Archive for the 'That’s Life Columns' Category

February 17th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #662 (2-17-17

Posted under That's Life Columns

Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

City Stuff; New C.O.P.


 

            After the smoked cleared and all of the interviews, background checks and more background checks (fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me) comes a stellar candidate the city manager and four knowledgeable adults on the city council agreed to hire Tuesday night. The four who voted to approve the city manager’s hiring of the new chief sent a statement they are pro law enforcement and are serious about getting a professional department to fight the huge increase in hard drugs like meth, heroine and other major crime problems Dixon is seeing, or at least becoming aware of for the first time. The new COP (Chief of Police) Robert Thompson,  comes to us directly from the Sacramento division of the FBI with an extensive police background and a good working relationship established with Solano county law enforcement. The guy’s got a Bachelor’s Degree, a Master’s of Arts Degree in management and a post Master’s Certificate in psychology. His resume is impressive but so were his presentations during the multiple interviews he had. I personally nixed at least seven previous candidates but I approved of this guy.

The father of two is set to start March 1 with his immediate goal being to fill at least four vacant positions and stopping the revolving door the department has had for the past few years. He is being paid more than any other chief and potentially could become the city’s highest paid employee down the line… Why you may ask. Glad you asked. It cost taxpayers about $40,000 to hire and train each new police officer (with background checks, training, etc.). If this man can straighten out the department and slow turnover to a snail’s pace he can save taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars in short order. We could have been penny wise and pound foolish.  ONE resident whined about paying him too much. Some folks know the cost of everything and the value of nothing. We of course could have paid less and we would have gotten less… I think our citizens want and need the best police department we can afford don’t you? It is up to your elected officials to make good decisions based on good data and to protect our people with the best quality of personnel we can afford. Those who know me know I am tight with the taxpayer’s dollars. I’m guessing  the new chief wise enough to ignore a kid’s, or his family’s complaint that he isn’t worth the money.

Another cool thing at this meeting was the council approval of the police department to submit a request for a $1,000 grant for a “Safe Route to Schools” program to be administered by the PD and it cadets. Mike Hamilton, of Grillin and Chillin, had already donated $1,000 to the cadet program and Tuesday Don Richey; a Dixon Planning Commissioner, came to the podium and volunteered to give $1,000 of his personal funds to the proposed program. This was a great thing for them to do to in support our youth.

 

Ever Seen A Chukar?

 

Chukar Redleg Partridge

The Chukar is a small flighty bird.  This photo is of a Chukar Redleg Partridge I took Wednesday at Hastings Island Pheasant Club. Known for their flying ability and their zebra like stripes, they are a favorite addition to game bird hunts. These birds hold well in cover and get up and go when flushed. These birds thrive in dry arid conditions; however, recently they have become a very popular additive to hunts looking to add speed to their hunts. These birds tend to run uphill and flush downhill often giving the hunters numerous chances. Habitat consists of small grain or brushy terrain. To hold the birds in the terrain a small stream or water source is necessary. They can outrun a human, trust me they are quick and fly fast and are about the best eating of all game birds… and you can hunt them at Hastings. There is a regular state season for them in California.

Part 3: Last Real Estate Lesson

Real estate part III: If you are moving to a new area, out of state or anyplace in the world companies like Century-21 can help you from start to finish. If you are headed to a new area C-21 will contact an office where you are going and arrange for a licensed, vetted, professional sales person to help you on the other end…at no cost to you.

The secret is out… I am an elected official, licensed realtor, reporter, weekly columnist, (with a web page that has in the neighborhood of 200,000 views worldwide) photographer, and outdoor booking agent for fishing and hunting… so I work hard and long to make things happen… I wear several different hats and refused to be intimidated in a public meeting by any middle aged goon enamored with a title… and this is all I have to say about that!

 

More Things For Thought

*The most troubling examples of sexism, racism and homophobia that I’ve ever heard are things I’ve yelled when driving on California freeways.

*Overheard after the HRC/Trump debate: “I bet Abraham Lincoln would rather go watch another play than watch this debate.”

*I work with some really great people. They’re reliable. They’re honest. They’re efficient, and never cause any sort of problems… I don’t fit in at all.

*In an attempt to instill some exercise into my daily routine I’ve placed the cookies on a higher shelf… boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.

*I bought a new hat today that sports a blue band… which sets off what I am assured are the twin limpid pools of simmering sexuality that are my eyes.

*The true test of if you have a weight problem is when you watch Jurassic Park… and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.

*I told myself I should stop drinking… but I’m not about to listen to some drunk that talks to himself.

*Mountains aren’t funny… they are hill areas. (Moan)

*I got pulled over by a female cop… when I rolled my window down and asked “what’s wrong?” she replied, “nothing!” (I don’t get it either?)

*It’s sorta weird to think that before Facebook all this dumb stuff just stayed in people’s heads.

*Animal fact of the day: Orca offspring live with their parents for their entire lives… just like my loser cousin Gregg.

*I’m actually a very conservative person… I don’t talk at all during sex because my mom always said “never talk to strangers”.

*As I finished the consultation my older voter got a little “flirty” with me and told me I reminded her of her third husband… “Third husband?  How many have you had?” I asked… “Two.”

*I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards in an attempt to look cool… but it’s a sombrero and I’m making zero progress.

*I’m biased… I have four butt cheeks. (Moan)

*None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works at 200 meters underwater are situations in which the correct time would be my main concern.

*New texting abbreviation:  ROTFLSHMHFOAIDMT… rolling on the floor laughing so hard my hat fell off and I dropped my taco.

*This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations… hopefully someone will eventually make it.

*I long for the days before political correctness… when kids were allowed to play livestock management technicians and indigenous peoples.

*Can’t dance…just write your name in the air with your butt.  Problem solved.

*There’s no better feeling than lying next to the person you love and they don’t know you love them… or that you’re in their house again.

*I started dating a girl that works at the zoo… I think she’s a keeper.

*I always get a “yes” from women… but it’s usually followed by “that’s him, officer!”

*Don’t you just hate those people who have always got to be one better than you… if you’ve been to Tenerife they’ve been to Elevenerife.

*Remember, it’s “I before e except after c”… or when you’re running a “Feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor”.

*If you’re out on a fishing boat and somebody calls you “Chum”… they’re probably not being friendly.

*My idea of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.  

*Nina has 18 Snickers.  She eats 4 of them.  She trades 8 of them for 10 Milky Way bars.  She sells 6 and buys 3 Big Macs… why is she wearing yoga pants?

*My new credit card has this awesome ‘credit protection’ feature… every time I use it says “declined”.

*I’m going to start a company in India but have all the IT call centers in Brooklyn… let’s see how they like it.

Going On This Weekend at the Fairgrounds

Proofreading is a Dying Art these days!

(One more time!)

 Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter… This one was caught caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and someone called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says… Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers… Now that’s taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over … What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death … No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant … See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace … I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile… Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures… Who would have thought it!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect HomicideThey may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New BridgesYou mean there’s something stronger than duct tape? I gotta get me some of that!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery ChargeHe probably IS the battery charge!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in SpacecraftThat’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious SnacksDo they taste like chicken?

  Local  High School Dropouts Cut in HalfChainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is… Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead … Did I read that right?

#

 

 

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February 10th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #661 (2-10-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns



Feel Free to Email:
Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Don’t forget Tuesday is

 

 

Hope You Got To See It!

Sunday’s Super Bowl game was the greatest in football bowl history. Hope you got to see the biggest come back, first overtime and worst come from behind butt kicking since Hillary got Trumped in the political game… That’s it. Enough said except I told my roommate before the game started the odds makers had the Patriots a three point favorite and at half time she said, “I guess the odds makers were wrong”. The Vegas gang is rarely wrong. A lot of people made a lot of money if they followed the odds.

 

 

 

  February… The Party Month!

Ready? Ground Hog Day – Feb 2d – Valentine’s Day – Feb 14th – President’s Day –Feb 20th – and Mardi Gras – Feb 28th.  But alas, just in case you need more opportunities (or reasons) to party hardy, here’s the rundown on some other holidays in February!

Feb 5th – National Weatherman’s Day – time to pour!

Feb 11th – Foundation Day & Tu B’Shevat – Google it! Who knew?

Feb 12th – Lincoln’s Birthday – Honest!

Feb 15th – Constitution Day —  Hoist a Madeira! Read on, you’ll learn why!

Feb 19th – Army Day – in Mexico! We do Cinco de Mayo, why not Army Day!?) my favorite

Feb 20th – Washington’s Birthday – No lie!

Feb 24th – Beginning of Carnival – clothing optional!

