July 5th 2014
That’s Life©1966 #522 (7-4-14)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

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Today Is The 4th of July

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          Ever said to yourself, “Self, I’d like to help a local charity so I think I’ll go out and spend the day in plywood, screened in box, filled with gun powder, in 100 plus degree heat and sell fireworks to the masses”? Not many people think that way but that’s what we and a few of our hardy volunteers and dozens of others have been doing for the past week.

You gotta give these folks credit (or a certificate to have their heads examined) for braving the heat and the LONG 12 hour days to staff these booths to make money for their organizations. We (Dixon Toys for Tots) teamed again with Dixon American Legion Post 208 for a day at Safeway’s parking lot and shared a day with Dixon Soccer Club at Wal-Mart’s parking lot to sell thousands of dollars’ worth of explosives. It really is neat driving around town seeing families gather together with neighbors in almost every court and down each street to celebrate the 4th with their own little fireworks displays. If you haven’t bought them yet (or need more) we will be in the Safeway booth from 12:30 to 2 on the 4th. It doesn’t matter when you buy them at either booth because the groups involved split the profits.

It was nice to talk to all of the people and to know we were helping veteran’s causes, families at Christmas and a youth sports organization through our efforts. Thanks you all for your nice comments about this column, this newspaper and the good these organizations do for our community…Oh, and by the way, you can join up and help you know.

 

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Mosquitoes Can Kill You…

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          West Nile Virus as we should all know by now can make you sick, make you very sick, not sick at all or if you are young or old or just have a bad reaction it can give you a dirt nap…as in resting forever on the bottom side of the grass…worm food…get the subtle point?

You’d think in a drought with less water there would be less mosquitoes which may technically be true, but a real truism is… less can actually be more… With less water more blood suckers and birds all gather around the reduced water supply, mosquitoes bite birds, birds carry the disease, other mosquitoes bite that bird and then bite humans and wham, you get the WN virus. Funny thing is only about one in five people infected develop mild flu like symptoms starting three to 14 days after the critter nails you. Whereas anyone can earn an infection, those over 50 or who have diabetes or hypertension are at a greater risk of getting really sick…hospital like sick.

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 FYI…Dead birds with the virus were found in Dixon on May 28th and June 2… that’s dead birds found, reported and tested…how many croaked with no story to tell? INFECTED MOSQUITOES WERE FOUND IN Dixon on June 13 and in the Leisure Town area in Vacaville on June 19th. Again these are only the ones they found. So it is here and it is real and what are you doing about it? Tonight while you’re watching fireworks or having that barb-b-queue I strongly suggest you lather up with anti-bug stuff that has DEET in it.  Especially lather it on the kids and make sure to wash the toxic stuff off when you come indoors. If you’re out and about wear long pants, blouse them, long sleeve shirts and put bug spray on all protected areas of your and your kids bodies.

We all know no one is going to bundle up head to toe in 100 degree weather but you can use effective anti-mosquito spray/juice with very little effort. When it’s bad we use some DEET, when it’s moderate we use Avon’s Skin so Soft repellant and it seems to work, smells good and leaves my skin silky smooth… and the bugs don’t like it.

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I shouldn’t even have to tell you to empty all standing/stagnant water and report any abandoned pools or other sources of breeding grounds to Mosquito Abatement at 707-437-1116 and they can even give you mosquito fish to eat the bad bug’s spawn in you your little backyard decorative pond.  And for God’s sake if you see a dead bird or squirrel don’t let the kids play with it or the cat drag it in the house call 1-877-968-2473 or go to www.westnile.ca.gov and report it.

Sacramento County is spraying by air at night to try and combat the WNV there where over 35 dead infected birds have been reported, found and tested. We have a lot more open space than them so we probably have a lot more squirrels and birds (like crows for whatever reason) just laying around stiff waiting to be found.

Mosquito repellant, like sunscreen, an easy prevention but many people just don’t take the time to use it…at least make sure the kids are protected during the fireworks…

 

Don’t forget Two Biggies Coming…

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…Biggies that is unless you are a tree hugging couch potato…in that case go on to the next section.

  1. The annual Solano County Friends of the NRA dinner will be held at the fairgrounds a week from tomorrow, July 12th. The New York steak dinner with all the trimmings will cost you $55 unless you want to buy a table and impress your friends (and at the right price be   guaranteed a gun). They will have the usual bunch of guns to give away in games, live and silent auctions, a no-host bar and plenty of other stuff to see and do to take your money. A lot of people, believe it or not, go for just the great steak dinner. You can get your tickets in advance (only) at Frontline Archer on N. First Street, 707-678-9330 (for a gun dinner…why not friends of the bow and arrow dinner?) or by calling 707-678-2777. The local Dixon Game Club works hand-in-hand with the NRA folks on youth programs, hunter safety, etc. People come from all over for this dinner…Looks like my first wife Linda and I will be there selling drink tickets or running a booth or doing something to help out.

 

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  1. Along those same line the semi-annual “Hunter Safety” course will be coming up August 2nd-3rd at the Dixon Game Club house. The seating is limited and that’s why I’m telling youabout it now. They only have so many chairs and when reserved butts fill the seat quota, and you haven’t registered you or your family…you’re out. You need to call the club house NOW at 707-678-9155 to RSVP for you and yours. If you want a hunting license in California you have to take this course and pass the test. If you’re going for a hunting license elsewhere and they require a “hunter safety certificate” you better take this course or you’ll be out of luck (and maybe a lot of bucks… both kinds) and not be even able to get a license. Didn’t even know Dixon had a Dixon Game and Conservation Club did you? Wanna join? You can, and its directors get crabs once a year and on the same night get rid of all of them in front of like 600 people…amazing huh? If you haven’t seen this affair put it on your “don’t miss” list.

World Cup Crap…

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            In my personal opinion there was amazing play, unbelievable goalies, interesting referring… some that was great, and some that sucked. The ref for the kick ass Brazil-Chile game did a great job, called the fouls, gave the cards, and kept the game fairly under control…I think he is a cop form England and he didn’t take any crap, and the players didn’t give him any.

Were you surprised that one of the main sponsors of the Columbia team was coke? Sniff. I wasn’t.  England went home early and the power houses aren’t looking that good. The English, Dutch, Germans and Brazil apparently have underestimated how much soccer has improved worldwide and just squeaked by in most games… and didn’t look good doing it. The USA team apparently thought they could give up many shots on goals and corner kicks and somehow come out on top.  The teams that played not to lose…lost. The ones with a plan and the will to win won even though they may not have been the best team that day.

