Day movie hopefully as awkwardly and woodenly as he did…but to add to the majesty I shall be holding a sparkler.

*I spend an unfortunate amount of time asking “what’s wrong with me?”… after almost every meal.

*The really amazing thing about July 4th is that people who normally one would barely trust to hold their umbrella have nearly unlimited access to unpredictable rockets, bombs, and fire.

*If you’re bored enter 42.3601 degrees north and 71.0589 degrees west into google earth… you can watch me sunbathe naked.

*My colb is making everything I say today sound really nasal… however; on the plus side my pronunciation of French words is nearly flawless.

*I think my imaginary girlfriend… has too many other imaginary boyfriends.

*I wonder if middle-aged white woman Elizabeth Warren’s Native American name is dances with wolves like no one is watching?

*My wife found a spider in the shower this morning… if you might be interested the open house is next Saturday.

*The “old man” of pawn stars fame has passed away and people from all over want to pay their last respects… but in keeping with the show they’re calling in experts to see what they’re worth.

*I just saw a commercial for a medication that relieves opiate induced constipation… now if they can come up with a pill to stop lying, stealing from family and prostitution opiates will be nearly devoid of side effects.

*I’m pretty sure ISIS has my dental hygienist on their short list.

*Beginning August 7, for $600 you can host your wedding at a taco bell including 15 guests… conveniently there is also a dollar store down the block where you may register.

*I could have been a monk… but I missed my chants. (moan)

*I got weighed at the doctor’s office this morning prior to my appointment and conveniently the nurse told me she deducted 3 pounds for my clothing… but she must have forgotten to deduct my 22 pound wallet.

*Turned the wife on last night… I used the c-pap hose to swing onto the bed like Tarzan.

*My mother-in-law invited us to come over because she had a “ham in the crockpot”… and if that isn’t the perfect euphemism for a fart, then what is?

*Kale is one of our most versatile health foods… it can literally fit into any trash can.

*I haven’t trusted politicians since our freshman class president failed miserably in his attempt to initiate “brownie Fridays”.

*I gave my girlfriend a gift of some expensive lingerie from Victoria’s secret and she said she really thot it was more a gift for me than her… if she wants to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.

*The most romantic thing a woman has said to me before sex… “Its half now, and the rest when we’re dome.”

*I’m having some minor outpatient surgery soon and the anesthesiologists instructions say no food after 5:30am and only clear liquids until 9:30am… as I recall, isn’t vodka a clear liquid?

*I never understood why they were called ‘chicken tenders’… until I had one caress my cheek.

*Just read we should all replace “I’m sorry” with “thank-you” so instead of “I’m sorry I clogged your toilet” say “thank-you for allowing me to clog your toilet”….thus replacing negativity with positivity.  Wtf?

*In an article about strange laws on the books one cites that in Indonesia the penalty for masturbation is decapitation… so, technically, it does make you go blind.

 

Ted: here are some Bumper-Stickers Seen on Military Bases

… some military expressions that are reminders of the work

that is being done in our behalf!  

  • 101st Airborne Division- “When it comes to Combat, we care enough to send the very best”
  • “When in doubt, empty the magazine”
  • Sniper – You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”
  • “Machine Gunners – Accuracy By Volume”
  • “Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything”  
  • “U.S. Marines – Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club”
  • ” U.S Air Force – Travel Agents To Allah”  
  • “The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight”
  • “Death Smiles At Everyone – Marines Smile Back”
  • “What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil
  • “Marines – Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775″
  • “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It
  • “Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”
  • “It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It was Our Job To Arrange The Meeting”(Gen H. Norman Schwarzkopf )
  • Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just a Vulgar Brawl” 
  • “One Shot, Twelve Kills – U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support “
  • “My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College and Protest”
  • “A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy – Blessed Be The Peacemakers
  • “Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the US Marines don’t have that problem.

The American soldier does not fight because he hates who is in front of him;

he fights because he loves who is behind him.

