August
31st 2017
That’s Life©1966 #692 (9-1-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Dove Season Starts Today

(Runs Sept1. Thru Sept 15)

Species Season / Area Season Dates Daily Bag Limit Possession Limit
Mourning Dove and White-winged Dove Statewide Sep 1 – 15 &
Nov 11 – Dec 25
15, up to 10 of which may be white-winged doves Triple the daily bag
Spotted Dove, and Ringed Turtle Dove No limit
Eurasian Collared-dove All Year No limit

 

If this morning, Friday Sept.1st you awoke to the sounds of gun fire in the distance don’t be alarmed it is just opening day of dove season, a day looked forward to for shotgunners throughout the state. The first season goes from today and ends on Friday the 15th. The pictures are of my first wife Linda and our neighbor, Missy Nichols with two limits of dove, and a Eurasian and a mourning dove and side-by-side. Before any of you tree huggers get your panty hose in a bunch; you can’t buy dove to eat and many people relish them as a delegacy; a hard to get, once a year treat if you will.

Species Season / Area Season Dates Daily Bag Limit Possession Limit
Mourning Dove and White-winged Dove Statewide Sep 1 – 15 &
Nov 11 – Dec 25
15, up to 10 of which may be white-winged doves Triple the daily bag
Spotted Dove, and Ringed Turtle Dove No limit
Eurasian Collared-dove All Year No limit


Only In SanFrancisco…!

 

49ers assistant Katie Sowers becomes first out LGBT coach in the NFL

San Francisco 49ers assistant Katie Sowers becomes first out LGBT coach in the NFL. “No matter what you do in life, one of the most important things is to be true to who you are,” Sowers told Jim Buzinski of Outsports.com.  “There are so many people who identify as LGBT in the NFL, as in any business, that do not feel comfortable being public about their sexual orientation. “The more we can create an environment that welcomes all types of people, no matter their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, the more we can help ease the pain and burden that many carry every day.” In a wide-ranging interview, Sowers, who came out as lesbian to her family while in college, said football was her favorite sport growing up and that she knew from a young age she wanted to be a football coach. She said getting her chance to coach with the 49ers has allowed her the opportunity to embrace her dream… You know she’s kinda in my dreams now too.

 

SACTO Attorneys; something of which to be ashamed

 

In this area we receive the local Sacramento TV Stations and are barraged constantly, 24/7  with the horrible commercials by the shameless Blood sucking society of Sacramento Attorneys… Yes there is such an association… it is the SBSA Inc.

 They all look like the kind of person (men and women both) that got their butts kicked all the way through school and became lawyers to get back at the bullies who did us all a favor… and although they look and sound foolish they apparently think they both look and sound great…the shysters have no shame; Spoiler alert…You don’t look or sound good… do yourself a favor and hire a pro to pimp for you, give us a break.

“Why pay 40% or 60% per cent of YOUR money when you can get a cut rate attorney for only 25%? … That’s $25,000 out of your pocket from each $100,000 the court awards YOU! Without playing the legal game you can bet you’ll get a lot less… so you can’t win.

Personally I like the whiny dude who will pray with you and give you a free bible… even though he looks like the anti-Christ… They all think they are so great, and look so great, they do their own commercials… but it gives me the willies to picture them representing me in court. Every single one of them look and sound scary, from the guy who tells you if you don’t want to work anymore call them and they will help get you Social Security, to the guy who said if you are in the hospital from an accident “through no fault of your own,” call his firm and they will come to your death bed and take a statement for, only like 40% of the take I guess. If you’re lucky and you get hit by a car in downtown Sacramento you may even have an attorney nearby hop in the ambulance so you can sign papers on the way to the hospital in case you croak…  Then your heirs may get 60% of what was coming to you.

They all have the emphasized same pattern, “If you were in an accident and it was not your fault, call us we have our money vacuum standing by 24/7. I guess it’s understood that if it was your fault, lick your wounds and call a public defender.