This world cup also brought out the worst in the sport from the whinny players to the out of control coaches. When we went to the clinic to our State Coaches License years ago I was impressed with one of the first things they taught us… “You can’t coach during a competition; you can only take notes on what to work on during your next practice. If your players don’t have it by game time you aren’t going to teach them on the spot. Get a chair, control yourself, sit down and become a more than interested spectator and figure out what you need to work on.” I guess that’s just for soccer lay persons.

Many of the fouls committed were professional by nature and the top refs spotted them, called them, and kept control of the game. If you noticed in those good games the “dives” were kept to a minimum the throwing up their hands or clapping when a call was made were fewer.

It’s amazing a foul was called the fouler threw up his hands telling the ref he didn’t do anything wrong and the fouled upon threw up his hands claiming almost fatal injury…meanwhile coaches on both sides threw up their hands and screamed at the refs. When roles were reversed and the same foul was called on the other team the same thing happened in reverse…go figure. What you saw was a bunch of cry baby actors who were called on their bad performances by the best referees in the world. The mediocre refs got chewed up and spit out in short order…don’t think players don’t know where the line is drawn each and every game.

When our sons and I showed up to ref (at high school and men’s competitive) we actually heard coaches tell their players, “This is NOT the day to mouth off unless you want to sit on the bench or go home early…watch your slide tackles and mind your manners and just play the game, these guys won’t take ANY crap.” And we didn’t… and play was safer, fair, with few injuries and no fights in the thousands of games we did. We simply called and the game and applied the rules evenly and fairly at the level of play we were presented with at each game.

 

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July 5th 2014
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Posted under That's Life Columns

“With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die”. ~Abraham Lincoln

 

“When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other”. ~Alan Alda

 

“What monstrous absurdities and paradoxes have resisted whole batteries of serious arguments, and then crumbled swiftly into dust before the ringing death-knell of a laugh”! ~Agnes Repplier

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Laughter is ringing through the streets of the city of Dixon.  What is defined by some as relieving consternation instigated by the beyond control antics of others is quite the opposite to those on the receiving end.  My perspective is different from those who gave the sitting council hell at the last council meeting.  Anger on the part of the community was sweet satisfaction to me, having told you all along what these buffoons you put in office were perpetrating on all of us.

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I ask any of you how you can not laugh when you see the pictures of the mayor, appearing in this paper as well as the Tribune, showing a man entirely overwhelmed by the moment.  Sure the TV camera crew added to it but it was mostly faces he had never seen before, reprimanding Batchelor and his peers for not allowing a vote on the very important matter of the sewer rate increase.  For someone faking sincerity and feigning professionalism, what really shows through is Jack’s immaturity.  Only someone acting like a spoiled brat expect to get their way every time out.

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The thing you need to do next is look at Steve Bird’s photo.  If arrogance as well as consternation over having to put up with members of the public telling him what they think of his performance could be captured, this pictorial definitely was it.  Bird looks like he is thinking, “I was a cop.  I didn’t have to put up with this.  I shouldn’t have to put up with this now.”  You don’t, Steve.  Save us all the time and trouble and just resign.

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Finally we come to the junior high school class clown, Jerry Castañon.  Ted Hickman’s photo shouldn’t be entered into the next Mayfair contest.  It should be directly submitted to Webster’s for inclusion under the definition for “befuddled”.  I hope you were all laughing as hard as I was when I first glanced at it.

 

Here we have Snow White’s new friends, Grumpy, Dumpy, and Dopey.  Yes, the citizens of Dixon are laughing at you, not with you.  It was very apparent in statements such as “You know I voted for three of you sitting up there and I can just as easily vote to recall you.”

 

This laughter is not pure as there is anger behind it.  As Honest Abe said, if we weren’t able to laugh at the horrible job they are doing, we probably would have a heart attack worrying about their actions’ repercussions.  Further, along the lines of Alda, we would rather all of you just left office rather than go to war with you.  You should be glad we are laughing rather than throwing stones.

 

Unfortunately Agnes Repplier’s quote is inaccurate unless you consider that “the absurdities and paradoxes” imposed despite educated arguments to the contrary will be ended by an inevitable recall of these churls.  The recall will be “the ringing death-knell of …” laughter.  Laughter alone will never bring them to their senses.

 

We will laugh out of relief.  We will laugh because we will see change from absolutely the worst council which has ever been assembled.  We will laugh as we bring humility to the haughty.  It will be worth every effort we make to achieve it.

 

But enough of laughing as this is a serious subject, the rejection of the Declaration of Independence’s main premise: “deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”  Yes, you heard it correctly.  We grant them the power to rule over us.  They only think they are above us because they don’t believe we will exercise the right encompassed by this phrase “ …That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government …”

 

Further than that, I can absolutely confirm that city staff as well as this collection of dolts, bolts, and nuts who sit on the dais believes YOU are the enemy.  Why else do they hide from the public?  As I was chastised by Dane Besneatte for grouping him in with the others, sometimes rightly and sometimes too broadly as the poetic license of hyperbole to make a point is used, I will say that neither he nor “Darth” Bogue deserve any constant affiliation with the extreme progressives and liberal fascists who are their supposed peers.  Yet Dane didn’t speak up for the people even when a member of the public, Steve Steiert, did.  Maybe Dane was asleep at the wheel on this one?

 

Why is the public the enemy?  Why are you who want the right to vote on something that sticks in your craw viewed as an aggravation?  You have spoken loudly now that you have had enough of their poor decision making without any regard to real independent research designed to provide options.  It is quite simple.

 

First, this council has proven they can’t think for themselves.  I would bet that not one of them including even Darth has taken the time to “google” any of the topics related to In-Pipe Technology’s technologies.  I cannot believe In-Pipe is the only purveyor of a “ferrate treatment” process.  Guess what?  They aren’t.

 

Ever heard of a company called Ferrate Treatment Technologies, LLC?  The descriptive text of the link states: “A Global Water Treatment Breakthrough… It reduces the number of process steps and cost of capital equipment required to complete a treatment train.”  There are at least 10 more pages of companies our staff has never even considered.

 

So why hasn’t staff investigated this?  As it turns out, our city engineer was never given “The Lake Apopka Storyboard” presentation initially provided to the ENTIRE council by In-Pipe.  You would have thought Joe Leach would have asked me about it after I presented it at a council meeting, the one where Jack Batchelor was shaking his head “NO” the entire time.