Feb 28th – The End of Carnival & Fat Tuesday – Yay – King Cake!

 

  • Continued From Last Week…

Real Estate part II… Anyway back to real estate. If you are going to buy or sell a house take this from me as a person, not a real estate sales person; only deal with someone you know or with someone that someone you know can recommend.  Real estate salespersons first have to sell you on themselves before you trust them to sell your home and maximize profits on your behalf. If you’re buying the same thing applies. You want that salesperson to get the very best price and all around deal they can for you. For that, let’s say you are selling a $500,000 home you may be giving their broker(s) $30,000 of which they get a big chunk… unless they have a different arrangement, and then they might get it all. But, know this, all real estate deals are the broker’s and not the sales people who work for them … sales people are on commission. The buyer pays nothing.

I’m semi-retired and only handle a few sales at a time so I can give each my full attention and I work in conjunction with other Dixon agents at the C-21 office here in Dixon over by Starbucks. If you want or need our help we will be glad to professionally help you and take the thousands of dollars you will pay for that help… Or you can use someone you don’t know or an out of town firm, or some slick talking folks you don’t know, that don’t live here… and hope for the best… so there!

 

Just Think About It For A Minute

 

For those of you who can still think for themselves and figure out right from wrong here’s a flash. More people need to be able to understand real news from fake news, that some of their teachers and college tenured “professors” are liberal B.S. artists teaching his or her opinions instead of facts… the list goes on and on. More and more people are finally figuring out the tightly controlled mass media is force feeding us and our youth propaganda and forcing them to take their radical view point as fact. In reality much of what you hear and see is out of context and carefully grafted to mold the opinions of our young, the lazy and the dumb.

Most of the crap is subtle like the well-financed Muslim propaganda machine making many of us infidels wonder why these poor people are being singled out… forget they pledge death to all infidels. They are so effective they have convinced the government to make it a federal hate crime to put a single piece of bacon near a mosque. Jews don’t eat pork either (where do you think the Muslims got it from?) but do you think it would be a crime to leave a pork chop on a synagogue step? Forget they want to implant sharia law in the enclaves they are establishing all over our country. Forget there are millions of them here now and their birth rates are skyrocketing while all other religions and nationalities are going down… do the math folks. In the long run they can out breed us and we are paying them to do so… wake up.

Here’s the latest liberal poison to subtly worm its way into our conscientious. Notice how the media called President Obama and call our sitting president just disrespectfully Trump? They have come up with all kind of new terms for illegal (unlawful) aliens… none of which, of course, mention or even hint at the fact they are criminals and illegal i.e.: “contravening a specific law, especially a criminal law”.

Let’s make a couple of things clear:  1. Dixon is not a sanctuary city and we will keep doing what our oath of office says, to support the U.S. constitution and have our law enforcement officers, get this radical concept, enforce the law. 2.  Dixon is also not a homeless dumping ground for Fairfield/Suisun… wake up folks and see what’s really happening.

Ever heard this?  The oath I and the Dixon city council  took: “ I Ted Hickman, do solemnly swear  that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of California against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the Constitution of the United States and the State of California; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties upon which I am about to enter and during such time as I hold the office of city councilman.”

Every city county and state elected official here and in most of the country must swear this oath. How many of today’s state elected democratic yahoos wanting California to leave this country and defying the federal government, and the constitution, remember they took this oath? Doesn’t this mean most state and federally elected Democrats have violated this vow and should be removed from office?

 

More Things For Thought

*Chopsticks are one of the reasons that the Chinese never invented custard.

*Some people run marathons, some people go to the gym regularly… I just rocked back and forth for 10 seconds to gain enough momentum to get up off the couch.

*I just heard that they’ve found a cure for dyslexia… it was like music to my butt.

*People in town who have red and blue flashing Christmas lights: Please take them down… every time I pass I have to slow down, put on my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, dump my beer, swallow my joint and hide my gun.  

*Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me… so from now on I’m going to concentrate on getting taller.

*I talk awfully tough… for someone who occasionally falls over when putting on their underwear.

*What’s the difference between Price is Right host Drew Carey and Lorena Bobbitt… Drew Carey is a slick pricer.

*Everyone said the hamster catapult wasn’t appropriate for the science fair… but they couldn’t stop watching.

*Everyone laughs at that little do-dad you keep your change in… Until they need a dime or an M&M without lint on it.

*I haven’t been able to take down the Christmas lights on the house yet this year… it’s really hard to reach the roof from my couch.

*I was always aware that someday I was going to get old… but it was a bit of a surprise how quickly it happened.

*From this moment forward I’m only going to accept criticism that is delivered to me in the form of interpretive dance.

*I’ve reached the age where it is now possible for me to throw out my back by sneezing and farting at the same time.

*Have you ever wondered what “don’t touch” is in Braille?

*The trainer at the gym is always screaming “feel the burn”… I think that’s the same way Satan greets people in Hell.

*For every raindrop that falls an idiot forgets how to drive.

*Wives always expect us to take the empty toilet paper roll off that holder-thingy… like we’re all wizards or some such crap.

*Along with the taco sauce and napkins it would be nice if Taco Bell would throw a small roll of toilet paper in your take-out bag.

*My grandson’s latest report card looks like someone with a stuttering problem trying to swear.

*My boss got hit by a car when I was on my way to the Wishing Well… so yes, I do have some spare change.

*Whoops!  Made the mistake of dropping my pants when my dentist put on latex gloves.

*I just watched a donkey as he crossed the road and the amazing thing was he looked both ways before entering the roadway… what a smart ass!

*There’s a fire at the ‘trick birthday candle’ plant… firefighters have been battling the blaze off and on for 5 days.

*I don’t think I’ll ever find a stable job… but then I’m just not all that comfortable around horses.

*All my life I never thought I’d wake up at 6am to go jogging… and so far I’ve been right.

A guy walked into Victoria’s Secret and asked for a see-through negligee size 46-48-54… The clerk looked at him and said, “why?”

*It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, funny, loving, generous, sexy and smart… my advice to all my friends:  don’t lose me.

*Thank goodness for words that begin with “F”… or I wouldn’t have made it through this week.

*I’m an animal in bed… like a Koala; I can sleep 20 hours a day.

*Have you ever met anyone who makes everything a competition? I’ve met more.

 

#

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February 5th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #660 (2-3-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

When asked what he thinks about General Mattis being considered for Secretary of Defense, Rob O’Neill (the man who killed Bin Laden) said, “General Mattis has a bear rug in his home but it is not dead, it is just afraid to move”.

 

Rantings Of A Mad Man

wmikeC2

For those of you who read the adjacent column on this page AKA  *“My Way or the Highway”  or what is called behind his back “the rantings of a mad man” you read last when he unloaded on me… and that’s ok he has to have someone to try to bully or his week isn’t complete. All others in the community are reluctant to challenge him on many of the ridiculous things he rants about because of his venomous and relentless attacks on any who dare oppose him. I’m about the only one who can… and will …once.  I won’t waste any more space on him… People want to read the one liners.

To set the stage let’s get a couple of things clear. Before each council meeting I do my homework on each item and promise to myself to do the right thing for the right reason and let the chips fall where they may. The reason his panty hose are in a knot this time is because I publically called him on his continuous long rants on almost every single council agenda item which pushed our cram packed meeting past the 1 a.m. hour. I support the right of people to address the council on each agenda item; that’s the law. I don’t support a loser whose only reason for speaking is to disrupt the meeting and brow beat the city staff to try and make himself look goodwhich isn’t going to happen… he won’t let it … he just can’t, and that’s on him.. e has a aright to speak… and you knoew what? The council has a right nmort to listen and they, for the most p[art d0opn’t. Up to this time I have always listenmed out of politeness if nothing mmore.

           

He started his mental breakdown when he was defeated for mayor, and then ran for council and even though I backed him for the position the public chose me instead of the “mouth that roared” and the final slap to even any intelligent person’s ego was when he was just defeated for city treasurer by a kid that doesn’t know a T-Bill from an investment portfolio… what a slam to his way oversized ego. *The voters have told him three times to hit the highway but he can‘t take a not so subtle hint. He doesn’t have a job or work and hasn’t since I’ve known him. He inherited some property and that is kind of what he does… whatever that is. He’s a full time political gadfly… that’s what and all he does.

 

IMG_6620

Anyway the reason he’s gone berserk in print this time is because several times at the last council meeting I reminded him he didn’t have to get up, come to the podium and comment on each agenda item. At one point his interruption (and non-subject rant) of the meeting was so blatant I even paused the meeting to ask the city attorney can a person really pervert the system to this extent and get up and ramble on about anything they want even though it has no bearing on the subject at hand. Sadly the “city liar” as the Mad Man calls him, said, “yes”.

