August
12th 2004
That's Life # 3 (8-12-04)

Posted under That's Life Columns

More than one brick shy of a load

The 2003-2004 Solano County Grand Jury report is out and boy they got our number. Holly crap hold the presses! I quote (out of context of course but right out of the report) “Finding # 3-There was a brick missing in the walkway between portable classrooms, loose wires hanging from one classroom and a contractor’s ladder was left unattended.”
Do you think just maybe the contractor went to get something to fix the wires? We know there’s been teachers over the years at C.A. whose wires haven’t all been completely connected but that’s a different story.
Now for the brick…a downtown merchant told me, “My goodness, a brick is missing, a brick is missing…I’ll put up a reward for the return of our missing brick. Do you think someone is holding it hostage? How will we function? How nice of the grand jury to point this out with all of the really important things they have to do.” I think he was being facetious.

)The local political race(

The race between Mikey the Acorn and Merry Ann for Mayor gets more interesting now that both are “official” candidates. The big money on the streets said that Mikey was all mouth and wouldn’t turn in his papers…little did they know his ego is even bigger than his mouth…fooled you huh?

I set out to interview the candidates but I’m only going to give you a sample of the questions asked and the answers received…I think you’ll get the picture why in short order.

Q: How do you see this city’s immediate future?

A: Merry Ann. “I think it’s going to be really great. And if we can all just work together as a community it will even be greater…don’t you think? Thank you, it was just great of you to ask for my opinion.”

A: Mikey. “It’s glum; the sword of Gideon is hanging over us. It sucks and unless I can take command and make my reality your reality we are all doomed because the present elected body is filled with communists and idiots.”

Q: What kind of financial shape is the city in?

A: “Merry Ann. I think it’s going to be really great. And if we can all just work together as a community it will even be greater…don’t you think? Thank you, it was just great of you to ask for my opinion.”

A: Mikey. “It’s glum; the sword of Gideon is hanging over us. It sucks and unless I can take command and make my reality your reality we are all doomed because the present elected body is filled with communists and idiots.”

Q: What to you think of the just released Grand Jury report concerning Dixon?

A: Merry Ann. “I think it’s going to be really great. And if we can all just work together as a community it will even be greater…don’t you think? Thank you, it was just great of you to ask for my opinion.”

A: Mikey. “It’s glum; the sword of Gideon is hanging over us. It sucks and unless I can take command and make my reality your reality we are all doomed because the present elected body is filled with communists and idiots.”

That was about as much as I could stand…maybe the powers to be will have me interview them in depth in the future.

)Grand Jury Report(

First of all let me say I served on the grand jury recently and it was an interesting YEAR (grand jurors are appointed for a one year term) out of my life. These selected volunteers are tenacious professionals from all walks of life. We had retired school teachers, accountants, a police Lt. a Fire Capt. And a lot of other people you wouldn’t really want to try to hide something from or lie to. They collectively spend thousands of people hours and are very methodical in their investigations…I for one believe what they say…Mikey however said, “It’s glum; the sword of Gideon is hanging over us. It sucks and they should all burn in hell…they noticed the brick I borrowed was missing.”

Let’s take a look at the 2003-2004 Solano County Grand Jury.
First it’s interesting to note there is no one on this grand jury from Dixon. There are five each from Vacaville, Fairfield, Vallejo, two from Benicia, one from Suisun City and one from Rio Vista…I thought there were seven cities in Solano County but I must be wrong. Either that or Dixon has gone behind my back and joined Yolo County as I suggested years ago.

)Ran into Mikey face-to-face(

Ran smack dab into Mikey the Acorn Thursday morning as he was going into FNB downtown. First I was surprised …THEY LET HIM IN…we had a short but sweet little talk. I asked him to tell me that he didn’t at least chuckle over the last two columns…he said he couldn’t. I asked how many weeks left until the election and he said, “12.” He wasn’t very talkative but I told him I didn’t know for sure if I had enough bad stuff saved up on him to last 12 weeks. I asked him if I ran short could I call him and would he tell me some of his not so obvious shortcomings…he said, “sure Ted,” smirked and then marched into the bank…some swell guy huh? Not everyone would offer to do that…you don’t supposed he was being facetious also do you?

Can’t hardly wait to see what I say next

I’m getting quite a few comments on this column. I’m getting so full of myself I can hardly wait to see what I’ll write next week! It was pointed out to me that my grammar and sin tax weren’t the greatest. This ain’t no literary masterpiece. By the way my grampa thought my grammar was ok and I haven’t received a penny from no sin tax.
You may email your comments to: thickman@onramp113.org or complain to the publisher of this publication.

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