28th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #687

Posted under That's Life Columns

National Night Out; Tuesday

Seriously, if you and your neighbors, or neighborhood have never participated in “National Night Out, do so this year. It’s meant to give neighbors an opportunity to meet and sends the message that crime and dirtballs will not be tolerated because we are all looking out for each other. Just give city hall or the PD a ring and tell them you are having a neighborhood “pot luck” gathering and while your little block party is going you will likely have a visit from the fire and police departments, with sirens a police chief, a fire chief and fire and policemen to meet and greet your family, neighbors and children. You may also have the whole city council come by to meet you… It’s a pretty cool thing. There aren’t many planed yet this year so please organize one in your neighborhood… it will help you and yours and your neighbors in the long run… trust me!

“National Night out; ”A Hot August Night Coming Tuesday


On Tuesday, August 1,  along with being Hot August Night out, I remember distinctly where I was 53 years ago; I was in the chapel in Wright Patterson Air Force Base getting married to the most beautiful girl in Dayton, Ohio as her parents, Major And Mary Hagerman looked on in wonder… you can fill in the blanks. She hasn’t changed much and me only a little… (See photos below). He mother’s birthday is just a week before, what a birthday present that was huh? To make up for it I try to do something nice each year; this year we took her to BJ’s in Vacaville for lunch and then to the remodeled Brenden theatre to see “Dunkirk”…a good movie BTW. This Tuesday was her 93rd birthday (see photo,now you can see where Linda gets her good looks!).

August 1, 1964, Dayton, Ohio… Then—

—August 1, 2017, Now…Dixon, Ca.

He, They, Should Be Ashamed

The Youngest city council member went off the deep end again Tuesday night after trying to bully me, only to be put in his place, once again. The Coup d’e grace of all of his ill-timed and ill-fated attempts to put the spot light on himself just put one more nail in his political coffin. After reading a rambled prepared statement from his phone he accused me of lying in my Column last week (during a city council meeting, go figure…) about a message sent to me about how many people in the southwest of town feel about this young, pompous (with no reason to be so) ass. I did take some editing liberties with the message last week in this column, I’ll admit that, but it was to rephrase and take out some comments about his parentage, flip-flopping philosophy and his loss of face and faith in his “District”. Right when was saying no one from his district would write such stuff I received a letter that was sent to the city attorney’s office which is printed below.

After coming under investigation for election fraud. (His case has been turned over to the Solano County District Attorney’s office and his case has been put in the hands of the California Attorney General and the Solano County Grand Jury. He was given an out, out of all of this, by simply swearing in an avadavat that he was telling the truth about where he physically lived when he took out his election papers but he and all of his family steadfastly refused to do that… So it has cost the taxpayers many thousands of dollars dealing with this councilmember a (“member,” not “man”) because of the council acting on citizen’s complaints, and the matter is now out of the City’s hands and into the hands of folks who won’t be swayed by his whining that he’s being picked on, or his “rights are being violated”.

Anyway, back to the council meeting on Tuesday. After reading his smug, self-serving, rambling, prepared,  statement again taking up valuable council time to air his personal problems again, he challenged me and got back what he deserved and I said heatedly something like, “You wanna go, that’s ok with me let’s go!” He’s three times my size, at least twice my weight, and 50 years younger than me:  See: the photo from that night) and I meant it. This went on until the mayor and city attorney put an end to it because personal attacks like his are not supposed to be allowed. I differed to the mayor’s wishes and council decorum. It was about at that point he made the most ridiculous statement in the political history of Dixon. In whining once again about his “due process” had been violated he said “It is not the first time that an American of Asian descent has been denied their due process rights”.  Yeah, we are a bunch of duly elected Racist officials, trying to strip this poor disrespectful youngster of his second generation or so “rights.” Give me a friggin break…  That’s Even dumber than Ceremello’s “f***k statement he blurted out as a councilman. At least Mike made a point. Someone needs to talk some sense into this council guy. I tried to help him out a bit at first until he orchestrated a fake dive on camera and claimed I elbowed him in the head as I squeezed behind his and other member’s chairs. He lied, and frame-b-frame-analysis of the footage shows I never touched him.  After that, of course he was on his own, and not doing very well I have to admit. His advisers are taking him down a one-way path from which there is no return. It’s a shame because he does have a brain and a gift of gab and would make a great blowhard state official one day.

