Posted under That's Life Columns
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com
Two Benefits Scheduled
The first is a combination for the Dixon Toys for Tots/American Legion dinner dance staring the Phablous Phirehouse Philharmonics Jazz Band of Dixon on Nov. 11 at the new Vets Hall. Tickets are on sale for the annual complete turkey dinner but are limited to 200. So if you plan on attending this (probably) final performance of this famous group you better put up your $15 (way too cheap) for an evening of fine food, good company, great music and, dancing if you’re up to it. You can contact the I.V. publisher Dave Scholl at 678-8917, any Legion member (678-6308) or the Chamber of Commerce for tickets.
The second one in works is hot dog sale/car wash for former Dixon resident Nick Watney so he can afford a bus ticket back home to visit his friends and former neighbors in Dixon. Watney, a former Dixon resident ,and a professional golfer now living in Los Wages is in third place in the PGA money winning chart with his second place finish Sunday now having banked $5,290,673 for this year (yep, that’s 5 and 1/4 million and change). He’s probably too embarrassed to tell anyone he learned most of what he knows from me, about how not to play golf. We spent hours going over videos with me saying things like, “Nick, see how badly I slice the ball? Don’t do that.” There were other jewels like, “Nick, when you hit the ball into the wrong fairway and a guy going the other way does the same thing, just play his ball that way you’ll both benefit.” You just can’t buy this kind of coaching now days.
Hope he remembers Dixon Toys for Tots like the Phirehouse gang has if he needs to make a donation to a non-profit group for tax purposes. He’s now our most famous former resident…Really, how proud must his parents be! Have you noticed that when he places high the Sacramento TV stations say he’s from Sac. When he’s down the list they say he’s from Dixon?
Hunter Safety Class and Jr. Pheasant Hunt Coming
The Dixon Game Club is going to have a hunter safety class on October 12th and 13th from 6 to 9 pm and from 8 am to 2 pm on October 15. This is a three part class and students must attend all three days. The class will be held at the Dixon Game Club building 250 West Mayes street (the little building behind the post office). Interested students of all ages can call the Dixon Game Club (707) 678-9155 and leave a message with a return phone number and someone will return their call. The cost is $10. The hunter safety certificate you get for passing the class is required not only to get a hunting license in California but in many western states now too.
Then on November 5, 2011, the Dixon Game Club will host its annual junior pheasant hunt. Any junior hunter (under 16) with a valid junior hunting license can participate in this hunt. If interested you can call the Dixon Game Club and leave a detailed message with the name, age, address and telephone number of the junior hunter and the club will send the information they need in order to participate in the hunt. The hunt for the big birds is free but there is a $5 charge to shoot trap before hand, which shows those in charge the junior hunters can safely handle a shotgun and know how to shoot safely.
The Scottish Lamb Toss
This past weekend the community celebrated its 25th (?) Lambton activity at the fairgrounds and thousands came to see everything that was sheep. They knitted its wool, shaved its body, had dogs chase them, and ate them in many forms…it was really a neat thing for families. The cost was low and the whole peaceful thing (taking my satire aside) was geared towards families and children. Even if you aren’t into sheep it was a good way to spend a Saturday with the family. They served Lamb cooked many ways (The American Legion served Lamb burger sliders which were so good we sold out early). If you didn’t go this year plan to make it in 2012 it’s a unique experience generic to this area…shearing, spinning, weaving and making neat stuff from scratch.
Just the week before was the Scottish Games held at the fairgrounds and the week before that the huge motorcycle crowd gathered there with thousands of bikes and bikers from all over…The fairgrounds is a happening place when you run the prissy dog show folks off and put in some events interesting for us regular folks. You definitely want to put the Scottish games and Lambtown on your schedule for next year…Hey, how about a Scottish Lambtown two day celebration? I can just see it now, the Scottish Lamb toss…Cool idea huh? People will pay big bucks to see a sheep tossed over a high bar. The People for Eating Tasty Animals (PETA) will protest and it will create its own PR firestorm. Combine the two, double the vendors, and create an event like nowhere else and the crowds will soar. Then we could have t-shirt with a guy in a skirt chasing a lamb…cool huh? You know like, “The Dixon Scottish Lambtown Games…Where men are men and the sheep run scared.”
These events brought to mind the *poem (re-written a little) below and another one on down:
*Mary Had A Little Lamb…
Mary had a little Lamb his fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went the Lamb was sure to go.
He followed her to school each day, twasn’t even in the rules.
It made the children laugh and play to have a Lamb at school.
And then the rules changed one day, illegal it became:
To bring the Lamb of God to school or even speak his name.
Every day got worse and worse as days turned into years.
Instead of hearing children laugh we heard gun shots and tears.
What must we do to stop the crime that’s in our schools today?
Let’s let the Lamb back into school and let our children pray.
Nursery Rhymes…Not exactly as I remember them!
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
*Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon,
‘Pies, you dumb ass’!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad…
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
You have to be old enough to appreciate this. If you don’t understand, it is because you are too young.