September 23rd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #695 (9-22-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

For 694 Past columns (uncensored and on Facebook too) consecutive That’s Life columns, and features, photos go to www.tedhickman.com

 

 

It’s about time! Five Decades It Took

First of all “Magic Beans” (Magic Beano could be better) is a stupid name for a smart proposal…ignore it.

Starting in the 1960’s when I served my first elected term as a Dixon City Councilman (the youngest elected official in the state at the time…) I kept imploring the city and the powers that be (or is that beed?)  to dovetail our city’s economic growth with the PROD (People’s Republic of Davis)/or at least UCD just across the highway. I insisted then, as I do now, and have for four various elected terms, in the 60’s 70’s & 80’s that it is in Dixon’s,  and our citizen’s,  best interest to have development along or near the highway that gives us economic growth and benefits both our peoples in line with the future plans of the university. It only makes sense right? The PROD people  have their heads screwed on so crooked and even voted down a plan to have a bio-tech research center of their own, that would have given them a ‘live where you work complex’ within their precious city limits.  Tell you what egg-heads; we will be happy to have an upscale development that provides good paying professional jobs, quality housing and support businesses within our city limits… providing for future betterment of mankind… that you snobs shot down with your idiotic NIMBY attitudes… So where’s this going?

For over a year, the city has been meeting with executives from the Stronach Group (the ones who almost brought us “Dixon Downs” on the property they own across the highway (south) from Pedrick Produce.) The company is now pitching a novel concept of developing a research/development park on their property which would meld up-to-date and futuristic bio tech and research labs and support businesses into a complex which would encompass a live where you work complex (which is the way of the future with I-80 at almost a total impaction at times now, and will not to get better in the future.)

Simply stated they say they want to build a complex where bio-tech, research and development labs and other futuristic business merge into a village like community where you could bike or walk to work and where you could have a self-contained community with a like-minded workforce. They would be part of our city (within the Dixon limits) linked by bus and bikes, but separate. This “innovation village” as its being called, which has been in the conceptual pre-planning stage, was presented to city officials recently to see if it would fly. In a rare joint meeting of the city council and planning commission the group was invited to start the actual permit process. This could be the start of the economic gold rush of sorts for the city in the northeast quadrant, without impacting the current lifestyles of inner city residents. It’s long overdue and the economic boost it would give the city, with little requested in return, is certainly worth pursuing through the planning and permit stage. Right now, it’s just a concept but could become a reality in a rather short period of time if everything is as it appears to be and things pan out as presented… We’ll just have to follow this and wait and see what happens. But all I can see in the future is good for our citizens should this all come to pass. The city staff is to be commended for making this idea possibility.

Oh yeah, we (the city) are about to open the application process for“cannabis dispensaries” within the city limits. We’re probably looking at least one medical dispensary and some “doobies are us joints” looking to open here. More on this later too.

I am doing this as a public service.

Please Boycott and do NOT use the $1.00, $20.00, $50.00, & $100.00 bills, as they depict slave owners on them. Please send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly!

It’s not toughFrom the email bag.

I get between 50 and 100 emails every day that are at least worth looking at and from 100 to 200 each day that go into the spam file, plus 100’s of thousands of views on my web page. I can tell you many people are pissed… at many things, without any way of expressing their frustrations… Like: Why aren’t all looters/rioters  arrested on the spot and/or shot? During the time of a disaster looting of one’s home or business should be a capital crime.

Or: When people are told there’s a pending disaster and told to evacuate… and then they don’t go, why do we have to pay for their stupidity? Why should first responders put their lives on the line to help those who refused to help themselves?

 

“I want all of your rights for life without any responsibilities… DACA

 

Why don’t we just stand by and let your California  Mensa folks, AKA Jerry Brown, our head loonie and his UC way over paid counterpart Janet Napolitanouse our taxpayer dollars to sue our federal government? They are just trying to protect hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens from being forced to do the right thing like millions of others have had to do.

 

The DACA gang (Doing All you Can to Avoid responsibility) had all of these years to apply for citizenship and have refused, and now many, on the taxpayer dollars, are in college crying about the system that raised them …free. Free from payment, free from worry about money, housing, clothing, food and medical care. The only thing they are not free from now is the fear of deportation because they haven’t cared enough, until now, about our country to register for citizenship. Technically, their parents should be arrested and deported for smuggling illegal aliens (them) here in the first place and they now also should be given a set period to sign up or shut up. We would be whining just like them if we were one of them and we would have done the same smart thing if we were their parents…for our children… But we’re not. We’re  ones who’s left paying the never ending bill for them both… Joke’s on us huh? The free ride without responsibility has to end someday; the people that are paying their bills are frankly, just fed up.

 

I guess you heard Jerry’s great plan to drain northern California of its last drop of water has hit another snag? His $416 BILLION boondoggle is suffering a financial drought with expected federal monies drying up… Boo Hoo. None of the state’s major water districts are willing to help pay for his crazy plan to fill his friend’s (Financial backers) swimming pool and toilets in Southern Ca.  Jerry is taking heat from all sides. His absolutely crazy ideas of building twin tunnels to drain much needed water from us to send south, coupled with his other pipe dream to build a bullet train between Sac and LA are doing great except for the funding woes and backers backing out, again, boo, hoo. He doesn’t want his important legislators; carrying the votes the demos need, stuck in traffic on IS 80 like the rest of us. That’s why he wants a speed train from LA to the capitol and for us to pay for it. Both of these financial disasters now look like they will forced upon the taxpayers along with his expensive lawsuits against the our U.S. (us)  government…  Is there nothing we can do about this political nightmare?

Free speech at Bezerkley B.S.

News Flash: Rally on the quad at noon today to protest free speech being allowed during “free speech week”. The only free speech to be allowed is what us, the loudmouth minority wants to hear. If they don’t adhere to our demands, lets protest, riot and give folks another reason to loot and get TV’s and new shoes… OK?

Sanctuary cities, i.e. San Fran, Davis, and Sacramento should lose all federal funding and let the tax payers bear the burden of cost of the stupid decisions made by their elected officials who have gone against their sworn oath of office and turned traitors against the United States.  Everyone that goes against their oath to, “uphold the constitution” should be immediately removed from office for violating that oath to which they swore… We hopefully will fulfill our oaths and mandate our law enforcement officers enforce the law and uphold their oaths. To hell with the radical left now in charge of our state… What are they gonna do, sue us?

Your governor is in the same boat, took the same oath, and has now resurrected the saying, “If it’s Brown flush it”.  This “servant of the people” is going to make the whole state a sanctuary state and “order” law enforce not to do its sworn duty… The commie clown who is mayor of Sacramento is making his city a “safe place” too and you know what he has? With almost 2,000 elected city officials from throughout the state visiting last week we were treated to a wonderful site. With about a police car per street in the down town area they were vastly outnumbered by the homeless, drug addicts and derelicts laying on the streets and lurking in every alley way and dark spot. Just walking to old Sacramento from the tunnel by the Holiday Inn near dark was an experience. It was creepy and uncomfortable, I kept my hand on my hip and I was glad I wasn’t a lone woman trying to go from here to there. But their mush mouthed Mayor is planning to build hundreds of houses for his homeless, which he continues to import, creating a new slum for the 21st century… Nice going Daryl… You’re on the right track though, you and your city council agreeing to pay gang members if they don’t kill people? let us know how that works out for you will ya? Probably 1,000 people weren’t killed last week huh?  You’re already paying people not to work, not to become citizens …what’s next, paying people not to see the mess you’ve made…Pay them to stay away from Sac?

BTW… He appeared as a welcoming speaker at the huge local elected officials meeting in Sac last week and was met with a less than an enthusiastic welcome.

Who’s a gonna Nuke who? US hopefully

How about we neuter the nation?  Whenever you hear about North Korea in conjunction with the word “nuclear,” your worries likely fixate on their atomic weapons, which have apparently been miniaturized to fit onto an ICBM. This is a worry for the United States, but it may not be our biggest problem involving Pyongyang’s attempts to build up its nuclear arsenal: According to a report from a Japanese newspaper, North Korea may be on the verge of building a nuclear-powered submarine. A nuclear submarine would be much easier to operate silently for months on end, and it could present a new platform from which Pyongyang could fire ballistic missiles. The report claims that the submarine has been under construction since January with the help of Russian and Chinese engineers (of course) at the Nampo Naval Shipyard along North Korea’s western coast. Not good. Not good at al

 

More Things For Thought

*Recently a job interviewer asked me “what can you tell me about the last three years of your life?”…I replied, “just that I hope they haven’t started yet.”

*My soulmate is out there somewhere, I just know it… pushing a ‘pull’ door.

*My wife’s odd friend had a pet turkey which recently died. She wanted to take her something and asked what I would suggest… apparently “how about some gravy packets?” was the wrong thing to say.

*Prius and smart car owners in my neighborhood have gotten together and banned leaf blowers… for safety reasons.

*I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter……’Because I may have thrown out about a billion dollars’ worth of his work.

*When women get to a certain age they began to collect cats… this is known as the ‘many paws’.

*I always carry a condom in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well… and I feel I need to impress her with my balloon animal skills.

*If I was a giraffe I think I’d get a neck tattoo of the empire state building.

*Many years ago a respected someone said a wine had an “okay” flavor… this was misunderstood to be an “oaky” flavor and hence the insistence on oak wine barrels.

*As I look back on things I realize my financial health took a real turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.

*Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence… second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

*When a man says he’d do anything for a woman he means stop bullets or kill a dragon…not clean out the garage or wash dishes.

*I hate it when people accuse me of lolly-gagging…….when it’s really pretty obvious I’m dilly-dallying.

*Now I totally get why women are so attracted to men who ride motorcycles… you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a helluva lot.

*I walked past our aquarium and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic park… now I feel both insulted and all powerful.

*I’m thinking about getting a dog so I’m not the only one in this household who goes apesh** when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.

*”I think all this chlorine is healing my anal fissure”… things not too say in the swimming pool.

