November 21st 2015
That’s Life©1966 #595 (11-20-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns


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Happy Thanksgiving!


2009 Fort Hood shooting, Paris,

Remember 911? Vetting… Right!

(I get between 50 and 100 emails a day and my web page has almost 200,000 views. Folks are hot about the radical Muslim problem and the fact your POTUS wants to bring 100,000 (both good and bad) to our shores and give them everything they’ve never had before with us footing the bill… is not sitting well… All of my emails are summed up in the tirade below).

Your president said the 10’s of thousands Muslims leaving their countries like rats leaving a sinking ship will be thoroughly vetted before coming to our country… The pictures you see of the huge swarms getting the hell out of town are mostly young Muslim men (that left their families behind to fend for themselves) who have helped destroy their own countries and now want to go elsewhere to set up their own religion, laws and start creating the same mess all over again. If your president wanted to initially bring over 10,000 women and children that may be different.

He claims we have an obligation to help “these people”. B.S. The old “we have to do something” for these future democrats, may be true, but the POTUS proposal is bull.

You really want to help them? Pay for their relocation to a smaller country where there is a majority of their kind already… There are a billion of them scattered everywhere so find some little Muslim island somewhere and pay for them to live there.

They will come here, set up their own encased villages with their own schools, security, laws, etc. (as they have already) and we will give them immediate welfare, food, housing, medical, dental etc. If the democrats are going to do this why not do the same thing, but somewhere else? The long term cost would be less; they would be happier being among their own and not having to start everything all over again. There… you helped them out, kept them the hell out of here and won’t have to apologize for making more vetting mistakes when the whole plan back fires as most everyone seems to think it will…

Hear me Barak? I know you don’t care, and I know you have your own plan, but the majority of thinking Americans don’t want you to bring 100,000 of another country’s problems here when you couldn’t even vet one U.S. Army Major, or the dirt balls who took flying lessons here to learn how to carry out 911… Plus the dozens of other Muslim attacks on us, our people and others in the world… Just how do you plan to glean the good from the bad…? Remember, to them we are infidels, they want us dead and only want the resources this country has…
they don’t want us or to be a part of America… Wake the hell up America!







From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia 

Major Nidal Malik Hasan

On November 5, 2009, a mass shooting took place at Fort Hood, near Killeen, TexasNidal Hasan, a U.S. Army major and psychiatrist, fatally shot 13 people and injured more than 30 others. The shooting produced more casualties than any other on an American military base. Several individuals, including Senator Joe Lieberman, General Barry McCaffrey, and others have called the event a terrorist attack. The United States Department of Defense and federal law enforcement agencies have classified the shootings as an act of workplace violence.

Hasan was found guilty on all 13 counts of premeditated murder and 32 counts of attempted premeditated murder on August 23, 2013, and was sentenced to death on August 28, 2013.

Days after the shooting, reports in the media revealed that a Joint Terrorism Task Force had been aware of a series of e-mails between Hasan and the Yemen-based imam Anwar al-Awlaki, who had been monitored by the NSA as a security threat, and that Hasan’s colleagues had been aware of his increasing radicalization for several years. The failure to prevent the shootings led the Defense Department and the FBI to commission investigations, and Congress to hold hearings. (BFD).

The September 11 attacks (also referred to as September 11September 11th, or 9/11) were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks by the Islamic terrorist group al-Qaeda on the United States on the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001. The attacks consisted of suicide attacks used to target symbolic U.S. LandmarksAll of this without isis and now Paris…

It used to be “Never Again” and now the POTUS is making it “it’s just a matter of time”.





Here’s your English lesson for the day!

“Complete” or “Finished”? No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between “complete” and “finished.”  However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.

The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.” Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’ And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.'”



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*I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging several years ago… since then my mugging attempts have been much more successful.

*I’m at the doctor’s office and they have no clue why I have this rash on my ass so I guess I’ll wait for the doctor… these other patients are clueless.

*Ever want to answer every question with your middle finger… that’s kinda where I’m at today.

*If Monday had a face I’d punch it.

*You never know what you have… until you clean your room.

*I never knew what true happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late.

*Ever noticed that any food that starts out hard will soften when it goes stale… likewise any food that starts out soft will harden?

*If Liam Neeson keeps starring in the same type of films pretty soon he’s going to be “taken 4: granted”.

*The national product once got caught picking its nose… and ever since has been known as the gross national product.

*I don’t think I’m losing my mind… it’s more like it’s trying to escape.

*A “study” found that men think more about sex than women… the same “study” found that a bicycle moves when pedaled.

*My blond wife is such a shopper, she tried to buy the escalator at Macy’s… it was marked down.

*I went for a run this morning but came back after two minutes because I’d forgotten something… I’d forgotten I couldn’t run for more than two minutes.

*I like to make a girl feel good after sex by saying things like “that was extraordinary” or “keep the change”.

*I enjoy Chinese food as much as the next guy… but you’ll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.

*The hardest part about beginning a new relationship is remembering how to hold your gas in.

*Barn owls must have been really excited when someone built the first barn!

*At the age of 6 I was told by a bear wearing jeans and a funny hat that “only you can prevent forest fires”… why I was chosen I’ll never know.

*In a perfect world anyone who said they “literally died”… would drop dead on the spot.

*I do many things well… unfortunately, none of which generates income.

*First day of the diet’s entry in the “weight-loss journal”:  I have removed all the bad food from the house… it was delicious.

*There’s no stronger sunscreen than sitting in the bar.

*I wonder who the first person was who looked at a bee hive and said “those little bastards are hiding something delicious in there and I know it!”

*It’s just so awkward on the phone saying good-bye to loved ones… you say “I love you” and they say “thank-you for choosing round-table”.

*If every day is a gift… today was socks.

*My new credit card has this awesome theft protection feature…it just says “declined” whenever you use it.

*I really think fifty shades of grey missed out on a great marketing slogan……..”climax in Imax”.

*I went to a psychic and he told me a lot of money was coming my way… I walked out somewhat excited, and then got hit by an armored truck.

*Just once I’d like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent… and their pharmacist for everything God left out.




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November 6th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #593 (11-6-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

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Toys For Tots ONLY Annual Meeting Set


We don’t like starting anything to do with the Christmas season before thanksgiving but this year we have no choice because of the way the calendar works out. We are gearing up for our 49th consecutive Dixon Toys for (seven part) Tots/Community Christmas Programs.

Our ONLY annual meeting will be held November 18, at 6 pm in the Dixon Fire Department on Ford Way. At that time all interested organizations and people interesting in this year’s efforts need to be present or have a representative join us for the organizational discussions. We will set the dates for sign-ups, flyers, coat collections and donation boxes along with the senior and food programs.



No need to drive to Manteca anymore… Bass Pro has opened a new store right off the highway a half hour from here… when the traffic is light. We were there on Monday during the rain storm. My first wife Linda is seen molesting a medium sized brown bear 20 yards in front of the big fish tank (see the one coming out of her left ear?).


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Along with all of the fishing and hunting stuff they have a 100,000 square foot location in the new Cross Roads Shopping Center at I-80 and Sierra College Boulevard…. And they have this huge Aquarium… You can view their 12,000 gallon freshwater aquarium that is stocked with fish native to our Northern California area including (huge) largemouth bass, striped bass, catfish, smallmouth bass, and sturgeon.  They now have weekly fish feedings on Saturday and Sunday at 1 PM. It’s located just off the highway in Rocklin, |called Bass Pro Shops, at 5472 Crossings Drive, Rocklin, CA 95677, 916-251-3800.


Speaking Of the Storm…

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This was the view coming back to town as we crossed the bypass. The dark slate blue sky funneled right down on the Dixon area with white puffy clouds hanging low over the foothills… see sun on the left? It sure looked like Oklahoma tornado weather to us. We had over an inch of water in our front yard rain gauge when we got home.