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July 8th 2018
Mike Ceremello’s newspaper columnShotgun Diplomacy As an observer and commentator on human behavior, the week leading up to July 4th has been beyond entertaining. Was it not former US attorney general Eric Holder who proclaimed America was to afraid to have a discussion on race? Evidently Holder’s idea of a discussion was only to hear from people who agreed with his party’s viewpoints. I find a great similarity between this and the uproar of a handful of people over Terrible Ted’s last column advocating a Straight Pride American Month. Considering that I will be running for a council seat this November, I have been warned by many well wishing people to stay out of the fray. Like that will happen. When you have no principles, no strong beliefs, and simply are a politician, that is easy enough to do. In my case, I believe in the freedom to express ideas in print or any other format one would choose, no matter what position a person holds or what the idea is. The reason I can say this is because of my continual education. During my collegiate tour of duty in the field of Geology, I learned of how all the experts throughout history were wrong and yet how strongly they fought for their beliefs. This taught me to question everything. There are those of you who would have us question nothing if it challenges your positions. Another thing I have observed on a rather continual basis is the hypocrisy of the Left. How is it they preach tolerance but practice their own variety of hate speech. Actually it isn’t a variety at all … it is hate plain and simple. Again you don’t believe me? Then judge for yourself. “We’re everywhere. We know how to fight trash like you. We know how to ruin your life. And now we know you’re exactly the kind of scum that needs scrubbing out of the government altogether. May your every endeavor fail. May friends and relatives turn on you like they’ve never done before.” “You will be forgotten. And when you are finally gone and this world is a little cleaner for it, no one will mourn for your passing. I daresay we’ll celebrate it by tagging your gravestone with rainbows, or holding our marches wherever your ashes are spread. To hell with you, you illiterate, loudmouthed, spiteful, ignorant disgrace to humanity.” “Just wanted to write a note and say I think you’re an ignorant vile human being. Your homophobia makes me think you are a very small, ignorant, man or a closet homosexual. I hope your diverse constituents vote you out on your ass in the next election. You disgust me.” Those are just a few of the nicer emails received through city hall or directly to Ted. Funny but I don’t recall Ted saying he hated anyone but just that he wanted a parade for his own kind. Isn’t that what all parades are about, including the ones in which these haters choose to participate? Then we have the plainly ignorant whom I can attack from two directions. “Members of the City Council must faithfully represent ALL of their constituents, without favor or prejudice.” – Tim Goncharoff. Really? Tell me Tim how the election process works. Do Democrats represent Republican views once elected? Hell, even Republicans rarely represent the base once elected. Ever hear of John McCain, Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, or Olympia Snowe? When you are elected to local office do you actually believe those people represent those who didn’t vote for them? Look at this logically. If a highly contentious issue comes before the council and half the people are for it and half against, a council person can only represent half of his constituents’ views at best. As most people coming before the council in Dixon don’t declare their sexuality or homosexuality, Terrible Ted would not be acting prejudicially in making a decision. This brings up an interesting thought. It wasn’t long ago that I was in Cotati, home to typical Marin County liberal lunacy, where a racist, liberal professor had died and the council was considering a replacement for his position. One candidate got up and declared that “she was a lesbian and her partner was there to support her”. While she may have considered it a “qualification” or premium, the council did not. Did that make Cotati’s four council members judgemental, prejudicial, or showing some sort of favoritism? Let’s look at this from a different perspective, that of representing your constituents’ views specifically on a gay rights issue. In 2008 Dixon voted FOR Proposition 8 – recognizing only monogamous heterosexual marriage – by 60.9% v 39.1%. The same vote countywide was 89,292 Yes = 55.82% versus 70,680 No = 44.18%. The Supreme Court nullified this vote of the People by claiming it violated homosexuals’ civil rights. The real result was altering of the Miriam Webster definition of the word marriage. Sort of like it depends what your definition of “is” is. Going on to the next point, it is being claimed that Ted “represents” the city as an elected councilman and its vice mayor. Considering Dixon’s political reputation of being anything but staid and people claiming there must be something in our water, Ted fits into the mold. I would contend that he no more represents the city than he represents every diverse view of our rather independent population. I could say the same thing about our mayor and the other three councilmen or any of their predecessors. More to a factual point, when has Ted or any of the council ever broached the subject of homosexuality during a council meeting. What Ted does or says in his other role as a literary humorist is no reflection on the city or council despite his