*Twerk: to dance using predominately your butt, usually sexually… or where people in Oklahoma go Monday thru Friday, 9-5. (For Larry and Lacy)

*Hiking in a national park is a great activity where you spend hours driving to a beautiful place… just to walk miles staring at the ground so you don’t fall and break something.

*I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper… not by a long shot.

*I met the cutest girl today… her eyes were gentle, like the light from an iPhone screen.  And her smile glowed, like the light from an iPhone screen.

*You know the crap is getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game!

*When it comes to Trump vs. the Pope do you support the guy that wears that ridiculous thing on his head…..or the pope?

*I avoid being photographed at public events… I don’t need some schmuck pointing at a picture and saying “that’s him!”

*The postman left me a note saying that my package was too large… my wife disagrees.

*The wife’s afraid someone might steal her clothes… so much so that when I came home unexpectedly early I found she’d hired a guard and stationed him just inside our closet.

*The other day my granddaughter asked me “grampa, who picks up the Seeing Eye dogs poop?”

*Adrenaline does crazy things to the human body.  I saw a lady trapped under a car and suddenly felt a surge of energy… so I went to the gym.

*They agreed upon ‘almond milk’ when the original name… ‘flavored nut water’…..was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason.

*I told the wife “I hate when the damn cat just stands there, absolutely still, like she’s frozen!  Why does she do that?”… she replied, “She’s on paws.”

More Things For Thought

*Recently a job interviewer asked me “what can you tell me about the last three years of your life?”…I replied, “just that I hope they haven’t started yet.”

*My soulmate is out there somewhere, I just know it… pushing a ‘pull’ door.

*My wife’s odd friend had a pet turkey which recently died. She wanted to take her something and asked what I would suggest… apparently “how about some gravy packets?” was the wrong thing to say.

*Prius and smart car owners in my neighborhood have gotten together and banned leaf blowers… for safety reasons.

*I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter……’Because I may have thrown out about a billion dollars’ worth of his work.

*When women get to a certain age they began to collect cats… this is known as the ‘many paws’.

*I always carry a condom in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well… and I feel I need to impress her with my balloon animal skills.

*If I was a giraffe I think I’d get a neck tattoo of the empire state building.

*Many years ago a respected someone said a wine had an “okay” flavor… this was misunderstood to be an “oaky” flavor and hence the insistence on oak wine barrels.

*As I look back on things I realize my financial health took a real turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.

*Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence… second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

*When a man says he’d do anything for a woman he means stop bullets or kill a dragon…not clean out the garage or wash dishes.

*I hate it when people accuse me of lolly-gagging…….when it’s really pretty obvious I’m dilly-dallying.

*Now I totally get why women are so attracted to men who ride motorcycles… you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a helluva lot.

*I walked past our aquarium and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic park… now I feel both insulted and all powerful.

*I’m thinking about getting a dog so I’m not the only one in this household who goes apesh** when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.

*”I think all this chlorine is healing my anal fissure”… things not too say in the swimming pool.

*Twerk: to dance using predominately your butt, usually sexually… or where people in Oklahoma go Monday thru Friday, 9-5. (For Larry and Lacy)

*Hiking in a national park is a great activity where you spend hours driving to a beautiful place… just to walk miles staring at the ground so you don’t fall and break something.

*I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper… not by a long shot.

*I met the cutest girl today… her eyes were gentle, like the light from an iPhone screen.  And her smile glowed, like the light from an iPhone screen.

*You know the crap is getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game!

*When it comes to Trump vs. the Pope do you support the guy that wears that ridiculous thing on his head…..or the pope?

*I avoid being photographed at public events… I don’t need some schmuck pointing at a picture and saying “that’s him!”

*The postman left me a note saying that my package was too large… my wife disagrees.

*The wife’s afraid someone might steal her clothes… so much so that when I came home unexpectedly early I found she’d hired a guard and stationed him just inside our closet.

*The other day my granddaughter asked me “grampa, who picks up the Seeing Eye dogs poop?”

*Adrenaline does crazy things to the human body.  I saw a lady trapped under a car and suddenly felt a surge of energy… so I went to the gym.

*They agreed upon ‘almond milk’ when the original name… ‘flavored nut water’…..was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason.

*I told the wife “I hate when the damn cat just stands there, absolutely still, like she’s frozen!  Why does she do that?”… she replied, “She’s on paws.”

 

No Comments »

September 16th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #695 (9-22-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Now “bite me” has a new meaning…

It’s a seven gill shark our son Trey caught last week fishing for leopard sharks out of Matrinez.

This will be my “bite me” photo in the future and will need no words. It sums it up rather well don’t you think?

 

Why I’ve Enjoyed Being a Reporter

 Reporters are generally interesting people to know because if they have been at it for a while they know a little about a whole lot of things. Over the past five decades I’ve asked myself things like: I wonder what it’s like to jump out of an airplane, did a story on it and found out. How about, how do they top the trees so neatly in all of the orchards? Went out and found out, etc. The latest “I wonder” was, “I wonder how they tear down an overpass?” Last Saturday night from about midnight to about 2:30 in the morning I got a front row seat, in a surreal setting, to see how they do it, up close and personal.

As a reporter folks are glad to share information, insights and opinion on just about any topic. With Cal Trans folks helping I witnessed, at times an eerie, strange, and almost unreal scene that gravitated from looking like Tonka toys at work to like being in a giant robot, or a Transformer movie on a strange planet. Between the cement dust and various lighting it was both pretty cool and weird at times.

Picture # 1 shows the beginning of the end of the Midway overpass.

Picture #2 Shows the five huge jack hammer machines; two on each side and one on top, punching holes in the structure to weaken it.

Picture #3 Shows the gutted, weakened structure, from one side

Picture #4 shows the weakened structure starting to collapse.

Picture # 5 The same view the daylight from the same general area; look ma, no overpass!

 

911 NEVER FORGET WHO DID IT!

Or in your own language…

You Can’t Cure Stupid or Fix Dangerous minds without resolve!

 

            I told you recently of the airheaded folks from the PROD (People’s Republic of Davis) saying, “aw shucks, it’s alright, we forgive you” to the neo-Nazi radical, terrorist, Muslim preacher spewing his anti-Semitic crap with no restraint… All of you non-Jewish folks have to understand that Jesus, being a Jew and a Rabbi would have been killed in an instant by the Muslims. That after the Jews, just like Hitler before, these despicable clowns will come for the nuns, priests and then just regular Christians … all of which are “non-believers and infidels who deserve death. So what did this terrorist from Egypt really say in Davis, exactly? I’ll tell you some of his sermon he gave to his Davis followers, and the dumbass then proudly put it on U-Tube.

The wiser Davis Muslim nest pulled it rather quickly but left a video of the 30 year-old smirking/smiling Egyptian born preacher of hate teaching his UC Davis class on Muslim marriages.  We are paying this clown to teach?  That’s a tough class to teach: Your husband owns you, he can do anything, you can do nothing, disobey and he has the right to kill you. Class dismissed. Oh, yeah Davisittes, being stoned in Muslim language doesn’t mean smoking a joint. It means they use the old school method of throwing rocks at you until you die… Be proud PROD.

Anyway, this schmuck prayed to his youthful gathering for Allah to liberate the “Al Aqsa Mosque” from the filth of the Jews and to annihilate them down to the very last one. Do not spare any of them.” “That’s a call for killing Jews everywhere,” not only Israel.” (Sounds like good advice to follow concerning him and his kind doesn’t it?) If any of his students this year follow his “teachings of hate” as the Imam, Ammar Shahan, of the Muslim sect, would have it, would anyone be surprised?  And will this piece of crap, Imam Ammar Shahan, be held responsible? I doubt it, it’s the PROD remember. If you see this dress wearing, Santa Hatted, clown on the street spit on him or offer   him a BLT which I’ll pay for.

The Davis mosque, located right across the street from the UC Campus, is apparently a nest for breeding hate and recruiting like-minded zealots. Shouldn’t the JDL, FBI ICE and homeland security send this terrorists back to the sand from whence he came? What else has this jerk said or done that he didn’t put out there for the world to see. I think his Visa, if he even has one, needs to be pulled and he needs to be deported back to his beloved homeland where he can spew his crap without interference… Only to fear the Israeli’s and the Masad: WAIT… he can do that tight in the PROD so why leave? I wonder what would happen if a Jewish or Christian group made an anti-Muslim broadcast or warned their followers of the cancer called Muslim infiltrating and infecting our country and said, “Hey, let’s kill them all they are the scum of the earth.” They’d probably be driven out of Davis in a Prius.

I am sending this to our congressman asking for his help with this jerk and his followers… They belong in their homeland spewing hate there, not here. Free speech is one thing. Every American, every veteran and every infidel (like me) needs to watch this Nazi clown and object to him and his kind even being in our midst… don’t make him/ them welcome… Just advise them to take themselves and their hatred back from to whatever third world crap hole from whence they came… If you don’t like this piece or are offended by what I’ve written you can join the Muslim brotherhood, I hear they’re openingly recruiting in Davis… Tune in next week and I’ll tell you what I really think.

The middle bar on the photo below doesn’t is just like the brain of a Davis’ Muslim… it doesn’t exist

 

More Things For Thought

*Recently a job interviewer asked me “what can you tell me about the last three years of your life?”…I replied, “just that I hope they haven’t started yet.”

*My soulmate is out there somewhere, I just know it… pushing a ‘pull’ door.

*My wife’s odd friend had a pet turkey which recently died. She wanted to take her something and asked what I would suggest… apparently “how about some gravy packets?” was the wrong thing to say.

*Prius and smart car owners in my neighborhood have gotten together and banned leaf blowers… for safety reasons.

*I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter……’Because I may have thrown out about a billion dollars’ worth of his work.

*When women get to a certain age they began to collect cats… this is known as the ‘many paws’.

*I always carry a condom in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well… and I feel I need to impress her with my balloon animal skills.

*If I was a giraffe I think I’d get a neck tattoo of the empire state building.

*Many years ago a respected someone said a wine had an “okay” flavor… this was misunderstood to be an “oaky” flavor and hence the insistence on oak wine barrels.