So he rambles on boring each and every person that has to suffer through his long winded diatribes trying to prove he knows more than anyone else about everything. Never mind the second he stands up everyone but me immediately turns off… he’s done his henny-penny the sky is falling routine too many times and it’s just redundant… With the mad man its “I know more than you, you are all idiots, and it’s my way or the highway”. He can’t get past the fact Dixon voters three times in a row voters chose the highway for him.

He chides me for “believing the crap city staff feeds you”. To that I said, “You really think you know more about the law than the city attorney and his staff, the city engineer, the city manager, finance people, etc.?” To which he will respond “yes”. Really, and he means it… he really thinks he does. Granted even a blind hog finds an acorn every now and then but this acorn appears to be cracked. Granted too, every now and then he appears to be semi-lucid.

“The mad man” has put in print he can’t help it if he is just more intelligent than everyone else and really does know more than: the city attorney, the city manager, the city council, the city engineer, the huge firms of engineers that designed and developed the new sewage system, the water company analysts, and I’m sure the police, fire and public works management and employees… I guess that’s possible. But so is the possibility that the mad man is acknowledged, behind his back of course, to have a problem, a superiority complex and a “I got my ass politically kicked three times in a row and I’m going to smite my emenies” complex on top of that.

 

daddy warbucks

            Why does no one but me challenge this megalomaniac (a psychiatric disorder in which the patient experiences delusions of great power and importance)? “Because he will always have the last word, you can’t win” is what I’ve heard many times. Maybe you can’t win but you can tie. I can go toe to toe with him and he’ll never have the last word until I take a dirt nap… He seems to think everything will change in two years when he runs once again for a city council I’m not seeing that anymore. Too many people are now seeing past his being the “savior of the world complex” and just seeing a lonely man with nothing better to do in life than be a corrosive virus to any form of government and to anybody who doesn’t agree with him.

The last time he started this public war of words with me it ended when I threw down the gauntlet and said I’d had enough of his crap and that he knew he picked the wrong guy to try and bully. What ended the war on words last time between us will also end it this time. It’s put up or shut up Mad Man … (He calls me terrible Ted who is fine, I can be but, unlike the mad man I have SOME redeeming qualities). There’s a big difference between talking and doing… rant on that.

The put up time is on us once again. I am willing for us both to list, side by side, what we’ve done positive for our fellow man, our citizens, seniors, youth, environment, city, county and state. I’ve received over 50 awards for various things over a lifetime of achievement in business and public service. I don’t flaunt them but they are there.

The last time it was put up or shut up I predicted it would be Ted 50, Mad Man 0, and he came back with his usual lame retort that pieces of paper and awards don’t mean anything… Well, Mad Man its put up or shut up again and I know you won’t do either. I’m taking this time to let people, who don’t know you (and I’ve left out a couple of your goodies because of our “friendship”) understand your insatiable need for attention and your God complex rules everything you do and say.

And yes, he really does feel he is smarter and knows more than almost all of mankind… that’s why he lives in Dixon where people. to his face are polite. But behind his back just shake their heads and mumble… “That’s a mad man” … and not in a good way. He’s a big fish in a small pond

I won’t take up any future space with this issue, or his nonsense, so he can rant and rave like the mad man he is… it’s up to each reader to decide if he is mad like crazy, or mad like pissed off, or both. Now when you read his crap you can take everything with moderation of just sluff it off as being the ravings of the mad man… like most sane people do. Oh, just one last thing.

He has a constitutional right to pervert the freedom of speech so may vets have fought and died to protect…He has the right to speak, but you know what we have the right not to listen. From now on when he starts to the podium I will check my cell phone for meaningful dialogue from the public and recommend the other four members of the council do the same thing. #

 

City Council Rental CRAP

2016-8-5c2016Feb2

At last week’s marathon city council meeting which stretched from 6 p.m. to 1 am various scenarios played out. One of the most interesting was when a “vice president” of a “new” real estate business, in a disrespectful way, called me “Theodore” twice to let me know he did his homework and went to the California Department of Real Estate and found I was a licensed realtor under the name “Theodore Hickman”, my name?  Gasp, WOW, sharp guy huh? He was unhappy I was repeating some of the things many people had asked me about. Like what appeared to be a sweetheart deal between the city and a new real estate bunch and the chamber of commerce.

I’m held to a high ethical standard by the Ca. DRE, as a realtor, Ca. hunter and fisherman, as a reporter, and as an elected official… and I live in a glass house. I don’t expect anyone I deal with at any level to not be held accountable for their actions.

Anyway this yahoo, who had the demeanor  somewhere between  a high school bully and a used car salesman, boldly told the council and the audience that I was a “realtor” and that I shouldn’t be allowed to open my mouth as an elected official because it was a conflict of interest. I knew he was full of crap because I always check with the city attorney if there’s the slightest chance there could be a problem both from the newspaper and real estate sides.

The obnoxious VP tells the city’s councilor more or less shut me up because I shouldn’t be able to tell the truth about their quest. The city attorney assured them there was no conflict and everybody on the council and the audience already knew I hold a real estate license. I just completed my 45 hour course to renew my license for another 4 years and it wasn’t easy. Ta Da!

The disrespectful VP looked and sounded like an idiot to think a real estate salesman could intimidate an elected official… and me no less. Another surprise was my old friend Bill Allard, who is in cahoots with these boys, was acting like a high school kid in the back making faces and acting in a disrespectful manor. These are salespeople, people; they make their livings with words. They will take 6 per cent of ever sale and if you are going to buy or sell you need to use a realtor… not necessarily these guys.

The only bright spot was the class act Kevin Johnson who left C-21 after 12 successful years to join the venture. He is taking over the chamber building for a song and subletting a part back to the chamber. It was Kevin, current head of the city’s planning commission, and just past president of the chamber of commerce, that was in question by many member s of the community for getting a$1,000 a month lease on the city’s 1800+ sq. ft. transportation building. Right or wrong he explained himself quite well and with the proper decorum. Bill and his VP embarrassed themselves and the feedback from the TV viewers is that they were poorly received.

*After the vote (4-1) to give them the lease they gave high fives and acted like they just won the super bowl… this attested to the fact they made a steal on the lease with the city. If there are four of them they can rent a prime spot for $250 a month each… and that’s all the taxpayers get back, $1,000 a month, for their expensive building that should go for a minimum of $1,800.

*Everything but this part is on video on the city’s web site.

wlabs2010

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January 27th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #659 (1-27-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

New Kind Of Food In Town; S&S Deli & Grill

 

2017-1-27

I’m not sure what you’d call it but I guess it’s, I don’t know, kinda Middle Eastern/Mediterranean/American home cooked stuff. The menu has different stuff, most of which my first wife Linda and I have never had and we couldn’t pronounce most of it… but don’t let that throw you… they have pictures and will explain everything to you if you need an explanation. I mean they have stuff like the carved off the hanging meat chunks Gyros, lamb kabobs, Falafel plates, and our favorites Kafta Kabob (that Linda had) and the Chicken Shawarma (which I had). They are our favorites mainly because they are the only thing we’ve tried so far. We want to go back and try the Reuben and Philly cheese steak. They have side dishes like everyone’s favorite Couscous, and yogurt and cucumber with garlic and fresh mint.

For appetizers you certainly want to try the Baba-Ghanough? Who wouldn’t enjoy a good old’ Fatoosh, or some Doimathes (they gave us a sample of these grape leaf thingies and they were good). Who wouldn’t enjoy a side of Hummus (me for one, it’s like Greek poi) or Taboulli salad?

You regular readers know I do restaurant reviews every now and then and I’ve never steered you wrong. These are home cooked from the homeland foods that can’t be had elsewhere in this area; at least any place of which I’m aware.

They are open seven days a week, 10 am to 9 p.m. right across from Papa Murphy’s pizza or next to Great Clips in the southwest corner of the Wal-Mart shopping area. As usual I didn’t tell them what I was planning to do before we ate and found the service to be not only friendly but helpful in explaining the many things we couldn’t pronounce. Want something different for a change? Try S&S Deli & Grill on Dorset Drive… or call them at 693-3399 for more information.

 

Dixon Game Club’s annual

Crab/Prawn feed Feb. 4 sold out

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If you are planning on attending this year’s Dixon Game Club’s annual crab/prawn feed you might be disappointed. The event, which is sold out with a waiting list being established as tickets and money are being turned in…

This year’s event, will be held on February 4, is open to the general public and will be held at the Dixon May Fairgrounds. Doors open at 6 p.m. for no-host cocktails with dinner served at 7 p.m. The dinner will be served by Dixon High School FFA members. You can emailjjkett@sbcglobal.net for more information or to request tickets if any are left.