From The Email Bag…

 2015 bob

       ( Ted: This was sent to me several times from a published source attributed erroneously credited to football coach Lou Holtz I checked and here’s the guy who really wrote it…)  Shortly after President Obama gave a speech about income inequality in December 2013, actually writer Bob Lonsberry published an essay on his web site titled “Two Americas” about the “The America that works, and the America that doesn’t.”
It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility. It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed and victimization in order to win elective office. It’s about a political party that loves power more than it loves its country.“The Democrats are right, there are two Americas: The America that works and the America that doesn’t… The America that contributes and the America that doesn’t. It’s not the haves and the have nots, it’s the dos and the don’ts. Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contribute to society and others don’t. That’s the divide in America.

That’s not invective, that’s truth, and it’s about time someone said it.

The politics of envy was on proud display a couple weeks ago when President Obama pledged the rest of his term to fighting “income inequality.” He noted that some people make more than other people and that some people have higher incomes than others, and he says that’s not just. That is the rationale of thievery.

The other guy has it, you want it, Obama will take it for you. Vote Democrat. That is the philosophy that produced Detroit.

It is the electoral philosophy that is destroying America. It conceals a fundamental deviation from American values and common sense because it ends up not benefiting the people who support it, but a betrayal.
The Democrats have not empowered their followers they have enslaved them in a culture of dependence and entitlement, of victim-hood and anger instead of ability and hope. The president’s premise – that you reduce income inequality by debasing the successful–seeks to deny the successful the consequences of their choices and spare the unsuccessful the consequences of their choices. Because by and large, income variations in society are a result of different choices leading to different consequences.

Those who choose wisely and responsibly have a far greater likelihood of success, while those who choose foolishly and irresponsibly have a far greater likelihood of failure.

Success and failure usually manifest themselves in personal and family income. You choose to drop out of high school or to skip college – and you are apt to have a different outcome than someone who gets a diploma and pushes on with purposeful education.

You have your children out of wedlock and life is apt to take one course; you have them within a marriage and life is apt to take another course. Most often in life our destination is determined by the course we take.

My doctor, for example, makes far more than I do. There is significant income inequality between us. Our lives have had an inequality of outcome, but, our lives also have had an in equality of effort. While my doctor went to college and then devoted his young adulthood to medical school and residency, I got a job in a restaurant. He made a choice, I made a choice, and our choices led us to different outcomes. His outcome pays a lot better than mine. Does that mean he cheated and Barack Obama needs to take away his wealth? No, it means we are both free men in a free society where free choices lead to different outcomes.

It is not inequality Barack Obama intends to take away, it is freedom. The freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. There is no true option for success if there is no true option for failure. The pursuit of happiness means a whole lot less when you face the punitive hand of government if your pursuit brings you more happiness than the other guy. Even if the other guy sat on his arse and did nothing. Even if the other guy made a lifetime’s worth of asinine and short sighted decisions.
Barack Obama and the Democrats preach equality of outcome as a right, while completely ignoring inequality of effort.

The simple Law of the Harvest – as ye sow, so shall ye reap – is sometimes applied as, “The harder you work, the more you get.” Obama would turn that upside down. Those who achieve are to be punished as enemies of society and those who fail are to be rewarded as wards of society. Entitlement will replace effort as the key to upward mobility in American society if Barack Obama gets his way. He seeks a lowest common denominator society in which the government besieges the successful and productive to foster equality through mediocrity. He and his party speak of two Americas, and their grip on power is based on using the votes of one to sap the productivity of the other. America is not divided by the differences in our outcomes, it is divided by the differences in our efforts.

It is a false philosophy to say one man’s success comes about unavoidably as the result of another man’s victimization.

What Obama offered was not a solution, but a separatism. He fomented division and strife, pitted one set of Americans against another for his own political benefit. That’s what socialists offer. Marxist class warfare wrapped up with a bow. Two Americas, coming closer each day to proving the truth to Lincoln’s maxim that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” Bob


More Things For Thought2013 badge 7 - Copy


*Someday I’d like to have the newest iPhone, a big steel Rolex watch and drive a brand new Amaro… like the schmuk using food stamps in front of me.

*Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how fun it can be to be around women during their period.

*It appears that dating is a lot like finding a parking space… all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

*So far I’ve made it thru the day without beating someone with a chair… so I’d say my people skills are improving.

*Don’t piss off short people… they’re at the perfect height to hit you in the crotch!

*If you honk your horn 3/10 of a second after the light turns green I swear I will turn off my car, get up and lay on the hood and feed the damn birds for an hour.

*Why do wives insist on buying gifts for their husbands when the best gifts are free… sex and silence.

*Why am I pressing “1 for English” if I’m getting transferred to someone who doesn’t even speak it?

*“Her boobs are too big and there’s way too much beer in the fridge”… yeah, right. There’s a phrase that’s never been said.

*One of my hobbies is responding to stupid questions with totally nonsensical answers.

*I bet giraffes don’t even know what a fart smells like.

*To each their own, but 72 virgins seems to me like a nightmare.

*I have a bumper sticker that says “honk if you think I’m cute!”… Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.

*This guy broke into my house last week.  He didn’t steal my TV, but he did take the remote.  Now he drives by and changes the channels… sick bastard.

*Having one child makes you a parent… having two children makes you a referee.

*Sometimes life bites you in the butt… fortunately, I have enough padding there to take the hit.

*The little toe, aka “the pinkie toe”, was designed specifically to geo-locate furniture in low-light conditions.

*Never look at your beer as half-empty… look at it as if you are half-way to your next beer.

*There was a bug on the wall by the urinal.  Now it’s gone… but there’s pee everywhere.

*I truly adore people who can make me laugh… it’s like sex for the soul.

*I don’t know about you but I call showering a successful day.

*Are Amish people allowed to do the electric slide?

*Moderation is just not my thing.

*I used to see a “life coach” pretty regularly… back when they were called bartenders.

*I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet and sawdust bedding… no, wait.  Hamsters.  I hate hamsters.

*If you’re nice to an animal it loves you for life… if you’re nice to a human God knows what’s going to happen.

*I’m “my bladder is now my alarm clock” years old.

*Who doesn’t love rhetorical questions?

*I just had Greek yogurt for the first time… it wasn’t nearly as hairy as I expected.

*It only takes one… sperm and lies.

*I bought the wrong kind of compass… now I’m lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.





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October 30th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #592 (10-30-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

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Halloween Tomorrow! Set your clocks back an hour when you go to bed… DST rears its ugly head once again!


IMG_0107 (1)


Don’t Do, Don’t Bitch


The City of Dixon’s General Plan is currently being revised and now is the time for your personal input. If you don’t take the time to at least take a simple survey or attend a meeting then don’t bitch when, in the future, a strip joint is built right next to a pre-school… a wild example no doubt but the point is made. You want parks, open space, more business development instead of thousands of houses, etc. If so now is the time to give your input.


That's Life 3That's life 4

You can go to the city’s web site at and take a funky survey which has to be done by Nov. 6. Hard copies are also available at city hall and the senior center… Or you can contact George Osner for more information at 678-7004 X 114 for more information.


Now and then… the “Glory Hole” at Lake Berryessa


Lake Level Update: 10/26/15: The elevation of the spillway (Glory Hole) at Monticello Dam is 440 feet msl. The water is now 43.38 feet below the top of the spillway at 396.62 feet – down only another 2.0 inches since last week. This date last year the lake was at 401.19 feet. Last week’s thunderstorms dropped 0.69 inches of rain at Monticello Dam raising the total rainfall since July 1, to 1.4 inches.


For the last time this year… The Hickman Corn Patch… It closes Sunday and we will harvest the crop.


More Things For Thought…2013 badge 7 - Copy


*Every time I tell people I want to be a comedy writer they laugh… see, I told you I was good.

*A friend said “Would you like me to get out my didgeridoo and play for you?”… I replied, “I’d prefer you didgerididn’t”.

*A “cheese grater” doesn’t make the cheese better… it just makes it smaller.

*With my tendencies toward OCD I find I’m compulsive about being on time to things… when I die I hope I’m cremated and my ashes used in an hourglass.

