March
17th 2011
That’s Life #349(3-17-11) email:tedhick@gmail.com

Posted under That's Life Columns

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! 

 

 

How much Cocaine did Charlie Sheen use? Enough to kill 2 1/2 men

 

Japan VS California

  

            It wasn’t a matter of “if” but “when” the big one would strike Japan. Sound familiar? They’ve been telling us for years that we (in California) are due for the big one and one of these days, just like in Japan, the predictions will come true. We have an earthquake fault between us and Vacaville and big ones all along the coast. We have nuclear power plants on the coast.

We also have a population that isn’t prepared for ANY kind of disaster with the California casual attitude of; “it only happens to the other guys”…Well BS time is over and you better be prepared for what is to come. If you have an emergency preparedness plan and survival kit and you never have to use them…then good for you. But if disaster strikes and you don’t have a plan or a mini-store house of needed products for survival for you and your family, then shame on you…It is your loved ones who will suffer. There are no excuses left for not having a plan and supplies close at hand. Solano County has emergency preparedness information you can get on line. Like you, I keep hoping and thinking it won’t happen to us…but just in case…Its CYA time.

And remember the bureaucratic made up mumbo jumbo “shelter in place” warning means, in civilian terms, stay in your house or wherever you are, close things up as tight as you can, and wait for an all clear.

 

Good International Attention

 

 

 

            It isn’t often Dixon gets much good publicity outside of this immediate area, certainly not nation wide or even world wide. A man Dixon claims as its own, Nick Watney, wowed his field of competitors, the world of golf and made news on every sports show in the world Sunday evening after a nerves of steel, dramatic performance, to win the World Golf Championship at the Doral Country Club in Florida. He sank several pressure puts, one of about 25 feet at a critical juncture, and even birdied the 18th, to hold off all comers and take home the big trophy. With his third PGA win he also took home the $1,400,000 first place purse. He shot a final round 67 to match his opening day score for a total of 272. It was as exciting to watch as golf can be without Tiger playing. Congratulations are in order to a home town guy who’s doing pretty well in the world of professional golf…don’t you think? He has a Facebook page if you want to send him a note.

 

 

Hunter Safety Class This Weekend

 

            The Dixon Game Club is having a Hunter Safety Class this Saturday and Sunday, March 19th and 20th, in its building at 250 West Mayes Street (right behind the post office).  Class times will be (Sat 3-19-11) 8 am. to 4 pm. (Sun 3-20-11) 8 am to 2 pm. Lunch will be provided on Saturday and the cost for the class will be $10.  If you’re interested call (707) 678-9155, and leave a message someone should call you back.

 

 

7 Degrees of Blonde All In One Place

 

  

 FIRST DEGREE 
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

SECOND DEGREE 
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’ The second blonde says, ‘Here, let me see!’ So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy, it’s me!’ 

THIRD DEGREE 
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it! ‘The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’

FOURTH DEGREE
 
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me, I know ‘em all.’
A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin? ‘The blonde replies, ‘Oh, that’s easy, it’s W.’

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?  A: ‘How do I know if its mine?’

SIXTH DEGREE 
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.’ 

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’

 

 

Alcohol Labeling

 

 

 This should be taken seriously! Alcohol labels should be just like Cigarettes
 

 

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government’s suggestion that the following 
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. 
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again  you love them.
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex- lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. 

 WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.  
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. 
 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked… 
 

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol mey Mack you stink you  kan tpye reel Gode. 
 

Pass this to all your friends if you feel they may be in danger.

 

 

 

 From The Email Bag…

 

 

Ted: George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia, and he talks for 5 minutes.
When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost of the call is a million dollars.  So Putin writes the devil a check for the charges.
          Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished, the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she also writes a check for the charges.
          Finally George Bush gets his turn, and he talks for over 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5. When Putin hears this, he just goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.” K.C. Dixon

 

 

Subject: Arab Boycott

 

A short time ago, Arabian speeches at the U.N. urged the Arab World to boycott everything that originates with the Jewish people. In response, Meyer M. Treinkman, a pharmacist, out of the kindness of his heart, offers to assist them in their boycott as follows:

          “Any Arab who has Syphilis must not be cured by Salvarsan discovered by a Jew, Dr. Ehrlich. He should not even try to find out whether he has Syphilis, because the Wasserman Test is the discovery of a Jew. If an Arab suspects that he has Gonorrhea, he must not seek diagnosis, because he will be using the method of a Jew named Neissner. An Arab who has heart disease must not use Digitalis, a discovery by a Jew, Ludwig Traube. Should he suffer with a toothache, he must not use medicinal Cocaine, a discovery of the Jews, Widal and Weil. If an Arab has Diabetes, he must not use Insulin, the result of research by Minkowsky, a Jew. If an Arab has a headache, he must shun Pyramidon and Antypyrin,
due to the Jews, Spiro and Ellege. Arabs with convulsions must put up with them because it was a Jew, Oscar Leibreich, who proposed the use of Chloral Hydrate.
          Arabs must do likewise with their psychic ailments because Freud, father of psychoanalysis, was a Jew. Should an Arab child get Diptheria, he must refrain from the “Schick” reaction which was invented by the Jew, Bella Schick. Arabs should be ready to die in great numbers and must not permit treatment of ear and brain damage, work of Nobel Prize winner, Robert Baram. They should continue to die or remain crippled by Infantile Paralysis because the discoverer of the anti-polio vaccine is a Jew, Jonas Salk.
           Arabs must refuse to use Streptomycin and continue to die of Tuberculosis because a Jew, Zalman Waxman, invented the wonder drug against this killing disease. Arab doctors must discard all discoveries
and improvements by dermatologist Judas Sehn Benedict, or the lung specialist, Frawnkel, and of many other world renowned Jewish scientists and medical experts.
          In short, good and loyal Arabs properly and fittingly remain afflicted with Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Heart Disease, Headaches, Typhus, Diabetes, Mental Disorders, Polio, Convulsions and Tuberculosis (and many other problems) and be proud to obey the Islamic boycott.”
 


 

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