July
2nd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #683 (6-30-17)* By Ted Hickman Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com For 682 Past columns ( uncensored and on Facebook too) consecutive That’s Life columns, and features, photos go to www.tedhickman.com

Posted under That's Life Columns

That’s Life©1966 #683 (6-30-17)*

 

By Ted Hickman Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

For 682 Past columns ( uncensored and on Facebook too) consecutive That’s Life columns, and features, photos go to www.tedhickman.com

Ca. Bow season for deer starts soon…

Dixon, CA.  As the City of Dixon prepares for the upcoming July Fourth Holiday, the Dixon Fire Department wants to remind citizens and visitors to use their fireworks in a safe and sane manner.

The Fire Department also wants to remind people that safe and sane fireworks have only been legalized for sale and use in the City limits.  Any use of any fireworks is illegal outside of the City limits. Any fireworks that do not have the Fire Marshal seal of approval, or any fireworks that leave the ground or explode, are dangerous and illegal.

Safe and sane fireworks can be dangerous if misused or altered from their original form.  Every year there are documented cases of injuries and fires started by the use of safe and sane fireworks.

The Fire Department encourages citizens to prepare and celebrate safely; only adults should use fireworks and they should have a hose or bucket of water ready to cool off the used fireworks; make sure children are supervised at all times; be cautious when in the street; never throw fireworks in the air.  Additionally, you should not use fireworks in or near dry vegetation, or near any buildings… or outside the city limits.  Report all emergencies by calling 9-1-1.

Each year since we (the city of Dixon) legalized the sale and use of fireworks locally the naysayers have predicted tragedy, fires and major injuries. After selling fire works for a couple of days just before , and on the fourth each year we’ve driven around town to see how our efforts went up in smoke… and you know what? It’s been really neat to see about every court in the city with family and friends, hoses and buckets of sand, people setting off the safe and sane fireworks we sold. We can identify many of them at a distance and it gives you kind of a warm feeling (or maybe it’s just we haven’t cooled down from being in a plywood box loaded with gun powder in 100 degree weather for 12 or so hours.) to see the 4th celebrated with the get-togethers, with food and friends where families, an many times whole streets or courts, have their own celebration of our nation’s birth… the way it should be!

Have a safe and memorable holiday and please support your own special, local, non-profit organizations by purchasing your fireworks in the following locations:

Fireworks injuries…

Soroptimist of Dixon has the booth at Walmart,   at 235 E. Dorset Dr.

Dixon High Cross Country has the booth at CVS, 1057 N. First St.

Dixon Historical Society has the booth at the old George’s Orange, 2635 West A St.

American Legion Ladies Auxiliary has the booth at Safeway, 1235 Stratford Ave…

 

This Safeway booth has been the most productive in the city each year when proceeds are totaled up. This is for a couple of reasons: Location, location, location… Then it is run and managed correctly by Patti Coppes, stays open each available hour and usually has the biggest assortment of the hard to find items. This booth splits up its proceeds with veteran’s causes and Dixon Toys for Tots/community Christmas programs… which is why you will see Linda and I, and our TFT’s folks there all day on the 3rd and the morning shift on the 4th. Stop by and say hi, maybe buy some stuff for the kids and we’ll treat you to a cold non- alcoholic one. Can’t have people under 18 or alcohol, and can’t sell to anyone under 18.

By the city ordinance the hours of operation for all booths are: June 28: Noon to 10 pm.June 29 through the 4th:  9 am to 10 pm.

The use and/or possession of all legal fireworks are restricted to the period of June28 thru July 6th from noon to 11 pm each day.

Oh yeah, for all illegal fireworks report the yahoos immediately by calling 678-7082. There is kind of a special task force this year, here and statewide to catch these dangerous folks. Do your part to get them busted… just call and report them each time they rattle your windows, wake the baby, scare the crap out of your dog or just piss you ofF.

 Don’t forget the  dinner July 7th


 

Solano County Friends of NRA will be holding its annual fund raising dinner July7, from 5:30 to 10:30 at the old Vets Hall in downtown Dixon hosted by the Dixon Game and Conservation Club. We’ll be at the door to welcome you!

Tickets are now on sale at $60 each and can be purchased at Bud’s Pub and Grill or by calling Ed Coffelt at 678-2777 or the game club’s number at 678-9155 and leaving a message about how many tickets you want. A game club member will return your call and get your tickets for you. Tickets can also be purchased from any game club member. Seating is limited and only advanced sales are available for this event which usually sells out early.

Dixon City Council 2017

Really Good Thinking

 

*Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

 

 *Modern warfare:  a $700 million plane drops a $1.5 million bomb on a $10.00 tent.

 

*I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

*Old age is coming at a really bad time!

*When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment  …   now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

*Lord,  grant me the  strength  to accept the things I cannot change, the courage  to change  the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

* I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m very wise.

*My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

*Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

*If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

*The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

* I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

*When did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people”?

*I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure my kids took it!

*Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!

*Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.

*Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

*Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

*At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

*I never know what to do with my arms when I’m running……..should I fold them?

*This is a problem.  I bought a collar with a bell on it for the damn cat… now I can’t sneak up on her to put it on.

 *Wonder why our kids are screwed up? According to Maxipad commercials…women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.

*As a husband and father it troubles me that prisoners are given time in solitary confinement…I would gladly pay for some.

The worst design flaw of the human body is your outhole being able to perceive “spicy”.

 *My phone can hold 5000 songs… or one voice mail from the wife.

*I don’t eat breakfast in my underwear every morning, but when I do……….I used  to get escorted out of IHOP.

*When Kate Middleton went into labor do you think her OB/GYN said……..”I think the babies crowning!”

*If you suffer from both paranoia and procrastination…….is everyone out to get you, just not right now?

 *Instead of “once you go black you never go back” I prefer……”for that special occasion go Caucasian”.

*I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work… there’s just no way I can run that far.

 *If Kevin bacon never said to a lonely chick in a bar “want some bacon with your eggs?”… Life wouldn’t make sense anymore.

 *Not entirely sure what a “ppropriate” is……..but apparently I’m “in” it.

*The region of Qatar that hasn’t been electrified yet is called “acoustic” Qatar.

 *Oh migawd!  A turtle is coming to kill you…walk for your life!

 

*They were called jumpolines until my cousin got on one.

*Men think of arguments as single isolated events.  Women, in my experience, tend to think of them as installments… in some sort of perpetual continuum.

 *An optimist always thinks their one-third of the way towards having a threesome.

*The wife and I seem to play trivial pursuit continuously… she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong.

 *Apparently watching your lover sleep is only romantic when they know who you are.

*She left a note on the fridge “it’s not working.  Gone to my mom’s”… I opened it and got a beer, its cold, the damn thing’s working fine.

 *I can’t decide between “wish you were here” or “look behind you!”… Chiseled on my tombstone.

*Studies have shown that one in 4 men are gay, meaning someone in my close group of friends is a homosexual… I hope it’s Dave, he’s really cute.  

*The neighbor’s dog has barked for the last three hours non-stop… now I know how the Koreans found out that dog make a tasty snack.  

 *According to my neighbor’s journal I have “boundary issues”.

*So this chick gets on the elevator and I ask her “going down?”… “no, she says, “but I’ve got time for a hug.”

 

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