March 16th 2018
Dixon Little League turned 50 LastSaturday at Opening Day ceremony

Posted under Feature Stories from the IV & News Stories & Youth sports

Dixon Little League turned 50

Last Saturday at Opening Day ceremony

By Ted Hickman

Dixon Little League’s 50th Opening Day was held last Saturday at the LL fields south east of town.  There are over 300 boys and girls playing on 24 teams this year from the Majors down to the Challenger Fields which has players of all ages as seen in the photo above I took… The five fields have games playing, weather permitting, nightly from Tball (4-5 years old) up to the “Majors” (11-12 years old).

Don Richey from the Dixon Planning commission was present as was Helen Richey representing the Dixon Parks and Recreation Commission and Vice Mayor Ted Hickman representing the City Council. Hickman was honored for being one of the founding fathers and threw out the first pitch as seen in the photo above. (Photo by Hazel Aguirre).

I was in on the formation of the league back in 1968, eight years before our first child, Trey, was born. I was Editor of the Dixon Tribune at the time and Quentin Larson was shop foreman. Larson had moved to Dixon from Brownsville, Texas which he described being a dusty little hole in the wall, “But at least they had a real Little League”. It was 1968 and I was editor of the Dixon Tribune at the time and serving my first term as a city councilman. He said, “LL, that’s what we need here.” The kids are playing in t-shirts and jeans, “That ain’t baseball”. He said he would apply for the charter if I would get the city council to assure field space (which was one thing required to obtain a charter). He said he would do the setup and I could get team sponsors from local merchants. He sent away for the paper work and when we got it back we formed a board of directors consisting  of Quentin as Pres., His wife, Me asVP/player agent and my wife, Delores and Marty Garton, Shirley Anders, and several other couples. It would be nice to see the charter to see who I’m forgetting. Anyway that was the seed and the flower is still blooming today and I’m just glad I took part in its birth. I later had the Major Field named after Quentin and it’s called Larson Field… now you know why.

I was only 12 years removed from playing the in the first year of Little League, and the first All Star game in Dayton ,Ohio where I grew up…. So I was an agreeable Little League supporter! So he sent it off, got it back, we had a meeting, I got the team sponsors, and the city to dedicate the land for 100 years at $1 A year. It took a year or so to get everything going but as you see, it’s still going strong. We got back into it years later and my wife, Linda was one of the first female managers and board member after Brenda Gilday. I served as a VP, Pres, Player Agent, safety officer, umpire and Linda was head scorekeeper for a while, coached and managed. I coached and managed teams and coached in “All Star” games.  Our third time around was when our grandson played a year or two ago… So, yes, we support youth baseball in Dixon.


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March 16th 2018
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Posted under That's Life Columns

That’s Life©1966#719 (3-16-18)

Long time friend Lucy Vassar, 93, passed away this past week, a true Dixon matriarch…gone but not forgotten, arrangements pending. She is pictured above with Ross Hanna 

This newspaper’s Birthday…of sorts!

This is a special, web page only piece… a history of the newspaper I started. The Independent Voice refused to print all or any of it. Wow! Now the whole story and the truth is out, oh golly gee!

This week’s issue is the Silver anniversary – 25 years – for the IV. It began publishing on March 17, 1993 – at that time with the name “The Dixon Newspaper.” Its history is a long story but I’ll give you a shorter version ok?

A lot of people in the community had had it with the only local news source (Dixon Tribune) in the early 1990’s when it wasn’t a locally owned and operated free press anymore.

Having been an award winning (first place state CNPA, and national NNA, awards and nominated for the Pulitzer) editor of the Tribune for over seven years I was urged to start a competitive publication. So, when 10 local folks, with faith in me chipped in $1,000 each, and advertisers with faith in me, I started ”The Dixon Newspaper” giving the community an independent voice of sorts, different from the tightly controlled paper now owned by an outsider. I came up with a unique marketing plan and a business plan that showed the possibility of turning a profit in about six months. To the delight of advertisers it was mailed to everyone in the 95620 zip code; a very expensive but novel marketing idea.

It was a big job and required 60 to 70 hours a week, which I did and didn’t mind but I was getting spread a little thin. So I looked for some help and found a single mother with two children who had a marginal journalism background and had just been separated from the Tribune and one other local big business. She had no job, no local connections or support or income. I thought, “What the heck, with no good local references how bad could she be ( sorry to say I found out later just how bad ) she and her kids needed help, and we could use some help, so foolishly we brought her on as a partner with no investment or community backing on her part.

Fast forward: The paper is a hit and we start turning a profit (after paying the printing and mailing bills) in a little over three months. Then, one day I went to the office and to my surprise found the front door locked and the lock changed and the computers gone. When I did into my building I was met by this poor single mother who said, “Thanks for taking our paper this far but I don’t need you anymore.”

She dug her fingernails into my arm so hard she drew blood and started screaming, “Hit me, hit me, I know you want to”…she of course was right, I DID want to but something clicked and apparently I wasn’t as dumb as she thought because her whole plan became abundantly clear and her evil intent apparent. I went across the street directly to the police chief and then to our attorney. I didn’t file charges because she was after all “a woman” and “single mother with two children” (poor thing) and we know how that would have played out. So our attorney looked over the whole situation and said “do you really want the paper back?” He said the way she was operating she would be out of business in fairly short order. She was spending more than she was making, pissing off all of my investors, and aggravating all of my advertisers. He advised me to cut and run or spend a lot to fight; and then if we won we would have to absorb the debt and mess she had and was accruing while running a promising business into the ground…by this time she could barely pay the printer and was all but out of business. I agreed to let her have it (and all of her debts) if she could get a loan and pay back $1,000 to each of the investors who wanted out. I didn’t sign it over until I had assurances from all 10 partners/supporters that they were satisfied. I don’t know for a fact if she paid anyone or just played her single mother, boo-hoo card and they let her slide. They are all good people.

We, my first wife Linda and I, cut and ran and… here’s the great  part. You know she locked the doors, took the computers and had legal backing because “possession is 9/10 of the law.” Well, the newspaper Karma gods watched over this whole thing and along comes Dave School (the publisher of the IV) and asked me how she got the paper away from me. I told him exactly how and he was angry at her betraying a kindness and… then, to our delight, he kind of did the same thing to her.  Pay back’s a bitch huh?  Now you now have the whole story of how the “Dixon Newspaper” morphed into the Independent Voice which is completing a successful 25 year run this week and remains the only locally owned and operated newspaper in the entire area.

She chose to squander a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be an esteemed newspaper publisher  because of low moral values and a lack of principles and fair play… and it haunts her still today.

My “partner” is still around town having failed at numerous businesses and spends full time promoting a child hoping that offspring can became what she never was or will be; a successful, truthful person with integrity, honesty and a sincere desire to become a pillar of the community.

Now you know the whole story and how you came to be reading this today. Oh yeah, after Dave obtained the paper he came down with a life threatening medical situation and while in the hospital he brought in our daughter-in-law, Lindsey Hickman as editor and asked me to start writing this column once more which I agree to help out and do “for a while”… that was while he was ill… it has now been 719 consecutive weeks…some favor huh?

Kids want to protest? It’s your right… Do it Right!

The photo above is how actual Dixon adults carried out a local protest.

Kids want to protest that will receive the kind of attention you want? Don’t cut class to get a good off day free from school and cost your parents and district ADA money. Instead do it on a weekend, on your own time, on your own nickel. Do your out of school homework and figure out why you are protesting and what solutions you are offering. Blaming an inanimate object is easy, figuring out who pulls the trigger and why, and what to do about it is hard… That kind of protest will receive the support you want and need instead of having the left wingnuts agree with you, pat you on the back, and go back to doing what they’ve always done…Monday morning quarterbacking… the easiest position to play in the sporting world…and the most absurd!

More Things For Thought…

*I have successfully transitioned from someone who thought they could be in the Olympics… to someone who could be the grandfather of someone in the Olympics.  

* I think it should be socially acceptable to throw poop at people who annoy you… after all, monkeys do it and we all think they’re adorable.

*As I get older and think about all the people I’ve lost along the way… I think, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the best choice for me.