*As I look back on things I realize my financial health took a real turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.

*Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence… second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

*When a man says he’d do anything for a woman he means stop bullets or kill a dragon…not clean out the garage or wash dishes.

*I hate it when people accuse me of lolly-gagging…….when it’s really pretty obvious I’m dilly-dallying.

*Now I totally get why women are so attracted to men who ride motorcycles… you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a helluva lot.

*I walked past our aquarium and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic park… now I feel both insulted and all powerful.

*I’m thinking about getting a dog so I’m not the only one in this household who goes apesh** when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.

*”I think all this chlorine is healing my anal fissure”… things not too say in the swimming pool.

*Twerk: to dance using predominately your butt, usually sexually… or where people in Oklahoma go Monday thru Friday, 9-5. (For Larry and Lacy)

*Hiking in a national park is a great activity where you spend hours driving to a beautiful place… just to walk miles staring at the ground so you don’t fall and break something.

*I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper… not by a long shot.

*I met the cutest girl today… her eyes were gentle, like the light from an iPhone screen.  And her smile glowed, like the light from an iPhone screen.

*You know the crap is getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game!

*When it comes to Trump vs. the Pope do you support the guy that wears that ridiculous thing on his head…..or the pope?

*I avoid being photographed at public events… I don’t need some schmuck pointing at a picture and saying “that’s him!”

*The postman left me a note saying that my package was too large… my wife disagrees.

*The wife’s afraid someone might steal her clothes… so much so that when I came home unexpectedly early I found she’d hired a guard and stationed him just inside our closet.

*The other day my granddaughter asked me “grampa, who picks up the Seeing Eye dogs poop?”

*Adrenaline does crazy things to the human body.  I saw a lady trapped under a car and suddenly felt a surge of energy… so I went to the gym.

*They agreed upon ‘almond milk’ when the original name… ‘flavored nut water’…..was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason.

*I told the wife “I hate when the damn cat just stands there, absolutely still, like she’s frozen!  Why does she do that?”… she replied, “She’s on paws.”

No Comments »

September 8th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #693 (9-8-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

LAST WARNING

 

            I’ve been telling you about this for months and if you travel I.S. 80 (West) or come back home (East) you better be aware the (Midway. Overpass) or in Cal Trans speak, “MIDWAY BRIDGE TO CLOSE FOR DEMOLITION AND REBUILD-Starting September 6,” 2017 Caltrans will completely CLOSE the Midway Bridge starting the morning of Wednesday, September 6, 2017 in preparation of its demolition and rebuild. The Midway Bridge will remain CLOSED until construction of the new Midway Bridge is completed as early as spring 2018.

80 Full Highway Closure-Overnight September 9, 2017 during the demolition of the Midway Road Bridge starting the night of Saturday, September 9, 2017 until the morning of Sunday, September 10, 2017, eastbound and westbound I-80 will be closed overnight at Midway Road. A short detour onto frontage roads near the bridge will be in effect. Caltrans will release additional information as more detailed dates and times are available.

In English: They’re going to blow the sucker up Saturday night and the highway will be closed in both directions from Saturday night through Sunday morning. MIDWAY ROAD BRIDGE LONG-TERM-CLOSURE-DETOUR ROUTES During construction of the new Midway Road Bridge, the Meridian Road Bridge above I-80 and just west of the Midway Road Bridge will remain OPEN and serve as a general detour. The DETOUR South of Midway Road Bridge to North of Midway Road Bridge during Midway Bridge closure Midway Rd Midway Rd SACRAMENTO VALLEY NATIONAL CEMETERY VACAVILLE Weber Rd N Meridian…

… Just be aware and watch for flag persons and detour signs… Just know it’s happening this weekend, with zillions bikers headed to the fairgrounds on Saturday… Oh my.

I am doing this as a public service.

Please Boycott and do NOT use the $1.00, $20.00, $50.00, & $100.00 bills, as they depict slave owners on them. Please send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly!

 

Temps Drop Fish Bite!

 

Over the holiday weekend we went to Bass Pro up in Rocklin on Saturday and picked up a couple of new lures. Monday we joined a host of other boats in the delta leaving the Dixon Boat Club about 8 am. The tides were good and there were no winds… then. Family friend, Fred Vanderwold, joined me and our 13-year old granddaughter, Shannon Hickman, fishing for black bass. We caught about 20. Shannon caught her first limit (of 5) not letting the stiff wind that came up (see photo) deter from using her new crankbait to limit out. The ride back in the tide plus strong wind made it a little choppy but she and the fish didn’t mind. Neat thing was, two hours after we got back to the dock we were at her house where father, Trey, had prepared the catch into fish tacos. Kind of cool. Two hours earlier they were swimming and now they were a fresh fish dinner.

 

The center beams will disappear when you look left to right

 

Today’s Sports Suck

Sports: Why I quit watching most of them on TV.  We’ve had and seen the “ best there ever was” etc. now it’s: No bumping or touching in racing, don’t tackle to hard in football, don’t bean the batter in baseball, don’t draw blood in hockey, don’t say bad things in baseball or basketball, don’t acknowledge the fans in golf, quit beating on the guy when he’s out in cage fighting,… the list goes on and on we’ve allowed the creepy left to even infiltrate our sports and wuzzify everything so it’s nice..

B.S. we need to bring brutality back in all forms in all sports. Ref makes a bad call in tennis knock him off his high chair with a well-placed serve. Go get bumped in NSCAR, send the guy over the rails and then beat the crap out of him the pits, just like the old days. A guy gives a cold shot in football your teammates put him out for the season on the next play; that will learn him. You get a scratch in basketball, cry a little and then bitch slap the guy who got ya. Baseball: Empty the benches at last once a game and beat the crap out of each other; no one will get hurt cause ball players can’t fight worth a damn but the fans love it. These minor little changes would improve the fan base and give the folks paying the big bucks their money’s worth… And trust me it’s either that or watch all sports become non- contact knitting derby’s where only the lamer will watch the lame compete!

 

  1. Pro Football: is filled with dainty multi-millionaires who are more concerned with the self than the team. Their sissy dances and taunting has been a literal turn off to me and millions of others. But the networks continue to show it because some nitwit there apparently thinks it’s cool.
  2. NSCAR: After watching thousands of left turn, left turn, fender benders and pouting drivers and restrictor plates, speed limits in and out of the pits, no bumping, no this and no that 400 and 500 mile races have to be broken down in segments because the new drivers don’t have what it takes… and yellow flag rest stops during the race WTF?.. The hell with them. It used to be good old boys; now they are just pretty boys, who are just high priced patsies for owners and sponsors… With Dale Junior going and Jeff Gordon gone, there goes the sport… Only Danica is a breath of fresh air and a driver worth following.
  3. Pro baseball, boring… Little World Series much better ball and more entertaining, except for the occasional brawls in the pros.
  4. Pro Basketball: Seven foot giants with no ball handling skills slam dunking, because they can. Dribbling steps, basic rules and actual skills no longer matter. Only Stephen Curry has breathed fresh air into a stale sport of multi-millionaires, who make way too much money, for the seconds they play the game each time… And who pays for that?
  5. Bowling, golf, tennis, soccer, men’s beach volleyball and track… who really cares? Boring at best. Want to spice things up? We need fist fights in all of those along with club throwing in golf and attacking the ref in tennis.
  6. Soccer… Most of the time I only watch to see the ref’s in action… the most boring sport next to baseball and cricket even if you understand the finesse of the games. A no hitter and a nil-nil score are just plain painful.
  7. The exception: Summer and winter Olympics are still the great things to watch because they have guns and bows and arrows and killer crashes on the slopes and ice rinks and bike and skating races.
  8. Summation: My generation is spoiled because we were able to watch truly great athletes in all of the major sports…Michael Jorden, Larry Byrd, and Magic Johnson, ring a bell? Wayne Gretkzy probably the all-time greatest hockey player ever, Mohamed Ali, simply the greatest boxer ever, Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods were the best and even played together, they made golf an art form. How about Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, and the Giants setting a record winning the world series and now the worst team with the worst and most embarrassing  record in baseball. Dale Earnhardt in NACAR, Billie Jean and the sisters in tennis, Mark Spitz in swimming… Joe Willie Namath, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, The list goes on-and-on of the highest caliber athletes the world has ever seen and probably, their likes will not be seen again… and all during our lifetimes. We’ve been lucky to see the best there’s ever been. Now were left with the dregs… over paid and prissy, but that’s all you’ve got so deal with it or tune out… which is what I’m doing.

Summation: Think about it a bit and formulate your own list, in every sport for the last four or five decades, think about the greats and try to find their like today…Not going to happen. All we have left are prima donnas seeking glory, self-satisfaction and mo money, mo money, mo money… They could care less about the fans who foolishly pay exorbitant price to give football players multi-year multi million (like 25 million?) … try to get an autograph or a high five. Their private security body guards will break your (or your child’s arm).

More Things for Thought

*No, I’m still not married, grandma, but the lady in the “Popeye’s Chicken” commercials keeps calling me “honey”… so we’ll see where that goes.

*A buddy invited me to an “Open Mike Night” which sounded like fun…’til I found out it was an autopsy.

Little known fact: centipedes are the metric version of the inchworm.

GOD: I will give you my name for which you may call me thru all generations.  MOSES: no way!  GOD: Yahweh!

I think my wife may be dealing drugs… the phone rang late the other night and when I picked up the guy said “is that dope gone yet?*

*One of my son’s friends apparently has a speech issue…he keeps saying MILF instead of MILK.

*Wearing a turtleneck sweater is like being strangled by a really week guy… all day.

*I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like “what’s your favorite color”, or “where is your belly button?”

*Platonic relationship: what develops when two people who were good friends grow tired of sleeping with each other?

*A guy asked me for two  $5’s and a $10 for a $20 bill.  I had a sudden flashback to a girl who wrote in my high school yearbook “never change”… so I told him no.

*If two blind people are dating…is it possible they would be “seeing each other”?