The Dixon Game club said it will be awarding five (5) “Lifetime” California Fish and Game Hunting licenses again this year at the Crab and Prawn feed. In order to participate a junior hunter must meet two requirements: 1. Have a valid California Junior Hunting License. 2. Submit a letter to the game club with your, name, age, address, and telephone number along with a brief statement telling why you like hunting. Send your letter to the Dixon Game Club, 250 West Mayes St., Dixon, 95620 before February 1, 2017. All letters will be entered into a drawing which will be held at the feed on February 4.

Speaking Of Game…

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What have you been doing in your spare time? Two to three times a week I’ve MADE time to either pheasant hunt at Hastings Island or duck hunt at a refuge or our place. Until this past week there were no ducks. The photo shows me holding two geese and a mixture of 10 ducks from this past weekend. My personal limit is included; which is three ducks and one goose… out of a box of shells… heck it’s the going not the getting remember? At least that’s what I tell myself. I’m not getting any younger and I’m not getting any better… but I’m still trying.

The other picture is of my hunting partner, Shane Nichols and a picture of one of the two pheasants he took in one day with an arrow. He got his first one, in the air, flying away. It was a unique shot because it went in the out hole and came out the neck. That’s really a small target and for the lack of a better term you can say it was like a bullseye but actually a birdhole-in-one. You can also see our Brittany pointer in the back ground. Over the years our sons and I have taken dozens of birds with a bow and arrow but these two were Shane’s first. I’m surprised you didn’t hear him whoop and holler all the way to town. It’s not an easy sport (actually one of the most difficult of all shooting sports) and when he hit the first one in the air about six other hunters were watching and couldn’t believe it. Two guys later said they were bow hunters but had never even thought about trying to hit a fast flying bird in the air. So far this year I’m 0 for 8 with a bow and 5 out of nine with a gun. At least I was two for two for deer whatever little solace that is supposed to be.

 

From The Email Bag

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Ted: My supervisor at work tends to have a lot of down time between confrontations with employees and she decided to spend the time reading to get her mind off of work.  Her first literary selection was “The Exorcist”. After reading several chapters she told me it was the most evil thing she’d ever read. In fact, she felt it was so evil and foul she couldn’t finish it. So, one day between visitations to work sites she told me she stopped on the bridge and threw the book as far as she could out into the river.  So… I went to Barnes and Noble and bought another copy. Then I ran it under the faucet and left it in her desk drawer for her to find… Karma!

 


More Things For Thought2016-9-30e

*The doctor only gave me four months to live so I shot him… the judge gave me 20 years.  Problem solved.

*I’m exceedingly glad that chocolate bars come in resealable packages so I can eat half now… and the other half a minute or two from now.

*I fell for all the TV advertising and I just got my DNA results from ancestry.com… turns out I’m one-quarter manatee.

*Scientists at the federal helium reserve indicate they’re storing over a billion cubic meters of helium gas… it’s a helluva lot funnier when they say it.

*Do the owner’s manuals that come with firearms have a trouble-shooting section?

*I’m returning the glasses I bought for the wife a few weeks ago… she’s still not seeing things my way.

*I’m sure there’s a bouncy castle inside the local Mosque in Davis… every time I go by it there’s a crapload of shoes outside.

*They were very quickly aware that Caitlyn Jenner’s sex change surgery was successful… she couldn’t back out of the hospital parking spot.

*If a pig loses its voice does it become disgruntled?

*The computers were down at work today so we had to do everything manually… it took me 20 minutes just to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.

*I wish “no more tangles” shampoo would work on Christmas lights.

*Females are super simple… with them yes means yes, no means yes, no means no and no means maybe, but maybe means yes and maybe sometimes means no.

“And the award for best neckwear goes to… damn!  Will you look at that!  It’s a tie!”

*I’ve reset my life goals to things I’ve already accomplished, so every day now I’m overachieving… it’s all about perspective.

*My wife asked me to get our red-headed son ready for his first day at school today… so I beat him up and took his lunch money.

*Punishing your husband by not talking to him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning it.

*There are plenty of jobs in the porn industry if you’re blessed with equipment like mine… camera man, light or sound man, electrician…

*I’m pretty sure that I’ve got an abnormal curvature of the upper spine… call it a hunch!

*My recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in my interesting and newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.

*I’m afraid I got off the elevator one floor too early… I may have premature evacuation.

*The human body is 60% water.. so we’re really just cucumbers with emotional issues.

*To all the college freshmen:  instead of a sock on your door hang a doughnut…..not only is “doughnut disturb” hilarious but your also providing a snack for your now homeless roommate.

*Three things you should not watch being made… sausages, laws, and your little brother.

*I’m going to buy my wife an artificial leg for Christmas… it’s just a stocking stuffer.

*I would like to thank the young lady who ran the last few miles of the half-marathon with me for not wearing a sports bra… your lack of support got me through.

*A Nigerian prince died and left millions of dollars to his damn cat… he’d been trying to share his wealth for years but no one would answer his e-mails.

*You know its winter when you trip over dog poop rather than smushing it.  

*As an avid painter I’m quite proud that some of my work is on display in the main gallery at the national museum… I did the baseboards.

*Got fired from my job at computer world today when a guy asked what was the best product for finding his ancestors… told him to buy a shovel.

*I’m trying to look at myself in the mirror… and I think to myself “do the kids just spit directly at their face when they’re brushing their teeth?”

*What’s with math teachers?  You do all the homework, study for the test, you’ve got it!… Then the first question is ‘If I throw a triangle out the car window at 20km/h and the wind resistance is a thing that exists how many cupcakes can Pedro buy with one human soul?’

 

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January 22nd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #658 (1-20-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

 

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Today is the start of a new era…New President and a new Dixon Police Chief, Robert Thompson, 44, from the FBI to Dixon!

 

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            *Last week I wrote about the man/woman who was sentenced to life in prison for murder here in California. He/she wanted to change sexes so the state is ponying up $100,000 or so to let him be her for the rest of his/her life, as a guest of the state, as a very ugly woman.

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           *Now Obama commutes *Chelsea Manning’s (the former Bradley pictured as a woman) prison sentence three days before leaving office. Manning was the male Army private sentenced in 2013 to 35 years in prison for the 2010 leak of classified documents to the anti-secrecy group, WikiLeaks. Manning is now to be released on May 17, the New York Times reported. Shortly after being sentenced to 35 years in prison, Bradley Manning announced that he is transgender and was changing his name and identity to Chelsea Manning, a move that put pressure on the military to allow Manning to undergo transition surgery and treatment at taxpayers’ expense. Manning was originally scheduled for release in 2045. Manning served as a low-level intelligence analyst in Iraq in 2009, a post that allowed then-Bradley Manning to access U.S. classified computer networks. After leaking what White House press secretary Josh Earnest on Tuesday characterized as “damaging to national security,” Manning was convicted and sentenced to prison in 2013 and is currently serving out the sentence at a male military prison in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas.      

Apparently wanting to top that in his last days in office your president Obama decided to stick it to all Americans by having the he/she former U.S. Army, convicted espionage creep’s sentence commuted. He/she was sentenced to 30 years or more for giving thousands of military bits of info to WikiLeaks.  Obama seems to think seven years was enough to atone for his/her treasonous sins and commuted his/her sentence. You know you paid for that expensive sex change don’t you? What the hell’s wrong with this country? I wonder, can POTUS Trump un-commute some of the folks Obama has decided to let lose? Obama is freeing hundreds of criminals by giving: 64 pardons and 209 prison commuted sentences, more than any president in history … as parting gift to the American people? Gives you kind of a special feeling doesn’t it?

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2016Wave3

  • Here’s a beaut your former POTUS out did himself when he devalued the United State Medal of Freedom Award, the high civilian award this country can give. He gave it to his friend and V.P. for having been his patsy for the last eight years… Yep, he awarded to Joey Biden, the do nothing, know nothing assistant POTUS for being a loyal lap/yap dog I guess.