*She informed me that she had changed her mind…….good thing!  I hope it works better than the old one.

*sombrero is better than nobrero.

*The headlines read “hundreds lose power after tree falls on ice cream truck”……..I guess I just don’t understand how electricity works.

*When I leave the gym my entire body feels sculpted… much like the Greek god Hippopotames.

*Just noticed the wife is wearing the sexy, bright red underwear I bought her for Valentine’s Day which can only mean one thing… she’s behind in doing the laundry.

*I think it’s stupid having the Olympics in the middle of winter… hell, the ice on the pools got to be at least a meter thick!

*A girl scout sold 312 boxes of cookies by setting up shop outside a marijuana dispensary… her best friend nearly doubled that number in front of a weight watcher’s facility.

*If you throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care… be sure to put your coffee cup down first.  I know this now.

*In bed I asked the wife what she was thinking.  She started to blush and declined to tell me until I sorta begged her … “I wish I knew more about campaign finance law.”

*If you get up in the middle of the night to pee and you notice that it’s only 11:30PM…… may be getting old.

*I think I need to take my split ends to couples counseling!

*A guy was showing me a scarf and remarked it was made of 100% virgin wool… seriously; do I care about the morals of a sheep?  

*I only buy organic kale so I know I’m putting the safest, non-gmo, pesticide free vegetable… in the trash.

*The Campbell’s Corporation is closing the plant in Toledo, Ohio soon… all employees will be canned.

*Although I haven’t done any genealogical research I’m pretty sure my family and our ancestors are the reason… they invented clothing to cover the human body.

*The American figure skater just successfully completed a ‘triple axel’ and I nearly lost my damn mind… although I’m not completely sure what that is.

*I’ve never been a fan of fruit cocktail and I finally figured out why… it needs less fruit and a lot more cocktail.

*It was always fun putting playing cards in the spokes of my bicycle……maybe I’ll do the same to my wheelchair when I get to the nursing home.

*Under the pall of some controversy the Westminster Dog Show is discussing the possible discontinuation… of the swimsuit competition.  

*”Bottomless Wednesdays” at my favorite bar apparently refers to free drink refills rather than acceptable attire.

*South Korea has agreed to pay North Korea’s Olympic expenses which will include an art troupe, a cheerleading squad… and Kim Jong-un’s visit to Great Clips.

*McDonalds Happy Meal is turning 40… Legally the longest any fast food item can remain under a heat lamp.

*Agricultural inspectors in Solano County have announced the county’s population of sheep is up; now totaling 37,000……….the tally took longer than usual due to excessive drowsiness.

*The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum has been renamed the United Airlines Memorial Coliseum……future events there are certain to be either delayed or cancelled.

*The Disney Corp. has announced another price hike at their parks……but with reassurances to families that a two-day pass is still substantially less than what a kidney goes for on the black market.

*Louis Nasser, the Olympic physician of note, has been sentenced to 40-125 years in prison… helping Big Bubba stretch out his glutes.

*A New Jersey police officer lost her job because it was discovered she previously worked as a dominatrix… apparently she thought the right to remain silent involved a ball gag.
















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March 10th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #718 (3-9-18)*

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Former Dixon Mayor Mary Ann Courville: If your own phone number calls your phone, DO NOT ANSWER IT. Please inform your peeps, especially your elderly peeps, they can be unsuspecting and vulnerable and will probably give the info they’re asking (scheming) for”. AT&T and Verizon numbers just got hit massively.

Ted: Also notice the many incoming calls from 678—-numbers all of which are bogus. Don’t call them back either. And, once again: If you don’t have “NOMOROBO” get it. It’s free and it works on land lines and cell phones and will pretty much stop most of the “Robo” calls. And NEVER give out ANY personal information over phone to anyone



Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

It is not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.

 The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth…

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”…

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

 It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

  Have I sent this message to you before, or did I get it from you!


Political Differences Explained

If someone asks you what the main difference is between most of the Obama supporters and most of the Trump supporters, instead of stammering and stuttering and looking for an answer, just tell them that the Trump supporters sign their checks on the front, and the Obama supporters sign their checks on the back… I NEVER REALIZED THAT IT WAS THIS SIMPLE!


True Dixon Story, finished from last week’s error

Butchered by editor last week with the last line left off, so here is the complete version!

He was Bill, a widower and she, Barbara, a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended Dixon class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high; with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”  After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, “Yes, yes I will!”
Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn’t remember as well as he used to… Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No”?

“Why, you silly man.” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!” The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat… Then she continued. “And I’m so glad you called. I couldn’t remember who asked me!”


This one IS a True Story

The old fellow in the big cowboy hat got a standing ovation. The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a “more humane” solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally a fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, “Son, I don’t think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain’t making love (he actually used a euphemism f**king) our sheep; they’re eatin’ ’em!”  The meeting never really got back to order.

More Things for Thought

*Gandhi would go on political fasts for weeks in order to make a point and remain peaceful… I find if I go three hours without eating I’m yelling at dust.

*The Secret Service has announced a man shot himself outside the White House… police suspect the man was planning a murder/suicide but he forgot the order.

*I want to live someplace where stupid people don’t knock on a locked bathroom door… and shout “is someone in there?”

*So in these difficult stormy times I popped next door to see if 79 year old Vera needed anything at the store and she did. So I gave her my list as well… no point in us both going out in bad weather.

*WARNING!  My Facebook account has apparently been hacked.  If you received a message from me calling you an a**hole… that was sent before I was hacked.

*Paddy says to Mick “I can’t remember the name of that historical Greek film Brad Pitt was in”.  Mick replied, “Troy.”… Paddy says, “I fooking’ am, but I still can’t remember!”

*I dislike girls that say they wouldn’t date an ugly guy.  They need to be more humble… hell, most of them without the weave, implants and makeup are ugly guys themselves.

*There’s a new business in town and part of the compensation package is free Viagra… for people willing to work hard.

*If I had to choose between listening to someone chew with their mouth open or skydiving without a parachute… I’d say start up the damn plane!

*Congratulations to the guy that found my debit card and spent a few hundred dollars on golf and liquor… couldn’t have spent it better me.

*I swallowed a dictionary… it gave me thesaurus throat I ever had.

*Ever notice how many people worry about their physical appearance and their material possessions… and then completely disregard their crappy personality?

*In the recent Olympics a sledder crashed quite seriously when traveling at high speeds… the press referred to him as a ‘sore luger’.

*In an attempt to be ‘sensitive’ never sing “Three Times a Lady”… to a woman who’s gained twenty pounds.

*A large, intense storm is covering the entire state of California. Those of you who live south of the Grapevine are urged not too travel unless absolutely necessary… those north of the ‘Vine might wear your heavier coat.

*Sometimes the Heimlich Maneuver should be performed even if the person isn’t choking… like if they’re telling a long, boring story.

*The fact that I am capable of optimism and hope at this point… is both miraculous and completely idiotic.

*I hit a chicken on the highway and it flew over my car and landed on the cop car behind me.  He pulled me over and wrote me a ticket… for flipping him the bird.

*The first hickey…well that occurred when a novice (and nervous) vampire couldn’t 100% commit.

*We have mirrored wardrobe doors.  I found the wife backed up to them saying……..”Mirror, mirror, shiny glass, tell me that is NOT my butt!”

*There’s more turnover in Trump’s administration… than there ever was in a Tony Romo highlight reel.

*I will never understand thousands of years of eating bread… and suddenly in the last decade everyone’s allergic to gluten.

*The headline read “Black Widow Spider Found in Container of Grapes which is one more reason to not be vegan… never find spiders in packages of bacon.

*Since second grade I’ve not prevented a single forest fire… do you think Smokey could have been talking to the kid sitting behind me?

*I saw where the police uncovered a prostitution ring… isn’t that what you get when you win the prostitution championship?

*”..And that’s what a healthy colon looks like, Kaitlyn.”… ‘Take Your Kids to Work Day’ is not recommended for everyone.

*William Shatner has discontinued his new line of ladies lingerie… apparently “Shatner Panties” wasn’t the best choice for a name.

*Here it is Sunday and my wife just finished telling me what kind of day she had… on Friday.