I mumbled lowly to him, “No De-von, You’re wrong… you’re just whacky. Now I’m adding: you’re wrong, the council doesn’t like or dislike you you because of your race, or even your family… I can’t speak for the council but I can tell your I don’t like you because you are a young whining, snake oil salesman, blowhard, and documented liar who has shown nothing but dis-respect for this council since the day you were elected. Every man on this council is old enough to be your father and several, your grandfather, but you have continually disrespected this  rightfully elected body and  city staff on a regular basis. Not liking you has nothing to what you, are but directly who you are… and you are a member (a nice name for it), end of story. You want to run for higher office… Yeah, right. You’ve sealed your political future by screwing up big time since the day you took out papers to run. People in your district” would never say anything again you? That’s one of the things you claimed, right. While you were spewing your nonsense and taking a poor pot shot at elder abuse I was given a copy of a letter, to me, sent to the city attorney’s office…

Which reads as follows: 


Listen Junior you are not only in trouble with many agencies but you better pull in your horns because another resident of your “district” just informed there may be a recall forthcoming and they only need about 670 (+ or -)  signatures to qualify one for the ballot. From what I hear, from backers of mine,(who helped elect me as a representative of our whole city, in his “district” they’ve had it with him and realize they made a bad mistake, however, one that can still be corrected with only 670 some signatures. De-von… Put that in your cocky pipe, or e-sig, or whatever you smoke during council breaks, and smoke that!


More Things for Thought

Not all fairy tales begin with “once upon a time”… some start with “if I am elected”.

So I didn’t kick hell out of that idiot that knocked over my venti chai crème Frappuccino… does that sainthood thing start like right away or….?

If a piece of land surrounded by water is called an “island”……shouldn’t the water surrounding this land be called “isntland”?

I just found a human tooth and a pair of skivvies in my coat pocket…….. I could be a serial killer, I could be a dad. 

We asked my elderly aunt what her favorite cheese was.  She mumbled “Camembert”…….”that’s ok, tell us when you remember.”

The doctor told me exercise would add years to my life… he was right.  I just did 10 pushups and now I feel like I’m 80!

I have had to discipline my pet rock… so yes, I have hit rock bottom.

I was thrilled to find my wife loves long walks along the beach… gives me time to sit at home and do what I want.  

Owls would be so much cooler if they could also say “are you”.

I bet we’re all waiting for mannequins with beer belly’s or bowed legs, or droopy boobs and a wide ass… so we can tell how the clothes are really going to look.

If you’ve seen one lion attack on the National Geographic channel you’ve seen a maul.

the wife bought a treadmill… ‘cuz she ran out of closet space for her clothes.“You’re a liar!  I can’t trust you and your deceitful ways!  I’m never getting naked for you again!”… my wife as she steps off her bathroom scale.  

The living can’t communicate with the dead… that’s just seance fiction.

Went to the dog barber the other day… can’t believe how well she held the scissors in her paw.

I always leave a night light on in the bedroom… just in case someone breaks in I want them to see how cute I look when I’m sleeping.

Sometimes you’re the cat’s meow… sometimes you’re the hairball.

I forgot the name for a beaver the other night… the only thing that came to mind was to refer to them as “architect squirrels”.

Why is it called a ‘vasectomy’ and not a ‘cull de sac’?

My life would probably have been very different if I had done everything with the same intensity as brushing and flossing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.

At a spelling bee:  judge:  your word is ‘tennis’.  contestant: “s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s”.  Judge:  please repeat that…..I lost count.



My dad used to remind us kids to check for rattlesnakes hidden in the woodpile… obviously of less concern was giving an axe to an eight-year old.   

Hello home cooking, my old friend… it’s nice to hear the smoke alarm again!  

Don’t embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is down in public… just smile sweetly, walk over and slowly zip it up for him.

If a vampire gets AIDS from one of his victims is it considered an STD… or food poisoning?

Took a date to a baseball game where she proceeded to eat the hotdog as if she was eating an ear of corn… said it was to avoid sending mixed signals.  

Being a pilot is one of the few jobs you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Amazon Prime would be a great name for a Wonder Woman movie!

I hate those Facebook quizzes:  Grammar is; 1) how we structure our sentences 2) grandpa’s wife… so many pick number two.

Apparently “pound town” is not a British dollar store.

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

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