mentioning the title of his office in obvious referral to how a month gets named for a special cause. Another point is humor. The thought and speech police have no problem in attempting to silence Theodore. I hear no outrage focused on Michelle Wolf, the comedienne not comedian, who relies on “shock” to get her laughs at the expense of people she and her ilk hate. Samantha Bee is another. It seems that conservative bashing has found its way to the suburbs or in Dixon’s case, the rural countryside. Yet not all is negative. While the LGBT(Q) will castigate Ted’s supporters as “deplorables”, ignorant, or homophobic, these same people aren’t threatening violence on those who disagree with their views as is Equality California. It seems that a queer form of Anti-fa has arrived. So let’s look at the opposite view some would classify as “positive”. “God Bless Ted for speaking up about what the majority of this great country of ours believes. The fact that 3% of the country’s population can have such a dramatic affect on the rest of the population is disgusting.” “Just wanted to send an email of encouragement and thanks for speaking for conservatives (that I still believe are the majority) and conservative values. I loved the article. The double standard in this country is just ridiculous. I, by no means have anything against gay people, but the ramming it down everyone’s throats is out of control.” I truly wish people would be a little more cognizant of their words as they write. Perhaps it is just my personal flaw of seeing the obvious humor in careless banter. But then I digress. So now a little insight from Mike. First, this has been blown way out of proportion by the ne’er-do-well posters on Dixon 411 Political and two opposition councilmen on the current council. Perhaps they need a lesson in basic free speech. If you take governmental action as retribution or a repercussion to a person in an attempt to silence him, you have just violated his free speech right and the freedom of the press. The same goes for a censure action from the council. Second, Ted can’t be recalled as it is too close to his seat coming up for re-election if he so chooses. Learn the law, folks, before you start spouting off. Third, having read Ted’s column a couple of times, most of it is statement of facts except for the symbol of barring the gay parade. No where in his column did Ted say he didn’t want it to occur or didn’t mind if it did. If a writer’s description of a group’s antics discomforts you because your mind comes to the conclusion that the description is “denigrating”, aren’t you the one who is really in denial? I also found it fascinating how those who defend the parade want to claim it is about their struggles and the lives that were lost in gaining equality in some shape or form. How exactly does the leather brigade of two men in the parade with one whipping the other honor anything but sexual deviance? Ever see the pictures of naked people on ten speed bikes at these parades? Somehow the struggle got confused with hedonism. Fourth, along with the spewing of hate, we have the Gaystapo going after the livelihood of not only Ted but this newspaper itself. We have the emails attempting to induce advertisers to pull their ads. We have the emails threatening to destroy Ted financially. We have seen this kind of attempt before by the bad old boy group in town. For those of you advertisers who pull your ads, I intend to identify you and tell the real Americans who believe in the First Amendment to boycott your business. It is now a two way street. Fifth, I understand the three major networks were looking for interviews from Ted and hiding behind his truck looking to surprise him coming out of his house. Now that’s professionalism. You want an interview? I am available at 707-678-8575 or 1565 McCarthy Court. You can call ahead so I can put on my suit. I know the wonders of Channel 3 letting Rick Fuller know ahead of time they were coming and then just storming my front door to catch me in less than official gear. Isn’t that right, Rich Ibarra? Sixth, if you think Anti-fa has a lock on thug cowardice, you didn’t hear about the Safeway firework’s booth. Seems like three vans of outraged potential criminals arrived to confront Ted. On Sunday, they ran into the American Legion Riders. Upon seeing what they viewed as stern opposition, they drove to Safeway. When several of the men decided to see if they could answer any potential question this caravan might have about fireworks, the vans promptly left, tires squealing as the men approached. My conclusion to this whole mess? Sarcasm is a lost art. Humor is in the eye and mind of the beholder. You don’t get to dictate morals or immorality to others. Nothing has been gained by those spewing their hatred. In fact, much has been exposed about those people and the ones foolish enough to post on Facebook. Rather than dignity, the gay community condemned itself due to its blatant show of bigotry and venom. Just as much as some want to claim this is some “viral” response, I can only assume due to its low numbers that most of the LGBT community doesn’t give a damn what Ted wrote. Just as the cranks on the Left, in the media and certain vocal individuals, feel they speak for all on the Left, it must be somewhat disturbing that Trump’s popularity continues to rise including defections from within their own party, at least according to the latest Harris poll. Finally, don’t threaten one of Dixon’s own. Many of us don’t appreciate it. If you come for me holding a pipe, as I have now heard is Anti-fa’s MO, just remember. I might introduce you to a bat with your name on it …