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*Protests derail UC Davis event with Breitbart’s Milo Yiannopoulos and Martin Shkreli

 
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So proud to be close to PROD… Just across the highway… The People’s Republic Of Davis outdid itself this past week when this virtue of higher learning embarrassed itself, us and this state by having masked students demonstrate against the first amendment of the constitution. They rallied outside of an auditorium where two controversial speakers were slated to speak. Because they didn’t like the message (they never heard) they wanted to make sure no one else heard it either. They were successful by blocking the entrance and stopping the lectures because the cowardly administrators were afraid to move the crowd and hurt (or squirt) any of these generation FU brats. The “students” protesting are just coasting through life so far on mommy and daddy’s hard earned money. How proud the parents must be that their children, afraid to have their faces seen, are protesting against someone’s right to offer an opinion that differed from theirs. I’m ashamed of the UC system and the coddling regents who are afraid to uphold the oath they took to defend our constitutionMaybe they’ve never read it? You think they would stop a speech if *Chelsea Bradley Manning wanted to come and speak… I bet not. What’s happened to our conservative ag school?

A good butt kicking or a face full of pepper spray might have taught these students a real life lesson… they need to get their education other places than just the mass media and liberal tenured socialist college professors… there’s a real world out there which they will find can be ugly when their play time at the UCD resort is over.

California…The land of fruits, nuts, the UC system and future socialist weenies.

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“Nair”… True Story

This is from my old high school chum Bill Daniel from Dayton, Ohio so it must be true.

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Ted: My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell my wife that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

So she went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, John the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.” the wife replied, “I’m not using it under my arms.” The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.” Again she replied, “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

The pharmacist said, “Well, then its best that you stay off your bicycle for at least a week.”

 

More Things For Thought

*Everybody said it was a bad idea to store glue in the same cabinet as I store firearms, but don’t get crazy… I’m sticking to my guns.

*”It’s definitely, in fact 100 percent, better without a condom”, he said, removing it from his soup.

*Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped I have to assume it was made by the one person employed by Taco Bell that has never rolled a joint.

*Instead of calling a package “family size” it would really be a lot more helpful if it listed a time frame… such as “3 hours of cookies”.

*I try to act nonchalant… but down deep underneath I’m as chalant as hell.

*Melania Trump was asked, “As first lady you’ll be responsible for the white house China.  Any thoughts?”… “Oh, Donald said he’s getting rid of china.”

*My wife made me pack my own bag for our vacation… and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.

*I’m beginning to think that the bags that appeared under my eyes in 2008 aren’t going to go away.

*Tonight’s menu was interesting:  gourmet pork blend sausage with an organic tomato reduction served on warm split bread rolls… also known as hot dogs with ketchup.

*”We have forty-friggin’-five Tupperware bowls and only seven lids”, she screamed… startling both herself and the cat.

*Always jingle all the way… nobody likes a half-ass jingler.

*I’m pretty sure this kid at the drive-thru made me repeat “I’ll take a number two” several times just so he and his cronies could laugh at me.

*I was playing Carnac the magnificent the other night…..”Donald Trump, Hannibal Lecter, liver and fava beans”… opens the envelope: “name a winner, a skinner, and a dinner.”

*The end of the month financially is a great deal like stubbing your toe in the dark… probably broke but there’s nothing you can do about it.

*Once you get past my facade of gentle indifference… you’ll find that I genuinely don’t give a crap.

*Everyone preaches ‘body acceptance’ until you show up naked at the company picnic.

*Bought the wife flowers for her birthday and she was appreciative but said “Don’t keep wasting money on things that are going to die.”… WTF?  She keeps buying cat food!

*I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket… and I always end up in the self-checkout lane.

*My wife says I have the uncanny ability to push all of her buttons… unfortunately I can’t seem to find the ‘mute’ button.

*I think all this ‘global warming’ stuff is a crock… it’s much colder this month than it was last.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown… I thought it was a nice jester.

*I’m not sure how some people are capable of getting their foot in their mouth and their head up their butt at the same time… but here we are.

*I don’t feel old… I feel like a 12-year old who is very, very sick.

*Pro tip:  You can take the bag out of a carton of boxed wine and use it as an emergency pillow… and suckle yourself to sleep.”

*I’ve gotten to the age where I wake up feeling hungover even when I don’t drink… so what the hell, I may as well drink.

*I don’t understand why a girl thinks it’s sexist if a guy pays for dinner…it just makes sense. After all, we get paid more.

*Sending a woman a picture of your genitals is for amateurs… true men get out there and disappoint women in real life.

*Some people drink deeply from the well of knowledge… other just seem to rinse and spit.

*My wife always buys sexy, holiday lingerie… but this year I’m going to refuse to wear it.

*Do people who regularly go to the gym know about the anxiety diet… it’s free.

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January 14th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #657 (1-13-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns


Feel Free to Email:
Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Local Tragic Stuff…

 

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*Our community suffered two big losses in the past couple of weeks with the passing of Ed Foss, right photo, and then right behind him Robert (Bob) Dohr. These men were not only personal friends but over the years gave selfishly of their time and talents to both groups and youngsters from throughout the area. Ed was a long time hunter safety instructor and among other things a gunsmith and long-time Dixon Boat Club and Dixon Game Club Member. Bob was also a current officer in the boat club and was the current President of the Dixon Game Club. Both were renowned outdoorsmen who fished and hunted and taught others how to do it. Interestingly enough they were both outstanding gourmet wildlife cooks and in big demand for cooking for big groups. Ed taught both of our son’s how to shoot properly and fixed their guns and Bob worked with us for years with Toys for Tots. These losses are one that cannot be replaced and both will be long remembered. Rest in peace you two.

 

Libertards Whine And Dine

 


2017-1-13a 

            We watched a couple of minutes of the Golden Glob Award show until they started in on our President elect. I understand millions of other viewers also tuned away from this Hollywood political left-wing propaganda tool. Meryl Streep did an Oscar winning performance with tears and all bashing the group of people who haven’t even taken office yet.

 I have a solution for them. The left wing radical libertards gathered there can solve all of the problems they whined about if they were willing to put their money where their mouths are… Will they? Of course not. They will whine, complain, nitpick and back stab about social problem they forecast.

If that group really cared they collectively can fund the Council for Arts and Entertainment with pocket change and use it as a tax deduction. They can also solve all of the social ills they perceive with their multi-multi –millions with which they are vastly over paid. They can form an association to work on everything they complained about. Will they do it? Of course not. That’s not the liberal way. Their way to cry about what the government isn’t doing with our tax dollars not volunteer to give up a few of their measly millions to help with solutions. The crowd gathered in that room has more money than many third world countries.

Then you have the surprised creeps like the former all-American hero kind of guy, Garth Brooks. He somehow has made a left turn and turned his back on his fans that made him countless millions. Throw in Canada’s Celine Deion and the millions she takes from this country every time she decides to grace us with her visit to the states. We’ve seen them both in concert and have their cd’s. Never again.

I hope POTOS Trump taxes all entertainers at 50 percent and all foreign entertainers at 75% and get some of our money back… thereby giving them a semi-legitimate reason to whine while they dine. B.S.

 

The “Land Of Fruits and Nuts” Strikes Again…

 

2017-1-13b

 

            You might think this is something out of “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” but it’s not; believe it. This comes out of news stories from across the country saying, get this: A 57-year-old. I “transgender woman” and convicted killer serving a life sentence in California is getting a sex change operation with the taxpayers, of course, footing the bill. California prison officials last August approved payment for the surgery for Shiloh Heavenly Quinn who is lounging in prison after being convicted of first degree murder, kidnapping for ransom and has no possibility for parole.

California officials agreed to fund Quine’s surgery in 2015 with state money. Her/his case led a federal magistrate to provide transgender female prisoners held in men’s facilities with nightgowns and necklaces.

Joyce Hayhoe, a federal court spokeswoman, said “sex-reassignment surgeries” could cost $100,000 and added that the federal government would reimburse a portion of the state’s expenses. Wow! Is that great or what?

The Hollywood crowd certainly wouldn’t want Heavenly to be uncomfortable for the rest of his/her natural life behind bars just because he/she kidnapped and killed someone. Wait! Maybe Obama or Brown will commute his/her sentence… could happen.

…And then the rains came….

 

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*It rained some here in town. Our rain gauge overflowed at 5 inches. Our ranch looked like a lake…See Hickman Lake photo. But when you think about the folks in the Sierra having 17 feet in just a few days I guess some local flooding wasn’t that bad huh?

*City Hall had a big enough leak to cancel this week’s city council meeting because the electrical box was wet and water was in the council chambers. The meeting will probably be re-scheduled for this coming Tuesday.

* Our Solano County Supervisor has been elected chairman of the board for the coming year. Good for you John Vasquez!

*The school board/district is getting ready to spend the $30.4 million voters approved on Nov. 8 of last year. They are going to do “up-grades” to the old high school and Anderson Elementary and possibly eliminate the seventh and eighth grades at the Montessori School.