*When women reach a certain age they begin to accumulate cats… this is known as the “many paws”.

*What I lack in morals I more than make up for in poor decisions… and great memories.

*I have decided that I am an ass man… don’t misunderstand me, horses are beautiful, they just don’t have the majestic aura of a donkey.

*Did you ever stop and realize that the first person to build a clock had absolutely no idea how long it took?

*Growing up is when you change from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

*Seeing a spider isn’t the problem… it becomes a problem when the darn spider disappears.

*I bought one of those “Life Alert” necklaces… if I ever get a life they’ll notify me straight away.

*”Sleeping beauty’ is sort of an object lesson.  You see, this guy finds what is practically a corpse laying in the woods and he kisses it… aaaaand that tells you just about all you really need to know about men!

*How to parallel park… find a lot, preferably with a valet.

*I keep a moist towelette in my wallet instead of a condom… I run into Buffalo wings a lot more often than an opportunity for sex.

*Luckily children are more resilient and much easier to keep alive than houseplants.

*I’m intentionally overweight because I’m a compassionate lover… I don’t want anyone getting bruised on the sharp, protruding hip bones.

*The only reason my marriage has lasted as long as it has is because of my jar opening skills.

*I don’t know why I can’t bring my dog into Wal-Mart… She’s prettier and less likely to crap on the floor than 75% of their customers.

*The dream of a single woman:  “I want a best friend/companion/lover that connects with me emotionally, spiritually and physically”… she’d have better luck finding a unicorn.

*I’ve never understood why they call it “beauty sleep”… when I wake up I look like a damn troll!

*I’m at my most “penguin” when I’m trying to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles.

*Sex on the beach means sand everywhere… and you just don’t want such extreme exfoliation in some areas.

*Informative fact:  Debra is the short form of debrassiere.

*I’m not looking for the woman that reads “fifty shades of grey”… I’m looking for the one that finds it tame and boring.

*My body is not a temple… it’s more like a bar and grill.

*Stop the complaining ladies… I’ve seen a ton of tampon commercials and having a period looks like an absolute blast!  

*If I listen closely enough I can hear my guardian angel sobbing.

*How to cook the perfect vegetarian meal… 1. Throw it out/give to a rabbit.  2. Cook some meat.

*I don’t have a clue how to act my age… I’ve never been this age before.

*Let’s all hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t start in Kenya… there’s no way in hell any of us could outrun them!

*I’m not an expert, obviously, but I believe that kindness is the least effective way to kill someone.


 That's Life 7


Muslim Book Store… From The Email Box

Ted, I was walking through an area in Sacramento and I saw that there was a “Muslim Book Store.”  I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.  As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding illegal Muslims and Mexicans?”  The clerk said, “F*** off, get out and stay out!”  I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?” He called security. J.B. Dixon





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October 23rd 2015
That’s Life©1966 #591 (10-23-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

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New Dixon City Council Game!



It hasn’t happened yet but I, as one of your five elected officials, will be proposing it at the next city council meeting this coming Tuesday… It? The official City of Dixon “Beat the Clock Civility Game”. Yep, you heard it here first… I write a lot of things laced with satire and tongue–in-cheek, but this is on the level…I’m as serious as a train wreck… If they go for it come on down to city hall and play!

I’m proposing this since the city council (recall movement aside) seems dead set on passing a citizen restrictive “civility ordinance” making it illegal for the public to speak at council meeting for more than three minutes, (with the city clerk timing you with an egg timer; no kidding) and your elected officials are supposed to be limited to five minutes… the city needs to get two clocks. If they really want to do this then I am seriously making the following suggestions:



  1. Place a clock in front of the mayor’s seating area that can be seen by the speakers and the whole audience with the mayor controlling the start button. Then have it electronically set to give a subtle beep with 15/30 seconds left and a buzzer when the three minutes are up. At that point, if they make the time limit by themselves they should be given a box of good and plenty with the mayor saying, “You did Good and you talked Plenty within the city’s speaking law”. But…You don’t beat the clock you don’t get any reward!
  2. To help the city council, clerk, attorney, manager and treasurer sitting up high on our elevated area looking down on you regular folks… we should have a clock showing the same timing at the back of the room by the regular clock… that way we are all on the same page and when we speak we won’t have to fear being chastised by the mayor for speaking for five minutes and one second… But… we don’t get any candy since we are all paid to be up

Former city councilman Mike Ceremello got wide spread attention and news coverage for saying a frustrated “F**K” during a meeting… shouldn’t we get some positive coverage for being the first city to make council meetings more citizen friendly by making a game out of trying to communicate with their elected officials?  Then we make the speaking experience even more enticing by giving them a reward when they obey the mayor’s newly proposed city civility law.

I really think I’m on to something here that isn’t very expensive compared to the cost of having this “civility” law drawn up by the city attorney and done and re-done. It would be easier on those speaking before the council and not as disconcerting as having the city clerk tell them they have 30 seconds left to speak. Taken to extreme if the council finally passes this dumb doctrine a person could be thrown out of the meeting or arrested if they chose to babble on past their time limit… so the clocks could help prevent that.

Can’t you just picture it?  You’re getting booked in the Solano County Pokey and the robbers, rapists, gang members, killers, etc. say, “What you in for?” You’re only response could be, “I didn’t beat the clock… I talked over three minutes at a Dixon City Council meeting”…  I’m sure you would have an elevated status among your badass jail peers. You could always add… “And I didn’t get any candy.” That might help.


Not Going To Be Our Next President?

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More Things For Thought2013 badge 7 - Copy

*This guy on the bus said “Nice 1970’s fur-trimmed denim vest, dips**t.”… I get compliments like that all the time.

*How many hiccups equal a sit-up?

*If you’re feeling lonely dim all the lights and put on a horror movie… pretty soon you won’t feel alone any more.

*In Seattle there’s a code that states that when two people are walking perpendicular to one another the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.

*The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.

*I am quickly coming to the conclusion that I am the villain… in my own life story.

*I find I’ve never been able to get over the ‘one that got away’… should have used more duct tape and rope.

*Pooh waddles over to Tigger in that cute little way, gently taps him on the shoulder and says… “Why don’t I have a penis?”

*I was relieved to finally get a new micro-chipped debit card that provides added security for the $9.68 in my checking account.

*Yes.  I understand you say you are bipolar… but has anyone ever possibly diagnosed you as just a complete dweeb?

*Porn movies are a lot like yoga pants… not everyone should be in them.

*Found a forklift with the keys still in it… long story short, I now own a Redbox and a Pepsi machine.

*My testicles are in the Guinness Book of World Records… hopefully I have a few more minutes before the librarian comes this way.

*I’m pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I’ll have the whole set.

*Never laugh at a fat cop… They are 10 times more likely to shoot you because they can’t run or fight.

*If she starts removing her earrings while still maintaining eye contact you’re either in for the sex of your life…..or you’d better run!

*There are two ways of arguing with a woman…  neither one of them works.

*Salad is the decaf of food.

*I belched really loudly today and four people turned around… I felt like I was on “the voice”.

*Never confuse a colostomy bag with a whoopee cushion… totally ruined grandpa’s 90th birthday party.

*Plastic bags biodegrade faster than my wife getting to the point.

*How many blondes does it take to change a diaper… ask Hugh Heffner.

*I’ll never forget when I got my first universal remote… “Wow! This changes everything!”

*I was wondering… if you get fired at the unemployment office do you just go around to the other side of the counter?

*I might not be smarter than a fifth grader… but I can buy alcohol and date his mom.

*A blanket got stuck on the wife’s bra hook… and for a moment she had a magnificent cape.

*The top three situations that require witnesses are crimes, accidents, and marriages… need I say more?

*It’s just going to be one of those days… the voices in my head are fighting; my imaginary friend is running with scissors and one of my personalities wandered off.

*I think my problem is I have really fantastic bad ideas.

*Malia Obama playing beer pong at brown university is the most outrageous thing a president’s child has done since George w. Bush invaded Iraq.