 

Second, as I have stated before, Jack Batchelor’s ego can’t stand the loss of control which comes from someone proving him wrong in so many ways and so many times.  This sign of immaturity demonstrates exactly why he has consistently made the wrong decisions as mayor, attempted to force his will in shrilly arguing against fellow councilmen opposing his folly, and never changing his position on any matter before him.  Jack hates the public especially when he can’t con or control you.

 

Finally to give credence to those whom this council is supposedly “serving” is to give up this overbearing form of government.  The small group of rotten Rot-ary members, whose true ugliness decries and defies the term I normally use facetiously or “tongue in cheek” calling them the “beautiful people”, who provide direction and support for the mayor are equally unnerved.  How is it possible that they got their second former police officer elected to support the mayor and he is equally as feckless as the first?

 

However, this “ball of confusion” is not restricted solely to the council.  You have a city staff who serves only themselves.  Again, the hyperbole is used because the sickening majority outweighs those who truly try to help the public.  There is a pervasive culture at city hall of secrecy and superiority to those they view as outsiders.

 

I was listening to Mark Levin today on the way home from the Bay Area and he had on a congressman who was complaining that he couldn’t get into a federal holding area where the Central American illegal alien children were being held.  “But I am a congressman.  I am charged with oversight.”  Welcome to what I experienced as a sitting councilman attempting to improve staff and public interactions.

 

The problem is we elect people who don’t give a damn about their responsibilities of oversight and direction to staff because they have a staff mentality.  Let the city manager handle it.  How do they know the city manager is doing anything without being involved even as a simple observer.  Ever hear of “MBWA”?  That is managing by walking around, a concept some of us understood when taught this in business school in Organizational Behavior classes.

 

If and when this council is replaced, we the citizens should be looking for people who can think for themselves, are not part of this staff sub-culture, and who have some real managerial experience as opposed to former State workers who think a title is a substitute for ever having to accomplish anything.  Dixon is not unique in this position.  The difference is we, the people, have seen for ourselves how business is conducted and are on the verge of changing it.

 

There is absolutely no reason that the city manager had to change the date of the In-Pipe presentation from the expected July 8th date.  Jim Lindley’s explanation is he wanted to give them all the time they needed to make their presentation.  Hey Jim, how about thinking outside the little box in which you keep placing yourself?  Why not let In-Pipe present on Tuesday and call a special meeting to handle all of the other pressing council business?

 

Here you have a company coming all the way in from Wood Dale, Illinois, have set up the meeting a month and a half ago for July 8th, and you change the date at the last minute?  You wonder why you might have a problem with scheduling everyone involved to be present?  But then again you and the mayor don’t want any of this to run smoothly as it will throw a wrench in your plan to waste our money.

 

So what would I do if I was mayor?  First and foremost, I would have asked for options long before this.  I have a computer and lots of friends in town who actually read more than just the “funny pages”.  If staff can’t provide me with solutions, when they are stated professionals and paid commensurate high salaries, then it is time to get people who can perform.  As mayor, you make $300 per month plus stipends from other agencies, while these people are getting in the range of $10,000 per month.  I shouldn’t have to do their job for them.

 

Secondly, if those entrenched in city staff aren’t willing to take a subservient role to the public or any council person who is performing his or her function of examining the performance of any staff member in order to make managerial suggestions to the city manager, they should be looking at taking early retirement.

 

I was once told “who would want to work for you?”  “You will create massive turnover at city hall.”  This same boob claimed to be a “government reformer”.  Unlike Obama’s “change” toward centralized government, my change would simply observe the proper relationship between the public and their government as defined by the city’s own organization chart.

 

I again want to thank all of you who came out and spoke your minds at the last council meeting.  It wasn’t all that difficult to get up and speak, was it?  I know many more of you read this column and feel the same way.  I would hope to see the chambers overflowing during the special meeting or any regular council meeting.  You need to let the council know you are watching.

 

Crooks need to be watched …

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June 27th 2014
That’s Life©1966 #521 (6-27-14)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

Fireworks

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You notice the fireworks booths all over town? Each one is run supposedly by a local charitable group to earn money and spend it locally to make things better. We (Dixon Toys for Tots Community Christmas Programs) have partnered again with the American Legion (as we have each year since the sales started) and will man the booth on July 2 in the Safeway Parking lot. Each group that helps out gets a share of the total profits. On the July1, (Tuesday) we and our people will man (or woman I guess) the Dixon Soccer Club’s booth at Wal-Mart…all day from at least 10 am to 10 pm in both locations. Soooo…if helping Vets, kids, or youth soccer programs are to your liking spend your hard earned bucks at one of these two booths… and stop by on our day and say hello if you can.

 

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Coming Up…

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The 2014 Dixon NRA dinner will be held Saturday, July 12, starting at 6 p.m. in Denverton Hall at the Dixon May Fairgrounds. The annual event will feature a New York steak dinner, no-host bar, live and silent auctions, raffles, games, and hunt and safari packages.

Dixon’s dinner is always well attended, seating is limited and tickets are available only in advance of the event. Tickets range up from $55 and can be purchased at Frontline Archery at 645 North First Street in Dixon (707-678-9330) or by calling 707-678-2777 or emailing laceit2001@yahoo.com.

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The Dixon Game and Conservation Club… is hosting a DGF approved “Hunter Safety Class” August 2-3 at their club house.  If you don’t have a California hunting license or hunter safety certificate you might want to RSVP/ASAP. I say hunter safety certificate because a lot of states won’t accept anything else when you go to buy an out of state license. Used to be a Ca. hunting license was all it took… no more in a lot of cases. If you are planning an out-of-state hunt you better check ahead or you could be very unhappy upon arrival.

You pretty much should sign up now for the course by calling 707-678-9155 and make your reservation because seats are limited. Leave your name and number and how many want to take the course and they’ll call you back.

 

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The Dixon Soccer Club…is putting together a course for new referees starting on July 20th. If you are interested you need to contact the club and have them reserve a space for you. It’s an intensive course with a test at the end and a field session. At one time both our sons and my wife Linda were certified referees and certified coaches. Our eldest son, Trey and I went on to become State Referees and got our State coaching licenses. Trey refereed about 2,500 games and I quite counting at 3,500.  Trey got injured and had to drop his license but I still have my State Referee License and my Instructor’s rating and will probably be teaching the Dixon class. Sign up, have some fun and make some money. Trey made thousands of dollars a year while still in high school.