*The house needs painting, the fence requires repairs and the cars need to be waxed…I guess it’s time to convince some neighborhood kid I know karate.

*let’s all take a moment to remember the five best cakes in the world…crab, pound, pan, urinal and ‘let them eat’.

*Recently I was asked to go out by nine different women…I was in the women’s rest room.

*If taking off your pants doesn’t solve your problems… you need to get some different problems!

*To all the people who have lost only one shoe on the highway… how does that even happen?

*Have you noticed how some people talk louder when they drink? That’s why alcohol content is listed by volume.

On a road trip we stopped in a somewhat grungy diner.  I ordered coffee.  The wife also ordered coffee and added “make sure the cup is clean!”…..the irritated waitress returned and said “which one wanted the clean cup?”

*I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon… I’ll let you know. 

I don’t feel it’s a coincidence that we use the term “committed” to refer to both long-term emotional relationships and a stay at a mental institution.

*In the crap at home again… she sent me to the store for tampons but they were out so I got her a box of Band-Aids.

*I went to the barbershop and told the barber I wanted some ‘highlights’…….he put on a video of old haircuts he had given.

*In the Harry Potter books a scar on your forehead means you’re a hero… in real life it means you probably drink too much and lack coordination.

*I’ve been playing the ‘blame game’ with the wife….I’m losing 23,478 to 3.

*Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah Witnesses of the internet.

*If you smoke some weed prior to an eating competition are you guilty of using performance enhancing drugs?

*Don’t you hate it when you’re watching Dateline with the wife and it’s about some lady that murdered her husband… and she remarks, “I wouldn’t have gotten caught?”

*Little did I know the first time I bought a three-pack of condoms that I was apparently buying a lifetime supply?

*I will be lying there, dead, in a closed coffin at my funeral…and yet somehow I will manage to spill mustard on my shirt!

Cats use their whiskers to navigate in the dark.  I use my toes and shins…and lots of swearing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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August 31st 2017
That’s Life©1966 #692 (9-1-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Dove Season Starts Today

(Runs Sept1. Thru Sept 15)

Species Season / Area Season Dates Daily Bag Limit Possession Limit
Mourning Dove and White-winged Dove Statewide Sep 1 – 15 &
Nov 11 – Dec 25
15, up to 10 of which may be white-winged doves Triple the daily bag
Spotted Dove, and Ringed Turtle Dove No limit
Eurasian Collared-dove All Year No limit

 

If this morning, Friday Sept.1st you awoke to the sounds of gun fire in the distance don’t be alarmed it is just opening day of dove season, a day looked forward to for shotgunners throughout the state. The first season goes from today and ends on Friday the 15th. The pictures are of my first wife Linda and our neighbor, Missy Nichols with two limits of dove, and a Eurasian and a mourning dove and side-by-side. Before any of you tree huggers get your panty hose in a bunch; you can’t buy dove to eat and many people relish them as a delegacy; a hard to get, once a year treat if you will.

Species Season / Area Season Dates Daily Bag Limit Possession Limit
Mourning Dove and White-winged Dove Statewide Sep 1 – 15 &
Nov 11 – Dec 25
15, up to 10 of which may be white-winged doves Triple the daily bag
Spotted Dove, and Ringed Turtle Dove No limit
Eurasian Collared-dove All Year No limit


Only In SanFrancisco…!

 

49ers assistant Katie Sowers becomes first out LGBT coach in the NFL

San Francisco 49ers assistant Katie Sowers becomes first out LGBT coach in the NFL. “No matter what you do in life, one of the most important things is to be true to who you are,” Sowers told Jim Buzinski of Outsports.com.  “There are so many people who identify as LGBT in the NFL, as in any business, that do not feel comfortable being public about their sexual orientation. “The more we can create an environment that welcomes all types of people, no matter their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, the more we can help ease the pain and burden that many carry every day.” In a wide-ranging interview, Sowers, who came out as lesbian to her family while in college, said football was her favorite sport growing up and that she knew from a young age she wanted to be a football coach. She said getting her chance to coach with the 49ers has allowed her the opportunity to embrace her dream… You know she’s kinda in my dreams now too.

 

SACTO Attorneys; something of which to be ashamed

 

In this area we receive the local Sacramento TV Stations and are barraged constantly, 24/7  with the horrible commercials by the shameless Blood sucking society of Sacramento Attorneys… Yes there is such an association… it is the SBSA Inc.

 They all look like the kind of person (men and women both) that got their butts kicked all the way through school and became lawyers to get back at the bullies who did us all a favor… and although they look and sound foolish they apparently think they both look and sound great…the shysters have no shame; Spoiler alert…You don’t look or sound good… do yourself a favor and hire a pro to pimp for you, give us a break.

“Why pay 40% or 60% per cent of YOUR money when you can get a cut rate attorney for only 25%? … That’s $25,000 out of your pocket from each $100,000 the court awards YOU! Without playing the legal game you can bet you’ll get a lot less… so you can’t win.

Personally I like the whiny dude who will pray with you and give you a free bible… even though he looks like the anti-Christ… They all think they are so great, and look so great, they do their own commercials… but it gives me the willies to picture them representing me in court. Every single one of them look and sound scary, from the guy who tells you if you don’t want to work anymore call them and they will help get you Social Security, to the guy who said if you are in the hospital from an accident “through no fault of your own,” call his firm and they will come to your death bed and take a statement for, only like 40% of the take I guess. If you’re lucky and you get hit by a car in downtown Sacramento you may even have an attorney nearby hop in the ambulance so you can sign papers on the way to the hospital in case you croak…  Then your heirs may get 60% of what was coming to you.

They all have the emphasized same pattern, “If you were in an accident and it was not your fault, call us we have our money vacuum standing by 24/7. I guess it’s understood that if it was your fault, lick your wounds and call a public defender.

They dress bad, from frumpy clothes to a bow tie to slick suits and facial hair… scary; both men and women… I look at them as a juror would and don’t like my chances with them giving jurors the willies. But the women will apparently will do it for less…like only 25%; such a deal. They of course don’t give a won/loss record but all promise if you don’t win your lawsuit you don’t have to pay them, duh… How nice huh? They lose your case you’ve got nothing to pay them with anyhow; but careful, they may still come after your first born or the gold filings in your teeth. Prostitution is illegal but these legal vampires sell themselves 24/7 with TV commercials. If you’ve been injured in an accident, that wasn’t you fault, you can have your pick. If you are at fault you are SOL.

 I know I’ll probably be on the Bar Association’s  S**t list so I’ll need to be extra careful. If I ever need an attorney I’ll ask for their stats sheet and pick the one with the biggest win percentage and the one who’s got the biggest settlements… wouldn’t you? I know I’m only saying what thousands of people think; all of those that are bombarded with these stupid commercials 24/7… which leads me into my next critique…Next week, TV sports and why they suck…

 

More Things For Thought

*I’m really sorry I totaled your car… I saw that your kid made the Honor Roll and I let go of the steering wheel to Applaud.

*I don’t understand how bears in the wild can eat all that salmon… don’t they want a squeeze of lemon, maybe a little dill or some sea salt?

*The wife tripped and the laundry basket fell to the floor spilling clothes everywhere…I sat back and watched it all unfold (moan..).

*Hippocrates did very well for himself…considering he was named after cages for a very large mammal.

*I went to the optometrist and the receptionist asked me which doctor I’d like to see… “I’d like to be able to see all of them. That’s why I’m here!”

*We bought a new washing machine and when it’s finished it plays a tune very similar to the ice cream truck……there’s no ice cream in there, though, I checked. Twice.

*Before my last surgery the anesthetist offered to give me knockout gas or smack me over the head with a canoe paddle… it was an ether/oar situation.(Moan…)

*The hippothalamus is the part of the brain that determines how hungry, hungry you get.

*Asked the granddaughter what she was eating as we watched TV…  “cotton candy”. She said, “The attic is full of it, but I think it’s stale”.

*Minnesota is the only state which sounds like it’s a small soft drink.

*I find it odd that the skin that holds all the organs of our bodies in can be so easily sliced open up with the sharp edge of a piece of paper… seems like a huge design flaw.

*The wife asked me to bring home ‘about 25 or 30 bottles of Minute Maid’ from the grocery store… when I asked why so many she said “haven’t you heard?  OJ is free!” (Moan)

*Every coat is a fur coat… when you have a long haired cat.

*So this guy comes in and buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, hemorrhoidal ointment, adult diapers, an enema and a pregnancy test…..the cashier asks, “would you like a bag?”

*Finally all the people in the White House are being polite… they’re all running around saying “pardon me”.

*Guess who went all day without spilling any food on the front of his shirt?  Not me, but I’m sure someone did.

*I said to the cop,” I brush and floss at least twice a day. You’re not going to find anything”… “It’s not that kind of cavity search, sir.”

*How can the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have such great abs… they can’t do sit-ups?

*I’m no Tour de France expert… but it seems to me the best way to win is to wear a yellow shirt.

*After all these years of denial I’ve finally concluded I’d sleep better at night if I confessed……..I let the dogs out.

*Fred realized too late that he should have used a fresh sheet for his toga… when he walked into the frat party with the black light.

*April showers bring May flowers. But what did the Mayflower bring…smallpox.

*The job interviewer asked me what I thought my biggest weakness was… “I’m an amazing listener!”

*Suggestion:  Before administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation at a public beach… be sure the so-called victim is not just napping.

*The difference between having kids and being in prison… in prison they let you read.

*The cool thing about driving 15 miles per hour in a school zone is it makes it so much easier to text.

*There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in ‘marriage’… there’s also ‘me’, ‘rage’, and ‘AA’.

*The boss yelled at me, “You’ve been late five times this week! Do you know what that means?”… “it’s Friday?”

*They’ve designed a new razor strictly for dyslexics… it’s the best thing since sliced beard.

*My wife is constantly ‘borrowing’ my tee-shirts and sweaters… but if I ‘borrow’ one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk”.

 

What do you do when its 108 in the shade and you just get home? Rick Bello’s hunting dog “Lucy” knew exactly what to do and then she looked at us like “get your own tub… Who was the smartest one here?

