September
8th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #693 (9-8-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

LAST WARNING

 

            I’ve been telling you about this for months and if you travel I.S. 80 (West) or come back home (East) you better be aware the (Midway. Overpass) or in Cal Trans speak, “MIDWAY BRIDGE TO CLOSE FOR DEMOLITION AND REBUILD-Starting September 6,” 2017 Caltrans will completely CLOSE the Midway Bridge starting the morning of Wednesday, September 6, 2017 in preparation of its demolition and rebuild. The Midway Bridge will remain CLOSED until construction of the new Midway Bridge is completed as early as spring 2018.

80 Full Highway Closure-Overnight September 9, 2017 during the demolition of the Midway Road Bridge starting the night of Saturday, September 9, 2017 until the morning of Sunday, September 10, 2017, eastbound and westbound I-80 will be closed overnight at Midway Road. A short detour onto frontage roads near the bridge will be in effect. Caltrans will release additional information as more detailed dates and times are available.

In English: They’re going to blow the sucker up Saturday night and the highway will be closed in both directions from Saturday night through Sunday morning. MIDWAY ROAD BRIDGE LONG-TERM-CLOSURE-DETOUR ROUTES During construction of the new Midway Road Bridge, the Meridian Road Bridge above I-80 and just west of the Midway Road Bridge will remain OPEN and serve as a general detour. The DETOUR South of Midway Road Bridge to North of Midway Road Bridge during Midway Bridge closure Midway Rd Midway Rd SACRAMENTO VALLEY NATIONAL CEMETERY VACAVILLE Weber Rd N Meridian…

… Just be aware and watch for flag persons and detour signs… Just know it’s happening this weekend, with zillions bikers headed to the fairgrounds on Saturday… Oh my.

I am doing this as a public service.

Please Boycott and do NOT use the $1.00, $20.00, $50.00, & $100.00 bills, as they depict slave owners on them. Please send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly!

 

Temps Drop Fish Bite!

 

Over the holiday weekend we went to Bass Pro up in Rocklin on Saturday and picked up a couple of new lures. Monday we joined a host of other boats in the delta leaving the Dixon Boat Club about 8 am. The tides were good and there were no winds… then. Family friend, Fred Vanderwold, joined me and our 13-year old granddaughter, Shannon Hickman, fishing for black bass. We caught about 20. Shannon caught her first limit (of 5) not letting the stiff wind that came up (see photo) deter from using her new crankbait to limit out. The ride back in the tide plus strong wind made it a little choppy but she and the fish didn’t mind. Neat thing was, two hours after we got back to the dock we were at her house where father, Trey, had prepared the catch into fish tacos. Kind of cool. Two hours earlier they were swimming and now they were a fresh fish dinner.

 

The center beams will disappear when you look left to right

 

Today’s Sports Suck

Sports: Why I quit watching most of them on TV.  We’ve had and seen the “ best there ever was” etc. now it’s: No bumping or touching in racing, don’t tackle to hard in football, don’t bean the batter in baseball, don’t draw blood in hockey, don’t say bad things in baseball or basketball, don’t acknowledge the fans in golf, quit beating on the guy when he’s out in cage fighting,… the list goes on and on we’ve allowed the creepy left to even infiltrate our sports and wuzzify everything so it’s nice..

B.S. we need to bring brutality back in all forms in all sports. Ref makes a bad call in tennis knock him off his high chair with a well-placed serve. Go get bumped in NSCAR, send the guy over the rails and then beat the crap out of him the pits, just like the old days. A guy gives a cold shot in football your teammates put him out for the season on the next play; that will learn him. You get a scratch in basketball, cry a little and then bitch slap the guy who got ya. Baseball: Empty the benches at last once a game and beat the crap out of each other; no one will get hurt cause ball players can’t fight worth a damn but the fans love it. These minor little changes would improve the fan base and give the folks paying the big bucks their money’s worth… And trust me it’s either that or watch all sports become non- contact knitting derby’s where only the lamer will watch the lame compete!

 