 

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Keeping Sharp…

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What do you do an a hot summer day when you planned to go out and do a little shooting with the family? Our younger son, Joel, took his mom (my first wife Linda) and me to “Center Mass Shooting Range” in Vacaville (owned by Ed and Cathy Tubbs) (707-449-4867) to get in a little hand gun practice. That us above and Linda with an actual shot and the recoil recorded.

Besides going over loading, safety and firing my .38 and 9 mm, Linda shot Joel’s  Glock .40,  his 380, 38 light hammerless and the Sig P238 (cannon seen in her hand). From 6 feet to 25/30 she grouped well and put everything in the vital scoring area. The P238 was a little heavy for her. I held my own and Joel outshot both of us as usual. More old broads should know how to shoot and not be afraid to pull the trigger. Over the years Linda had taken both big and small game and isn’t afraid to pull the trigger when necessary.

If you want protection and you haven’t hunted or shot hand guns, get a cheap pump shotgun from Big 5 when they are on sale, for like $200 or so. When and if the need arises simply jack the slide…every dirt ball on the planet knows that sound and few will advance after hearing it… if you are afraid of guns you don’t even need to use shells.

 

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 If procrastinating were an Olympic event I’d show up just in time to miss the medal ceremony.

I’m thinking of running for public office… I figure the scandalous dirt they dig up on me will help me piece together the early part of my twenties.

My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room… but she can’t see the mailbox when she’s backing up?

When dealing with the police it’s best to always remain calm… and be white.

I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast?

Women love guys with tattoos… it shows their ready to commit to something stupid for the rest of their lives.

If you meet an attractive young lady and she says she’s into “bondage”… it doesn’t mean she wants to see your investment portfolio.

If Jesus had turned water into vodka the Bible would probably have been a more colorful and exciting read.

The older I get I find I like my women like I like my golf scores… in the low 80′s with a slight handicap.

If I wasn’t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they wouldn’t have made it taste so good with orange juice.

I can see exactly 6 years into the future… I have 2020 vision.

Always knew I would never become a lawyer… I struggle to pass a bar.

I think it’s neat the way after all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together they gave the horses a shot at it.

Legally I guess it’s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss… but I thought it showed great initiative and leadership.

Han Solo had a much cooler older brother named Drum.

On international Pancake Day I got a bunch of free pancakes… today is international woman’s day and it’s almost over.  I think I liked Pancake Day better.

I suppose I could have thrown a coin in the fountain and wished for all the money in it… but I just waited ’til it was dark instead.

I once made 200 pairs of panties hit the ground at the same time…I walked into a rack at Wal-Mart.

I’m honestly convinced some women don’t pass gas… they just hold it all in and it eventually comes out as drama.

I’m sorry, I’d really like to help you out but your problem just doesn’t register very high on my giveacrapometer.

Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty I see some ass in a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spaces.

Even though I’m old I question my maturity… I’m worried that when I’m 69 years old I’ll giggle the whole year.

I’ll never understand women… they loathe you for asking their age but make life miserable if you forget their birthday.

In life, God is my co-pilot.  Unfortunately He is on the no-fly list thanks to His ties to several extremist groups.

I thought the limit on stupidity had been reached… then some moron raised the bar.

I want something named after me when I die so I’ll always be remembered… like a park, or a library or maybe a mental disorder.

They say that rabbits don’t wear glasses ‘cuz they eat carrots but notice they also don’t have thumbs… I like my thumbs so I don’t eat carrots.

It’s only when watching a mosquito land on your testicles that you realize there are ways to solve problems without resorting to violence.

I’ve got a neighbor who’s into wife swapping.  If you’re interested… he’ll take a dirt bike, Xbox, a puppy, whatever.

Geese and swans mate for life… which explains why it’s very common for geese and swans to fly into jet engines.

I think this donut scented air freshener is gonna pay for itself the next time I get pulled over.

 

ABC

 

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June 27th 2014
Rather Perturbed, Aren’t We?

Posted under That's Life Columns

 Mike Ceremello’s weekly newspaper column from Dixon’s Independent Voice.

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How did we ever elect such a gutless wonder of a council?  For those of you present at city hall shortly before Tuesday night’s foray into fear, you got to see YOUR mayor, Jack Batchelor, and YOUR councilmen Steve Bird and Jerry Castañon slink and slither into the council chambers either attempting to avoid or ignore the sixty or so protestors chanting “put it on the ballot”.  Only Darth Bogue had nerve enough to face his angry constituents and stand with them.

 

The only reason for the mayor’s feigned civility, in dealing with the crowd inside the chambers, was the presence of  TV cameras from Channel 13 and photographers from the Independent Voice (thanks Ted and Dave), the Repeater, and the Tribune.  I say feigned or faked because Jack’s demeanor turned decisively sour later in the meeting when confronted directly.

 

I simply asked Jack who it was who gave city manager Jim Lindley “direction” to change existing policy on legal advertisement bidding from one day to two days minimum availability.  Rather than reply to that specific question, Jack took the route of many of today’s liberal, progressive politicians.  Jack pointed out that when this was on the consent calendar, no one questioned it.

 

My response was quite direct: “You didn’t answer the question, Jack.”  As Lindley has stated “I carry out policy, I don’t make it”, and no one had expected to see a change in the bid process, there was no reason to look at the item on the consent calendar in detail.  Unfortunately, we now know this is no longer true.  Even the IV editor, Dave Scholl, initially missed it until he later began to put together his bid.  And you wonder why we keep repeating that phrase, “Can you really trust them?”

 

I thought about this afterwards.  Could Jack really have misunderstood my question or is he so in denial this was the only way he could respond?  I am getting tired of my pity party for these buffoons.  “I pity the fool” is appropriate because the pressures of office are beginning to wear on Jack.  It has been shown “the emperor has no clothes” and more and more of you are understanding this.

 

As I said at the podium on Tuesday night, I am very proud of those who have shown up at the council chambers to bring the message home.  I enjoy giving credit where it is due.  All of you need to be less polite and amiably deferential to these officials by declaring “thank you for the opportunity to speak” when you are these servant’s bosses recognized by the city’s own organizational chart and the United States Constitution’s bill of rights giving you “redress of your grievances”.