#

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August 18th 2017
In Case You’ve been living in a cave…

Posted under News Stories & That's Life Columns & Uncategorized

… and you haven’t heard…

… there is going to be a total solar eclipse on Monday morning only partially visible in Dixon. You wanna see the whole thing? Then you better take off for Oregon this weekend. And when you do, and you spend the time and the money don’t forget what I’m telling you… you’ll probably be disappointed. It gets kind of darkish and everything may have a strange orangish glow… but that’s it. I remember how disappointed we were after the last one here 38 years ago. We expected total darkness during the day; the sun’s light is being blocked out right? The totality of the whole thing takes place in a matter of minutes and is truly underwhelming and not proportionate to the hype.

Starting just after the noon hour EST, the eclipse will cast a 70-mile shadow along a path stretching from Oregon to South Carolina, effectively blocking all that solar power from reaching energy grids. California will be the biggest hit as solar power on some days serves as much as 40 percent of the state’s energy load.

 

However in California, residents won’t get the full effect. It’ll only be a partial eclipse as the moon covers only part of the sun. If you’re still interested in watching the partial eclipse, it will occur roughly between the hours of 9 a.m. and 11:45 a.m.

“At about 9:05 a.m. there will be the first little sort of a bite — a tiny little nibble — taken out of the top of the sun,” the director of the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles, E.C. Krupp, told the Los Angeles Times. “Over time it will get larger because the moon is moving more and more into the sun.” 

So stay home, watch the whole eclipse on TV or look at the sidewalk or a pinhole paper viewer you can easily make; You can do anything you want but looking up at the sun. If you just have to look, make sure you are using the approved and safe glasses or a strong welding mask… but no; looking at the sun through a beer bottle won’t keep you from doing serious eye damage.

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August 18th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #690 (8-18-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Meridan Overpass Re-opened;  Midway down next up.

After three months of being closed to rural Dixon/Vacaville traffic (since mid-May) the Meridian overpass reopened early Tuesday evening. Cal Trans finished its work retrofitting the structure to meet current earthquake standards.

Now Cal Trans will move up the highway a bit and start work on the heavily traveled Midway overpass which they are going to tear down and then rebuild. The Midway overpass will close on the morning of September 6, and stay closed until at least the spring of 2018. While the overpass is being demolished I.S. 80 will be closed in both directions. If you travel the interstate with west or east on a regular basis you probably need to go to the Cal Trans web site for detailed information. Regardless, if you need to take Midway road from the highway, in either direction, you need to find new travel routes until next spring.

Both east and west bound lanes on the highway will be closed at Midway Rd. the night of September 9th until the morning of September, 10th. Detours will be set up on frontage roads but the new Meridian overpass that had been closed since mid-May will be open and can be used as an alternate route.

During the closure motorists need to watch for Cal Trans flaggers and increased construction equipment in the area. The CHP will be monitoring the situation and assisting in traffic control.

Food Trucks tonight (Friday) by the pool!

Starting tonight (Friday) and going from 5 to 8:30 p.m. if you come to the Dixon Swimming pool parking lot you will have a chance to try various foods presented by a variety of “Food trucks.” The ones we have attended have offered a pretty good selection of foods, at reasonable prices, and better than average quality. If you haven’t been to one before come on down and bring the kids to this family friendly event sponsored by the city

 

Fake news… Here we go again.

California removing historical names and monuments…Really?

 

Have you been following the media inspired and created fiasco in Virginia? The main stream media somehow took a bunch of hooligans, counter attacking group of left wingnuts and put the blame on the POTUS… how many people are buying this latest load of crap this I wonder. Hopefully more and more people are starting to see through the news monopoly’s control over events which it creates, fosters and then uses it as a political tool to try and control a president who has told them as much… to stick it.

Don’t pay any attention to the stock market records, unemployment, a global crisis caused by an inbred man/child who inherited a starving country but feels invincible because he claims to have his finger on their nuclear button that could cause a catastrophic war to end all wars. Our POTUS has risen to the occasion and has said as much… you’re playing a dangerous game boy and you better be careful or you won’t have a country, or life,  and you and yours may cease to exist… and guess what?. That means the media moguls would have to allow something positive to be said about out POTUS… Notice how King Ding Dung has pulled in his horns, NOW he wants to talk because he’s worried our POTUS may clean his clock. No, you couldn’t notice because the left wing media won’t take that approach… They have their pantyhose in a bunch because they misquoted him once too often and he cut them off and is communicating with the population by a different and quite effective method.

What I don’t understand is why we don’t blow the next missile launch out of the air, over their own country, and why we don’t send some bread and water to his starving nation… with American Flags on it. Now that Lady Gag-Gag chimed in with her half nude anti-Trump BS at her Sacramento concert this week I’m sure a lot of people will have a change of heart… I know I did.

The liberal-left wing nuts can tear down and destroy a 100 year old piece of American history and what happens to them? Nothing. The loonies are running the nut house and our weak spined politicians just turn the other cheek. WTF? They are criminals just like the ones who attacked the poor Nazi bastards who were hit and pepper sprayed and injured…Anyone feel sorry for the hitler boys? In case you hadn’t heard this was all Trump’s fault too. It doesn’t matter that the right winged nuts actually had a permitand legal right to protest, and the left winged nuts started the trouble (which if the police hadn’t intervened would have their butts kicked all the way back to mommy and daddy’s house). Personally I believe the Nazis and the other radical right winged groups should beat some sense into each other and find a different name and different way of making their points.

 The radical right wing just got a boost in membership however thanks to the crap the liberal left wing nuts got away with. They’ve become a recruitment poster for the far right groups.

Both sides need to be held accountable and neither are supposed to above the law is kind of what the POTUS was trying to say before the political weenies, on both sides folded like a deck of cards when the ‘free press” started their fake news and promotion for more violence.  Is there really only one side to this debacle? The media is trying to get their left wing, new making (not reporting) power play going across the country. Where does this stupidity end? First they are allowed to destroy any historical monument they personally don’t like… does that extend to all of the signers of the declaration of independence, many of which had slaves. I think they should tear down the Washington monument and the Jefferson memorial to make their point (both were slave owners)… If they really had any guts or real principals…

If the media keeps promoting their stupid support for the daffy left wingnuts they may get more stories, but at what cost? The big boys don’t care. Its all ratings and trying to destroy a strong POTUS and put another Winnie they can control, in the White House. Their control and bias extends all the way down to the local TV station where the editorializing  localNews Readers comment personally on how they feel… gads, like anyone cares.

So, I’m asking, at least our people to read between the lines in print and listen carefully and you can see what outright B.S. is, and then try to ignore it and make up your mind on matters based on the best facts you can gather.

 

A 12 Year Old Girl Sees A Problem

From the e-mail bag…

Mr. Hickman: Hi I’m Zoë Sloan. I’m 12 years old and my mom met you on Saturday at the Solano county fair’s auction.  I was the one who wants to get a reduced speed sign on the intersection at Curry Rd near 80 that causes a lot of crashes. I came up with the idea in the car thinking I don’t want to see any of my friends or even non-friends getting hurt there on their way to Higby’s. The cars come off the freeway there so fast and it is really only a split second you get to see them before they are in the intersection.  A reduced speed sign would reduce the number of accidents there and make the ones that do happen far less severe. I was so happy when my mom said she found you at the auction. I am so happy you were there! I really had no idea how I would request this until my mom saw you. It would really help if you forward my request or let me know who else I should send it to. Thank you so much for your time.    Sincerely Zoe Sloan

Zoe: I agree with you and I will pass this on to the Dixon City Council, Cal Trans (that really has the responsibility for that section of road) and to our representatives on the Solano County Board of Supervisors. Thank you for being a concerned citizen (even for your non-friends!) and for becoming involved looking for a solution to a problem.

More Things For Thought

*One of the worst possible jobs would be working at the patent office.. .all day long you’d be thinking, “Damn!  Why didn’t I think of that?”

*I had a real crush on my babysitter growing up so I looked her up on Facebook and messaged her… “Hey! Remember how hard it was to get me into bed? Not anymore!”

*People only say “Well, it’s a free country!”… When they’re doing something really stupid.

*I saw this thing in the paper about a local kid that had two gay dads and I thought that was probably ok…’cuz imagine how weird it would be if only one were gay.

*If Anne hath a will… Anne Hathaway. (Moan…)

*Kobe Bryant wrote a poem when he retired and the last line was “my body knows it’s time to say goodbye”… which is, coincidentally, just like the poem I wrote to Taco Bell.

*Separate but equal is a horrible thing for education… but it’s perfect for eyebrows.

*If you really think about it a kangaroo is just a cross between a T-rex and a deer.

*I’m taking a big step and asking her if we can be exclusive in our relationship.. .I guess I’m old fashioned, I just always thought it was automatic after marriage.

*when I’m not in a relationship I go ahead and shave one leg…that way when I’m in bed it feels like I’m sleeping with a woman.

*My friend Dave says you never ask a woman her age… I think that’s why his bar got closed down.

*In high school I had a pretty juvenile sense of humor.  The teacher told us to turn to page 68, and I started to laugh… when she asked what was so funny I said nothing, I was just getting ready.

*At practically every theme park I’ve ever been to the primary theme… ‘Wait in line’!

*The scrotum is a huge design failure.  Excess elbow skin utilized between the legs to support a man’s testicles so he doesn’t have to hold them in his hand…….and it doesn’t work.

*The counselor told the wife and me “for the sake of your marriage get a king-sized bed, and if you really want to stay married, get two!”

*I grew up a LA Ram’s fan but then I got into girls as I got older…  but then I got back into the Ram’s ‘cut I realized there are times when the girls won’t sleep with you, but the Ram’s will always screw you! 

*Snakes do not have arms…. which are precisely why they do not wear vests.

*Playing checkers with my grandpa taught me that a king is a man with another man on top of him… life taught me that that’s actually a queen. 

*I am a man of my word… and the word that comes to mind is ‘unreliable’.

*All I’m saying is that if you’ve ever seen me put patio furniture covers on… you’d never ask me to put a condom on.