*If men lactated they’d turn it into a competition… who’s got the biggest nipples and who can squirt milk the farthest.

*”The Golden Globes”… isn’t that what C3PO called his testicles?

*Dick’s Sporting Goods is stopping sales of assault rifles… but will continue selling black socks to elderly people who continue to assault Florida with sandals and metal detectors.

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March 1st 2018
That’s Life©1966 #717 (3-2-18)*

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  1. Heber Holbrook, left in photo, Dixon’s (and the area’s) only remaining Pearl Harbor survivor just Turned 94 last week. Happy birthday to our eldest Veteran and part of American history.

  2. Dixon is on course to become the (per capita) Mexican food capitol of Northern California with about a dozen Mexican restaurants here ready and another one coming over by Pizza Guys.

  3. Dixon is about to become the most amped up city in Northern California with the building of another Starbucks… and another Dutch Brothers Coffee thingy which will be located on the empty lot just south of Asian Garden on Pitt School Road.

  4. Panda Express and Starbucks are about to break ground on their new places over near Tractor Supply on North First Street and the Habit burger place has torn down Arby’s and is rebuilding a new business place for themselves. Won’t be long and it will be open too. What’s next? Good stuff is happening all around for Dixon because of our demographics and per capita spending habits of our folks.


We’ve compiled our top three most commonly issued citations for moving violations… In order they are:

  1. Speeding (A…Slow down Duh?)

  2. Stop sign/stop light violation (STOP? Duh.)

  3. Cell phone use… (Get off your phone while you drive, Duh.)

Now you know how to avoid the hassle and cost, keep it up and you too can have a costly souvenir (an expensive traffic ticket) to post on your fridge.


Broke My Heart

Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., speaks at the 2018 California Democrats State Convention Saturday, Feb. 24, 2018, in San Diego. 

SAN DIEGO, CA — Delegates at this past weekend’s California Democratic Party State Convention have decided against making endorsements among the candidates for governor, attorney general and U.S. Senate, a race where incumbent Dianne Feinstein is seeking a sixth term at age 84.  I guess the “Duke” was wrong… you can cure stupid. The modern day democratic party in action, or is it inaction?

There’s Demons…In all of Us

            For the past year or so I’ve been paying close attention to others and their problems as I worked my way through both Vacaville and Vallejo Kaiser Hospitals and visits to PT where, you find no matter how bad you think your problems are, you can look around and you may find “you got no problems” compared to others.

When you see younger people trying to come back from accidents, strokes or other debilitating illness or problems, only then can only realize, no matter what’s wrong with you, just how good you have it.

Anyway when you see people grouchy, losing it, or about to lose it, just consider a demon inside of them and what could be happening to them internally… Let’s see: As a kid things like a pimple, to misplacing their cell phone, to grades are coming out, to raging hormones…The list is endless…

As an adult:

Just heard your a family pet died,

Parents are not doing well,

Grandpa doesn’t have long to live,

Just got the test results back,

I have to have a root canal done?

My son did what?

The dog did what too the cat?

 My boss just called and said what?

The credit card company called again

We’re being audited?

30 day notice or what?

It was more serious than they thought,

Why are you telling me this now?

The list can go on and on and you can add your own things.  The simple point is: You’ll never know what demons are eating away at whom, when, or why. You either see “it” coming or you feel the vibe…either way your senses tell you to be on alert. Dogs have this ability and so do many law enforcement officers and EMS personnel.

If I, as a quick to judge type person, can slow down my immediate feelings there’s still hope for you! There’s always more to the story and remember: “Believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see…” Amen and end of sermon!

More Things for Thought


*Were you aware that Kraft Foods are in the process of building a new state-of-the art facility in Israel…….it’s called “Cheeses of Nazareth”.

*My girlfriend left me a note; “I’m leaving you because you’re stupid and bigoted!”… well, I’m not stupid, I’m dyslexic, and I can’t help it if I have big toes!

*The hardest part of being a bartender is figuring out who is really drunk… and who is just stupid.

*I was just made aware that my old gym was converted into an In-‘n-Out restaurant… I just hurried and renewed my membership.

*Some guys can shave their heads and they look like a total badass… I shaved my head and looked like a roll-on deodorant.

*I remember running from a fight one day in fifth grade and my grandma saw it and said “either you fight him or you fight me!”… I whipped her butt good that day!

*People are always saying “when pigs fly” and yet we all know they don’t… but if they did I bet their wings would be delicious.

*In the beloved story by Beatrix Potter after being corrected to be politically correct, Peter Rabbit had three younger sisters… Flopsy, Mopsy and Shakira.

*There’s apparently a shortage of maternity-ward staff members… hospital authorities are, however, reluctant to label it a ‘midwife crisis’ for obvious reasons.

*It probably wasn’t a single-serving ice cream container… if it echoes when it’s empty.

*I hate it when my wife asks me trick questions… they usually start with “do you remember…..?”

*Both her name and her living situation suggest that the dwarves may have been referring to Snow White… when they sang “high ho”. 

*If I said I was the king of the jungle… I’d be ‘lion’ to you.

*Bought the “Sounds of the Amazonian Rainforest” set of CD’s.  The first couple were very soothing, birds chirping, running water and the occasional monkey howling… since then they’re all chainsaws and bulldozers.

*I don’t know what my spirit animal is… but I do know it’s something that hibernates.

*In the Olympic spirit the Spurs will play basketball with the Warriors for 48 minutes… then a panel of judges will announce the winner.

*Boobs… proof that men can focus on more than one thing at a time.

*I’ve reached the age where I’m beginning to warm to the idea… of wandering aimlessly in parks and conversing only with pigeons.

*I was never cast in grade school plays… probably because I refused to do nude scenes.

*A friend just opened an art gallery and on our first visit my grandson loudly inquired “who arted?”… wished I was that clever.

*A “cup of Joe” has a completely different meaning… if you’re at a sperm bank.

*Only the male peafowls are called “peacocks”… the females are called Maude.

*I got a girl to go out with me once in high school by giving her a bottle of tonic water… you could say I Schwepped her off her feet.

*I think plaid condoms might be a popular idea… because I’ve been told that plaid makes everything look bigger.

*I’m at my most penguin when I’m walking down the hall to get more toilet paper… with my shorts around my ankles.

*My granddaughter is in front of the TV copying the Olympic figure skating routines.  Near naked… I’m somewhat concerned about her future.

*Fast food bags, Starbucks cups, straw wrappers and napkins (both used and unused), plastic water bottles, 2015-2018… a traveling retrospective now on exhibit in my car.

*As a result of an unfortunate spacing error we found ourselves hosting a Superb Owl party on a recent Sunday.

*Crows are known to return to the nest to visit their aging parents even years after leaving… usually to get their laundry done.

*Doesn’t curling strike you as the kind of game that Mr. Miyagi would have made up… to con Daniel into cleaning his floors?

I understand when the USA guys won the gold medal  in the curling competition they got sauced and later had a hurling competition. My addition to these quips…

True Dixon Story

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended Dixon class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high; with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”  After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, “Yes, yes I will!”

Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn’t remember as well as he used to… Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No”?

“Why, you silly man.” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!” The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. “And I’m so glad you called. I couldn’t remember who asked me!”



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February 23rd 2018
That’s Life©1966 #716 (2-23-18)*

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Murdering or bastardizing the national anthem should be in the same category as disrespecting the flag and should be a federal offense and the person should be either be neutralized or euthanized… Or stoned to death like they do in the beloved Muslim nations. Sorry: but I got up on the right winged side of the bed today.


John Wayne Was Right!


Let’s go with the premise that the “Duke” was right, you really “can’t cure stupid”. And update it to Wednesday when we were in Safeway  about 1:30 p.m. when two bigger “tween” boys came riding up and down the aisles on their bikes paying no attention two at least three senior citizen ladies trying to shop. I said to them, “What the heck are you thinking riding your bikes in here?” To which they replied, with the best grammar the Dixon School District can supply I guess; “huh?”

I said, “Let me make it simple for you: You run into or scare one of these senior citizens and I promise a quick visit and talk to a Dixon Police officer. They took off pedaling towards the front of the store. Their parents must be sooo proud.

