December
10th 2016
That’s Life©1966 #651 (12-9-16

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Dixon TFT’s/Community Christmas Programs

 

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As we set the wheels in motion one more time (for the 50th time actually) I/we really want to thank the hundreds of volunteers and the dozens of clubs, businesses and individuals that finance these programs year after year. People try to thank us, or the fire department or the city… and we correct then and tell them they only can thank the good people of Dixon who make it possible for Santa to do his job here. This is a private, non-government funded, 501C-3 non-profit organization, with no paid folks, run entirely by volunteers. Pictured are some of Santa’s Elves from the recent past. You can’t see it, but he’s smiling!

This year we are in pretty good shape this year with only a drastic need for clean, warm, children clothing, and some volunteers for the Christmas Eve senior visit/gift basket program and the really big need for folks to help on the 26th dismantling Santa’s workshop.

Just Got Back From My One Week

2016-12-9

 

Just got back, and I mean “just,” from my one week-a-year vacation of sorts. Our eldest son Trey and I spent a week near Tahlequah (tell-a-qua) Oklahoma hunting for whitetail deer on our dear friends Larry and Cotton Lockwood’s 1200 acre cattle ranch. Cotton is a good part Cherokee Indian and they live and thrive in the heart of the Cherokee Nation. Their son Lacy is good friends with our son Trey are about the same age and they have a lot in common.

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            To make a short story long… We hunted the last five days of the Oklahoma rifle season and just by chance hit the end, and resurgence of a late rut. We saw few does or fawns and not many bucks but were able to harvest our limits of these delicious animals. Non hunters don’t realize that 99.9 % of your hunting time is being exposed to views like the one pictured here. A split second is the actual shooting time and then the hours of long work ensue processing the animal. We (I) hunted about 10 hours a day and saw only three bucks and one doe during those five days even though there are hundreds of deer on this ranch. You have to hunt from a stand because the fallen dead leaves make it impossible move around…so you sit, and sit, and wait and wait until something moves in the distance. Your heart starts beating faster and you go over your mental check list required to make a clean shot.

On our first morning Trey and I harvested these two nice bucks and while skinning one of them with our host Lacy, Trey’s knife slipped and cut his left ring finger to the bone severing the tendon and exposed it to deer blood. So while we finished dressing out his deer. The patriarch of the family, Larry, took off with Trey to the hospital in Tahlequah. They opened it up saw the damage, stitched it back up, gave him a painful shot in each butt cheek, and said to get to a surgeon the next day. So the next day it was off to Tulsa to a hand surgeon who looked at it and the next day he was in surgery to have it opened up, the tendon stitched back together and a metal pin placed all the way in the middle of it and then a cast for the next six weeks. He suffered quite a bit on Friday and Saturday but managed to hunt a little on the last day, this past Sunday, and somehow got off a braced shot one handed.

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Last year I took Larry some gold ball sized walnuts we came across and this year he outdid me with some giant Burr acorns (akerns is how they are pronounced there). He and Cotton are pictured checking on the market prices for giant acorns since cattle prices are down. He has at least two of the big trees on his ranch and said the giant nuts are hard to get to because the squirrels are quick and relentless to get and put away all they can. I guess he beat up a couple of the little critters and stole a couple from them for me to bring home… and they are BIG. The picture shows the nut and cap and a shelled one with a meat the size of a half-dollar. I don’t know what I can take him next year to out do that.

While I Was Waiting

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            While I was waiting, and waiting and waiting… I had plenty of cattle to observe things including some Texas Longhorns and some Watusi (pictured here) that were in with the regulars. When you have dozens of hours of day light with about the only noises being a cow chewing every now and then, you have more than enough time to think. I came to the conclusion that if the Hindus are right and we are reincarnated and can come back as cows… count me in.

I mean how cool would it be to be a bull. Here’s a bull’s day as I see it: Sleep, wake up, eat, drink fertilize the ground, and try to make new little cows, fertilize the ground… and the next day repeat. I mean the bulls seem to swagger around mooing off lines like, “Hey mama, nice set of udders you have there, wanna have a kid…if not there’s hundreds more out there that do.” I mean I could do that. They don’t even make hamburger out of you because you are a real “cash cow” sex machine… not a bad job on the scale of things when you think you could come back as snail or a dung beetle.

More Things For Thought

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*Expecting your spouse to admit they’re wrong is comparable to trying to put socks on an octopus.

*My brother-in-law still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it’s going to get his kids into Harvard.

*If I were Hillary I think I would just ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.

*You know you’re old and out of shape when you lift your leg to pass gas and pull a hamstring.

*I saw a billboard that had a picture of a diamond ring and said “Be Her Romeo”… apparently they haven’t read Shakespeare.

*Way too many people confuse “freedom of speech” with “saying stupid crap”.

*I decorate for Halloween by opening the drapes and walking around the house naked… pretty scary stuff for the neighbors.

*Michael Phelps really inspired me this summer.   No, I’m not going to start swimming… but the 8,000 calories a day sounds good.

* I’m going to have kids pick between raisins or a toothbrush… maybe then they’ll understand what the adults went thru with this election.

*The wife’s a busy woman… she just lets the smoke alarm tell her when the chickens done.

*Just in case no one told you today… you’re beautiful… I love you… nice butt.

*My parrot died today.  Its last words were “damn, I think my parrot is about to die!”

*I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit”.

*Ever wonder how many times you were sitting around a campfire with the guys telling ghost stories… and the ghosts were right there too saying “I never did that crap!  He’s not even telling it right!”

*What do you call a hooker’s gas passing?… a prosti-toot!

*I’m actually very pleasant to be around unless I’m hungry, sick, tired, hot or cold, need to pee, lost my phone, bleeding, thirsty, feeling unappreciated, or otherwise slightly uncomfortable.

*The fact that we don’t use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

*Happy wife, happy life…unfortunately, nothing rhymes with happy husband.

*All I’m saying is that if Trump was really friends with the gay people one of them would have fixed his hair and make-up by now.

*Things that keep me awake at night… how do you handcuff a guy who only has one arm?

*My son’s girl friend asked him when was the last time he went out with someone other than her.  He told her “09”… he thought that sounded better than “September”.

*Picture someone you think is maybe a little cute, sorta attractive, but you’re not sure… now, picture them holding a pizza box.

*Well then, how about the horse you rode in on… is it seeing anyone?

*The dumbing down of America:  My grandson had a multiple choice math test (wtf?)…..Q:  what are the two small parallel lines?  A. Double negative  B. Equal sign  C.  Eleven fell over

*One of the theories circulating as to the shortage of bees around now is that a lot of them are still in prison for murdering Macaulay Culkin in My Girl. But, Gov. Brown will release them shortly.

*It’s hard to believe the Chicago Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago… most of them don’t look a day over 30.

*Would anyone like to join me in wishing a very happy third birthday to the aluminum foil covered unlabeled bowl in my refrigerator?

*There is no louder sound than the crunch of something you’re not supposed to be eating.

*Why do they call it erectile dysfunction… and not degenerative bone disease?

*The laminator is a device that sounds a lot more dangerous to baby sheep than it really is.

 

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