 

Government has most of us buffaloed into believing their superiority.  How does being a cop, penal system administrator, or carpenter transform into some mystic ability to make unerring decisions for the rest of us?  How well has John Garamendi’s background in agriculture helped anyone?  The same goes for Diane Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi.  Having money doesn’t equate to intelligence at any level.

 

I want to applaud Steve Steiert for having more sense than I expected.  Steve stated the obvious for representatives everywhere.  When your constituents are demanding an action, and certainly having 1500 valid signatures of voters is significant, it makes no difference what your personal views are on the issue.  As Steve said, “put it on the ballot and let the people vote”.  Now if Steve could just see the obvious as to why the council solution with which he agrees is inefficient, ineffective, and an enormous waste of public funds.

 

I will also give Jack some kudos for allowing people to speak during public comment even if limiting them to 5 minutes per speaker.  All in all it only took less than 40 minutes to hear everyone out.  There never has been a need for speaker time limits and, once again, this proves the point.

 

After listening to all of the speakers, two things stuck out.  First and foremost, more than one speaker admitted that they had voted for “three of you” currently on the dais and are frustrated with the arrogant, elitist, and pig headed responsiveness to public direction.  As has been pointed out to me, “recalls always fail in Dixon”.  Well, there is a first time for everything and never has a council been so out of control and out of touch with the citizens.

The second item was brought out by Art Perez who claims he doesn’t have enough information to make a decision about the right approach to a solution for our wastewater issues.  Art, as most of you, has heard of In-Pipe Technology but not enough about the actual data to support their claims.  I will attempt to clarify this one more time.

 

In-Pipe has many solutions but the only two Dixon as a city needs to employ are a bacterial treatment in our sewer lines and a “ferrate treatment” process at our treatment plant.  The cost of these two separately are $500,000 per year to inject bacteria into the lines and $1.35 million to build and equip a ferrate plant.  Compare that to $28.5 million for the “activated sludge” process backed by the entire council less Thom Bogue.  Do you understand the cost differential?

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Secondly, what does each process accomplish?  Bacterial treatment reduces the incoming load to the plant by around 50% according to In-Pipe representatives who have this working in a number of communities.  This means the capacity of the system has now been increased without building or destroying anything at the plant.  Bacterial treatment also converts nitrates to nitrogen gas much as activated sludge does.  Activated sludge, however, requires the removal of solids left over from the process at an additional cost.  The analysis doesn’t stop there.

 

The ferrate treatment process, according to the Lake Apopka data sheet provided to ALL OF THE COUNCIL and in my possession, takes out 95% of the nitrates as well as over 50% of all heavy metals and boron.  There is enough capacity with one of these units to do all of our incoming waste plus what already exists in the ponds.  As the State of California seems to love to throw money around, this is the perfect opportunity for them to give us $2 million for an additional plant to see what really can be done to eliminate constituents such as boron without having to spend $165 million as Vacaville did on their treatment plant.

 

The State Water Board has said that 8 parts per million is above their permitted limit for Dixon of 7.  So if you pull out 50% of the boron, it would seem to me that you would be well under the limit at 4 within some calculable time frame.  Sorry folks but this is basic math so I really can’t see why this is so difficult to understand.

 

There is no need to spend $28.5 million.  Activated sludge does not remove anything but nitrates.  Boron will still be a problem.  That is until they want to hit you up for more money to do tertiary treatment.  That should only double your rates one more time.

 

I found it funny when Jack reported that he attended a conference on poverty in Suisun City.  Is he studying poverty so he can find more ways than raising sewer and water rates to put us all in that position?  The bleeding heart liberal feels fake or phony compassion but has yet to provide a solution.  Remember Lyndon Baines Johnson’s fight on poverty?  The only real solution is to grow the economy, something that none of these dunderheads on this council can comprehend.

 

You don’t have to believe me about any of this.  The next council meeting is scheduled to have In-Pipe representatives giving a presentation.  The next council meeting will have an agenda item about giving the people the right to vote on this issue.  The next council meeting will have the bids for legal notices restructured without the games.

 

As Darth said, “you need to be here again for this vote”.  It does no good to tell this group once and expect them to do as you ask.  They have proven by reneging on the Planned Development Area public rejection, they can not be trusted.

 

So I guess that answers that question …

* * * * *

For those of you who still believe government looks out for your best interests, you should have attended the Dixon Solano Water Agency meeting on Monday.  Their one task was to approve a budget for the period of July 1st to August 15th.  As Dane Besneatte correctly pointed out, SID will be out on August 10th so not even this was accurate.

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As I warned those on the council and the public, if you give this crooked agency additional monies through increased rates, (thanks Darth), they will find a way to waste it.  The staff’s recommendation of $152,000 for this 45 day period, equivalent to $1.2 million on an annual basis, proves my point.

 

Solano Irrigation District has been stealing money from those of us in their assessment district for years.  They have overcharged us for “standby” and when caught refused to compensate the city.  The cost allocation study validating up to a 130% surcharge for “overhead” is worthless.  Their inability, as well as the city’s finance department, to properly account for all revenues and the flow of funds is frightening and worrisome.  Yet Thom “Darth” Bogue believes SID manager Cary Keaton when he blows smoke up his you know what?

 

When I asked him why he went along with the budget, Hillary told me “at this point, what does it matter?”  Yes, Thom has more than one nickname now.  Evidently so does Dane although my attempts to contact him for a personal response were not answered.

 

Considering that $91,000 was already budgeted last year for “training for Severn and Trent”, I see no need for $152,000 when now only $20,000 is budgeted for “a hand off of the system”.  Also stating in public that Severn and Trent has been unresponsive in getting this training is slanderous as well as deniable.  I spoke with Severn’s representative outside of the council meeting and this was all news to him.

 

This pretty much explains why Dixon has its current governmental structure.  We have far too many Hillary’s sitting on the dais, and I say that with apologies to Russ Cayler who claimed we were sexist in not having any females in this position.  The approach to everything has become “at this point, what does it matter?”

 

What does it matter when you are overcharged?  What does it matter when facts prove ferrate treatment is far superior to activated sludge at far less cost?  What does it matter when Jack spends $6 million on his hole?  What does it matter when noise ordinances are ignored?  What does it matter when the law is applied unequally?

 

Why the hell does anything matter with this type of attitude?  The bottom line conclusion from this sort of reasoning?  What does it matter who we elect?

 

Again we can thank the Rot-ary and the Dixon Positive Action Committee “beautiful people” for running our town into the ground.  We have only yourselves to thank for buying into their malarkey.