*You can say ‘thanks’ and you can say ‘thanks a million’.. .but apparently not any number in between.

*I’ve just about decided that I could be gay except for the sex.. .and hell, without the sex you’re really just hanging out with your buddies.

*No matter how many shocking surprises life throws at you… you’re never quite prepared for how a British person pronounces the word ‘vitamin’.

*Drive-by shootings are just one more example of American’s being too lazy to get out of their cars.

 *As a little boy I heard the term “training bra” for the first time and thought “they’re training their chests?”  Then I saw a woman whose boobs were just going everywhere and I knew…”those must be untrained ones!”

*The leading method of committing suicide in Europe is attempting to kidnap Liam Nelson’s daughter.

*The other night the wife saw a homeless guy sorting through our trash and she hates to see a human being going thru garbage… so she made him a raccoon costume.

*I went out with a girl who told me I didn’t have to drink to make myself more fun to be around… I told her I was drinking so she’d be fun to be around.

*Sometimes women with nice butts wear tight pants and everyone’s eyes are drawn right there. So we should post pictures of missing kids there… no one looks at milk cartons.

*Parenting is a lot like being the bartender at some dive bar… everyone shouts out food and drink orders, you have to listen to them whine, and the place looks like a dump!

 

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August 12th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #689 (8-11-17)* Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Posted under That's Life Columns

What Your City /Council Is Up To… I Saw The Light!

 


 Notice something a little different in your neighborhood at night? The city is in the process of switching over to all LED streetlights. Cheaper to run and more light… such a deal.

Prior projects; about 350 or 28% done in Phase 1 2017

788 finished as of Thursday, 8/3 or 63% done for Phase 2 2017

Only 9% remaining and 116 scheduled for late August/early September. Watch for the conversion in your neighborhood; you’ll see the difference!  Good going public works and the city!

Police crackdown now underway!

“Enhanced enforcement”

If you drive and text or talk on the phone, or you pull a “California stop” at a traffic light or stop sign your odds of getting a traffic ticket are greatly increased because there’s a “new sheriff in town” so to speak. As the police force gets near full strength, for the first time in years, and with a new law enforcement officer now in charge, screw up and they are gonna get you. With more officers means more are on patrol, more of the time and their work is being assessed by Dixon’s new police chief, Robert Thompson. He was hired to reorganize the department, train a cohesive unit, stop the turn over and put more law enforcement officers on the streets 24/7. With this approach the department has already written as many tickets this year as it did all of last. You wanna run a stop sign? You wanna speed in a school zone? You wanna make an illegal U-turn? You wanna talk on your phone or text while driving? Go ahead, and you may get what’s coming to you. This is about the only warning you’ll get. This police force is here to protect you, and the rest of us from some of you and your dangerous driving practices. The police Chief  has the backing of the city council and was hired to enforce all of the laws. You want to show an exhibition of speed, burn rubber, or just hit passing gear on a city street… I hope they catch you when they do you’ve got no one to cry to. Enough is enough. We, 4/5ths of the city council, went to seven neighborhoods on the night out celebration and what we heard from every neighborhood was the same complaints about all of the things listed above… and the question, “Why can’t the police do something about this?” Guess what. The police are doing many things about “this” so beware, drive safely, follow the driving laws and save yourself some money and court time.

Death Follow-up

 After the death last week of the 20 year old man at the intersection of Midway and St. Rt. 113 a lot of things have happened… none of which will help him or his family of course but his accident may prove to be the catalyst for saving lives along this dangerous state highway which runs right through the middle of our city.

Cal Trans, which has the final say on 113 its self has been contacted by the CHP and either has or will be contacted by Solano County Supervisors, John Vasquez and Skip Thompsom. Skip’s district is Midway Rd. west of 113 and John’s is to the East. I talked to both last Saturday at the Solano County Fair and both pledged full support to making that intersection and the Hay and Fry roads intersections safer as well. They and our city have contacted our State Assemblyman and Senator asking for help in motivating Cal Trans to get emergency action for traffic control at the intersection.

In their own areas of responsibility they are looking into having flashing signs put up both east and west Midway and 113 plus maybe on the west side of both Hay and Fry Road Plus they have the county looking at the dangerous Midway and Porter Road, and Pitt School and Porter Roads. Things likeflashing lights with the message “Cross Traffic Does Not Stop” may help, but remember, like John Wayne said, “You can’t cure stupid” … but you may be able to warn the young and less than stupid they are gambling with their lives, and everyone in the car with them, every time they enter or cross this state highway… because of the big rigs (and cars) flying down the road at highway speeds. The CHP, I noticed has also increased its patrol in that area. We all learn from our mistakes but some drivers, especially the young and less experienced sometimes don’t get a second chance. Tell your friends, neighbors and relatives to avoid that intersection until at least some safety measures are put in place… too many accidents…too many deaths. Enough is enough! Don’t talk, don’t eat, don’t text, just pay attention and drive carefully. We have a long history of deaths on Midway… don’t add your name (s) to the sad list.

 Solano County Fair

Many Dixon Youngsters raised, cows, lambs, pigs, chickens, rabbits, quail and goats to be shown and if they qualified have their animals sold at auction Last Saturday in the livestock arena at the county fairgrounds in Vallejo. Shown above are Kendal Hickman, left and her friend Elizabeth Granillo are seen competing in front of a judge in “Showmanship”.  Both young ladies have started their freshman year this week at Dixon High School. Dozens of  Grange,4-H, FFA and ‘Independent”  kids from throughout the county spent the last week before school in Vallejo giving their animals final touches before showing them and having them sold at auction.

 

More Things For Thought

*my 16 year old niece’s boyfriend has been struggling with a Capri sun for the last twenty minutes…….so I think it’s probably ok to leave her alone with him.

*In my day we didn’t use our phones to take naked pictures of ourselves… we used the office copier to make photocopies of our butts like God intended.

*….and when there was just one set of footprints in the sand, that was Chris Christie.

*I have an appointment for an emissions test tomorrow…….and that reminds me, my car is in need of one as well.

*When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned as a child… and when I became a man I did all that foolishness online.

*My wife isn’t real fond of me referring to her period tracker app as the “countdown to Armageddon”.

*I decorate for Halloween by opening all the curtains and walking around the house naked… pretty scary stuff for all the neighbors.

*Is it true that Guy Fieri sister’s name is Girl Fieri?

*What do we learn from cows, water buffalo and elephants? It’s impossible to lose weight by eating greens, salads and walking.

*“down”, “penetration”, “tight end”, “ball handling”… don’t the networks have censors anymore?

*In fourth grade the teacher asked a question and I was the only one who was able to answer her… she asked “who farted?”

*When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark. Now I’m an adult… and when I see the electric bill I’m afraid of the light!  

*She shouted “get me something to put on bee stings!” so I fetched her one of her bras… now we’re not talking. Apparently.

*My significant other told me she likes it rough, so I bought her a plane ticket… on United.

*Passed by a church where the sign said “Santa Claus never died for anyone”… and the wife said, “That’s true. But Jesus never brought me a Barbie Dream House either”.  

*The only wisdom that comes with age is learning which stores have the nicer restrooms.

*I just called the bank to check on the status of my account… and a voice whispered to me “if you break the package in half Ramen noodles can last two days”.

*Last time I went to the doctor he prescribed constipation medication to clear up my earwax problem… apparently he was right about me being a s**thead.

*I’m not a scientist but if the Ebola virus is ‘communicable’… I think that means we can talk to it.

*When telling your wife something always end it with “but I could be wrong”… that way when she tells you you’re wrong, which she inevitably will, you’ll be right for a change.

*You can never adequately thank the person who toilet-trained you.  

*There I was in the custom’s line at the Budapest airport with a suitcase full of marbles.  “What’s your reason for visiting Hungary?” The agent asked… “I want to see the hippos!”

*During sex if she says “make me scream!”… I simply turn on the lights.  

*A friend asked what my favorite underground band was and when I said “the Beatles” he said “they’re really not considered ‘underground’…”but half of them are” was my defense. 

*Oh migawd!  I can’t straighten my back…never mind, just got my tie caught in my zipper.

*“Raise your hand if this is your first time standing under a helicopter”… “sorry to make an example of you, Johnson, but that’s why we never do that.”  

*Apples are actually bad for your health… scientists have announced that everyone who ate an apple in the 15th century is now dead.

*Your shadow is confirmation that light rays have traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed…only to be deprived of reaching the earth in the last few feet by your fat butt.

*I’m not a big fan of Smokey the Bear… he’s just the first step on the slippery slope of vigilantism.

*The cashier at PetSmart just told me I smell really good… which I would take as a compliment if my competition weren’t a bunch of dogs and gerbils.

# 

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August 6th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #689 (8-11-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

20 Year Old Elk grove man dies Wednesday at Midway and 113

By Ted Hickman

This is the message I sent out to (our Supervisor, John Vasquez, Thom Bogue, Mayor, Steve Bird, Dixon councilman, Jim Lindley, city manager, and to the Dixon Fire and police chief right after the accident: “I’m on the warpath again. A 20 year old kid just lost his life, I mean like, right now, after being plowed by a big rig at this intersection. He apparently was headed west on Midway and met the big rig in the middle of the intersection… That’s not an official statement but an educated guess on my part.

The CHP is going to request action from Cal Trans and can use some backup from the city and the county…  Either a four way stop, or traffic light or “flashing cross traffic does not stop” is needed there NOW because there are way too many accidents, and near misses in that intersection and the general area

I would appreciate the city council and police and the fire chief chiming in on this And I Would also like to have it on next council meeting agenda for action”

Thank you

Ted Hickman

 

Backing up… We were headed out to a friend’s house on Midway road late Wednesday morning and the dust hadn’t settled when we came upon the accident at Midway and State Highway113 that killed a young Elk Grove man. We turned east on Midway and I pulled over to see if they needed help but there was a crowd there trying to help so we didn’t want to add to the traffic congestion and so we just moved on. I drove back by on the way home about an hour later and took these photos. There were like four or five CHP there and all agreed this intersection was bad and “something needed to be done.” The big rig that hit the Dodge Neon appeared to have only a dented front fender

Lt. Michael McCarthy of the CHP, at the scene, said he would request Cal Trans (it is a state highway all the way through Dixon) to take some kind of action but could use the support of the city and county in their efforts. I immediately sent a message to our Supervisor, John Vasquez who responded almost immediately with: “Thanks Ted, Sadly it takes the loss of life to bring action, I want thank you all of your efforts in trying to find a solution to this intersection.  I am willing to support and to give any help you may need to resolve it.  The other needed item for that intersection is an additional street light on the Northwest corner, the county place one on the Northeast corner some years back but we have had no luck getting CATRANS to place one the other side.

