Posted under That's Life Columns
A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!
Wow! What A Show!
*“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward, forever more”…from a letter written by John Adams, July 3, 1776
You dozen or so regular readers know I’m not much on the rah-rah stuff but there is a time for everything. We have been to every local fireworks show held in Dixon since like 1967. When Dixon didn’t have them we went to Davis or Travis. The one this past Monday was far and above (no pun intended) any other display ever presented locally. It was just plain spectacular with a mini-grand finale in the middle, and bigger explosions than usual, and it was spectacular…unlike Vacaville which paid $12,000 to NOT see abut 30 per cent of the 400 aired bombs…bomb. They were duds and the public in Cowtown was not happy…Maybe next year they should come to Dixon and stay for the show. Many of Cowtown’s folks came to Dixon to buy fireworks their city council still has outlawed. This is the same progressive city, which during a budget crunch, refuses to use volunteer firemen in its fire department…go figure…Can you believe the taxpayers would allow a self protecting, elitist fire department?
The only thing that topped our show was all of the hundreds of little mini-shows throughout the city. My first wife Linda and I stopped at many to ask people what they thought, and to have them identify what they were shooting off. We had worked over 20 hours in the American Legion Auxiliary’s booth at Safeway on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. All members of the city council (except the mayor) came by the booth to see how things were going. We sold thousands of dollars of stuff and could only explain what each explosive did by reading the description provided by the fireworks company. We hadn’t actually seen one in use or set one off.
We’re driving around the city and Linda says, “I’ll bet that’s one of those ‘Purple Rain’ things we sold so many of.” We stopped and it sure was. Everyone we talked to was excited, especially the kids. It was so neat to see either LEGAL fireworks going off or hanging clouds of smoke from a recent eruption on almost every street we traveled. Streets were blocked off, all kinds of parties were going on and mass little fireworks shows were going off and kids of all ages were just plain thrilled by the experience. The community basically has Vice Mayor Mike Ceremello to thank for the end to local probation against safe and sane fireworks. Through his doing and the backing of councilmen Dane Bassinette and Thom Bogue, (and once the majority of the council got their heads out of their butts) hundreds of families were thrilled to celebrate the fourth the way it was meant to be honored…*at least according to our founding fathers.
According to Dixon Police Chief and acting City Manager, Jon Cox, “We appreciate the cooperation of the community and were generally pleased with the way things went.” He said they cited one person for illegal fireworks and confiscated other illegal ones. The police and fire departments teamed up and beefed up patrol from 6 pm until midnight. Even the police chief and Fire Chief, Aaron McAllister, teamed up (pretty cool huh?) and were also on patrol together… how would you like those two to come tooling into your driveway as you were shooting off bottle rockets?
Any way, Chief Cox said there were “No injuries,” and “No fires” related to the sale of fireworks. He said they saw many parties and celebrations throughout the city. He added the PD only had three legal fireworks noise complaints but dozens of complaints about illegal ones. All and all he said things went pretty smoothly…and that’s a good thing…Mr. Mayor…are you listening? Everyone else on your council and the vast majority of the public and local charities are happy…Your head still stuck somewhere? Ready to admit you were wrong? I’ll give you space here to explain your stance…either way.
A woman in one of those hot air balloons we see all the time here realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude going over Dixon and spotted a man working on a ranch below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The rancher consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 23 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican. ”I am,” replied the rancher. “How did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The rancher smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama-Democrat.” “I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?” “Well,” said the rancher, “You don’t know where you are — or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”
TEACHER ARRESTED BY TSA
A Dixon public school teacher was arrested today at the Sacramento International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are three sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President Obama said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President – It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
One Sharp Guy There!
Murphy, a furniture dealer from the Dixon area, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn’t understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner…after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
Watch where you put your money.
As you open your pockets for the next natural disaster, please keep these facts in mind:
The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans Salary for the year was $651,957 plus expenses.
The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $375,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.
UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,200,000 per year (100k per month) plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than five cents of your donated dollar goes to the cause
The Salvation Army’s Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. About 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.
The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
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