In Case You Were Wondering… From the Email Bag

  Dear council member Hickman, Cal Water recently reported September water conservation data for our Dixon district, which includes the city of Dixon, to the state water resources control board.

For the month of September, our Dixon district reduced its water consumption by 28.4% when compared to September 2013. As a reminder, the Dixon district has a cumulative water reduction requirement of 28%, which must be met by the end of February 2016, per governor brown’s executive order. Cumulatively, for the past four months, the Dixon district has reduced its water use by 33.3% when compared to the same period in 2013.
If you have any questions or if we can do anything else to help the city of Dixon reduce its water use, please contact Jack Caldwell, Dixon’s local manager, at 707-693-6871 or
        James Lau, government relations associate California water service


Delta Fishing…

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It may have rained here last Sunday but the weather was perfect in the delta fishing out of Rio Vista. Pictured above is granddaughter Shannon Hickman 11, who was in the bass boat with her cousin Drake Hickman, 9 and her father Trey (with little largemouth only twice the size of the lure) and me. We caught 22 fish mostly large and smallmouth bass (Shannon holding one) with a couple of huge red ear sunfish thrown in for good measure. All were caught on crankbaits and swim baits. Nothing hit a rattletrap. Trey caught a largemouth in the 4+ range on a swimbait and these sunfish hit these big lures with their little mouths… go figure. Great day but the bad news was when we were returning to the dock we found out about a mile of so upstream from Rio Vista everyone anchored was catching nice, clean, big, fresh run salmon… We didn’t hear about any stripers being caught





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October 16th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #590 (10-16-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:

Halloween’s Coming…

               Dixon’s lucky when it comes to Halloween things to do. We have the big Cool Patch  corn maze out off the highway, the Silveyville Pumpkin and Christmas Tree farm and fun things to do just over the overpass from McDonald’s and then this year’s specialized Hickman Korn Maze. The first photo is from this year’s Cool Patch Corn Maze, the second from the Silveyville pumnpkin place and the third photo is from our specialized corn maze. Sooo…there’s plenty to do… for everyone of all ages and hair colors

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From The Email Box

Ted: “This happened to my next door neighbor today (10-11-15), I have intentionally left out any names. Feel free to put this in your weekly column, edit as necessary for verbiage/profanity if need be. I heard you went head to head with these yahoos during the Solano County Fair… J.B.   So, yesterday at the Tractor Supply a 4-H leader and her fellow 4-H’ers were confronted by a PETA activist. I’ve never felt so unprepared as a parent. This monster of a woman thought it would be appropriate to berate a group of children about how they raise animals as pets and then send them to slaughter (not exactly accurate). Of course we jumped in (as I prepared myself for jail) and she was gone as fast as she came… But left the kids in tears… and to the grandmotherly patron who grabbed the leader and hugged her so tight, thank you, whoever you are. What pissed me off was she engaged them in conversation first, like she was interested, then just attacked. It was awful. Just the last thing I ever expected.”


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The People Eating Tasty Animals are tree hugging hypocrites who wear leather and butcher and devour helpless vegetables without giving it a second thought. Almost everything we eat at least has a chance to escape or swim away… a head of lettuce doesn’t. The ones I tried to get into a discussion with were just naive bunny huggers who somehow have the time and ability to spew their skewed opinions during working hours. I have to defend their right to free speech and defend their right to their opinion just as I defend my right to tell them in public they are mostly just bat crap crazy in the way they go about things. I wish I had been there and was able to exercise my right of free speech. These kids need to toughen up, look these kooks in the eye and proudly say, “Bite me, if you don’t want to eat meat, don’t, but if you get between me and my steak I will bite you” or something to that effect. The adult leader should have called the police if the children were being harassed… Just as an aside we had a gourmet meal of fair bought rabbit at the game club meeting Monday night prepared by local game cooking expert Bob Dohr… and wow, it was delicious. We haven’t had any bunny meat since Jack Fry passed away. We used to trade him pheasants for pen raised rabbit. If you haven’t tried it do so if you get a chance.

I literally ran into some of these left over hippie tree huggers at the State Grizzly Island hunting area a few years ago when we arrive for a duck hunt. Fish and game warned us to be careful so I carefully carefully drove right at those blocking the road and you know what? They abandoned their principles, got out of the way and started yelling crap until I backed up to see what they wanted. I guess they thought I was going to back up and run over them because they went running to fish and game personnel who all of a sudden were busy with other things. If any of you are confronted by any of these “my way or the highway” air heads arrange a meeting… for some reason they don’t like talking to me or my kind… they’d rather harass the future suppliers of our food and convert them from raising animals to raising spinach, bean sprouts and radishes.


Your Next President?

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More Things For Thought…

*If lemonade is made from lemons… then what is a colonnade made from?

*Common sense isn’t a gift as much as a punishment… Because you have to deal with people who don’t have it.

*For some people sex really is a spiritual act… praying their spouse doesn’t find out.

*A bus: A vehicle that goes twice as fast when you are after it than when you are on it.

*Does “swimming in debt” count as cardio?

*My son joined a yoga class… guess it beats sitting around doing nothing.

*Every time I think I have my ducks all in a row I turn around… and one of the little ***tards has waddled off.

*The wife was holding one of the boys years ago as he cried and fussed, “He just needs to be changed”, she said… yeah, hopefully into something much quieter.

*I pretend to like and get along with difficult people all day long.  It’s called “being an adult”… that’s why we’re allowed to buy alcohol.

*Nothing makes me feel more like an idiot than when I’m laying in bed texting someone… and I drop the phone on my face.

*I just stubbed my toe, and, no, I did not cry like a baby… babies don’t have the lung capacity or vocabulary to do what I just did.

*I took the road less traveled… and now I have no clue where I am.

*Nothing stimulates my appetite as much waiting to pay for my pizza… and hearing the two barehanded pizza makers discussing which zits are the hardest to pop.

*Had to show my ID at the post office.  The clerk blurts out “you’ve aged a little since this photo was taken!”…. “You’re dead right, sweetie” I responded “I had it taken just before I got in your damned line!”

*Vodka mixes well with almost everything… except decisions.

*Statistics show that more people are killed each year by horses than sharks which I find really weird… I didn’t even know horses could live underwater.

*Any food is ‘bite size’ if your mouth is big enough.

*Critics agree that plot-considerations did not warrant the near-constant nudity in your industrial safety film “How to safely use a ladder in the workplace”.

*Grammar is:  1. How we structure our sentences.  2. Grandpa’s wife… unfortunately some of you will pick #2.

*My childhood left me with an unreal expectation of how often I would see pies used as weapons.

*I wish my wife was one of those special government agents that aren’t allowed to discuss what they did all day.

*When I was in France a few weeks ago I only went to one city… which was Nice.

*People who help you find what you are looking for at the liquor store should be called “spirit guides”.

*My girlfriend just broke up with me.  Apparently I’m too handsome, too good in bed and much too charming.  She also mentioned something about my chronic lying, but I really didn’t hear her, I was wrestling a bear.

*I think the scariest part about having triplets is having to be pregnant for 27 months.

*I am “first world poor”… this means that I own a smartphone and an expensive laptop so I can go on-line and check that I have no money in the bank.

*Every box of raisins is a tragic tale… of grapes that could have been wine.

*The only exercise I’ve done recently is running out of money.

*I’m thinking drinks at a bar should be served only in those Capri Sun-like pouches… when the time comes you can’t get the straw in they cut you off.

*It’s been a good day… I’m happier than a mosquito at a nudist colony.







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October 9th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #589 (10-9-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns


Feel Free to


CALL: The “do not call” line at 1-888-382-1222 to submit your request by phone to be on the list and stop many of the stupid, invasive robo and telemarketer calls.



Lions Club Poker Tourney Tomorrow

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The Dixon Lions Club is holding its 8th Annual Texas Hold’em Fundraiser Tournament tomorrow Saturday, October 10th, starting at 6p.m. with Tri-Tip Sandwiches and No-Host Cocktails being served.