 

More Things For Thought


2016-9-30e

*What do you get when you put Lorena Bobbitt, Tammy Faye, and O.J. Simpson in the same room… a butcher, a Bakker and a license plate maker.

*We have new neighbors who are the type that run marathons and such… we’re the type that when we get out of the car donut boxes fall in the driveway.

*How terrible did Maria Von Trapp’s life have to be if she included doorbells on her list of favorite things?

*After story time with my granddaughter I mused, “I wonder what the Wicked Witch’s name was”… ‘Ding Dong” she replied.  “Ding Dong, the witch, is dead”.

*I’m sorry, I can’t… I’m still trying to seize yesterday.

*It really pisses me off when people say “I’m a vegetarian except for fish”… really?  Well I’m a non-drinker except for Jack Daniels.

*Only a fraction of adults understand that there’s a fine line between numerator and denominator.

*People tell you to make yourself at home… and then get all prissy when you drink their liquor and take a nap on the kitchen table.

*I’ve been trying to pair my new phone with the Bluetooth in the car… and I think it’s easier to get panda’s to mate.

*’Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house… dad was trashed on Grey Goose, mom spilled merlot on her blouse.

*We live in odd times when an artist like Sia (Australian musician) doesn’t take advantage of the legal freedoms we have and change her last name to “Lateralligator”.

*I grew up in a time when a mother’s saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around.

*Remember when you were a kid and they said “you can be anything you want to be”… I seem to have chosen lower middle class and overweight.

*Contrary to current thought Gold, Franckincense and Myrrh is NOT a Jewish law firm.

*I’m still feeling pretty proud of myself after a Jehovah’s Witness said, “May I ask you one question?”… and I said “I think you just did.” and closed the door.

*One of the boys barged into the bathroom when I was in the shower. “I saw your peanut!” he shouted… he either mispronounced a word or made a very hurtful observation.

*Were you aware that if you hold a gift card right up close to your ear you can hear the person who bought it… saying “This’ll do.”

*Fisherman’s tip:  If you’re out on a half-day boat and someone calls you “chum”… they’re probably not being friendly.

*Opposites don’t always attract… I’ve met several sane and normal people and found nothing about them appealing.

*What’s perhaps the kindest way to tell your husband you’re menopausal…”honey!  We’re out of eggs!”

*When I see really attractive people I laugh cuz I know in the Aztec culture they’d be sacrificed to the God’s for their beauty… strange way of coping with not being attractive, but it works for me.  

*I always get a “yes” from women… but it’s more often than not followed by “That’s him, officer.”

*Told the wife that the wireless headphones she gave me for Christmas appeared to be defective… she informed me they were earmuffs.

*Good evening and I’d like to welcome you to “kleptomaniac club”… I see you already took a brochure.

*My wife told me that women were better at multi-tasking than men so I told her to sit down and shut up… she couldn’t do either one.

*My new year’s resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants because of the harm they do to the environment… roll on, 2017.

*I was hoping that the reason it’s called Boxing Day is because you don’t have to come home from the local bar until you’ve had 12 rounds.

*If Edgar Allen Poe didn’t have a cat named Poepurry then I question his value as a writer.

*Wouldn’t it be funny if Batman’s parents reappeared after forty years… surprise! Wait. WTF are you wearing?

*Did anyone else notice in the closing scene of Titanic, when Rose was floating on the door or whatever and Jack was hanging on in the water, you could hear a faint “Marco” and then an even fainter “Polo”?

 

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January 7th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #656 (1-6-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

“I wonder when all super markets in California are going to change the name of redskin potatoes… You know it’s a new law that just took effect Jan. 1.

 

Monkey Butt Survey; Or A Real One?

 laughing monkey

What to do with the city owned old Pardi Market site right across the street from Bud’s Pub?

 wwwwpissed off

            Seen that Monkey Butt survey by the “city” on social media? It’s a free survey written apparently by folks with the same mindset as those who released all of the rigged “scientific” surveys/polls that showed Hillary winning the election by a landslide. This poll however has one thing all of the others don’t to make it right… ME! I think the Russians may hack this one but it won’t change the outcome.

What a crock with its list of survey questions which only lead to one conclusion… These people obviously want the only main intersection downtown parking lot turned into a copy of some other town’s idea of a “center piece”. B.S. They take it as a given the taxpayers and the city council will authorize this anti-business thing.

Here you can see some true questions with which to survey the taxpayers… the ones who have to pick up the tab. Try these on for size:

  1. Do you know the liberal nuts that held the reigns on the city had already authorized about $150,000 of your taxpayer’s money just to do the planning and for some sketches?
  2. Has anyone told you at the planned build out, the project can cost up to or over *$1,000,000 (that’s ONE MILLION dollars) for a pretty parking lot with planters and some frilly stuff.
  3. Do you know that no one has said where the money will come from to build or maintain this pipe dream should it come to fruition?
  4. Do you think it should just be paved and made into a nice looking parking lot to support our downtown businesses and give people a place to park and support those folks who have a big investment in our community?
  5. Don’t you think if the “committee” is dead set upon having a gazebo downtown the library park, with it nice shaded area, would be a good place for it?
  6. Don’t you find it funny the Chamber of Commerce and the Downtown Business Association has not spoken up to support the downtown businesses and demand ample parking for them. Two members of the current Planning Commission; one from the Chamber and one from the DDBA are supporting and pushing this, duh… go figure.

I was elected to the council two years ago with a promise (among other things) to try to reverse Dixon’s anti-business reputation. A well know Vacaville restaurant owner has reportedly just taken over the lease at Dawson’s and will present another draw for the downtown area… but he will need parking.

I also vowed to watch the taxpayer’s dollars and try to keep their taxes in check but haven’t been able, to date, to do anything about the ludicrous increases in the water and sewage rates… and they are going to get worse.

So you can take that phantom *$1,000,000 and use it will it will do the taxpayers some good. Hopefully with at least one more conservative, taxpayer minded soul on the council we can get the city out of the water business and reduce some costs while increasing services which will benefit all taxpayers… like paving some streets and getting the police department up to full staff!

Yess

 

More Things For Thought

.yyyyyfrog moving

*If you’re skydiving and your parachute fails to deploy don’t panic, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

*I have an eating disorder… I’m about to eat disorder of fries, disorder of pizza, and disorder of nuggets.

*Yoko Ono is going to be on Bear Grylls TV show to advise on survival techniques… apparently she’s some kind of expert since she’s managed to live off a Beatle for at least 30 years.

*My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex… she says it makes her armpits sore for days.

*I’ve invented a new perfume made from holy water… I call it “Eau My God”.

*Some men think using a moisturizer after they shave is a bit gay… I don’t.  I just think it makes my legs lovely and soft.

*My parents just recently admitted to me that they were inebriated on cheap Australian beer the night I was conceived… it’s not easy finding out you’re a Foster’s child.

*I just watched the uncut version of Scarface… it’s just called Face.

*Saw the super moon the other night.  It was really big!  Huge!  Ginormous! I just wish the wife would close the door when she’s in the shower.

*So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means… t’s not the end of the world!  

*My girlfriend told me I should use the term ‘make love’ instead of the ‘F-word’… what the make love is she talking about?

*To whatever smartass hid my shoes while I was playing in the bouncy castle… grow up!

*Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day… teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on equipment he will use three times a year.

*What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician…the letter “F”.

*The wife kept going on and on harping about what she should use the empty drawer for… eventually I told her to put a sock in it.

*When I was growing up plastic surgery was kind of a forbidden subject… these days mention “Botox” and no one raises an eyebrow. (Yuck-Yuck)

*I just saw a transvestite in a mini-skirt and thot “wow!  That shows a lot of balls!”

*It looks like the wife is finally going to go on a diet… I overheard her saying to her sister “I think it’s about time I got rid of that useless lard-ass”.

*I miss my umbilical cord… I grew attached to it.

*I’ve decided to get a tattoo of a motorcycle on my butt… that way I’ll have something to explain the skid marks in my shorts.

*The forty-niners visited an orphanage in San Francisco yesterday… “It’s heartbreaking to see their faces with no hope” said Tommy, age 6.

*The man who wrote the book on anagrams died yesterday… May he erect a penis.

*She said she wanted me to put the magic back in our relationship… I don’t think sawing her in half was what she had in mind.

*The first thing I look for in a woman is intelligence… ‘cuz if she doesn’t have that then there’s a good chance she’ll go out with me.

*My neighbor took his dog to the park to play Frisbee with him… it was useless, he needs a flatter dog.

*Damn! What a session that was in the bedroom.  God only knows how many calories I burned… I hate putting new sheets on the bed.