 

Ted thank you for the email and you have my support,”

John

I sent the same message to our Dixon city manager, fire chief and police chief, Mayor, and Councilman (and former Dixon police officer) Steve Bird asking for support for the CHP’s requesting fairly quick action on our decades old problem… With school starting there are going to be people (and many young drivers) in a hurry to get to and from that intersection where they will meet vehicles traveling state highway speeds… and that can only mean the possibility of more tragedy… since every kid that has a driver’s license HAS to drive to high school parents might be smart to have them avoid that intersection and find other routes to the high school.

I don’t know who has the records of the scores of accidents there (the fire department only responds when there are injuries), or in the vicinity, or the number of deaths, maiming, or injuries, over the years… but there’s been many… It’s time to quit talking and get some action before more people are killed or maimed… A couple of the CHP guys agreed with me that many of the people in the new developments in the south side of town were not raised in rural areas and the traffic here IS different. The CHP guys on scene also agreed that a long straight away and people looking both directions ONCE (not realizing traffic is coming at highway speeds) can be a cause of accidents… “People get in a hurry just don’t realize just how fast traffic is moving, one told me.”

What Your City Council Is Up To…

Seven Neighborhoods Participate in National Night out.

 

Dixon’s new Fire chief, Jay Bushrow, left Rob Thompson, Dixon’s new police chief made it to the Sierra Drive neighborhood gathering with Mayor Thom Bogue, far right, to present Organizer Kurt Riddle with a copy of the National Night Out proclamation. Bouge handed out seven of the proclamations, one for each block party held throughout the city. I went to all seven and it was really neat to meet and talk with folks… who all agreed October would be a better time to hold this community event.

 

 Don’t prolong It Mike, for the good of Dixon Quit Now!

 

Have you seen Mike Ceremello’s B.S. on “only a couple of columns left” before he quits AGAIN?  He’s waiting for a public outcry which ain’t coming Mikey… Many more will be happy than sad… nice try, but nobody cares you’re “quitting again…. Life will go on, a lot better for many people. See ya until you rear your ugly, negative mouth once again. How is he going to support his young apprentice and mouth piece on the city council if he doesn’t have this pulpit to badmouth the elected city council, staff and volunteers? What about all of the other stupid people in town. How is he going to sing his praises and let everybody know how much smarter he is than all of us dumb people. You know why he’s opposed to selling the turkey of a water company and have water pros run it instead of the city? Because it was his idea and pushing that caused the city to buy into this expensive and disastrous plan. If anything wasn’t his idea it can’t be good, remember: he is smarter than everyone, knows more about everything than everybody else and we are just dumb sub-humans to his fanatic know-it-all intellect. Where is the big public cry he’s going away AGAIN for a while…Even his three or four loyal extremist/supporters seem to have lockjaw…Quit asking for the loud roar because you’re taking another sabbatical… Get over yourself… nobody cares. NOBODY, that is, except those that are glad to see your narcissistic column’ space be occupied by something else even if it’s the Obits… even blank space would be a relief of his years of bad mouthing those who really matter and everything else but himself… when the dust settles I’ll still be here and Mike will be…waiting in the wings. Mike having me recalled is one of his funniest jokes. I was elected by the whole city and the majority of people see what good things this council is doing for them and know Ceremello is just a bag of old, hot stale air, helpless, hopeless and useless…You gotta feel a little sorry with his self-destruction, fall from the little grace he had and having to resort to badmouthing and trying to belittle me as a way of making himself feel worthwhile… Sorry Mikey you lose again… just hang it up while you still have something to hang!

He says and I quote “However, after reading Ted Hickman’s distasteful column,”   LOL is that the pot calling the kettle black or what? He has proven over the years all of his taste is in his mouth in the way he talks (his big city council moment was when he yelled “F**K” during a council meeting to just get attention. Voters loved it and have turned away from him each time he has tried to claim his lost glory even losing the city treasurer’s election at the last election to a young man with no experience or knowledge of the position… he just doesn’t seem to learn or get the word, and can’t be embarrassed… so as I said before you want to dance, bring it.  I’ll waste a little space each week on your faded glory and continual quest for attention… as long as you keep begging for the attention Distasteful? He dresses (like a slob), and acts (like a hooligan)… Distasteful is too polite term for his whole persona.

I’ll keep doing what I do and serve the public the best I can and keep getting things going and done. Our list of accomplishments grows monthly thanks to a GOOD CITY STAFF AND THE MAJORITY OF THE city council WANTING TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR THE RIGHT REASON…… And Mike’s Monday morning quarterbacking? No one really cares what he says or thinks except maybe his in-over- his head young protégé on the council. But boy you keep listening to Mike and you will be held in as high of esteem as he is… And that’s all the energy and space I’m going to put into him this week

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July 28th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #687

Posted under That's Life Columns

National Night Out; Tuesday

Seriously, if you and your neighbors, or neighborhood have never participated in “National Night Out, do so this year. It’s meant to give neighbors an opportunity to meet and sends the message that crime and dirtballs will not be tolerated because we are all looking out for each other. Just give city hall or the PD a ring and tell them you are having a neighborhood “pot luck” gathering and while your little block party is going you will likely have a visit from the fire and police departments, with sirens a police chief, a fire chief and fire and policemen to meet and greet your family, neighbors and children. You may also have the whole city council come by to meet you… It’s a pretty cool thing. There aren’t many planed yet this year so please organize one in your neighborhood… it will help you and yours and your neighbors in the long run… trust me!

“National Night out; ”A Hot August Night Coming Tuesday

 

On Tuesday, August 1,  along with being Hot August Night out, I remember distinctly where I was 53 years ago; I was in the chapel in Wright Patterson Air Force Base getting married to the most beautiful girl in Dayton, Ohio as her parents, Major And Mary Hagerman looked on in wonder… you can fill in the blanks. She hasn’t changed much and me only a little… (See photos below). He mother’s birthday is just a week before, what a birthday present that was huh? To make up for it I try to do something nice each year; this year we took her to BJ’s in Vacaville for lunch and then to the remodeled Brenden theatre to see “Dunkirk”…a good movie BTW. This Tuesday was her 93rd birthday (see photo,now you can see where Linda gets her good looks!).

August 1, 1964, Dayton, Ohio… Then—

—August 1, 2017, Now…Dixon, Ca.

He, They, Should Be Ashamed

The Youngest city council member went off the deep end again Tuesday night after trying to bully me, only to be put in his place, once again. The Coup d’e grace of all of his ill-timed and ill-fated attempts to put the spot light on himself just put one more nail in his political coffin. After reading a rambled prepared statement from his phone he accused me of lying in my Column last week (during a city council meeting, go figure…) about a message sent to me about how many people in the southwest of town feel about this young, pompous (with no reason to be so) ass. I did take some editing liberties with the message last week in this column, I’ll admit that, but it was to rephrase and take out some comments about his parentage, flip-flopping philosophy and his loss of face and faith in his “District”. Right when was saying no one from his district would write such stuff I received a letter that was sent to the city attorney’s office which is printed below.

After coming under investigation for election fraud. (His case has been turned over to the Solano County District Attorney’s office and his case has been put in the hands of the California Attorney General and the Solano County Grand Jury. He was given an out, out of all of this, by simply swearing in an avadavat that he was telling the truth about where he physically lived when he took out his election papers but he and all of his family steadfastly refused to do that… So it has cost the taxpayers many thousands of dollars dealing with this councilmember a (“member,” not “man”) because of the council acting on citizen’s complaints, and the matter is now out of the City’s hands and into the hands of folks who won’t be swayed by his whining that he’s being picked on, or his “rights are being violated”.

Anyway, back to the council meeting on Tuesday. After reading his smug, self-serving, rambling, prepared,  statement again taking up valuable council time to air his personal problems again, he challenged me and got back what he deserved and I said heatedly something like, “You wanna go, that’s ok with me let’s go!” He’s three times my size, at least twice my weight, and 50 years younger than me:  See: the photo from that night) and I meant it. This went on until the mayor and city attorney put an end to it because personal attacks like his are not supposed to be allowed. I differed to the mayor’s wishes and council decorum. It was about at that point he made the most ridiculous statement in the political history of Dixon. In whining once again about his “due process” had been violated he said “It is not the first time that an American of Asian descent has been denied their due process rights”.  Yeah, we are a bunch of duly elected Racist officials, trying to strip this poor disrespectful youngster of his second generation or so “rights.” Give me a friggin break…  That’s Even dumber than Ceremello’s “f***k statement he blurted out as a councilman. At least Mike made a point. Someone needs to talk some sense into this council guy. I tried to help him out a bit at first until he orchestrated a fake dive on camera and claimed I elbowed him in the head as I squeezed behind his and other member’s chairs. He lied, and frame-b-frame-analysis of the footage shows I never touched him.  After that, of course he was on his own, and not doing very well I have to admit. His advisers are taking him down a one-way path from which there is no return. It’s a shame because he does have a brain and a gift of gab and would make a great blowhard state official one day.