Which brings me to today’s lecture. All potential teen protesters: Get off your cell phones, get your heads out of the sand (or wherever) and recognize your generation’s real problem is you, not an inanimate object. (Their parents want them to blame an inanimate object for all of the ills of society and for all of the school shootings. They don’t want to admit the problem is not the gun, but someone’s child; the shooters.)

When we first came to Dixon and then decades later while our kids were in school, almost every truck had a gun rack….  When we first moved to Dixon in the 60’s I had never hunted or fished much coming from Ohio. We were surprised to see that almost every pickup had a gun rack and around the openings of dove, pheasant and duck season. Many had guns in them parked in the high school parking lot. Everyone knew not to have them loaded and it was just an accepted thing. With guns common place (and kids were taught right from wrong and there were consequences for their actions) and how to use them and what to use them for, there were NO school shootings. The worst we had at the end of the school year was scores being settled by kids beating the crap out of each other; to a point, and then was broken up by bystanders and then everybody went about their business…  And that was the end of it.

What’s changed? Cell phones 24-7, music dominated by sex and violence, and video games that children play before they learn to read, (that involve killing/blowing up something), cartoon charterers, space invaders, monsters,  people, movies converted to killing games; shooting something, anything thing, shoot, destroy, kill with pistols, machine guns, assault rifles, in  war gamers, gang games, lifelike real like war combat games with digital surreal human looking figures to murder to score points…all day and all night. Do you know what games your kids are playing on their IPad, computers and cell phones… bet you don’t?

If high school kids across the country want to protest something, instead of protesting an inanimate object, what about protesting the fact they all need to put their phones down and treat people better. Please don’t breed more psychotic killers that hate people so bad they want to come in to schools and kill kids/people. It’s a person to person problem not just a people problem … not a gun problem, and the sooner the kids realize this and put their phones down and start talking and treating each other with respect and actual caring,  the better things can become. It’s not the gun; the gun is not killing anybody it’s the nuts were producing out of our school system that are pulling the trigger and killing people …and the media eats this up and helps promote more of the same…shame on them.

The following below is from social media and I don’t know where that teacher is from: This is just another viewpoint.

Sad Day … It’s come to this…

Very sad day today. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money.

Even worse is the fact that he’s still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show how one little mistake can ruin your life.  Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great person and a brilliant veterinarian.


Still, More Things For Thought

My wife’s personal trainer at the gym told her it was time to start working on her upper body strength…..she responded by telling him to “just open the damn pickles and shut the hell up!”

“I will look for you.  I will find you.  And I will kill you.”…….Liam Neeson opening a Where’s Waldo book.

My son, sort of an improvisational artist, tells my granddaughter a much more realistic version of Sleeping Beauty……where the prince awakens her with his loud, insufferable snoring.

When you’re married every kiss begins with……”have you brushed your teeth yet?”

People ask why we have several kids, but it’s really quite simple……statistically speaking you’re bound to like at least one of them.

I just want someone to look at me the same way I look at bubble wrap.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that these mini beer fridges are the exact same size as nightstands”……..I said to the wife when we were shopping for bedroom furniture.

Why cotton swab companies haven’t used “just the tip” as an advertising slogan yet is beyond me.

I’m beginning to think that the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents take a nap is a scam……..just something my parents made up.

Why are they called ‘step-fathers’ rather than ‘faux pas’?

I usually just do what I want……..but occasionally the court system has an opinion.

On February 1, 1975, the United States government accidentally declares “Black History Month”…..they tried again the next year.

If a lovely young lady tells you she has a nipple ring…….the only appropriate response is “I don’t believe you.”

18-22 is a confusing age……..I had friends who were getting married and having kids, friends who were in jail, and friends who were still asking their parents to be out after curfew.

The tooth fairy was arrested for incisor trading!

Apparently some customs agencies are saying they will not allow the shipment of anything called a ‘flamethrower’…..therefore we are renaming it ‘not a flamethrower’.

I firmly believe in workplace drug testing which is why I slipped both Ambien and Ex-Lax into the boss’ coffee…….let’s see which one works faster.

Got up this morning, went out into the yard and saw my shadow……..guess I have six more weeks of dieting.

There was a screaming kid on my flight so I asked to be moved to a different area of the plane…….they wouldn’t do it ‘cuz it was my kid.

My goldfish died…….the good news is I’m inheriting a tiny treasure chest.

People need to learn to ask more specific questions.  It’s not “how do I look?”………rather, it’s “do I look good enough that people are surprised I married you?”

There’s just no way in hell anyone who’s ever been around a child with a drum kit……..would’ve written Little Drummer Boy.

A ‘polecat’ is actually not a cat but rather it is a nocturnal European weasel. But the shortened version ‘noeuwea’ was a terrible name……so is Lloyd.

It was awkward to see the ‘World’s Greatest Driver’ bumper sticker on my car… when it got pulled out of the lake today.

I really hate it when people stereotype the Irish… so when I finish my Guinness I’m going to beat the hell out of you!

This morning’s workshop on “effective communication” was held in conf room 3B, not 4B as was noted in the confirmation notice.  It will be rescheduled at a later date……..Human Resources

Tide pods too bland?  Need a little seasoning? Sprinkle some bath salts on top.

“I thot it would be funny to E-mail people and have them wish my wife a ‘Happy 50th’ even though she’s only 46.”………I explain to the plastic surgeon.

Little known fact:  on Groundhog Day, 1941, groundhog Punxsutawney Phil predicted the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

People at the gym in January who dress like they are obsessed with working out will be gone soon…….probably by the end of this sentence.

I’ve found I can turn anything into a boomerang…….assuming I only throw it straight up.


From the Email box

I was at the city council meeting on Tuesday supporting Dixon Little League when I heard your questions about what is the typical fine for traffic violations. I work at Yolo County Courthouse, so I wanted to pass this information to you.

Each county courthouse has a traffic infraction penalty schedule or bail schedule. I have attached the Solano county one which is available on the Courts website. You look up the traffic violation code and it will give you the fine. For example VC 22450 (failure to stop at a stop sign) is $229 for the first violation


VC 21453 Failure to stop at a red light is $469

 VC 27315(d) Failure to wear a seat belt is $157

 VC 27360 (a) and 27360.5 (a) child not in child restraint system as required is $469

Hope this helps answer part of your question. Obviously it does not answer the question of what is the most popular ticket given in the City of Dixon

TRAFFIC INFRACTION FIXED PENALTY SCHEDULE (*See Preface … INFRACTION FIXED PENALTY SCHEDULE (*See Preface, Section III) (**See Preface, Section IV) (Vehicle Code) Offense Base Fine/ Fee State PA* County


 Caretha Lau

 Thank you, Caretha


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February 15th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #715 (2-16-18)*

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Olympics are on NOW, don’t miss!


Dixon’s Mayor Returns from “Jonestown”

Dixon’s Mayor, Thom Bogue, ( TOP) seen to the left in the photo being interview by Seven Network Australian television for a documentary on the upcoming 40th anniversary of the “Jonestown massacre” at the People’s Temple in Gyana.  Bogue, his sister and his parents were some of the few survivors while about 1,000 people died when they were either murdered or forced to drink poison Kool-Aid. Bogue and his sister were shot just after seeing a United States congressman killed, and many others murdered but luckily escaped into the jungle where they hid for three days wounded, bleeding and terrified. To see more on this incredible part of American and world history Goggle or search “Thom Bogue” The TV station flew Bogue and his son to the scene of the carnage last week to film his return to the site of the disaster. He’s back home now and presided over the city council meeting on Tuesday. The other photo shows the really basic stone memorial in place to remember the site and its victims.