The friendly poker tournament will begin at 7 p.m. in the old Vet’s Hall downtown at 231 north First Street. It’s a mellow fun time with professional dealers and tables and it’s the pros that set and enforce and settle any questions about rules or differences of opinions. (See photo above from a previous Lions Club tourney). The entry fee is $75 and re-buys will be available and prizes will be awarded to the winning table but you must be at least 21 to attend. Both men and women play…it’s not a stag night. I made it to the second to last table last year and I’m far from being good at the game since I only play there once a year and occasionally on the computer against robots.

This one of only two big funds raisers the Dixon Lions Club has each year. All of the proceeds go to local organizations and help out with community and school projects… so tell momma you’ll be donating (painlessly) to help your community.

For tickets or information Call: James Bounds, Jr. (916) 396-6681 or Eric Arnold (530) 219-0932 and you can probably get one at the door, for sure if you reserve a seat in advance by calling James or Eric.


Super Hoarders Closing… Big Sale… Get Some!


            Dixon Police Chief, Jon Cox, and his wife Betty and friend Kim Beall have owned the “Super Hoarders Antiques & Collectables” out by the freeway for the past several years. It’s located at 1670 North Lincoln between the Ford Dealership and the “Scrapbook” store. (BTW both the Ford Dealership and the Scrapbook store are great place to visit and do business. If you’ve never been to either you should visit both.)

Back to the antique shop… It’s kind of like being in Fanny Anne’s in Old Sac with a lot of cool old stuff … you want to visit there ASAP because they are just starting their “going out of business sale” because their lease is up and income isn’t matching expenses… sound familiar?

Anyway you do want to visit there and you do want to do it soon because they’ve halved the entire store inventory for a clearance sales. The prices were already low and they will be selling many things below their cost until Halloween… That’s 50% off of everything in the store. We bought a huge Halloween spider and Linda’s mom bought a porcelain figurine at a ridiculous price… we felt like we robbed the police chief. Linda’s mom, Mary, had her cousin, Judy Burton, visiting from Indiana and she said she only wished she had more time to spend there before we headed to another Dixon highlight. I’d like to explain the contents of the place more but I can’t; go and you’ll see what I mean.

Betty’s phone number is 372-3012 and Kim’s is 514-9766 both 707. The store is open 12 noon to 6 p.m. except Sunday and Mondays. When you go there pop in next door at take a gander at the Scrapbook store and the stuff and programs they have going on.


More Things For Thought…



*Why are they called “boxer shorts” and not “junk drawers”?

*Always follow your dreams… except that one where you jump off the Empire State Building and fly. That one doesn’t end very well.

*Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

**I went to school to become a wit… I only made it half-way thru.

*Have you ever noticed it’s almost easier to stay awake until 6 a.m. then it is to get up at 6 a.m.?

**When the kids were little I offered them $5 to clean so they could learn about money… then I didn’t pay them so they could learn about randomly trusting people.

**I realized I had a road rage problem when my kids started yelling “pick a lane, dipsh**!” when I was pushing them in the shopping cart!

*All you need to know about the American healthcare system is there’s a popular TV series where a respected school teacher takes to cooking industrial quantities of crystal meth so he can pay his medical bills.

**In Africa a lion gets shot and the people blame the man who shot him… in America a man gets shot the public blames the gun, all gun owners, the Confederate flags, statues, pretty much anything except the man who shot him. 

*I wonder if the girls on the show “16 and pregnant” in a few years will be starring in “32 and a grandma”.

*There are three types of people in this world… those that think Tom Brady cheated, those that are wrong, and the judge that has him on his fantasy football team.

*After much research, experimentation and consideration I have determined that adulthood is not for me… thank you for the opportunity.

*Good morning!  My name is Bill Gates and today I will be teaching you how to count to ten… 1,2,3,95,98, NT, Me, 2000, XP, Vista, 7,8,10.

*A walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension… the fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.

*College kids absolutely hate that they put expiration dates on condoms… as if they’re not under enough pressure to have sex.

**I hope they never find life on any other planet… because sure as hell our government will start sending them money.

*The neighbors probably think I’m having wild sex over here… but in reality those are just the sounds I make whenever I take my sox off.

*I’m getting really, really tired of people thinking that deodorant is optional.

*I’ve found that Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t like being tickled… my doorstep, my rules.

*They’re gathering information by going through our trash.  Learning & plotting… raccoons haven’t forgotten that we used to wear them as hats.

*Today I feel about as useless as the top two buttons on a Greek man’s dress shirt.

*All shoes are, technically, “buy one… get one free”.

*What the hell is with everyone wanting to run a marathon these days… I can’t even motivate myself to run an errand.

*”Fifty shades of Grey” taught me how to please almost every woman… write a crappy book trilogy.

**I don’t understand why women love cats.  Cats are independent, they don’t listen, don’t come when they’re called, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep… every quality that they hate in a man!

*At what age did we start saying “congratulations!” when someone told us they were pregnant… instead of “oh crap?”

*I love how music takes you away to another place… for example; they’re playing rap music in this bar so I’m going to another bar.

*I’ve spent a good portion of Labor Day evaluating my enthusiasm for my work… I’ve decided I’m a real “no-getter”.

*I will never pay to see a psychic… but they know that.

*Everyone said the hamster catapult wasn’t appropriate for the science fair… but no one could stop watching.


The Blame Game…



Liberals blame the gun, I blame the shooter. Give them diesel fuel and some fertilizer and they can kill hundreds if they want (as they have)…Or Molotov cocktails can kill many, or knives, bricks, hands, feet, ball bats… will the liberals then want to outlaw gas and fertilizer, etc? I just keep thinking a gun has never killed anyone but I’m mystified since everyone knows it’s the nuts doing the damage there is not big movement to blame the shooter… I guess it’s easier to put the blame on an inanimate object than it is to admit there’s a huge social problem which begin with expected entitlements and ends with a mass of folks with no self-worth or motivation… Our elected politicians suck.

            When we moved to Dixon in the mid 60’s I had never hunted or fished much, had never seen a deer or pheasant and only had one hand-me-down long gun that my step dad gave me and a single shot 22. The high school parking lot was filled with pickup trucks almost all with gun rack and many had guns in them. The trucks for the most part were unlocked. There were no school shootings… they were unheard of.


When I was growing up in Ohio if you really misbehaved in school you were sent to either the principal or the coaches office and got a taste of their thick wooden paddle with holes in it. Rarely if ever did anyone go back twice. To make it worse when you got home you probably got it again… There were no shootings, there was little if any welfare and everyone pulled their own weight. If you misbehaved or broke the law you were punished as an incentive not to do it again… and younger people got the message and for the most part ended up being good solid citizens…

            The do-gooder, touchy feely, tree hugging liberals who let their children, who do no wrong, practically raise themselves without and rules or consequences are the real cause of many of the problems we now see permeating our society… Think about it. Amen.


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October 3rd 2015
That’s Life©1966 #588 (10-2-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

By Ted Hickman Feel Free to 



Baaa…Come To Lambtown


Got nothing going on this weekend? On Saturday and Sunday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. come to the Dixon May Fairgrounds with the kids and visit the Lambtown festival and bluegrass happening.



This is a really good family affair with entertainment, vendors, food, drink and everything you ever wanted to know about lambs; wool, yarns, spinning, eating them, and see them getting herded by dogs, etc. That’s my first wife Linda in the photo (not the dog) learning how to spin straw into gold… or yarn into something, at a previous Lambtown… Cool huh?

There are eight different bluegrass bands scheduled over the two days and the high school band will perform on Sunday and you’ll find the bands in the beer garden along with us. Linda and I will be working in the “wine bar” serving wine (duh) and Sangria from 1 to 6 on Saturday so stop by and yell “hi” if you get a chance.

Admission is only $5 as is parking and about everything else but kids under 13, FFA, 4-H and Grange are free in uniform or with some ID. Active military is also free. So mom and dad along with all of their kids they say are under 13 can come and spend the day for $10 if you park down the street and walk in. Where else can you do so much for so little?