Posted under 2018 NEWS Stories IV & Mike Ceremello's Viewpoint

Mike Ceremello’s newspaper column,

Shotgun Diplomacy?

 

As an observer and commentator on human behavior, the week leading up to July 4th has been beyond entertaining. Was it not former US attorney general Eric Holder who proclaimed America was to afraid to have a discussion on race? Evidently Holder’s idea of a discussion was only to hear from people who agreed with his party’s viewpoints. I find a great similarity between this and the uproar of a handful of people over Terrible Ted’s last column advocating a Straight Pride American Month.

Considering that I will be running for a council seat this November, I have been warned by many well wishing people to stay out of the fray. Like that will happen. When you have no principles, no strong beliefs, and simply are a politician, that is easy enough to do.

In my case, I believe in the freedom to express ideas in print or any other format one would choose, no matter what position a person holds or what the idea is. The reason I can say this is because of my continual education.

During my collegiate tour of duty in the field of Geology, I learned of how all the experts throughout history were wrong and yet how strongly they fought for their beliefs. This taught me to question everything. There are those of you who would have us question nothing if it challenges your positions. Another thing I have observed on a rather continual basis is the hypocrisy of the Left. How is it they preach tolerance but practice their own variety of hate speech.

Actually it isn’t a variety at all … it is hate plain and simple. Again you don’t believe me? Then judge for yourself. “We’re everywhere. We know how to fight trash like you. We know how to ruin your life. And now we know you’re exactly the kind of scum that needs scrubbing out of the government altogether. May your every endeavor fail. May friends and relatives turn on you like they’ve never done before.” “You will be forgotten. And when you are finally gone and this world is a little cleaner for it, no one will mourn for your passing. I daresay we’ll celebrate it by tagging your gravestone with rainbows, or holding our marches wherever your ashes are spread. To hell with you, you illiterate, loudmouthed, spiteful, ignorant disgrace to humanity.” “Just wanted to write a note and say I think you’re an ignorant vile human being. Your homophobia makes me think you are a very small, ignorant, man or a closet homosexual. I hope your diverse constituents vote you out on your ass in the next election. You disgust me.” Those are just a few of the nicer emails received through city hall or directly to Ted. Funny but I don’t recall Ted saying he hated anyone but just that he wanted a parade for his own kind.

Isn’t that what all parades are about, including the ones in which these haters choose to participate? Then we have the plainly ignorant whom I can attack from two directions. “Members of the City Council must faithfully represent ALL of their constituents, without favor or prejudice.” – Tim Goncharoff. Really?

Tell me Tim how the election process works. Do Democrats represent Republican views once elected? Hell, even Republicans rarely represent the base once elected. Ever hear of John McCain, Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, or Olympia Snowe? When you are elected to local office do you actually believe those people represent those who didn’t vote for them? Look at this logically.

If a highly contentious issue comes before the council and half the people are for it and half against, a council person can only represent half of his constituents’ views at best. As most people coming before the council in Dixon don’t declare their sexuality or homosexuality, terrible Ted would not be acting prejudicially in making a decision. This brings up an interesting thought. It wasn’t long ago that I was in Cotati, home to typical Marin County liberal lunacy, where a racist, liberal professor had died and the council was considering a replacement for his position. One candidate got up and declared that “she was a lesbian and her partner was there to support her”.

While she may have considered it a “qualification” or premium, the council did not. Did that make Cotati’s four council members judgemental, prejudicial, or showing some sort of favoritism? Let’s look at this from a different perspective, that of representing your constituents’ views specifically on a gay rights issue. In 2008 Dixon voted FOR Proposition 8 – recognizing only monogamous heterosexual marriage – by 60.9% v 39.1%. The same vote countywide was 89,292 Yes = 55.82% versus 70,680 No = 44.18%. The Supreme Court nullified this vote of the People by claiming it violated homosexuals’ civil rights.

The real result was altering of the Miriam Webster definition of the word marriage. Sort of like it depends what your definition of “is” is. Going on to the next point, it is being claimed that Ted “represents” the city as an elected councilman and its vice mayor. Considering Dixon’s political reputation of being anything but staid and people claiming there must be something in our water, Ted fits into the mold. I would contend that he no more represents the city than he represents every diverse view of our rather independent population. I could say the same thing about our mayor and the other three councilmen or any of their predecessors.

