April
7th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #669 (4-7-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

       Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

 

What Did You Do During The High Winds?

            Thirty (30+) MPH high winds last week… what do you do? We took off and went to Clearlake crappie fishing and had the best fishing trip ever on that lake. The three of us filled the live well with mostly black crappies this time, that all weighed in the 1.5 to 1.8 pounds range, … nice fat filets. I caught the biggest crappie of my fishing career landing one just shy of three pounds… and that’s a lot of crappie folks. The state record is just a little over four pounds. If you like crappies filets now is the time to go. The lake is high and the small shad are spawning and dying off and the crappies are gorging themselves on the dying shad. Just look for floating minnows and, graph a school, and catch a boat load! The limit is 25 each.

One Last Mad Mike Probe

 

 

Speaking of crappie stuff…In response to his repetitive all-out attack on me last week I thought we’d have this little retort. I can keep up this nonsensical stuff as long as he can… what a waste of space.

I’m guessing the mayor is now smart enough to distance himself from Mad Mike Ceremello if he wants to actually help the citizens and get any support. Its obvious Mike has some serious problems (aside from his hatred of anyone elected to office over him, or anyone who has any accepted expertise) with a superiority complex where he readily admits he knows more than anyone else does about everything;  Law, government, engineering, streets, sewage, water, etc. and the encyclopedia no doubt. That should be a tip to those who wonder if he really knows anything about anything other than doing his half assed research and spouting his crap as the truth. Many now question his mental stability…It’s a shame he wants to take a new naïve councilman down the one-term tubes with him… He can threaten his scary “recall” crap again and the people will hand him his hat one more time.

As far as his writing goes, it always has an element of truth… the key word here being element. Trust me when I tell you he uses a bit of truth to expound his own opinions as fact. When he tells you he knows more than the city’s law firm, public works director, city manager, the entire city council, planning commission, traffic study commission and the city clerk, etc.… you might want to go to another source like we all do now. He is virtually ignored from the time he stands up (at every council meeting) to give his two cents (like he does on almost every item) because of his negative “ the sky is falling” routine.

To his face people give him the glad hand or the cold shoulder because they are afraid of him attacking them in print. Behind his back they just shake their heads and ignore what he says because most people believe no one is an expert, and knows better than all experts, about all things. Remember he claims he knows more than anyone about everything…. Except maybe humility, common sense, believability and manners. He claims little to no knowledge in these few areas.

For those of you who don’t know (or care) who he is I’m running another photo I took of him. Now when you see him coming you can go the other way…or be trapped into listening to one of his lectures about how smart he is and how the rest of us are… well, just plain dumb. Remember everything he says and does is because he is already running for a council seat in his district in 2018… go figure.

 

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People –What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack…You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes… Men Are Just Happier People…

NICKNAMES… If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. EATING OUT…When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators…YEP! MONEY… A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale. (To be continued next week…)

 

More Things for Thought

*When asked by a grateful nation “How can we thank you, General Washington” … he replied, “You can put me on the $1 bill so that I may be stuffed in the thongs of strippers by my beloved countrymen for all eternity”.

*The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Rectangle… and then one portion of it just seemingly disappeared somehow.

*I stopped believing for a little while this morning… Journey is gonna be so pissed.

*Saw a guy getting beat up by four guys and he was barely hanging on so I decided to help… he stood no chance against the five of us.

*When Jesus does come back… it’s a sure bet he will be detained at the airport.

*We’ve spent considerable time crunching the numbers in our retirement account… and it’s time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car.

*My position on marijuana… slumped in a bean bag chair, nearly asleep, covered in crumbs and snack wrappers. 

*Overheard at the store: “If I had a dollar for every time some d**khead told me cussing wasn’t ladylike I’d have a sh**load of damn money”!

*If I worked in a used record store my parting remark to all customers would be “All sales are vinyl!”

*If your lawyer is wearing a suit that doesn’t fit and talking on a flip phone… you’re going to jail.

*When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy, excited people using some new cleaning product… the only thing I want to buy is the meds they must be on.

*Now that I’ve gotten old and everything is going to hell I’ve made a new rule… I will not trim my ear hair until it begins to interfere with my peripheral vision!

*Algebra is a lot like sex.  I didn’t really get it in high school… and I definitely don’t get it now.

*Mom told me about a stock she’s owned for 20 years called Amazon… since she did that I’ve been running all her errands, telling her I love her and commenting on how my sister never calls.

*If a frog burped… how would you even know?

*Excuse me, your cleavage seems to have developed crow’s feet… and it’s making me sad.

*Safe sex? You mean like in the back of a Volvo?

*On the ‘Husband’s Hierarchy of Diseases” dysentery, typhoid fever, Ebola and malaria all rank below the “man-cold”.

*Turn left at the Starbucks then go straight until you see the little French restaurant and turn right.  It’s right there next to the place with the great pulled pork. If you see the Dunkin’ Donuts you’ve gone too far… how I give directions.

*I need to start buying condiment colored shirts; no spill no frill.

*I’d rather have everyone think I had a cocaine problem than have them know I just finished a whole box of powdered donuts by myself.

*Technically, it’s only cannibalism if you eat the top half of a mermaid.

*They say that New Zealand has a sheep population of greater than 60 million… how did they stay awake long enough to figure that one out?

*At what age do you have the talk with your daughter about how she isn’t the princess of anything and she’ll have to get a job… is it six?

*Supermarkets should have shifts for shoppers… based on age, efficiency and how many kids you have with you.

*Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes… unless he wears those weird toe-shoe things. You may judge that man immediately.

*Okay, okay!  So it was a HUGE mistake giving a BB gun to that chimpanzee!

*Putting a bell around a cow’s neck to circumvent its ability at stealth is just wrong… I say “let them hunt!”

*If you are a real Darwin evolutionist than it should come as no surprise to you that in a thousand years soccer players won’t have arms.

*An elderly person was reported as saying “In my defense, they should have been more specific as to which part of the restaurant I was supposed to ‘drive thru’!”

 

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