*I had a real struggle with diarrhea and quite a bout with hypercholesterolemia… but I finally won the spelling bee.

*My wife asked me what my favorite time of day for having sex was… apparently, “when you’re at work” was the wrong answer. 

*Just as bugs are drawn to the bright lights… so are my pinkie-toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.

*It’s so important your wife knows you’re petting the dog when she hears you say “my, you’re getting a little chunky.”

 

 

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December 30th 2016
That’s Life©1966 #655A (12-30-16)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Ted Hickman Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 2016-12-30

            Here it is…the eve before New Year’s Eve and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my stupid computer mouse …  So 2016 is history, thank God. 2017 has to be better don’t you think?

The really bright spot for us was the 50th anniversary of the Dixon Toys for Tots/Community Christmas Programs that came off without a hitch. It hgappened with the help of hundreds of volunteers and outstanding participation by the various businesses and service clubs, like the Lions, which jumped into help about 600 kids and 100 seniors have a better Christmas.. The latest big help being Pedrick Produce (out on the highway just over the overpass just off Pedrick Rd- duh) supplying all of the fresh fruit for over 100 seniors for the Christmas Eve special delivery. If you’ve never been there, go. You’ll see a lot of folks you don’t know on their way to or from Tahoe stopping to get their fix of goodies for the road and of course folks from the People’s Republic of Davis snatching up their needed farm fresh veggies. It’s a wonderful little place owned by a great local couple.

The next group that has our undying gratitude is the volunteers that saved the few of us from an all-day clean up on the 26th. Our Christmas present came in the form of the Dixon Fire Department (with their tall ladders an help) and more than a dozen men, women and children who showed up to help us this year. In an unbelievable two hours, all of Santa’s stuff was stashed away and the entire Denverton Hall at the fairgrounds was put back in its original form, clean as a whistle (whatever that means). With our slim crew that usually has to do this it would have taken six hours or more eating up a whole day. What a great present for us, thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

From the Email: “Ted: I used to think you were just a regular guy, but …”

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You were born white, which now, whether you like it or not, makes you a racist.

You are a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes you a fascist.

You are heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes you homophobic.

You are non-union, which makes you a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

You support a Judeo/Christian nation, which now labels you as an infidel.

You believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes you a member of the vast gun lobby.

You are older than 60, which makes you a useless old man.

You think and you reason, therefore you doubt much that the main stream media tells you, which must make you a reactionary.

You are proud of your heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes you a xenophobe.

You value your safety and that of your family and you appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes you a right-wing extremist.

You believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes you an anti-socialist.

You believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes you a militant.

Now, a loser and shrew of a woman, called me and my friends a basket of deplorables. Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking! I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

Funny… it’s all just taken place over the last eight years! As if all this crap wasn’t enough to deal with… I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!

Looks like a change is at hand in this game since Obama played the race card,

Hillary played the woman card and America played the Trump card!

 

More Things For Thought

 

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*I think it’s just adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list… like I’d somehow forget.

*The neighbor’s four-year old sang in church Sunday for the first time, and no matter if it was the wrong song… there’s never a bad time for “we will rock you’!

*”Tender and mild”, a good way to describe take-out chicken… not so good for a holy infant.

*Day 4 of the all-day Christmas music on the PR system at work… Googled “Christmas cane prison shank”.

*I long for the days when waking up with a “stiff one” wasn’t referring to my lower back.

*It’s difficult to try and be romantic when the darned dog always eats the trail of Mc Nuggets leading to the bedroom.

*An enterprising divorce lawyer could do quite well if he would set up a booth at a Sunday cut-your-own Christmas tree farm.

*Just saw a sign outside a church that said “Santa Claus never died for anyone”… but I also realized Jesus never brought me a G.I. Joe helicopter or a bike.

*I was ‘born to be wild’… but only till about 9:30 or so.

*”When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child”… when I became a man I did that stuff online.

*When killing them with kindness fails to do the job… try a blunt object.  Results may vary.

*The hot chick at the bar just informed everyone she was gonna do something stupid tonight… I made a point of telling her I only had a 1.7gpa in high school.

*Humans are the only creatures in this universe that cut the trees, turn them into paper, and then write “save the trees” on it.

*If you go out with a group of people it’s called ‘Christmas caroling’… if you go alone they call it ‘creating a public nuisance’.

*Reports are circulating that Ivanka Trump may take on some of the roles of the first lady… still no word on who will handle the duties of the President.

*We live in a society where people seemingly readily accept oral sex as normal behavior… but still freak out when you double dip a chip.

*Kim Kardashian is stuck with a huge ass… but enough about Kanye West.

*If you read the entire dictionary then technically you’ve read every book ever written… just out of order.

*”I” before “e” except after “c”…unless you’re an 8 year-old planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm.

*Are we sure that the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren’t just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?

*I won a trip to Hawaii but I’m not going to go. I’m way too white for the beach… seagulls think I’m bread.

*There are only four things you can be when you go out with your friends. Sober, tipsy, drunk and hungover… tipsy is the only where you don’t cry when you’re doing it.

*I feel really sorry for Muslim terrorists… how many heads do they have to chop off before people realize Islam is a “religion of peace”?

*When I was a kid I asked my aunt what a ‘couple’ was. She told me “oh, 2 or 3″… no wonder her marriages never lasted.

*I’m so tired of the distinction type I diabetes and type II diabetes which is confusing… I prefer ‘not your fault’ diabetes and ‘mostly your fault’ diabetes.

*Apparently one in three Europeans are conceived in an Ikea bed… which is just nuts ‘cuz those places are very well lit.

*Let me tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God… contact lenses.

*A 25 year-old just told me she’s going to rock my world… I’m more than twice her age so I assume she’s going to tell me where to find comfortable shoes and soft food.

*Neither Muslims or Jews eat pork…. made me wonder, is there something in pork that makes you less excitable?

*Drug use, in my opinion, gets a lot of undue criticism.  Look at all the great things it’s given us like rock ‘n roll… and some really amazing sporting achievements.

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December 30th 2016
That’s Life©1966 #653A (12-23-16)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Twas the Night before Christmas Eve…

 

Here it is the night before-the night before Christmas and all through our home old Christmas stories are flowing like something that rhymes with home.

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  1. Our all-time personal favorite is about our youngest son Joel, (who is now 37 and a fire-fighter-para-medic in Elk Grove) who was around eight years old at the time. He was at that age when believing in Santa was an iffy. He knew there was a Santa because every year since birth the real Santa brought him and his brother gifts and gave them to them personally. Santa gave them their bikes, toys and even a waterbed. Anyway, he came home from school saying his classmates were chiding him because he believed in Santa and defended his belief based on the fact Santa literally came to his house each year and gave him and his brother their gifts.

So he comes home from school in a huff saying the kids were making fun of him for believing in Santa. From a young age challenging the status quo never bothered him and he had a Rube Goldberg way of fixing things and making things happen. So not detoured, he came home in a huff to show those dummies in his class Santa did indeed exist. On Christmas Eve he set up an elaborate (remember he’s like 8) system of Lincoln logs, fishing line zig zagged all over the living room attached to a Polaroid camera to catch a picture of Santa when he came to the house. The bait of course was a glass of milk and cookies in the living room by the Christmas tree.

Well Santa did come to our house as usual while Joel and his brother were sleeping and Christmas morning instead of rushing to see what Santa left Joel rushed to see if his “Santa trap” caught anything… and you know what? It did. Laying just outside the Polaroid camera was a single picture of the real Santa with a startled look on his face with a half-eaten cookie and a glass of milk in his hand right in front of our Christmas tree,

He took the picture back to school and convinced the doubters that Santa Claus was real and he had the proof… so for at least one more year a group of eight year olds believed because they had seen proof of his existence. The next year when the question came up again I gave the same answer I/we’ve given for 50+ years…. “If you believe there is a Santa there is…. If you don’t believe there is, then there isn’t!”

 

The Little Boy’s Last Request

 

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          A couple of decades ago there was a little boy named Michael Drake that live in Dixon. He had a terrible disease that was eating his body up at a rapid rate. The community put together fund raisers to help out the family because he needed blood transfusions to simply stay alive.

When we found the end was nearing we contacted his parents and asked about an in-home visit for him and his sister. They were delighted and said that was the one thing he wanted more than anything… to see Santa, but they couldn’t take him out.