More to a factual point, when has Ted or any of the council ever broached the subject of homosexuality during a council meeting. What Ted does or says in his other role as a literary humorist is no reflection on the city or council despite his mentioning the title of his office in obvious referral to how a month gets named for a special cause. Another point is humor. The thought and speech police have no problem in attempting to silence Theodore. I hear no outrage focused on Michelle Wolf, the comedienne not comedian, who relies on “shock” to get her laughs at the expense of people she and her ilk hate. Samantha Bee is another. It seems that conservative bashing has found its way to the suburbs or in Dixon’s case, the rural countryside. Yet not all is negative. While the LGBT(Q) will castigate Ted’s supporters as “deplorables”, ignorant, or homophobic, these same people aren’t threatening violence on those who disagree with their views as is Equality California. It seems that a queer form of Anti-fa has arrived. So let’s look at the opposite view some would classify as “positive”.

“God Bless Ted for speaking up about what the majority of this great country of ours believes. The fact that 3% of the country’s population can have such a dramatic affect on the rest of the population is disgusting.” “Just wanted to send an email of encouragement and thanks for speaking for conservatives (that I still believe are the majority) and conservative values. I loved the article. The double standard in this country is just ridiculous. I, by no means have anything against gay people, but the ramming it down everyone’s throats is out of control.” I truly wish people would be a little more cognizant of their words as they write. Perhaps it is just my personal flaw of seeing the obvious humor in careless banter.

But then I digress. So now a little insight from Mike. First, this has been blown way out of proportion by the ne’er-do-well posters on Dixon 411 Political and two opposition councilmen on the current council. Perhaps they need a lesson in basic free speech. If you take governmental action as retribution or a repercussion to a person in an attempt to silence him, you have just violated his free speech right and the freedom of the press. The same goes for a censure action from the council. Second, Ted can’t be recalled as it is too close to his seat coming up for re-election if he so chooses. Learn the law, folks, before you start spouting off. Third, having read Ted’s column a couple of times, most of it is statement of facts except for the symbol of barring the gay parade. No where in his column did Ted say he didn’t want it to occur or didn’t mind if it did. If a writer’s description of a group’s antics discomforts you because your mind comes to the conclusion that the description is “denigrating”, aren’t you the one who is really in denial? I also found it fascinating how those who defend the parade want to claim it is about their struggles and the lives that were lost in gaining equality in some shape or form.

How exactly does the leather brigade of two men in the parade with one whipping the other honor anything but sexual deviance? Ever see the pictures of naked people on ten speed bikes at these parades? Somehow the struggle got confused with hedonism. Fourth, along with the spewing of hate, we have the Gaystapo going after the livelihood of not only Ted but this newspaper itself.

We have the emails attempting to induce advertisers to pull their ads. We have the emails threatening to destroy Ted financially. We have seen this kind of attempt before by the bad old boy group in town. For those of you advertisers who pull your ads, I intend to identify you and tell the real Americans who believe in the First Amendment to boycott your business. It is now a two way street. Fifth, I understand the three major networks were looking for interviews from Ted and hiding behind his truck looking to surprise him coming out of his house. Now that’s professionalism. You want an interview? I am available at 707-678-8575 or 1565 McCarthy Court. You can call ahead so I can put on my suit. I know the wonders of Channel 3 letting Rick Fuller know ahead of time they were coming and then just storming my front door to catch me in less than official gear. Isn’t that right, Rich Ibarra? Sixth, if you think Anti-fa has a lock on thug cowardice, you didn’t hear about the Safeway firework’s booth. Seems like three vans of outraged potential criminals arrived to confront Ted. On Sunday, they ran into the American Legion Riders. Upon seeing what they viewed as stern opposition, they drove to Safeway. When several of the men decided to see if they could answer any potential question this caravan might have about fireworks, the vans promptly left, tires squealing as the men approached.

My conclusion to this whole mess? Sarcasm is a lost art. Humor is in the eye and mind of the beholder. You don’t get to dictate morals or immorality to others. Nothing has been gained by those spewing their hatred. In fact, much has been exposed about those people and the ones foolish enough to post on Facebook. Rather than dignity, the gay community condemned itself due to its blatant show of bigotry and venom. Just as much as some want to claim this is some “viral” response, I can only assume due to its low numbers that most of the LGBT community doesn’t give a damn what Ted wrote. Just as the cranks on the Left, in the media and certain vocal individuals, feel they speak for all on the Left, it must be somewhat disturbing that Trump’s popularity continues to rise including defections from within their own party, at least according to the latest Harris poll. Finally, don’t threaten one of Dixon’s own. Many of us don’t appreciate it. If you come for me holding a pipe, as I have now heard is Anti-fa’s MO, just remember. I might introduce you to a bat with your name on it …

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