January
7th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #656 (1-6-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

“I wonder when all super markets in California are going to change the name of redskin potatoes… You know it’s a new law that just took effect Jan. 1.

 

Monkey Butt Survey; Or A Real One?

 laughing monkey

What to do with the city owned old Pardi Market site right across the street from Bud’s Pub?

 wwwwpissed off

            Seen that Monkey Butt survey by the “city” on social media? It’s a free survey written apparently by folks with the same mindset as those who released all of the rigged “scientific” surveys/polls that showed Hillary winning the election by a landslide. This poll however has one thing all of the others don’t to make it right… ME! I think the Russians may hack this one but it won’t change the outcome.

What a crock with its list of survey questions which only lead to one conclusion… These people obviously want the only main intersection downtown parking lot turned into a copy of some other town’s idea of a “center piece”. B.S. They take it as a given the taxpayers and the city council will authorize this anti-business thing.

Here you can see some true questions with which to survey the taxpayers… the ones who have to pick up the tab. Try these on for size:

  1. Do you know the liberal nuts that held the reigns on the city had already authorized about $150,000 of your taxpayer’s money just to do the planning and for some sketches?
  2. Has anyone told you at the planned build out, the project can cost up to or over *$1,000,000 (that’s ONE MILLION dollars) for a pretty parking lot with planters and some frilly stuff.
  3. Do you know that no one has said where the money will come from to build or maintain this pipe dream should it come to fruition?
  4. Do you think it should just be paved and made into a nice looking parking lot to support our downtown businesses and give people a place to park and support those folks who have a big investment in our community?
  5. Don’t you think if the “committee” is dead set upon having a gazebo downtown the library park, with it nice shaded area, would be a good place for it?
  6. Don’t you find it funny the Chamber of Commerce and the Downtown Business Association has not spoken up to support the downtown businesses and demand ample parking for them. Two members of the current Planning Commission; one from the Chamber and one from the DDBA are supporting and pushing this, duh… go figure.

I was elected to the council two years ago with a promise (among other things) to try to reverse Dixon’s anti-business reputation. A well know Vacaville restaurant owner has reportedly just taken over the lease at Dawson’s and will present another draw for the downtown area… but he will need parking.

I also vowed to watch the taxpayer’s dollars and try to keep their taxes in check but haven’t been able, to date, to do anything about the ludicrous increases in the water and sewage rates… and they are going to get worse.

So you can take that phantom *$1,000,000 and use it will it will do the taxpayers some good. Hopefully with at least one more conservative, taxpayer minded soul on the council we can get the city out of the water business and reduce some costs while increasing services which will benefit all taxpayers… like paving some streets and getting the police department up to full staff!

Yess

 

More Things For Thought

.yyyyyfrog moving

*If you’re skydiving and your parachute fails to deploy don’t panic, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

*I have an eating disorder… I’m about to eat disorder of fries, disorder of pizza, and disorder of nuggets.

*Yoko Ono is going to be on Bear Grylls TV show to advise on survival techniques… apparently she’s some kind of expert since she’s managed to live off a Beatle for at least 30 years.

*My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex… she says it makes her armpits sore for days.

*I’ve invented a new perfume made from holy water… I call it “Eau My God”.

*Some men think using a moisturizer after they shave is a bit gay… I don’t.  I just think it makes my legs lovely and soft.

*My parents just recently admitted to me that they were inebriated on cheap Australian beer the night I was conceived… it’s not easy finding out you’re a Foster’s child.

*I just watched the uncut version of Scarface… it’s just called Face.

*Saw the super moon the other night.  It was really big!  Huge!  Ginormous! I just wish the wife would close the door when she’s in the shower.

*So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means… t’s not the end of the world!  

*My girlfriend told me I should use the term ‘make love’ instead of the ‘F-word’… what the make love is she talking about?

*To whatever smartass hid my shoes while I was playing in the bouncy castle… grow up!

*Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day… teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on equipment he will use three times a year.

*What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician…the letter “F”.

*The wife kept going on and on harping about what she should use the empty drawer for… eventually I told her to put a sock in it.

*When I was growing up plastic surgery was kind of a forbidden subject… these days mention “Botox” and no one raises an eyebrow. (Yuck-Yuck)

*I just saw a transvestite in a mini-skirt and thot “wow!  That shows a lot of balls!”

*It looks like the wife is finally going to go on a diet… I overheard her saying to her sister “I think it’s about time I got rid of that useless lard-ass”.

*I miss my umbilical cord… I grew attached to it.

*I’ve decided to get a tattoo of a motorcycle on my butt… that way I’ll have something to explain the skid marks in my shorts.

*The forty-niners visited an orphanage in San Francisco yesterday… “It’s heartbreaking to see their faces with no hope” said Tommy, age 6.

*The man who wrote the book on anagrams died yesterday… May he erect a penis.

*She said she wanted me to put the magic back in our relationship… I don’t think sawing her in half was what she had in mind.

*The first thing I look for in a woman is intelligence… ‘cuz if she doesn’t have that then there’s a good chance she’ll go out with me.

*My neighbor took his dog to the park to play Frisbee with him… it was useless, he needs a flatter dog.

*Damn! What a session that was in the bedroom.  God only knows how many calories I burned… I hate putting new sheets on the bed.

*I had a real struggle with diarrhea and quite a bout with hypercholesterolemia… but I finally won the spelling bee.

*My wife asked me what my favorite time of day for having sex was… apparently, “when you’re at work” was the wrong answer. 

*Just as bugs are drawn to the bright lights… so are my pinkie-toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.

*It’s so important your wife knows you’re petting the dog when she hears you say “my, you’re getting a little chunky.”

 

 

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