School Shooting in Florida

Florida shooting: ’17 dead’ at high school, suspect in custody

  • 17 people dead, local sheriff confirms
  • Suspect identified as Nicolas Cruz
  • Suspect in custody following shooting at Florida high school
  • Gunman reportedly wore gas mask and set off the fire alarm
  • Shooting is 18th in a US school this year so far

            Just as the shock from the tragedy is starting to subside, fingers of course are being pointed. The first thing I was asked by people, believe it or not, was “should, God forbid, something like this happen in Dixon how will the school board answer the parents and public outcry about them not wanting to pay for a school resource officer to protect our children. If anyone from the elected board has an answer for this we will be glad to print it. The school board has traditionally has been reactive and not pro-active. By the time you have trouble and call for help all the police can do is arrive AFTERWARDS AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY. This community wants and needs an armed, specially trained, “resource” officer on site to mitigate and prevent problems and stop any serious threats while help is on the way.

The city has offered to hire and train this speciality type police officer for the district but the district, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to pay for this protection… “Can’t happen here? That’s what the people in Florida though just a couple of days ago…. Am I concerned about everyone’s children? You bet, and … We have four grandchildren scattered throughout the district.




Those who hate him will always hate him, no matter what.  In his stead, I certainly couldn’t imagine Hillary (or Bill, for that matter) or Obama making anything even close to this gesture.  If you cannot understand the meaning of this I feel sorry for you. Please try to understand the weight of this image. This soldier lost both arms.  The feeling of a handshake is now lost to him.

Trump realized this, and so touched his face, so he can feel the human connection. This is what I see when I think of Trump’s motives.  He gave up a billionaire lifestyle to now be insulted, dragged through the mud, and lied about, on a daily basis by America’s free and “objective press”… All to save this country and people he loves.

 1st Annual Bob Dohr Memorial

sporting Clays  shoot a big success


Last Sunday the Dixon Game Club hosted the first annual introduction to the shooting sports activity at Birds Landing in nearby Collinsville where over 100 adults and boys and girls safely took part in the shooting of clay targets zipping through the air. This is an offshoot of the olympic trap and skeet shotgun shooting competitions. The day was held in memorial of Bob Dorh, a long time club members and well known outdoor cook and for his famous traveling bar-b-q. He helped in the community where help was needed and was an avid hunter and outdoorsman.

In addition to each person shooting 50 rounds each throughout the day there were drawings, a free lunch and sports drinks for all involved. In three different drawings three local youngsters were surprised and delighted to find they had won the premium prizes.

Pictured below are, left to right: Drake Hickman,12 won a .243 rifle and scope, Edan Croley 14, and Seth Taylor,13, both won premium shotguns which, of course, were registered to their parents who will take possession and securely store the firearms for them as required by law.

Two of the oldest shooters are shown below and my first wife,  Linda, surprised herself and everyone else by breaking more than a dozen of the fast flying clay targets. See the windmills in the background?


Thanks mike!

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?

Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them. (perfect)

Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it!

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.


Sad Day …

Very sad day today. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money.

Even worse is the fact that he’s still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show how one little mistake can ruin your life.

Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great person and a brilliant veterinarian.

 True Story

A well-preserved 71 year old Dixon man is having a drink in a Dawson’s bar.  Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can’t take his eyes off her.
After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.  Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: “I’ll do anything you’d like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn’t matter how extreme or unusual it is, I’m game.  I want $100, with only one condition”.
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. “You have to tell me what you want me to do, in just three words.”The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts 10 $10 bills in her outstretched hand. He then looks her squarely in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: “Paint my house.”


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January 26th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #713 (1-26-18)*

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Interesting observation

Enigmas From The Email box… Ted:

(1) Isn’t it weird that in America, our flag and our culture offend so many people, but our benefits don’t?(2) How can the federal government ask U.S. citizens to pay back student loans, when illegal aliens are receiving a free education?

(3) Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis,” but illegal aliens are called “Dreamers”.

(4) Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it.  “Well then, if deporting all illegals saves just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it?

(5) I can’t quite figure out how you can proudly wave the flag of another country, but consider it punishment to be sent back there.

(6) The Constitution: It doesn’t need to be rewritten, it needs to be reread.

(7) William F. Buckley said: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other points of view, and are then shocked and offended when they discover there are other points of view.”

(8) Joseph Sobran said: “‘Need’ now means wanting someone else’s money.’Greed’ means wanting to keep your own.’Compassion’ is when a politician arranges the transfer.”

(9) Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some people still insist the last one was due to climate change.  J.S. Dixon


With The Olympics close at hand just thought you should know the following.


1 The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

 And… THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.


 2018 Winter Games Venues

Beautiful PyeongChang, South Korea rests in the Taebaek Mountains in the eastern part of the country. Just over an hour from Seoul via high-speed train, PyeongChang is known for its natural beauty and is a popular destination for hikers, skiers, snowboarders, and other winter sports enthusiasts. These games will see 15 sport disciplines taking place in a total of 13 event venues, which are divided into two clusters.

BTW: I decided to apply for Luge coach. “Keep your head down and go fast…” Or ski jumping, “Go far and look good doing it”…speed skating, “Go faster than everyone else”… or ice shuffleboard, “make yours score, knock theirs out” or last but not least Ice Hockey, “Beat the crap out of the Russians and win the gold”… See coaching at this level isn’t really hard….  Biathlon… “Shoot straight and ski fast” And … and as head Ice Skating judge assigner… I’d take a pool of like 36 international judges ( or bring in all amateurs from like, the hot countries, that don’t necessarily know each other, put their names in a hat and draw however many needed for each venue… to take out favoritisms and pre conceived notions and get some objective judging for a change… I’d add… “Stay away from the doctors if you’re a woman or cute male ice skater… If you need help over there get acupuncture… BTW: I’ll be covering the games for the paper from the warmth of my living room!


Trey Gowdy, (SC Congressman) said this about the

military in response to the ban of transgenders. He nailed it…

Nobody has a “right” to serve in the Military. Nobody. What makes people think the Military is an equal opportunity employer? Very far from it.

The Military uses prejudice regularly and consistently to deny citizens from joining for being too old or too young, too fat or too skinny, too tall or too short. Citizens are denied for having flat feet, or for missing or additional fingers. Poor eyesight will disqualify you, as well as bad teeth. Malnourished? Drug addiction? Bad back? Criminal history? Low IQ? Anxiety? Phobias? Hearing damage? Six arms? Hear voices in your head? Self-identify as a Unicorn? Need a special access ramp for your wheelchair? Can’t run the required course in the required time? Can’t do the required number of push ups? Not really a “morning person” and refuse to get out of bed before noon? All can be reasons for denial.

The Military has one job. War. Anything else is a distraction and a liability. Did someone just scream “That isn’t Fair”? War is VERY unfair, there are no exceptions made for being special or challenged or socially wonderful. YOU change yourself to meet Military standards… Not the other way around. I say again: You don’t change the Military… you must change yourself. The Military doesn’t need to accommodate anyone with special issues. The Military needs to Win Wars.

If any of your personal issues are a liability that detracts from readiness or lethality… Thank you for applying and good luck in future endeavors. Who’s next in line?

More Things For Thought


*Who is the fool that called it a straitjacket……..rather than a ‘full mental jacket’?

*I’m at that stage in my life when a life-alert bracelet seems like it would be a bit more practical… than a fit-bit.

*I hate waking up in the morning with a renewed sense of optimism…..only to find myself on a park bench somewhere, covered in newspapers, missing a kidney.

*If a pig loses a leg… would that be a ‘hamputation’?

*Go ahead, bring my wife twizzlers when her favorite candy is red vines… but be prepared to hear a very loud, detailed explanation of the difference and a very blunt assessment of your intelligence.

*I call my fashion style … “Clothes that still fit”!

*Imagine a baby named Edith… right, you can’t.  Because everyone you’ve ever known named Edith was 78 years old, in a rocker, knitting an incredibly complicated afghan.

*Happy New Year’s!  Just got back from the liquor store… the lines weren’t nearly as bad as I thought they’d be when I got there yesterday.

*A Starbucks was robbed at gunpoint this afternoon… the suspects are still at venti.

*They just built a new MacDonald’s in town with two drive-thru lanes that require everyone to cooperate and merge … all so I can be driven into a blind rage before getting my fries.

*You’ve never truly failed in attempting to be sexy… until you’ve gotten your skivvies caught in a ceiling fan.

*Dogs enjoy the experience of solving a problem in order to gain a reward… that’s how we discovered and learned about black holes.