 

A recall of this group will only take us so far.  We need solid thinking principled citizens to fill the void.  A caution: This is much like the plaintiff cry from the Who song of the 70′s.

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I hope we don’t get fooled again …

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June 21st 2014
That’s Life©1966 #520 (6-21-14)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

zzaaa

I guess you heard your president had ordered the government not to renew the license for the Washington Redskin football team because someone found it offensive. It will cost the football team some two million dollars to make a change in name. How can he do this you ask? Ask congress. Ask your senator how we now have a dictator, answerable to no one, who can make any decision he wants on a whim.

Here is an email sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.
Dear Mr. Page:
I always love your articles, and I generally agree with them.  I would suggest, as in an email I received, they change the name to the “Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress.
Here are some other political correctness to consider:
I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay.   We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.
Let’s ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians.   If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60′s alive. Gone.   It’s offensive to us
white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population.   Do you see a team named for the Confederacy?  No!  There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men’s lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged.   We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children.  The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits Wrong message to our children.
The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children. The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Again, wrong message to our children. The Milwaukee Brewers—well that goes without saying… another wrong message to our children. As for the Pittsburgh Steelers… who knows how many young men and women were encouraged to embark on a career of crime.
So, there you go.   We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should.   Just the kind of thing the do-nothing congress loves.
As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women’s athletic teams to something other than “the Beavers.”
Keep those cards and letters and emails coming folks.

 

Leaving Las Vegas

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We started celebrating our second 25th anniversary a little early by going to Las Vegas last week for opening night of the new Celine Dion show because my first wife Linda wanted to… The tickets were expensive. She’s dropped all of the dancers and fine things from before only to fill with a song or two and then put her backup people in the spotlight to absorb time. It was a rip off. The floor folks spent about $500 for tickets and weren’t even given a program. They use a metal detector at the door and searched Linda’s purse…Not to see if you had weapons…to make sure you didn’t smuggle in anything like water. If you wanted a 50 cent bottle of water you have to pay them $6…The show was mediocre even for her greatest fans with her family photos of the two little long haired whatever kids she has. What a waste of money and time. Linda said it was still “ok” but she was disappointed.

 

We were there for three nights and the first night we went to see Cirque Du Soleil Zarkana at the Aria hotel. Great show and for two hours it was so breathtaking they didn’t even give you time to applaud… and they do two shows a night five days a week…Whew! For whatever reason they upgraded our seats arbitrarily and gave us floor center stage which made it all the better. This was worth the time and the money.

As we got into town I saw a billboard for Mamma Mia at the Tropicana, a movie I found boring and stupid but Linda, like most chicks, loves it. So it was Zarkana, Monday, Celine on Tuesday and I got like front row tickets for Mamma for Wednesday night because I know how much she likes this one. We initially went to Los Wages to see only the one show. I have to admit the stage play/musical was better than ok, same stupid story, but the actors and singers from the Broadway production made it enjoyable for even me.

We got into town just after the two police officers were gunned down by the lunatic couple and security was really tight on the streets…with hundreds to thousands of people from all over the world walking around almost 24 hours a day in the 100 + degree heat.

Even so, we went down town to see the outdoor/mall overhead light show (see photo of Linda)…cool place to go and neat things to see.

So if you’re going to Vegas, go downtown, see Zarkana and even Mamma Mia but let Celine stew in her own gluttony. As near as I could figure the place holds about 5,000 people and at the exorbitant (average) prices, and cutting out much of the expenses she had before, she might take in as much and a million and a half a night… plus the 10’s of thousands which comes from drink and junk sales.

 

More Of The Good Stuff!

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It has been my experience that most people don’t like holding hands in public… especially if you don’t know them.

Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn… rather than have Christmas with their families.

Women aren’t that complicated… they just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.

Once a friend said “ain’t never had no nothing”… it remains the only time I’ve ever heard a quadruple negative.

I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby… and it comes out blank.

I bought a used UPS truck… gas mileage is crappy but I can park anywhere.

Father’s Day was probably pretty awkward in Jesus’ home in Nazareth.

I’m a leader not a follower… except into dark, spooky places, then you’re going first.

Superman is depressed because he has to change clothes in dirty gas station bathrooms… since the phone booth is now extinct.

My wife doesn’t mind me flirting with other women… she finds the rejection quite entertaining.

If I were a Greek philosopher my name would be Mediocrities.

Thanks to Targets three-way mirrors I am now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.

The problem with house plants is you have to water them… more than once apparently.

I’m not sure if the bulb for my check engine light burned out or my car magically fixed itself… I’m going with the latter.

My sister discovered that the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

I hope I die on a shiny white floor… just to mess with the chalk outline guy.

I feel a little over dressed here at WalMart ‘cuz the top of my pajamas match the bottoms.

My son shaves his head bald… when he wears a head band he looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant.

Hippopotomonstrosequipedaliophobia is the fear of long words… I’m telling you ‘cuz those that suffer from this phobia can’t.

Writing a good suicide note is hard… especially if you don’t know that persons handwriting.

I don’t date left-handed chicks cause you know… lefty loosey, righty tighty.

Everyone knows what DNA stands for… National Dyslexic Association.

I wore a suit to WalMart… they made me their king.

My wife is gorgeous, selfless, amazing, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.

Cheer up!  Being single isn’t so bad… look at Kraft cheese slices for example.

If you think buying condoms is awkward… try returning them.

A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar… everyone else leaves.

Unfaithful Russian men come home to find their stuff in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box on the curb.

You know you’re drunk when the cat barks.

I’m not one to brag but my cooking is “to die from”.

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June 21st 2014
Big Buck Officials’ Lack Of Common Sense

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

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Another week and another set of observations and complaints.  You would think I could get a vacation like everyone else but the powers that be just won’t take a day off from being foolish or downright stupid.  Before you start whining about “name calling”, as in the term “stupid”, consider that your mayor used that term on your vice mayor at a public meeting on Monday then quickly took it back by saying “what you did was stupid”.  What is the term for reactions like this?  Tempestuous?

 

I guess when a person pretty much gets everything he wants all of his life and then is told “NO” it sort of disrupts his sanity as well as putting him in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar spot.  Once again, “I pity the fool”.  You just haven’t been living a normal life, Jack.  You will be even more uncomfortable very soon.

 

Before I move on from exposing more of Jack and his flaws, I happened to head by the train station after sampling a bevy of beautiful beers in the “stout” category.  Once again night work was being done … loudly, brightly lit, and somewhat unexpected.