  1. Pro Football: is filled with dainty multi-millionaires who are more concerned with the self than the team. Their sissy dances and taunting has been a literal turn off to me and millions of others. But the networks continue to show it because some nitwit there apparently thinks it’s cool.
  2. NSCAR: After watching thousands of left turn, left turn, fender benders and pouting drivers and restrictor plates, speed limits in and out of the pits, no bumping, no this and no that 400 and 500 mile races have to be broken down in segments because the new drivers don’t have what it takes… and yellow flag rest stops during the race WTF?.. The hell with them. It used to be good old boys; now they are just pretty boys, who are just high priced patsies for owners and sponsors… With Dale Junior going and Jeff Gordon gone, there goes the sport… Only Danica is a breath of fresh air and a driver worth following.
  3. Pro baseball, boring… Little World Series much better ball and more entertaining, except for the occasional brawls in the pros.
  4. Pro Basketball: Seven foot giants with no ball handling skills slam dunking, because they can. Dribbling steps, basic rules and actual skills no longer matter. Only Stephen Curry has breathed fresh air into a stale sport of multi-millionaires, who make way too much money, for the seconds they play the game each time… And who pays for that?
  5. Bowling, golf, tennis, soccer, men’s beach volleyball and track… who really cares? Boring at best. Want to spice things up? We need fist fights in all of those along with club throwing in golf and attacking the ref in tennis.
  6. Soccer… Most of the time I only watch to see the ref’s in action… the most boring sport next to baseball and cricket even if you understand the finesse of the games. A no hitter and a nil-nil score are just plain painful.
  7. The exception: Summer and winter Olympics are still the great things to watch because they have guns and bows and arrows and killer crashes on the slopes and ice rinks and bike and skating races.
  8. Summation: My generation is spoiled because we were able to watch truly great athletes in all of the major sports…Michael Jorden, Larry Byrd, and Magic Johnson, ring a bell? Wayne Gretkzy probably the all-time greatest hockey player ever, Mohamed Ali, simply the greatest boxer ever, Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods were the best and even played together, they made golf an art form. How about Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, and the Giants setting a record winning the world series and now the worst team with the worst and most embarrassing  record in baseball. Dale Earnhardt in NACAR, Billie Jean and the sisters in tennis, Mark Spitz in swimming… Joe Willie Namath, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, The list goes on-and-on of the highest caliber athletes the world has ever seen and probably, their likes will not be seen again… and all during our lifetimes. We’ve been lucky to see the best there’s ever been. Now were left with the dregs… over paid and prissy, but that’s all you’ve got so deal with it or tune out… which is what I’m doing.

Summation: Think about it a bit and formulate your own list, in every sport for the last four or five decades, think about the greats and try to find their like today…Not going to happen. All we have left are prima donnas seeking glory, self-satisfaction and mo money, mo money, mo money… They could care less about the fans who foolishly pay exorbitant price to give football players multi-year multi million (like 25 million?) … try to get an autograph or a high five. Their private security body guards will break your (or your child’s arm).

More Things for Thought

*No, I’m still not married, grandma, but the lady in the “Popeye’s Chicken” commercials keeps calling me “honey”… so we’ll see where that goes.

*A buddy invited me to an “Open Mike Night” which sounded like fun…’til I found out it was an autopsy.

Little known fact: centipedes are the metric version of the inchworm.

GOD: I will give you my name for which you may call me thru all generations.  MOSES: no way!  GOD: Yahweh!

I think my wife may be dealing drugs… the phone rang late the other night and when I picked up the guy said “is that dope gone yet?*

*One of my son’s friends apparently has a speech issue…he keeps saying MILF instead of MILK.

*Wearing a turtleneck sweater is like being strangled by a really week guy… all day.

*I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like “what’s your favorite color”, or “where is your belly button?”

*Platonic relationship: what develops when two people who were good friends grow tired of sleeping with each other?

*A guy asked me for two  $5’s and a $10 for a $20 bill.  I had a sudden flashback to a girl who wrote in my high school yearbook “never change”… so I told him no.

*If two blind people are dating…is it possible they would be “seeing each other”?

*The house needs painting, the fence requires repairs and the cars need to be waxed…I guess it’s time to convince some neighborhood kid I know karate.

*let’s all take a moment to remember the five best cakes in the world…crab, pound, pan, urinal and ‘let them eat’.

*Recently I was asked to go out by nine different women…I was in the women’s rest room.

*If taking off your pants doesn’t solve your problems… you need to get some different problems!

*To all the people who have lost only one shoe on the highway… how does that even happen?

*Have you noticed how some people talk louder when they drink? That’s why alcohol content is listed by volume.

On a road trip we stopped in a somewhat grungy diner.  I ordered coffee.  The wife also ordered coffee and added “make sure the cup is clean!”…..the irritated waitress returned and said “which one wanted the clean cup?”

*I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon… I’ll let you know. 

I don’t feel it’s a coincidence that we use the term “committed” to refer to both long-term emotional relationships and a stay at a mental institution.

*In the crap at home again… she sent me to the store for tampons but they were out so I got her a box of Band-Aids.

*I went to the barbershop and told the barber I wanted some ‘highlights’…….he put on a video of old haircuts he had given.

*In the Harry Potter books a scar on your forehead means you’re a hero… in real life it means you probably drink too much and lack coordination.

*I’ve been playing the ‘blame game’ with the wife….I’m losing 23,478 to 3.

*Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah Witnesses of the internet.

*If you smoke some weed prior to an eating competition are you guilty of using performance enhancing drugs?

*Don’t you hate it when you’re watching Dateline with the wife and it’s about some lady that murdered her husband… and she remarks, “I wouldn’t have gotten caught?”

*Little did I know the first time I bought a three-pack of condoms that I was apparently buying a lifetime supply?

*I will be lying there, dead, in a closed coffin at my funeral…and yet somehow I will manage to spill mustard on my shirt!

Cats use their whiskers to navigate in the dark.  I use my toes and shins…and lots of swearing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Comments »

Leave a Reply



--->