Santa at the time had an alter ego by the name of Jack Fry, a rough voiced, truck driving red neck that helped us out for over 20 years. We talked it over and decided to do whatever it took to give the boy a great Christmas. So one evening very close to Christmas, after a 10 hour day of seeing hundreds of children we made arrangements to meet the boy and his sister and parents at their house a 6 p.m. We got there on a cold foggy night and they weren’t there. We tracked them down and found out he had to have another emergency blood transfusion and the parents said they wouldn’t expect us to wait. Jack and our eldest son Trey looked at each other and said we would wait as long as it took. We sat in the cold truck for a couple of hours until they showed up. We made a grand entrance with Santa’s bells tinkling a little more subdued than usual and a quitter tone. The boy and his sister we more than delighted.  We toned everything down. Michael asked if Santa would play cars with him. Santa was a big 300 or so pounds but he got down on the floor and for about a half and hour we watched as the boy and his sister opened their gifts and then our gentle giant of a Santa played with the children. After about 45 minutes Michael said, “Santa I’m sorry I’m awfully tired would you mind if I went to bed”. He gave Santa a long hug and, his energy completely drained, slowly went to bed. His parents, with moist eyes thanked us and said how much it meant to the kids and them. We went out to the truck and it was the first and only time I ever saw Santa cry. The second time, although he tried to hide it, was a few days later when the boy passed away.

 

 

“See Momma I Told You…”

 

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                      Back further than that even was the family that gave us all the incentive we needed to carry on for another year. Each year it seems there’s one that makes you want to put forth the effort one more time. This time it was a family of a woman and her three little blond girls. They lived in a little house by the Catholic Church and we found out about them at the 12th hour on Christmas Eve. Again the crew was tired but we got our stuff together because we heard the youngest, maybe six or seven, told her mom not to worry because Santa Claus would come and bring them presents. It broke the mother’s heart to tell them she had NO money and there would be no presents this year because there really was no Santa Claus. Daddy had taken all the money and left the family and they had nothing.

We put together a food basket, plenty of toys and didn’t even tell mom we were coming. I knocked on the door and asked the family to assembly in the main room and all of a sudden, in a rush, comes Santa bells a jingling and ho-ho-hoing. We were stopped dead in our track when the littlest girl got an angry look on her face, put her hands on her hips and spit out… “See momma I told you there was too a Santa Claus!” Mom cried, the girls cried and Santa was speechless for a moment. It was a defining moment which has stayed with us for decades but brings homes the point… If you believe there is a Santa Claus there is!

 

 

This one is priceless

 

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A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.  They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.  So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel.  There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.  However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral.  He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends.  After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To:  My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: March 21, 2015

I know you’re surprised to hear from me.  They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.  I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.
I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.  Looking forward to seeing you then!  Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

 

 

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December 17th 2016

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Fruit Company Donation…Lions, Oddfellows, Rotary…

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          Incredible is the only way to describe it. Along with all of the monetary contributions which will cover expenses again for the 50th year, a new patron pops up. We went to the Vacaville Fruit Company to see about buying really good little dried fruit thingies for the 110 senior gift baskets. We talked to the owner and purchased a few things and she said she had a canceled order she would like to move and I offered to buy it at a discount and she said, “How about free?” She then donated over $1,100 gifts things for the senior program because she liked what we are doing… Is that great or what… and from Vacaville none the less. All within a week then Dixon Rotary (Pic #2-$1,000), Dixon Lions Club ($2,000). Dixon Oddfellows (Pic #1-$1,000) California Water Service ( Pic # 4-$1,000), Disney Club  of N. Ca.($1,000 worth of new toys) along with many others let us make the food for families and senior baskets even more special for our 50th consecutive year of operation all of these programs. Thank you never seems to be enough.

Community Christmas Programs Needs Coats Boys Size 5 Through Small Adult Sizes. Take to Dixon P.D. /F.D. City Hall or around town.

 Copy of 2009 TFT and Legion (92)

How Our City Government is Supposed to work!

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         At times there seems to be some confusion, believe it or not, as to what kind of local government we have. We don’t have a strong mayor type of government. We do have a city manager form. This form has five elected officials that set policy which is carried our by the city manager. The city manager hires and fires all employees and runs the day to day business of the city and manages all of its factions.

The mayor’s and city treasurer’s positions are elected “at large” meaning everyone gets to vote for them. The other four councilmembers are now elected by districts with each district having an equal balance of Hispanic voters of about 43%.

The mayor is just one of five votes and acts as the city’s spokesperson and carries out the will of the majority of the council. The position is powerless to do anything by itself. The position has no special power and cannot independently make any decision, policy or otherwise, without majority council approval. The position is to chair the meetings and represent the city on various boards and committees where the will of the council is expressed.

Sounds complicated but it’s not. There are five city council people with one titled mayor to run the meetings. The mayor DOES NOT run the city and cannot independently make any decisions policy or otherwise without majority council approval… So there it is. Like it or not that’s the kind of government we have and it seems to work well for our people. I personally will not allow Obama type, one man decisions, to happen when brought by any one councilman or the mayor…. In other words we will all work together for you or there will be turmoil right in no river city.   Sacramento’s popular mayor tried to change city government to a “strong mayor” system where the mayor replaces the city manager and had his butt handed to him. Citizens want diversity and the “power” such as it is equally divided among five officials… and it works that way… and that’s the way it is!

 

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping

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My first wife Linda and I were in a busy shopping center now, just before Christmas.  Linda suddenly noticed that I was missing, and as we had a lot to do, so she called me on the cell phone. Linda said, “Where are you, you know we have lots to do.” I said “You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace?  I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you?”
Little tears started to flow down Linda’s cheek and she got all choked up…”Yes, I do remember that shop.” she replied. “Well I am in the sporting goods store next door to that place.”

More Things For Thought

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*The wife asked me if I had used her expensive shampoo again… but as I shook my head no my lustrous hair gave me away.

*My good friend is a Jehovah’s Witness and is always pissed off at me… when he tries to tell me knock-knock jokes I ignore him.

*To those who say that cursing is the sign of a limited vocabulary… you’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, presumptuous sonuvab#@%*!

*It’s hard for me to be a politician because every time it’s my turn to speak in a debate I feel like starting with “listen you idiot…”

*There are just some sounds that everyone loves: Waves breaking on a beach, shoes on gravel, the snapping of the necks of those people who think they can disrespect you, cats purring.

*Of all the things we should be thankful for at this time of year not being a turkey should probably be the main one.

*Spoiler alert: The book “What to expect when you’re expecting”? it’s a baby. .. You’re expecting a baby.”

*Husbands find it difficult to listen to their wives because their brains are so full of important information… about cars, beer, and naked women.

*America: My ancestors didn’t give up everything and travel 4000 miles for the place to be overrun by immigrants.

*All the quarterbacks on my fantasy lingerie football team throw like girls.

*Being American is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer then on the way home getting a Mexican taco or Chinese take-out to then sit on Swedish furniture and watch an Italian movie on a Japanese TV.

*There’s just no reason good enough to explain why the word “chunks” should be on a canned food label.

*After lengthy reflection I’ve concluded having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.

*Saying the same thing over and over while hoping for a different result is called parenting.

*One of those subtle things to be thankful for at thanksgiving… every family member will have their mouth stuffed so full you don’t have to listen to their insanity.

*Do bisexuals experience sexual attraction twice a year… or once every two years?

*Some days I dance on my bed nearly naked and sing into my hairbrush… other days I take my meds.

*The waiter just guessed I wanted my steak ‘medium-rare’ and so I said “well done!”… and thus began our very own “who’s on first” routine.

*The lack of proof that Jennifer Hewitt is stalking me just convinces me further that she is very, very good at it. 

*I only went to the church’s Christmas choir festival because I thought “a Capella” meant with ice cream.

*The simple fact that the dog no longer fears the hair dryer but still freaks out at the vacuum cleaner should tell you all you need to know… about the wife’s housekeeping skills.

*Donald trump has intimated that he will outlaw the sale of shredded cheese… in his attempt to make America grate again.

*I’ve never made eggplant before… is it better fried or scrambled?

*The worst kind of insomnia is called “snoring induced insomnia”… it’s defined as when you start snoring your wife shoves you to awaken you.

*I’ve spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why “mustache” and “headache” don’t rhyme.

*I’m starting my diet and intensive physical training tomorrow… I’m sincerely hoping I can count on your support and prayers that I die in my sleep tonight.

*Women all seem to want security… at least that’s what they yell whenever I approach them.

*They called the company “Weight Watcher’s” because they felt that “obesity observers” was too cerebral.

*A political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially… so now plans are afoot to sneak into Syria and build them whole foods.

*At a family gathering we were looking at old pictures and the question was asked “Whose funeral was this one taken at?”… and the greatest answer of all time, “I dunno. Let’s see who’s missing!”

 

 xxyz3



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