I mumbled lowly to him, “No De-von, You’re wrong… you’re just whacky. Now I’m adding: you’re wrong, the council doesn’t like or dislike you you because of your race, or even your family… I can’t speak for the council but I can tell your I don’t like you because you are a young whining, snake oil salesman, blowhard, and documented liar who has shown nothing but dis-respect for this council since the day you were elected. Every man on this council is old enough to be your father and several, your grandfather, but you have continually disrespected this  rightfully elected body and  city staff on a regular basis. Not liking you has nothing to what you, are but directly who you are… and you are a member (a nice name for it), end of story. You want to run for higher office… Yeah, right. You’ve sealed your political future by screwing up big time since the day you took out papers to run. People in your district” would never say anything again you? That’s one of the things you claimed, right. While you were spewing your nonsense and taking a poor pot shot at elder abuse I was given a copy of a letter, to me, sent to the city attorney’s office…

Which reads as follows: 

 

Listen Junior you are not only in trouble with many agencies but you better pull in your horns because another resident of your “district” just informed there may be a recall forthcoming and they only need about 670 (+ or -)  signatures to qualify one for the ballot. From what I hear, from backers of mine,(who helped elect me as a representative of our whole city, in his “district” they’ve had it with him and realize they made a bad mistake, however, one that can still be corrected with only 670 some signatures. De-von… Put that in your cocky pipe, or e-sig, or whatever you smoke during council breaks, and smoke that!

  

More Things for Thought

Not all fairy tales begin with “once upon a time”… some start with “if I am elected”.

So I didn’t kick hell out of that idiot that knocked over my venti chai crème Frappuccino… does that sainthood thing start like right away or….?

If a piece of land surrounded by water is called an “island”……shouldn’t the water surrounding this land be called “isntland”?

I just found a human tooth and a pair of skivvies in my coat pocket…….. I could be a serial killer, I could be a dad. 

We asked my elderly aunt what her favorite cheese was.  She mumbled “Camembert”…….”that’s ok, tell us when you remember.”

The doctor told me exercise would add years to my life… he was right.  I just did 10 pushups and now I feel like I’m 80!

I have had to discipline my pet rock… so yes, I have hit rock bottom.

I was thrilled to find my wife loves long walks along the beach… gives me time to sit at home and do what I want.  

Owls would be so much cooler if they could also say “are you”.

I bet we’re all waiting for mannequins with beer belly’s or bowed legs, or droopy boobs and a wide ass… so we can tell how the clothes are really going to look.

If you’ve seen one lion attack on the National Geographic channel you’ve seen a maul.

the wife bought a treadmill… ‘cuz she ran out of closet space for her clothes.“You’re a liar!  I can’t trust you and your deceitful ways!  I’m never getting naked for you again!”… my wife as she steps off her bathroom scale.  

The living can’t communicate with the dead… that’s just seance fiction.

Went to the dog barber the other day… can’t believe how well she held the scissors in her paw.

I always leave a night light on in the bedroom… just in case someone breaks in I want them to see how cute I look when I’m sleeping.

Sometimes you’re the cat’s meow… sometimes you’re the hairball.

I forgot the name for a beaver the other night… the only thing that came to mind was to refer to them as “architect squirrels”.

Why is it called a ‘vasectomy’ and not a ‘cull de sac’?

My life would probably have been very different if I had done everything with the same intensity as brushing and flossing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.

At a spelling bee:  judge:  your word is ‘tennis’.  contestant: “s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s”.  Judge:  please repeat that…..I lost count.

 

 

My dad used to remind us kids to check for rattlesnakes hidden in the woodpile… obviously of less concern was giving an axe to an eight-year old.   

Hello home cooking, my old friend… it’s nice to hear the smoke alarm again!  

Don’t embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is down in public… just smile sweetly, walk over and slowly zip it up for him.

If a vampire gets AIDS from one of his victims is it considered an STD… or food poisoning?

Took a date to a baseball game where she proceeded to eat the hotdog as if she was eating an ear of corn… said it was to avoid sending mixed signals.  

Being a pilot is one of the few jobs you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Amazon Prime would be a great name for a Wonder Woman movie!

I hate those Facebook quizzes:  Grammar is; 1) how we structure our sentences 2) grandpa’s wife… so many pick number two.

Apparently “pound town” is not a British dollar store.

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

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July 22nd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #686 (7-21-17…Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Posted under That's Life Columns

 What Did You Do Last Weekend ?

We Went Froggin and Crawdading!

 

Well Friday night we went “froggin” for the first time in  like 30 years; It’s a little like riding a bike, just a little harder now because the stealth varies with age and the terrain. We set out crawdad (lobster’s smaller fresh water cousin) traps and then spotlighted and gigged bull frogs in ditches from like 10 pm to 2 am when the winds came up and the temp dropped. Every body of water and ditch in the rural areas holds both frogs and crawdads and with a little (sometimes big) effort you can provide a feast for your family. Crawdads in butter taste like lobster and in cocktail sauce taste like shrimp… Yum, yum! Frog legs really do taste like the best chicken you ever had (no fishy taste) and even resemble rattlesnake a little, but no gamey taste or rib bones to deal with.

 

 

How About Some Signs Like Vacaville?

You gotta be as annoyed about illegal fireworks going off as we are… and everyone I talked to. If your go to Vacaville a week or so before the 4th you can hardly find a street corner without a big sign saying fireworks are illegal and you will be arrested if you’re caught with them.  Folks in Vacaville heard they were legal in Dixon (they were half right) so they came here to Hall Park on the 4th to set them off. Hey didn’t plan on running into Dixon’s new police chief, Robert Thompson, who kept his word about a crackdown and personally citing people and taking away their illegal stuff as he walked around Hall Park on the night of the 4th. He was a little surprised by the amount of stuff going off and acted on the problem himself as well as having his people try to put a lid on the illegal stuff.

In 2016 there were 37 calls for disturbances related to fireworks He said, “I can’t find any data on enforcement for fireworks specific actions, and we are tracking this on a go forward basis”. Translation: Nobody did nothing…

In 2017, 49 calls for disturbances related to fireworks and 11 Administrative Citations were issued for city ordinance violations; Five seizures of illegal fireworks (three from non-residents).

“Anecdotally, half of the citations were written to non-residents who thought “fireworks” were legal in Dixon, and were not in their town (primarily Vacaville)”.

The chief said, “We will detail officers to Hall Park next year, not use patrol resources for the size of the crowd. Maybe Fire could stage there as well, the size of the crowds and the detonation of illegal fireworks in the uncontrolled setting was troublesome. We got lucky none tipped over and fired in to the crowd. He said, “We will work with Fire next year to coordinate our efforts,” and I believe they will have even better results.

 

 2017 Dixon TFt’s/ Christmas Programs gets a head start

           

For the 51st year, through no fault of our own we are heading into starting the Dixon Toys for Tots/Community Christmas Programs… In July…Well someone has to do it don’t they? …

As they have for the past several years, management of the Dixon Walmart store (the biggest community support group in the area) called to tell us they were starting their stock reduction in the toy department and we could get special deals on items they were discontinuing or were they were wanting to reduce inventory So several of the TFT’s board members like Jack Caldwell, (Dixon’s main line to Santa and current “Citizen of the Year”), Linda Hickman and Missy Nichols met with management and Purchased about $10,000  (retail) worth of right now popular toys at 75% to $90% per cent off retail.

This was Caldwell’s first buying trip and he now has a head’s up on what hundreds of Dixon area children will be wanting and getting for Christmas this year. Caldwell was surprised and delighted with the cooperation and help (and prices) Walmart and its staff give to Dixon’s only local, all volunteer, 501-C-3 charity. He now has prior knowledge to what Santa’s elves will have on hand for 500 to 600 children this coming Christmas season…. Mike Hamilton, as tired as he was from Grillin and Chillin came to the rescue to help pick up the many pallets and help store them until they can be placed in storage.

 

Speaking of Grillin & Chillin

 

The mayor and the rest of the city council were expected to be at Grillin & Chillin since the city is a partial sponsor of the event. The turnout, if you missed it, was the biggest ever in my opinion in both amounts of attendees, cars, retail and community booths. Next year plan on attending…

I talked to dozens of people many recognizing me/us from my weekly mug in the paper and some from the City of Dixon City council badge I wore. To a person they had nothing but good things to say with one negative they all seemed to agree on… ‘It was too damned hot”. (“Have you thought about moving it to October?” or “How about having a big shade tent where we can eat and not fry? “Was a popular question to which I copped out saying I had nothing to say about the date.

Everybody was there from the Solano county D.A. and Sheriff to the CHP and even a big gun toting Forest Ranger (who looked more like a Texas Ranger see photo above) who was handing out Marijuana is still illegal (on federal property) posters.  The Dixon police officers and Cadets and Fire personnel looked sharp in the heat and did a great job and did a little PR at the same time… good going.

I was glad to see city staff handing out info on the city’s new “Fixin Dixon” phone App. If you haven’t downloaded  it free yet do so. You can report about anything to the city staff and get quick feedback and follow up on what happens to your complaint or question. Take a picture of a pot hole in front of your house and send it. Anything dealing with the city you want to bitch about (or even say something nice I guess) is now at your fingertips (or thumb tips).

It was really gratifying for Linda and me to have so many people sincerely inquire about my health at both the Grillin & Chillin and the boat club dinner Saturday night. I was truly surprised and touched by people that weren’t just curious, but were really concerned about my well-being… try getting that in a bigger city. Frogging, Friday night, Grillin and Chillin Saturday and the Dixon Boast Club Dinner Saturday night and almost comatose on Sunday… Gotta get it through my head I‘m not 30, 40, or even 50 anymore!.

 

TOO FUNNY! This was a real Ad…

This is a genuine ad from 1964 when WD-40 was first released.

Their ad department certainly had a way with words !

 

WISE WORDS FROM A WISE MAN!

 

 

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot, Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known.)  Here’s some of his sayings:

 

  1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
  2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
  3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
  4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 
  6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
  7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
  8. There are three kinds of men:  

          The ones that learn by reading.

          The few who learn by observation.

          The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

  1. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  2. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
  3. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n than puttin’ it back in.
  4. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral:  When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

 

ABOUT GROWING OLDER  

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

 

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me.  I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

 

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra … 

 

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

 

Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.  

 

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

 

Eight ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

 

Ninth ~  Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

 

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today it’s called golf.

 

And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

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