*There once was a POTUS on twitter, who grew increasingly bitter, he couldn’t surmount the strict character count… so his tweets got even shi**er. 

*Human teeth are almost as hard as a rock… almost, which is information I could have used yesterday.

*I’m starting a sarcasm club… it would just mean the world to me if you would join!

*On October 5, 1947, President Harry S. Truman made the first ever televised address from the white house… where he asked the American people to “do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!”

*Mediocrates was not the greatest hero from Greek mythology… but neither was he the worst.

*Our society makes women ashamed and unhappy with their bodies… I, for one, have always been upset by the lack of cupholders.

*Most household injuries are caused by saying “whatever” during an argument.

*I have a friend who told me she doesn’t believe in children…….so now I’m wondering if other people can see mine or is it just me?

*You never realize how many people are out jogging early in the morning… until you back out of your driveway with your windows still covered in frost.

*Judas:  “You guys coming to the last supper?”… everyone else:  “why’d you call it that?”

*My personal trainer and my marriage counselor have vastly different ideas… on the type and number of “cheat days” I’m allowed each month.

*A pterodactyl awakened his wife late one night when relieving himself… she remarked, “hey!  I thought your pee was supposed to be silent?”

*The cleanest bathroom at the mall is in Lens Crafters… but you may have to buy a pair of glasses.

*The oldest structures in San Francisco are found in the Jackson square area and are a testament to the advantages of building with brick… alleviating the large wolf problem inherent in wood and straw construction.

*My nephew asked “what’s the secret to a long life?”… I replied, “Never order vegetarian in Texas.”

*According to WebMD if the Grinch’s heart had grown 3 sizes in one day that would have been diagnosed as ‘cardiomegaly’… and he’d be quite fortunate to be alive.

*She asked if I had lost my mind… it’s nice to know there’s at least a little doubt.

*Someone once asked me if I knew the most popular method of committing suicide in Albania…..of course, kidnapping one of the female members of Liam Nisson’s family.


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January 24th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #712 (1-19-18)*

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What if you woke up tomorrow with only what you thanked God for today?


What Other Surprises Await…?

I/we decided to make 2018 the year of “getting rid of crap” and we’ve found some surprising things. I even found my draft card from when I was in high school.  All of those who know what this is need to explain it to those who don’t.

It’s too complicated to explain Viet Nam, the Bay of Pigs, “Commies” and why the U.S. “drafted” hundreds of thousands of young men to fight the “communist threat.” More than half my class mates who got a free trip overseas never came back, and many that did, didn’t come back whole in either body or spirit.  Many came home in body bags and coffins

Also explain, if you can, “drop and cover” and by doing so, how that and our desks were going to protect us from the “atom bomb”.

Some of us “joined” a branch of the service, to “fight for our country,” some went to Canada, some dodged the draft and went to jail, and some got “college deferments” and slid by.. All of that aside, the top photo shows me as I am now and the bottom on from when I enlisted in the Navy.  Personally I don’t see much difference.



Me Write an Advice Column?


 Since so many people ask me so many questions I’ve been thinking about writing and advice column like my Buddy, Fred V. does… But now after his latest effort I now know there’s a reason men shouldn’t write advice columns…

Dear Fred V…

I hope you can help me.  The other day I set off for work leaving my husband at the house watching T.V.  First my car stalled, and then it broke down completely about a mile from the house.  I decided to walk back home and get my husband’s help.  When I arrived back at my home I couldn’t believe my eyes!  He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter!

I am 32 years old, my husband is 34.  The neighbor’s little slut of a daughter is 19.  My husband and I have been married for 10 years, happily I thot.  When I confronted him he broke down and admitted they have been carrying on an affair for the past six months.  He refuses to go to counseling.  Obviously, I am horribly hurt by this and an emotional wreck.  I need advice urgently.  Can you help me?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila…

I am glad you have written and am sure I can help.  A car stalling in that fashion after having been driven such a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.  Initially I would recommend that you do a physical inspection of the fuel line to determine if there may be a bit of debris clogging up the fuel line.  If it is clear check the vacuum pipes and hoses to the intake manifold as this could be responsible for additional fuel supply interruptions.  Also check all grounding wires.  If none of these approaches remedies the problem it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty.  This would cause low fuel delivery pressure to the injectors.  I hope this helps.

Fred V.


More Things for Thought


*Shouting “shotgun” will usually get you the front seat in the car… or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.

*I’m going commando for New Year’s Day.  She’s going to be so surprised……..when I parachute into her yard and blow up her car!

*”Cocktail shrimp”… these are just regular shrimp but in a simple little black dress.

*I waited for so long at the doctor’s office that by the time they called my name… it was time for my follow-up appointment.

*My pony was a deep, deep shade of black and we called him “midnight”… my brother’s wasn’t quite as dark so we called him “eleven-thirty”.

*If a hurricane ever hits Dallas… I hope it’s named Debbie.

*Diet’s going well… I can fit into the jeans I haven’t been able to wear for 4 days.

*Holiday anxiety is the most festive of all the anxieties.

*I remember the romantic dinner date we were on when she quietly reached over and took some of my fries and smiled at me… and I put the engagement ring back in my pocket.

*Why do bad things happen to good people you ask… to balance out the good things that happen to bad people!

*We read continually how a pig’s orgasm lasts thirty minutes… after much thought I concluded mine probably would as well if I was in a sexual relationship with someone made out of bacon.

*I hollered, “I’ll drink to that!”… but the person who invited me to church said, “Usually we just say ‘amen’.”

*Mike can still remember the moment in his life when he went from hopeful and optimistic to dour and jaded… He was 8.

*People who say ‘mayo’ instead of ‘mayonnaise’ live 3-5 years longer… because of all the time they save.

*Guys need to remember that ‘fine’ does not mean ‘fine’… the scale goes “great, good, okay, not okay, I hate you, fine”.

*I just spent 40 minutes at the feed store choosing the best food with only organic ingredients for the dog… then took the grandkids to MacDonald’s.

*I love the way the sweetness of the pumpkin pie pairs so well… with the tartness of my fifth Budweiser.

*Someone once commented to the wife “you have a cigarette vending machine in your kitchen?”… she replied, “Well, it would look ridiculous in the living room!”

*My morning exercise routine includes what I call “snooze presses”… I try to get in at least 5 reps.

*I miss being a baby and having ‘milestone events’… no one cares if you’re an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.

*Without a doubt my favorite Robin Williams movie…… Mrs. Fire.

*I remember when the kids were young and they asked if they could help decorate the tree… “of course, first we string the lights then we show mommy and she tells us what we did wrong”

*I just googled “living with cataracts”… before realizing it was just a big fingerprint smudge on my glasses.

*The guy who owns the movie theater here in town died…….his funeral will be Friday at 12:10, 2:40, and 6:20.

*I hate it when I’m trying to discreetly pick a wedgie in public… and inadvertently end up doing every dance routine from spice world.

*Not to be boastful, but I have one of those metabolisms where I can eat anything I want… and still get fat.

*I don’t need hemmorrhoidal cream or bunion gel… but I add them to the wife’s shopping list as payback for all the times I had to buy her tampons.

*Russia has been banned from the 2018 Olympics… but they’re still eligible to participate in the 2018 elections.

*Someone left chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream unattended in my freezer…….so I did the right thing and tended to it.

*Before posting these nonsensical thoughts I always ask myself:  does it bring me joy and make me laugh?  Will it bring others joy and laughter…but I never wait for the answer.

Albert Einstein & Billy Graham

(Billy   Graham was 99 in Nov)

Billy Graham is now 96 years-old with Parkinson’s disease. In January 2000 leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor. Billy initially hesitated

To accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson’s disease but The Charlotte leaders said, ‘We don’t expect a major address. Just come and Let us honor you.’ So he agreed.

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the Rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, “I’m reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time Magazine as the Man of the Century. Dr. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the Tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in His vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there.  He looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.

Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it. “The Conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it. ‘”Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As

He was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great Physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket. “The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t Worry, I know who you are; no problem. You don’t need a ticket.  I’m sure you bought one.’ Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am.  What I don’t know is where I’m going.”