Afterwards on Saturday you can go get plastered in a downtown City of Dixon vacant lot at a beer fest of sorts and go listen to the Travis AFBB (band) play in concert at the high school that evening… Lambs, wool, spinning wheels, bluegrass, beer and a government band all in one day…Is Dixon a happening place or what? Go to their web page at for the whole schedule of events.



Hope You’re Thankful…


Really, I hope you’re thankful for what you have no matter how much or how little. You can go on a short drive north or south of here and experience total devastation of entire communities where hundreds have lost everything they have… except their lives…and even a few gave up that up too.

If like us you felt you needed to do something to help those hundreds who are now homeless and sans any possessions you might try to goggle the governments in charge of the areas where the fire occurred… Like Middletown and see how you can add to the relief effort through local government. If they aren’t incorporated cities then check with their counties and their relief effort.

You notice I didn’t say send a donation to the Red Cross who’s director make more in salary than some of the community’s budgets. This way if you can help the local folks who know their needs and be sure your donation is going to those you intended. The Red Cross thing is just my personal bias… you can send them a donation if you want a quick feeling of having helped I guess.



Mud Moon…


            What a bummer. The “super” so called “blood” moon was a big nothing more like a crud moon… and it wasn’t even that big. It was almost as exciting as watching paint dry. It didn’t look any different than the old fall moons when they used to burn the rice stubble this time of the year and we’d see an orange moon and a creepy pall all over the valley. The moon, of course, doesn’t change size it’s just its proximity to the earth that makes is appear different sizes at various times … Still with all of the buildup it was a letdown.

Grandson’s Joke…


            Our nine year old grandson, Drake, told us a joke… almost as much of a moaner as some of mine, but clean. “What did the dad buffalo say to the kid buffalo as he was leaving for school”? Wait for it… “Bye son”. Yuck, yuck.

Here’s one for him: *What’s the difference between a “Hippo” and a “Zippo”… one is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. Yuck, yuck, yuck!



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*Had a new sign made for my front porch… “No soliciting-we are too broke to buy anything-we know who we’re voting for- we have found Jesus-seriously, unless you are selling thin mints, just go away!”

*I played hide-and-seek today and I was winning… until the cops let the K-9 off the leash.

*As I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death I say to myself… I will never use google maps again!

*Pay attention to your kids… one day he will stuff a sugar-free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on the cat’s…

*I no longer have any desire to meet the person of my dreams… I just want to find someone who won’t insist on talking to me when I’m in the bathroom.

*It just makes me sick knowing that people think I’m a hypochondriac.

*I miss dating… the excitement of meeting someone new, and the butterflies in the stomach you get when you attempt to climb out their bathroom window.

*Have you ever been so drunk that scientology sounded plausible… me either.

*Ya know what’s worse than the first day of school… being out of school.

*Halloween is approaching and I’m thinking about going as Winnie the Poo… a t-shirt and no pants.

*I think it’s time to put an “out of order” sign on my forehead and call it a day.

*I’ll pronounce vegan “veegan” when vegetables become “veegetables“.

*I was doing CPR on a person for five minutes before a family member told me that’s just how she laughs.

*Until they need replacing your never really appreciate your roof, your transmission… or your liver.

*Wait, wait, wait… you mean white people can just decide “burrito” is too hard a word to pronounce, so they just call ’em “wraps” and everyone’s cool with it?

*You can actually find porn movies a very positive experience… no bombings, no murders, and everyone seems to be very happy at the end.

*A better name for the “pope-mobile” would be a “Christler”.

*Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than you damn dumb bastards.

*The fact that there’s a highway to hell but only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic.

*Some days I eat salad and go to the gym.  And some days I consume three lbs. of bacon and chase it with a couple dozen beers and refuse to put pants on… it’s called “balance”.

*My grandson is absolutely terrified of thunder.  I told him that was a stupid, irrational fear… after all; it’s the lightening that will kill him.

*In ancient Egypt cats were considered gods… cats have not forgotten this.

*I’m really impressed by the new Ford trucks made of aluminum to weigh less… makes them easier to push home.

*Let us all behold the majesty of the bald eagle… and the social awkwardness of the combover eagle.

*I was in a bar the other night and the barmaid yelled out “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet!” and everyone laughed… well, except for that one guy. 

*Some things in biblical history just makes no sense.  So, Noah found two polar bears and a couple of penguins in the Middle East?  And after the flood he took them back to Canada or wherever…that sounds plausible.

*Mermaids that never marry eventually accumulate a whole bunch of catfish.

*I ordered the chick on page 32 in the Victoria secret catalog… but all they sent me was her underwear.


Get Out Your Calculator


Try this:

  1. Write down your shoe size, no ½ sizes, round it up.
  2. Multiply your shoe size times 5.
  3. Add 50.
  4. Multiply by 20.
  5. Add 1015.
  6. Subtract the year of your birth.
  7. The first digits should be your shoe size and the last two digits, your age.
  8. It works… Ain’t it amazing?


Beware New Clinic In Town

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic here in Dixon. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr.Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer’s clinic. Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.” Dr. Young: Aaagh! “This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”


Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.  Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Dr. Young:  “Oh, no you don’t, that is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back!” That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak…I can hardly see anything! Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your$1000 back.” (Giving him a $10 bill). Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back!” That will be $500!” Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

One of a kind… gone and missed… The fat lady sang.

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September 25th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #587 (9-25-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to


In Case You Were Curious


Local Stuff..


First of all there will be a super blood moon total eclipse Sunday, not seen for the past 33 years… and another won’t be seen for 18 more years. It will start at 7:11 p.m. when a huge appearing super moon will be totally eclipsed turning it an orange/reddish color… Hence the blood moon. Goggle it… It’s interesting, read about it and then watch it.


A lot of stuff has happen in the local area in recent days. Last Thursday the NFL (pro-football network) was in Dixon at the Stuart and Emily Rowe Ranch out on Tremont Rd. The network’s Mike Silver was there doing an essay on Tony Romo. By a series of things happening the production crew ended up at Rowe’s dairy cow ranch to use their cows as a back drop for his piece that aired three times on Sunday. Go to the link below and you can see familiar landmarks in the background… Check out the link at: (underscores between each gap)

               I’ll write more about the Rowe’s cows and monkey which lead to me not doing any more cutesy animals stories decades ago…

Then on Saturday the Cool Patch pumpkin cash cow out on the freeway had its annual opening with Sacramento Kings cheerleaders, TV stations, etc. all gathered up there for their annual opening. We would have covered it too but the Cooley’s forgot to mention it to us… So, anyway I guess their world record corn maze is now open?

Now coming October 1 will be the opening of the Silveyville Christmas Tree and Pumpkin Patch and they’ll be open 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. every day until October 31. If you’ve never been there before (across the freeway from McDonalds off of Pitt School Rd. and take first left) go and take the kids… all kinds of cool stuff to do.



            Food stays and goes… J.R.’s downtown Bar-B-Que is toast. The owner said due to the monthly total business nut he has to pay and the lack of sustainable business he had to close the doors. You J.R. food fans, (including us) may be able to look forward to a “food truck” down the pike. Cool idea huh?

A Street Deli” stays and plugging awayThe deli just to the north of the “Frosty” across from the police department is still hanging on. They’ve been in business for 30+ years serving home style breakfast and lunch. Their eggs benedict (which you can get in half portions) is the best around. It’s one of those little places that you probably wouldn’t know about unless I (or someone) told you about it. They’re open 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. seven days a week. You want to patronize a mom and pop place like this. Mr. Deli’s prices are still way reasonable with his egg prices going up over 100 per cent and the cost of bacon rising over 80 per cent. He works seven days a week and it’s nice to know you are supporting the local economy when you eat at a place like this. There are several spots downtown so if you’ve never been there, or haven’t been there for a while, go down and give some of those spots a try.