They dress bad, from frumpy clothes to a bow tie to slick suits and facial hair… scary; both men and women… I look at them as a juror would and don’t like my chances with them giving jurors the willies. But the women will apparently will do it for less…like only 25%; such a deal. They of course don’t give a won/loss record but all promise if you don’t win your lawsuit you don’t have to pay them, duh… How nice huh? They lose your case you’ve got nothing to pay them with anyhow; but careful, they may still come after your first born or the gold filings in your teeth. Prostitution is illegal but these legal vampires sell themselves 24/7 with TV commercials. If you’ve been injured in an accident, that wasn’t you fault, you can have your pick. If you are at fault you are SOL.

 I know I’ll probably be on the Bar Association’s  S**t list so I’ll need to be extra careful. If I ever need an attorney I’ll ask for their stats sheet and pick the one with the biggest win percentage and the one who’s got the biggest settlements… wouldn’t you? I know I’m only saying what thousands of people think; all of those that are bombarded with these stupid commercials 24/7… which leads me into my next critique…Next week, TV sports and why they suck…

 

More Things For Thought

*I’m really sorry I totaled your car… I saw that your kid made the Honor Roll and I let go of the steering wheel to Applaud.

*I don’t understand how bears in the wild can eat all that salmon… don’t they want a squeeze of lemon, maybe a little dill or some sea salt?

*The wife tripped and the laundry basket fell to the floor spilling clothes everywhere…I sat back and watched it all unfold (moan..).

*Hippocrates did very well for himself…considering he was named after cages for a very large mammal.

*I went to the optometrist and the receptionist asked me which doctor I’d like to see… “I’d like to be able to see all of them. That’s why I’m here!”

*We bought a new washing machine and when it’s finished it plays a tune very similar to the ice cream truck……there’s no ice cream in there, though, I checked. Twice.

*Before my last surgery the anesthetist offered to give me knockout gas or smack me over the head with a canoe paddle… it was an ether/oar situation.(Moan…)

*The hippothalamus is the part of the brain that determines how hungry, hungry you get.

*Asked the granddaughter what she was eating as we watched TV…  “cotton candy”. She said, “The attic is full of it, but I think it’s stale”.

*Minnesota is the only state which sounds like it’s a small soft drink.

*I find it odd that the skin that holds all the organs of our bodies in can be so easily sliced open up with the sharp edge of a piece of paper… seems like a huge design flaw.

*The wife asked me to bring home ‘about 25 or 30 bottles of Minute Maid’ from the grocery store… when I asked why so many she said “haven’t you heard?  OJ is free!” (Moan)

*Every coat is a fur coat… when you have a long haired cat.

*So this guy comes in and buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, hemorrhoidal ointment, adult diapers, an enema and a pregnancy test…..the cashier asks, “would you like a bag?”

*Finally all the people in the White House are being polite… they’re all running around saying “pardon me”.

*Guess who went all day without spilling any food on the front of his shirt?  Not me, but I’m sure someone did.

*I said to the cop,” I brush and floss at least twice a day. You’re not going to find anything”… “It’s not that kind of cavity search, sir.”

*How can the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have such great abs… they can’t do sit-ups?

*I’m no Tour de France expert… but it seems to me the best way to win is to wear a yellow shirt.

*After all these years of denial I’ve finally concluded I’d sleep better at night if I confessed……..I let the dogs out.

*Fred realized too late that he should have used a fresh sheet for his toga… when he walked into the frat party with the black light.

*April showers bring May flowers. But what did the Mayflower bring…smallpox.

*The job interviewer asked me what I thought my biggest weakness was… “I’m an amazing listener!”

*Suggestion:  Before administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation at a public beach… be sure the so-called victim is not just napping.

*The difference between having kids and being in prison… in prison they let you read.

*The cool thing about driving 15 miles per hour in a school zone is it makes it so much easier to text.

*There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in ‘marriage’… there’s also ‘me’, ‘rage’, and ‘AA’.

*The boss yelled at me, “You’ve been late five times this week! Do you know what that means?”… “it’s Friday?”

*They’ve designed a new razor strictly for dyslexics… it’s the best thing since sliced beard.

*My wife is constantly ‘borrowing’ my tee-shirts and sweaters… but if I ‘borrow’ one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk”.

 

What do you do when its 108 in the shade and you just get home? Rick Bello’s hunting dog “Lucy” knew exactly what to do and then she looked at us like “get your own tub… Who was the smartest one here?

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