Having said that Billy Graham continued, “See the suit I’m wearing?  It’s a brand new suit. My children and my grandchildren are telling me I’ve gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I Went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion. You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I’ll be buried. But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am. I also know where I’m going.” May your troubles be less, your blessings more, and May nothing but happiness, come through your door. Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil – it has no point.” Amen and peace, my friends.  And May each of us has lived our lives so that when our ticket is punched we don’t have to worry about where we are going. Even at his age and with Parkinson’s disease, he could still deliver a powerful sermon.





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January 12th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #711 (1-5-18)*

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For 710 Past columns (uncensored and on Facebook too) consecutive That’s Life columns, and features,  photos go to



“Some days are diamonds and some days are stones,” But all days are gold when you see the number of our valued community members passing away.


Nice Gesture by the Dixon police Chief and Fire Chief… 

 … Or, how city leadership goes above and beyond the call of duty…..  Have you ever  heard of a police chief ( like our Robert Thompson(second from left) and his top ranking officer, Lt. Tom Cordova) giving up their Christmas Day with their families to work two shifts; both the patrol officer’s am and pm shifts, and let their younger officers from both shifts stay home with their families. And the fire Chief, Jay Bushrow (far left) stayed on shift Christmas Day as duty officer to allow his men time with their families…Pretty cool huh? All three men have families of their own…Only in Dixon! Nice going guys!


True Story; It’s Real!

           There was a wise crack on social media that I should be called “the Mayor of Vice” for supporting, for years, making medical marijuana available in Dixon for those truly in need…and now, I guess, for supporting Dixon having its own medical and recreational marijuana facilities that are coming.

Hey, the times just caught up with me and my thinking and the voters of California, and Dixon, approved these things…we, the city, just now have to figure out how to incorporate them into our pretty much “anti-marijuana” local society. They called me “Hickman, Dixon’s Mayor of Vice” and it somehow took hold I guess and the city is changing my city council name tag from councilman to “Vice Mayor” Can you believe that? How did they get to the inner working of city hall and arrange for that to happen?  I’m not kidding. Just watch at the next meeting and notice everyone calling me “Vice Mayor,” and you’ll probably see that my name tag has been changed to that too…What a nickname huh? Could be worse I guess. Huuum… wonder what kind of vice I’ll be overseeing and are there any legal perks?


Sessions is Nuts? No, You can thank:

Brown, Steinberg, Ed Lee?

WASHINGTON, DC — Just days after marijuana stores opened in California, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, rescinded an Obama-era policy that said the federal government would not intervene with states that choose to legalize pot. Sessions will instead allow federal prosecutors in states where pot was legalized choose how aggressively they want to enforce federal marijuana law.

The reversal is bound to cause mass confusion over whether it’s OK to grow, buy or use marijuana in pot-friendly states. Federal law still outlaws marijuana, which Sessions has compared to heroin and faulted for surging violence.

Who do we have to thank for this? I would start with California’s sanctuary state and cities declarations and thank the likes of Jerry Brown, Ed Lee and Darrell Steinberg, and Ca’s appointed Attorney General, Javier Becerra, for thumbing their noses at the POTUS and his merry men. Nice going; what did you expect, you idiots, a thank you dinner and an award?  (All except Ed, who’s dead)?

More Things For Thought!


*The sound of thunder is produced by rapidly heated air surrounding lightening which expands faster than the speed of sound… which scares Thor and causes him to drop his bowling ball.

*I am in a constant battle of wanting a hot body… and wanting a hot fudge sundae.

  • TRUE DAT: Thanks to motion-activated time lapse photography we now know that worker ants nod to one another as they pass while they work…they also go “sup!”

*There’s a whole bunch of relatives that show up only on Christmas for dinner, and unfortunately they don’t just eat and run…they eat way too much to run.

*The Japanese word “karaoke” is derived from the phrase meaning “ow, ow, my ears!”

*I was totally fed up with things at work and considering quitting… then they upgraded to two-ply toilet tissue in the office restroom.  I’m good now.

*It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this half-gallon of ice cream… but the important thing is I tried!

*Were you aware that a penguins head can rotate 360 degrees… once?

*Owning a cat, can, in fact, reduce the risk of having a heart attack… it can also, however, increase the risk of finding cat crap in your bed.

*I just hate it when I inadvertently tie a double reverse hitch knot when I’m tying my shoe… then I have to go pay an eagle scout to help me get my sneaker off.

*Abraham Lincoln never slept in the ‘Lincoln bedroom’… but he was quite partial to using the ‘James Monroe chamber pot’.

*A little girl prayed “Lord, may I have a pony?”… and the lord answered, “sure, just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue of how to take care of it.”

*About 1,300 planets the size of earth would fit inside Jupiter… that’s about 23,168,742 Starbucks.

*The wife doesn’t require much to be happy… several small gourmet quality meals a day, 10 hours of sleep, complete solitude and zero social obligations.

*What manner of evil contract must I enter into with the devil… just son’s I can get eye drops into my eye?

*The wife came home upset ‘cuz the saleslady told her she’d be more comfortable in a 36b cup-size bra… she was in a Best Buy looking for a small printer.*”I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name… earlier when we were introduced I was too busy concentrating on shaking hands, making the right eye contact and not mispronouncing my own.”

*The thermometer was invented by Galileo… who had, apparently, run out of things to stick up his keister.

*One out of every four books sold in the United States is a mystery or suspense novel… the remaining three are how to build a deck.

*Rudolph with your nose so bright… is you sloshed again tonight?

*Priest at the baptism, “I shall now sprinkle the child with holy water”… me, explaining to a friend, “He learned that from joey chestnut.  It makes them go down the throat easier”.

*A cat cannot see the area directly under its nose… which explains why they always have such a lousy mustache.

*In British hospitals a code blue indicates cardiac failure while a code white is for respiratory failure… a code plaid indicates a Scottish individual lurking in the area.

*At some point all those Legos I’ve kicked down the vent, rather than picking them up over the years, are going to present a major problem.

*I stopped having panic attacks… I simply embraced the idea of remaining panicked all the time.

*Last year I forgot to change the pumpkin spice air freshener plug-ins over to shimmering spruce… it almost ruined the holidays for everyone.

*Having no tattoo’s in 2018 is like having tattoo’s in 1967.

 *My breathing became ragged and my pulse began to race.  I’d never felt quite so alive… so I held up the 11th nugget from a 10-nugget box for all to see!

*I sometimes wonder if camels are self-conscious about their feet.

*The most unrealistic thing about all these home improvement programs… no one ever says “righty-tighty, lefty- loosey!”

*It can take up to 5 years for a bald eagle’s white head feathers to fully develop… until they do they prefer to wear baseball caps they get from seed companies or steal from truckers.

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly Native American criminal class except congress.” – mark twain


A Few Local Outdoor things

Adam Benoit‎ 


How ‘bout a 44.10 pounder.


Now how about a roughly 500 pound black bear photographed with a trail camera not five minutes down the highway west, from the Davis Street Turnoff in Vacaville. This big, big bear can lie atop the ridge it calls home and look down on the City Of Vacaville. This is one of at least four that have been caught on camera plus quite a few mountain lions and many, many wild pigs. Next time you’re going down I.S.80 west from Cowtown look up to the right and the highest little peaks you can see are home to all of these wild and free roaming creatures… isn’t that great!


Next we have the rare occasion where three pheasants were taken in one afternoon recently in rural Dixon (yes there is a pheasant archery season) with bows and arrows. That’s me and our beautiful Brittany bird dog Lady with the results of a lucky shot and Shane Nichols with two birds he got on consecutive shots… which is not done a lot!


And then there’s this!







































Now how about a roughly 500 pound black bear photographed with a trail camera not five minutes down the highway west, from the Davis Street Turnoff in Vacaville. This big, big bear can lie atop the ridge it calls home and look down on the City Of Vacaville. This is one of at least four that have been caught on camera plus quite a few mountain lions and many, many wild pigs. Next time you’re going down I.S.80 west from Cowtown look up to the right and the highest little peaks you can see are home to all of these wild and free roaming creatures… isn’t that great!