Monster Dove…


This is what one of the pigeon size Eurasian Dove looks like compared to one of our native mourning dove. I shot this on just on the other side of the freeway during dove season. We shot about six of these ugly sounding critters and the interesting thing was what was in their gullets. The mourning dove all had small seeds like mullein and small sunflower seeds. The big bully birds had mostly pieces of almonds mixed with bigger sunflower seeds. They flew together in pairs and hung out together in groups and seem to have formed another minority California gang quickly rubbing out their competitors.

Wonder About The NRA Dinner Take?


            The annual Dixon NRA dinner held here for years has a lot of people spend a lot of money to support the gun rights organization… and every year people wonder just how much this affair takes in. This year it grossed $60,236 and netted $18,068 with the major expenditure being $24,409 going to buy NRA merchandise for the auctions and prizes. The live auction took inn just under $20,000 and ticket sales came in with $17,641. So all of you that have wondered for decades what was what…now you know. It is what it is.

Only Two Puppies Left…


            The folks up in Yuba City only have two little male liver colored Brittany puppies left. So if you were looking for a smallest pointing, bird-dog, eight week old puppy, you better act quickly. They are only $300 and will be available this Saturday with puppy shots and worming done. We’re picking up our little “Lady” on today. They are great dogs and make great pets. They’re smart and at home both in and outdoors. They’re great with kids and can help put bird food on the table… so to speak.  Contact David or Alisa at 530-370-5750 or 530-370-5754 and try to get one of the last two males.


Dixon City Council Now Dictates your Speech and Behavior


            Yep, believe it or not your elected officials, your city council and mayor,’ passed a new law, 4-1 Tuesday telling themselves and you what you can say, when you can say it, for how long you can say it and what can happen to you and me if you say something they don’t like… or say it in a way they don’t like, or just happen to be someone they don’t like and they decide to shut you up. Named the anti-Mike Ceremello ordinance by me and called the “Civility” ordinance by them it is a complete waste of taxpayer’s, staff and the city’s time. But it’s now law. In this stupid doctrine they say, if for example, I did something they don’t like I am to sit down with the city manager (a bureaucrat) and he can set me straight… Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Then if I say something or behave in a way they don’t like bad things can happen to me imposed by a three councilmember lynch mob, mayor/council appointed, from among councilmembers (on which I was placed for meanness I guess)… hum… Then they can do one of three things… none of which amount to anything.  They can’t un-elect me and as an example; they can only scold me and try to embarrass me in public… So we need an expensive new law for this?

And you the public? You are being told how to talk, what you can say and for how long you say it. Disobey this and you can be jerked from the meeting by a cop and I assume arrested and jailed in extreme cases… Yea for the city for “encouraging folks to come to meetings and express themselves”.

On an upcoming agenda I plan to ask for censorship of books, outlawing:  satire, looking strangely at people or giving dirty looks, radical thinking, back yard pool skimpy clothing, drinking, all sex, whispering sneakily, fat people, ugly people, stupid people, etc. You folks can’t be trusted and need to be told how to talk, walk and think and behave and if you don’t your city council may stick their noses further up your… a, rights… and straighten you out.


More Things For Thought2016g


*Tattoos are so permanent… could I just shave your name in my back hair?

*Everyone always seems to laugh at your little change purse… until they need a nickel or an M&M with lint on it.

*I really can’t afford to see a psychiatrist or take anti-depressants… so I’m just drinking No More Tears shampoo.

*I have a friend who is a midget and an epileptic.  He makes pizzas for a living… hence, I have nicknamed him “little seizures”.

*If your neighbor has wind chimes… you have wind chimes.

*A friend has been on vacation in the British Isles and said he had a “Seven course Irish dinner”… six beers and a potato.

*I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

*Sargasm: When the urge to make a sarcastic reply is so overwhelming you can only roll your eyes and make unintelligible grunting sounds.

*The priest stated in church one Sunday “Dying people have reported they were drawn toward a bright light.  Do you know what that proves?”…  Apparently “dying people are moths” was the wrong response.

*Alcohol:  The best night-time, speech slurring, headache causing, dehydration making, drink spilling, charm killing, “So you think you can dance” medicine.

*Only the married squirrels hurl themselves under your wheels.

*Anytime I’m feeling extra sexy I take a couple of selfies… brings me right back down to earth.

*Home, home of the strange, with the weird, the wacky and deranged, where seldom is heard an intelligible word, and my mind remains cloudy all day.

*According to the wife “I don’t need someone to sweep me off my feet… I need someone to sweep the damn kitchen!”

*Life is short… live it.  Love is rare… grab it.  Anger is bad… dump it.  Fear is awful… face it.  Memories are sweet… cherish them.  Farts are fun… rip ’em.

*I don’t care what women say, size does matter in bed… the bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.

*Sometimes I’ll call the local Best Western Motel and when they answer the phone “Best Western” I yell “The Outlaw Josie Wales” and then hang up.  

*The smell of fresh laundry, a child’s laughter, a sleepy puppy stretching, a steroid user’s tool… it’s the little things you notice.

*I’d really like to organize my thoughts… but I’m afraid they’d form a union and demand benefits.

*I really bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long, hard day at work.

*Real success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you’re not accomplishing anything.

*Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis… no one in the damn government does their job!

*I remember once attending a funeral at 8AM.  I shouldn’t have been there… I’m not a mourning person.

*With all the tales of an obese old man in a red suit that breaks into your house at night, or a tiny flying woman who buys your dead teeth… it’s a miracle children can sleep at all.

*It’s absolutely impossible to look like a badass climbing out of a hammock.

*Just saw a not-so-hot mom… we categorized her as “2% MILB”.

*The wife finally enlightened me on how she gets thru the tough moments in life… “I just look at the picture of you I carry in my wallet”, she said, “And realize if I can survive being married to this schmuck I can survive anything!”

*I’m on Facebook just to make new friends… uh-huh, and I watch porn just to see if the plumber fixes the sink.

*Some people become doctors, lawyers, astrophysicists… I just spent 18 minutes trying to pry open a pistachio.

*Dammit… I really had my heart set on waking up rich today!

*HR people ask the dumbest questions. “Why did you leave your last job?”…. “Well, because once they fire you they won’t let you stay”!

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September 17th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #586 (9-18-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns


We were proud of our youngest son Joel’s photo on Facebook on 9-11. He’s a firefighter/para-medic in Elk Grove. Both of our sons are upstanding-all American men who will stand up against tyranny and will fight for what is right and just… As will millions of American hunters and Vets who are more than ready to answer the call.


What’s Wrong With US?

The following three items will show you why I could never get elected to a higher office.


Many of the refugees tugging on our heartstrings in Europe are from specific ethnic groups. They are escaping a country they helped build and is now out of control. They are trying to get to new areas of the world to begin anew their own ethnic enclaves, ruled it by their own laws, and build the same type of government and situation from which they are currently running away. What’s wrong with US for helping this world-wide destructive cycle to continue?

They come here, take all we have to offer for free but refuse to assimilate into our culture, follow our laws, or learn our language. Duh? I feel sorry for the poor little children, etc. But it doesn’t change the fact your president has paved the way to import many more thousands of these displaced ethnic groups to our country to add to their numbers on American soil, in their exclusive ethnic communities, where their own laws prevails… What’s wrong with US?



  1. A Fairfield man randomly picks out a woman in a Vacaville CVS store and repeatedly stabs her until store employees heroically subdue him and hold him until authorities arrived. He goes to court in Solano County Superior Court charged with attempted murder in front of a “commissioner” (not an elected judge) and says “I want to plead guilty”. He said he didn’t want an attorney. This “commissioner, William Pendergast, dismissed his plea and said it would be a “miscarriage of justice” not to appoint him an attorney. At least this “commissioner” got one thing partially right… He is the personified textbook proof there is a miscarriage of justice in the judicial system where attorneys are more concerned in feathering the nests of fellow attorneys than “justice”.