 

How is it that people are told it was going to occur on certain nights, so they relocate to a hotel for four days and nothing happens?  Then, on the fifth day, when they are at home, it does.  Planning seems to be a lost art and all we get are excuses when it comes to the Jack Hole.  Can you imagine how much fun we are going to have in this same area when they start the West A Street underpass project?

 

Makes perfect sense to put in a hideaway zone for drug dealers and a hang out for the homeless.  When they finally get to the underpass that price tag will go way up from $25 million to close to the $40 million range.  Inflation never left.  The government lies as do our officials.  Nice to spend a few bucks so that less than 100 people a day can use the train to commute and the Agenda 21 people can get their stack and pack high rise homes built next to the tracks.  We can all thank Jack for continuing to lead us down this merry path.

 

The question that keeps coming up is why, why would Jack want to change Dixon’s face from what it is into some grotesque mask?  Little people who can’t think for themselves have to obey their masters.  They are called apparatchiks by some, puppets by others.  They are the ones who blindly follow the fools in power without question.  Their joy is in torturing those they think can’t fight back.

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Enough of the mayor, let’s talk about his stooge on the council, Steve Bird.  Another rotten Rotary apple, Steve wants to keep using Solano Irrigation District to manage our water system.  I was given a copy of the Winters Express, that city’s very respectable newspaper, and in it was a story on Winters taking over their wastewater treatment system from South West Water.  So, Steve, you don’t think cities can take over services provided by others and do it cheaper and more efficiently?

 

Actually, it can go both ways.  The trick is to understand whether you are getting a good deal or being raked over the coals.  Steve’s problem is the same as Jack’s problem, neither give a damn if the citizens are the ones suffering.  That happens when you have those nice, big, fat government pensions.  I’m sure you think you earned them showing up for work everyday while accomplishing who knows what.

 

The article states that the city manager believes he can save $100,000 over two years even as he adds 30% to his city’s workforce.  Severn and Trent, the people we hired to run our drinking water system, operates the system for South West and is attempting to negotiate with the city to stay.  Just as in Dixon with SID, wiser people saw the same need in Winters to bring their “cash cow” under their oversight.  In this case, it is their city manager.  Imagine that.  Arguing with your council.

 

It is interesting to see the complaints about “deferred maintenance and fines from the State” while using another company.  Seems to me that SID has been complaining about deferred maintenance as a way to jack up the water rates to the consumer.  My point is it doesn’t make any difference if it is a waste water system or a drinking water system.  When you are being taken to the cleaners, Steve, you don’t ask how much is the bill and just simply pay it.

 

A reasonable person could see this and understand the solution.  Yet, Mr. Bird thinks the solution is to bring back SID and is hoping for Scott Pedersen, our current city treasurer and “beautiful people”/Rotary candidate of choice to be put in office at this next election.  Neither of these two wants to serve the people.  One needs to be recalled and the other “need not apply”.

 

Speaking of the upcoming election as well as the Dixon Tribune, just this last Sunday we were treated to another self written piece by a candidate touting his political prowess.  Let’s talk about the candidate first.

 

Ah sweet youth and the ill thought out bold statements of no substance.  “I want to show the community that there is only one candidate with a core set of beliefs that won’t fluctuate under political pressure.”  And what is that “set” of beliefs, young sir?  Considering that you have never been in the position of having either community members disagreeing with you or having higher authorities such as the State making demands, you have no clue as to how you will react.  As I have yet to see you in action, I have no clue as to what you would do.  So the question really is do I want to take a chance on the amorphous?

 

I think it is really great that Lew Uhler took the time to give you his endorsement.  Next, I suppose we will be treated to endorsements from attendees at CPAC.  The problem is that these endorsers have no idea what is happening in Dixon or what the issues are.  Frankly, from seeing their accomplishments and the state of affairs in our country, I don’t put a lot of weight behind any of this.

 

What can you say about the Tribune and their terrible journalism?  You would think the photographer they have posing as an editor, Jarrod Kohls, would have taken the time to look at this blatant political advertisement and recognize it didn’t even include Lew’s first name anywhere in it.  You had to look at the picture on the second page.

 

Hey, doesn’t Miss Debra “I have a degree in journalism” Minnema write for this paper?  Isn’t she Devon’s mom?  Think there could be any collusion in seeing Devon’s campaign being run through this rag?  Now what was Devon saying about “principles”?  This paper is more worthless than the Repeater.  At least the Winters Express looks like more of a paper, and is, because of its content.  When most of the stories in the Trib are about what happened at the high school or press releases from Lois Wolk, terming it a high school paper isn’t a far stretch.

 

It is interesting to note that the city staff is doing all they can do direct all of their legal advertising expenses to the Tribune.  For some reason they changed a condition in the bid document to where only papers which are published at least twice a week can submit bids termed “responsive”.  I smell the Rotary rot behind this.  Is that you again, Jack?

 

How is it that for over four years now the IV has been carrying legal notices to a much larger audience in a paper of much greater substance without complaint and we are treated to this obvious ploy to disqualify the paper from consideration?  If any paper should be left out in the cold, it is the Tribune.

 

They lied about their circulation.  They lied to their advertisers.  They are sycophants for the city staff and certain elected officials, although the lack of journalistic effort in reporting seems to have quelled their cheerleading efforts a bit.  Perhaps the city should just do what they are doing with the water system.  Take over the Tribune and remove all doubt.

 

Speaking of city staff, evidently the city clerk Suellen Johnston didn’t like my comments in my last column.  Suellen has now decided to call the individual a liar, after calling all the signature gatherers “liars”, claiming she didn’t say the only reason the signature gathering group was “so nice was because they knew they were wrong”.

 

Most people have a problem in changing their position even when the facts clearly change the reasoning behind their actions.  When you are presented with affidavits from all of the signature collectors, that should be enough evidence to accept the public desire to vote on a subject.  If you want to fight it even after this type of testimony, the city should be taking this to court.

 

Rather than whining about having to re-notice the Proposition 218 protest notices to the public, which by the way were still not done correctly, you as a city clerk should be looking for solutions to serve the public will rather than opposing it because the mayor through the city manager is encouraging you in the opposite direction.  This is the specific reason certain members of the community are looking at making the city clerk’s position an elected position.