Next we have the rare occasion where three pheasants were taken in one afternoon recently in rural Dixon (yes there is a pheasant archery season) with bows and arrows. That’s me and our beautiful bird dog Lady on the left with the results of a lucky shot and Shane Nichols with two birds he got on consecutive shots… which is not done a lot!

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January 5th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #710 (1-5-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

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 Here’s The Dope on Dope…


Much of California could be legally “stoned” today? They’ve all had a few days to get over the newness, find a legal supplier, and re-learn how to toke, smoke, wrap, vape, hookah or whatever. Like it wasn’t bad enough to share the roadways with a bunch of drunks, cokers, crackheads, and messed up meth users. Now the Ca. liberal left is allowing its legislators , who made this all possible, to drive stoned and drunk up and down our freeway on the way to “work” in Sacramento. Yep, there’s no definite test for DUI with pot yet, but you can bet your pot shop there will be, and the smart money is investing in the companies developing a pot-alizer or whatever.

 Here’s why I would never make it as a cop:

How’d you like to be a cop now? “Have you been drinking, smoking dope, taking prescription meds, crack, meth, coke (the un cola), or any of them in combination? Or are you just plain stupid? You ran a red light, and a stop sign, squashed as squirrel, hit a little foo-foo dog, used your turn signal full time, and ran up on the curb, and locked your brakes up when you saw the red light on the police car… which caused a big pileup behind you…You didn’t notice, or even hear the siren? You haven’t had but “one beer?” and you were exposed to second hand pot smoke from someone riding in your car… that’s why you reek of Marijuana? … And you have only taken someone else’s’ prescription meds for a headache…and you think you can drive ok… that about sum it up? Really?” “You’re sorry?” Yep, that makes everything better… Here’s your tickets  you Dumb Sh.t, Have a nice day, and do us all a favor…Don’t Breed.

Because Dixon will have both a medical and retail location to sell marijuana, and all of its byproducts, I thought I would do a little work and bring readers up to snuff about the weed/drug…Like it or not, use it or not it’s here and isn’t going away anytime soon so you might as well be informed a little about what\’s happening…I have a really good sense of smell and I can smell cigars, cigarettes, and dope from a long way off. BTW….Most of the dope I smell smells a little like “skunk” to me. Much of information below is from Wikipedia

What is marijuana?

Marijuana—also called weed, herb, pot, grass, bud, ganja, Mary Jane, and a vast number of other slang terms—is a greenish-gray mixture of the dried flowers of Cannabis sativa. Some people smoke marijuana in hand-rolled cigarettes called joints; in pipes, water pipes (sometimes called bongs), or in blunts (marijuana rolled in cigar wraps).1 Marijuana can also be used to brew tea and, particularly when it is sold or consumed for medicinal purposes, is frequently mixed into foods (edibles) such as brownies, cookies, or candies. Vaporizers are also increasingly used to consume marijuana. Stronger forms of marijuana include sinsemilla (from specially tended female plants) and concentrated resins containing high doses of marijuana’s active ingredients, including honeylike hash oil, waxy budder, and hard amberlike shatter. These resins are increasingly popular among those who use them both recreationally and medically.

The main psychoactive (mind-altering) chemical in marijuana, responsible for most of the intoxicating effects that people seek, is delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). The chemical is found in resin produced by the leaves and buds primarily of the female cannabis plant. The plant also contains more than 500 other chemicals, including more than 100 compounds that are chemically related to THC, called cannabinoids.2

What are marijuana effects?

When marijuana is smoked, THC and other chemicals in the plant pass from the lungs into the bloodstream, which rapidly carries them throughout the body to the brain. The person begins to experience effects almost immediately (see “How does marijuana produce its effects?“). Many people experience a pleasant euphoria and sense of relaxation. Other common effects, which may vary dramatically among different people, include heightened sensory perception (e.g., brighter colors), laughter, altered perception of time, and increased appetite.

If marijuana is consumed in foods or beverages, these effects are somewhat delayed—usually appearing after 30 minutes to 1 hour—because the drug must first pass through the digestive system. Eating or drinking marijuana delivers significantly less THC into the bloodstream than smoking an equivalent amount of the plant. Because of the delayed effects, people may inadvertently consume more THC than they intend to.

Pleasant experiences with marijuana are by no means universal. Instead of relaxation and euphoria, some people experience anxiety, fear, distrust, or panic. These effects are more common when a person takes too much, the marijuana has an unexpectedly high potency, or the person is inexperienced. People who have taken large doses of marijuana may experience an acute psychosis, which includes hallucinations, delusions, and a loss of the sense of personal identity. These unpleasant but temporary reactions are distinct from longer-lasting psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia, that may be associated with the use of marijuana in vulnerable individuals.

Although detectable amounts of THC may remain in the body for days or even weeks after use, the noticeable effects of smoked marijuana generally last from 1 to 3 hours, and those of marijuana consumed in food or drink may last for many hours.

More Things To Think About

*Oooh, the irony… soon the only place you’ll be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market!

*According to Finnish folklore Father Christmas lives on the mountain Korvatunturi with his wife, helpers and his brother-in-law Veeti… who won’t get the hell off the couch and help.

*In this New Year get appointed to management simply by adopting the phrases “change agent”, “directionally accurate”, “core competencies” and “run it up the flagpole”.

If you’re ever lost in the forest just start talking politics… it’s a sure thing someone will show up to disagree with you.

*I just posted a selfie…….and people responded and told me to get well soon.

*No one has to pee with more urgency than a child who has just been belted, zipped and velcroed into 10 pounds of snow gear.

*I used to date a yoga instructor and all my buddies were jealous and said “man, she must be really flexible!”…  I hated to tell them she had to work most weekends.

*The motivational poster I have is a majestic eagle gracefully soaring over the beautifully printed words…  “you can always quit”.

*I’m not sure what’s more confusing; that we would celebrate killing two birds… or that we feel the need to conserve stones.

*The shortest amount of time known to man is what scientists call the ‘sundae second’…… refers to that time period from when your child tells you he is too full to finish dinner and when he starts whining for ice cream.

*I start every day with a green smoothie… oh, wait, the bartender says it’s called a “mojito”.

*How couples walk:  when dating….holding hands,  when engaged….arm-in-arm,  when married…..she walks five feet in front of him yelling back and berating him for parking “so far away!”

*Old MacDonald had Tourette’s…E-I-E-I SHOT!

*A neighbor gave his wife a vibrator as a gag gift.  She started waving it around screaming “I don’t need you now!  I don’t need you!”… guess who had to put the batteries in it?

*In my family B-negative isn’t just a blood type… it’s a way of life.

*One hundred years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars.  Now everyone has a car and only the rich have horses…….the stables have turned.  

 *It’s that time of year to start thinking about New Year’s resolutions:  mine are 1. Stop making lists… 2.  Be more consistent…..7. Learn to count.

*Today I learned you can’t laugh your ass off…the diet starts Monday.

*From now on I’m only going to drink fancy water that has healthy additives… like this one with the hops, yeast and malted barley.

*My new girlfriend was devastated that my friends call me “the love machine”… only because I’m so bad at playing tennis.

*My favorite parts of the Bible are the scenes where Jesus is talking to God alone… and someone who wasn’t there is recounting it years later.

*Came home from work early and found my inflatable girlfriend cheating on me… with the beach ball.

*I will be so disappointed if there isn’t a Chinese millionaire whose name is “Cha Ching”.

*The world is so overpopulated.  Everywhere you go there are people, people, people………you can never find a secluded, private spot to extricate your wedgie.

*I remember being really confused in school when i was told America was the number one country in the world……if so, then why do we use #2 pencils?

*I can be showered and ready to go in 20 minutes… it takes the wife 20 minutes to get ready to shower.

*Unexplainable things:  1) Stonehenge 2) ESP 3) how my cable company can magically lower my charges when I threaten to change.

 *You can tell a lot about someone by the way they order at a hot dog stand… I knew this guy was a Buddhist when he said “make me one with everything.”

*I bought myself two eggplants… so far neither one has laid a single egg.

Squirrels can remember the hiding places they chose for as many as 10,000 nuts… but they always forget their wife’s birthday.

What it$ all about!


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