The guy did it, he was stopped while in the act and held until police arrived, they took him to jail and all the way along said he did it and was guilty. We need a taxpayer paid public defender to spend a fortune in public dollars defending a man caught outright, that didn’t want an attorney, and just wanted to admit what everybody already knows?  Why would an attempted murder charge go before a “commissioner” in the first place…? What’s wrong with US to let crap like this keep happening?

2015 SF Seal



  1. Your city council just voted 4-1 to give the garbage company a rate increase. The same garbage company that will shortly import (a highly profitable)        5 million tons or so of San Francisco’s Garbage (2,000 pounds to a ton, you do the math my calculator doesn’t have numbers that high) to the rural Dixon Hay Road landfill site just a few miles directly south of town… where the prevailing winds can carry airborne whatever nasty stuff San Francisco residents and hospitals have to offer to us.

An EIR you say? No problem because the San Francisco Planning Department determined it would have no significant effect on the environment and that no EIR was necessaryNice of them huh? And Solano County (which stands to make a lot of money along with the garbage company) says and does nothing

What the hell, folks I mean WTF? Our own elected county officials kicked us Dixon folks to the curb because they are more concerned about election donors, and making money, than they are the health and welfare of its farthest Northeast residents… Shouldn’t somebody say something; Supervisors Skip Thompson-John Vasquez-Dixon Mayor and council?

You want to breathe San Francisco’s waste San Francisco doesn’t want? That’s why they are paying a premium to send their crap here… Solano County is the cheapest place in this region so it makes good sense huh? Great: “Come to Solano County the dumping choice of the rich and famous”. Not enough to think about? How about the hundreds of long haul trucks adding to the already poor road ways and traffic problems… Are they coming down the freeway and then on Midway Road? What’s wrong with US? Kill us, poison us… please! Lord help us… no one else apparently will.


Newest Family Member




We got our new little girl puppy selected but she still needs a name. We have been looking for a liver colored Brittney puppy for a couple of years and finally found someone in the area with a litter. She has no name yet, so if you come up with one we use Linda and I will take you out to lunch at Asian Garden. You can send you choices to

Brittney’s are the smallest of the pointing breeds and the smartest of all of the bird dogs as far as I’m concerned. They point, retrieve in or out of the water, and can live in or out of the house. This will be our third one after having a string of labs and other pointers in between. The first one was given to us by Dale Disney way back when I was editor of the Dixon Tribune and was our first hunting dog… (The Brittany is a breed of gun dog bred primarily for bird hunting. Although it is often referred to as a Spaniel, the breed’s working characteristics are more akin to those of a pointer or setter (so AKC dropped the “Spaniel”). Wikipedia

The breeders only have five male Brittany puppies left: liver/ white, orange/white & one rare black/white. The mother is French Brittany and the father American Brittany.  They’ve been wormed, have had their first shots, come from hunting stock and will be ready for a new home on Sept 26th.  The cost is only $300 which is almost unheard of. These folks treat them like they are family and want them to go to good homes. Go to Yuba City and pick out your pup and leave a deposit.

Contact David or Alisa at 530-370-5750 or 530-370-5754


Some More Stuff For Thoughts…2016g

*I wish I had the exciting social life my mother must have envisioned I’d have… when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.

*I have nothing positive to report… except my pre-employment drug test.

*I bought one of those smtwtfs but I can’t pronounce it… so I just call it a pill box. (Think it out)

*”I’m turning over a new leaf!”… Adam telling Eve he’s seeing another woman.

*If they really want to increase the use of public transit they should start using a scale at the DMV license renewal counter.

*Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Wal-Mart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra pattern pants on.

*I put every bit as much effort into my job as the guy who named the “sleeping bag”.

*If I had sex as much as I think about having sex I’m pretty sure I’d be in a wheelchair… or walk with a permanent limp.

*If our next president is white then the United States will have officially “gone black and then gone back”.

*I’ll start being nicer to you when you start being smarter… now we both know that’s never gonna happen.

*Good sex falls somewhere in that gray area between “tickle fight” and “domestic violence”.

*If you don’t think women are strong than you obviously haven’t tried taking the covers from one in the middle of the night.

*There really is no difference between a tired four-year old and a drunk adult… none.

*Yeah, I follow her on Facebook… and to the grocery store, the bank, her office, her house.

*Do you ever sleep nude and just leave your bare butt out for a little breeze… like some naughty baboon?

*I’ll start being a dreamer as soon as life stops being a nightmare.

*In a perfect world there would be no hate, no fear, anxiety or grief… and flip-flops wouldn’t make a damn sound.

*I don’t need to drink to make a fool of myself… I seem to do it very well sober.

*My new girlfriend is a screamer… I know this because she hasn’t stopped since I put her in the trunk.

*You can’t “run” through a campground.  You can only “ran”… because it’s past tents.

*If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that I should’ve learned a bunch of other stuff.

*Setting realistic goals for myself like: “don’t be too much more of a clown” and “cough less”.

*”Get off the internet and go find someone who’ll accept you for the screwed up mess you are”… I’m just inspirational as hell.

*I just want to tell you, sweetie, when we tie the knot… there will be bedposts involved.

*We know a young woman whose Indian name, should she have one, would be “big naturals”.

*Men very much want to be understood too… they just don’t bitch about it all the time.

*Paying a homeless guy to pee on your ex-wife’s windshield is about the most fun you can expect to have for six dollars.

*There is no biblical evidence that Jesus even knew how to drive… therefore letting him “take the wheel” (a country song) seems a little bit irresponsible.

*Sometimes I just want to be taken seriously… and sometimes I just want to be taken, seriously.

*Fact: It is impossible to continue a serious conversation if a monkey walks by.

*I don’t think I’d be good in a threesome… I can’t even pet two dogs at the same time.


Come To Black Powder Shoot This Weekend…


The Yolo Frontloaders Black Powder Club is hosting their annual fund raiser this weekend, September 19th and 20th.  The shoot will be held at Yolo Sportsmen Association Specialty range, 24189 Aviation Avenue, Woodland Ca. It is located just east of Davis off road 29 just east of road 95. Turn into the driveway and then left at Yolo Sportsmen’s’ range.

Linda and I may shoot their tourney this weekend. Come on out and watch and learn and maybe even shoot a “primitive weapon or two. It’s fun and unique to see how our ancestors provided food for the table and fought wars.


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September 17th 2015

Posted under That's Life Columns


Never forget and never forgive… Remember what they did and WHO DID IT… Yep, let’s give $10 billion dollars, arms, and a way to make nuclear weapons to an area sworn to the destruction of our country and all Christians and Jews. Some folks not only forgot, but apparently forgave a people who have pledged death to all non-believers, ie: US… 2016 is coming, thank God, and not too soon.

Today… 9-11 Never Forget… Or have we?


Wanna Make A Quick $5,000?



Former city councilman/Mayor, Joe Anderson, wants to give you $5,000… There’s no catch. Just give him or the sheriff’s department the name of the person(s) who cut down seven two-year old almond trees in his orchard (in the past few days). When they are arrested and convicted of the felony the five grand is yours… It’s that easy.

Joe’s ranch is just north and west of the intersection of Robben and Hackman Roads at the old Vierra Dairy site. The trees were in the southwest corner… so if you know who did it or saw anything suspicious over the weekend call Joe, get the dirtballs busted and pick up five big ones by just making a phone call… or call me give me the info, I’ll turn them in and take the money and split it with you! Joe’s number at the ranch is 678-4458.



I have tried not to write about city council things so I can wear different hats for my various vocations but… This one I couldn’t pass up. I made the motion to approve the ordinance to outlaw roosters in the city limits (yep, there goes the last of our rural

charm I guess). Some folks just seem to not like being awakened at night and early morning by the melodic sound of a rooster crowing and crowing and crowing. Our early American alarm clock is no longer needed or appreciated only to be replaced by a digital buzz or some other obnoxious electronic sound… But either way I understand and I made the motion to have the critters outlawed in the city limits only to have the motion seconded by Councilman (Steve) Bird… the mayor and others saw the irony and got a chuckle out of it… the roosters…not so much I guess.

Yolo Frontloaders Charity Shoot

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