Think it can’t be done or is foolish?  In that same Winters’ paper, the election results show that their city clerk is elected.  Also it gives another option for the position of mayor.  In Winters, the person who gets the highest number of votes in the prior election gets the mayor’s job for two years.  Other cities simply elect council members then allow them to appoint the mayor.  Dixon does not need a weak man attempting to be a “strong mayor” when we are under a city manager type of government.

 

Finishing up this week’s diatribe, I want to change gears … slightly.  The school district had a problem figuring out when to hold a very important “public hearing” on what they intend to do with $1.5 million in additional funds to rectify low student performance of “disadvantaged” youth.  So when was this hearing held?  One in the afternoon while parents are working.

 

This does not point directly to the school staff or Brian Dolan but includes them because they didn’t look at pushing for options from the city staff.  The meeting held on Monday of the Dixon Solano Water Agency started at 6pm.  Normally this bunch of rubber stampers are done by 6:30 as few people attend and their minds are made up long before they hit the door.  So why not schedule the meeting for 7pm or as soon as the earlier meeting adjourns if they were to run over?

 

I have been attending school district meetings as often as I can.  The teachers are always there, the SEIU is always represented, Larry Simmons is always there, but there are never any parents of students in attendance.  Why not?  Don’t you care about the sub par performance of this public school system?  If you think I can fix it alone or even with the board’s support, you are wrong.  You have to get involved with your kids more than just ferrying them to soccer games.

* * * * *

Thanks for the calls volunteering for the recall effort and/or an inititative drive to roll back sewer rates. More are needed.  Again the numbers are Mike at 678-8917 or Dave at 678-8917.  You have seen for yourselves.  This council does not represent anyone but themselves.

 

Time to say enough is enough … give us a call please …

 

wwwwTRIUTH

 

 

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June 21st 2014
Tell the city council they better listen on Tuesday

Posted under News Stories

 

Copy of 10a

Boys, Better listen to the what the public is saying…

 

Dear Friends,

Join us Tuesday evening, June 24, at 7:00 pm for the Dixon City Council Meeting that will be held in City Hall at 600 East A Street.  It seems the City Council is tired of hearing the same voices again and again. They need to hear new voices, see new faces in the audience, and in LARGE numbers to make a significant impact! We need you and your friends and neighbors attend the meeting to speak up and request that referendum Repeal Resolution 14-061 be certified and placed on the November ballot.  More than 1500 citizens have requested the opportunity to vote on the issue and, as concerned citizens of Dixon, share the responsibility of making our town of Dixon a great place to live and grow! The City Council meeting begins at 7 pm with  the Pledge of Allegiance, followed by an Invocation and any special recognition, there is an opportunity for Public Comment, around 7:15 pm or so. You are encouraged to ask the Dixon City Council to place the certification of  Referendum Repeal 14-061 on the agenda for the next City Council meeting. It is not necessary to give your name and/or address when speaking to the Dixon City Council.  However, it is appropriate to begin your remarks with “Good Evening Mayor and City Council members.”

We have attached a “List of Talking Points” that can help you shape your comments and provide a springboard for concerns regarding the City of Dixon and its leadership.

Before the meeting, you are invited to a Community Action Picnic which will begin in Hall Park Barbeque area behind the swimming pool at 5:30 pm. Hot dogs, chips, watermelon, iced tea and lemonade will be available. This is a time to talk to your cronies, meet new friends and share ideas with other concerned citizens, just like yourself. Bring your friends and neighbors!  Around 6:15 pm the group will move to City Hall parking area in preparation for the 7:00 pm meeting. We have invited media from Sacramento and the Bay area to attend. No need for you to make signs, we have taken care of that!

Many of you receiving this invitation signed Referendum petitions that were circulated by a handful of Dixon voters this past spring. More than 1500 signatures were collected on each of two referendum petitions. The first, referendum petition Repeal Resolution 14-061 regarded sewer hikes and, the second, referendum petition to repeal Resolution 14-062 regards funding for the sewer project through the state revolving loan fund. By signing the referendum petition to Repeal Resolution 14-061, the voters were not saying they did or didn’t approve the proposed sewer fee hike, but were asking to have the proposed fee hike placed on the November ballot so the citizens of Dixon could vote on it.  Resolution 14-062 was a companion referendum pertaining to the funding of the sewer project. The County Registrar reviewed and verified the signatures on the petitions and issued a certificate of sufficiency pertaining to the quality and validity of the petitions.

The City Clerk and City Attorney rejected the certification provided by the County Registrar due to a technicality. The signature sheets lacked evidence of being attached to Exhibit A – a six page full description of Resolution 14-061 and included the new sewer rates. Dixon citizens who collected the signatures filed affidavits testifying “under oath” that the signatures had been legally obtained and that, indeed, Exhibit A was ALWAYS a part of the referendum.  The clipboards used by the citizens collecting signatures securely held the sheets together and those citizens sitting at a table collecting signatures outside local markets testified Exhibit A was visibly placed next to the signature petition.  Staples were not used as clipboards and paperclips adequately did the job. The explanations fell on deaf ears. The Dixon City Council chose to take no action; thereby, suppressing the Constitutional right to vote of the 9,156 registered voters in Dixon.

We look forward to an evening of learning and growing as we join together to face challenges, celebrate our community, and recognize the strength of Dixon voters! Please respond to this e-mail so we know if we can count on seeing you on Tuesday evening.  Feel free to forward any questions or concerns along with your response.

 

Loran Hoffmann                                      Shirley Humphrey                         Donna Armstrong

 

Dixon City Council Meeting

Tuesday, June 24, 2014    7:00 pm

Talking Points for Public Comments

 

These are ideas being offered as a help to you. You can use these or your own.

  • Request Certification of Referendum Repeal 14-061 be placed on the agenda of the next council meeting.
  • Want the opportunity to vote on proposed increase sewer rates.
  • Concern about constitutional voters rights being ignored.

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June 15th 2014
That’s Life©1966 #519 (6-13-14)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

 

Today Is Friday the 13th; Watch It!

wwwwpissed off

Paraskevidekatriaphobics — people afflicted with a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th. How many Americans at the beginning of the 21st century suffer from this condition?  The figure may be as high as 21 million. If it’s right, no fewer than eight percent of Americans remain in the grips of a very old superstition.  It’s the most widespread superstition in the United States today. Some people refuse to go to work on Friday the 13th; some won’t eat in restaurants; many wouldn’t think of setting a wedding on that date…You have your own thoughts on the subject? Keep them to yourself nobody really cares…its unlucky to talk about it.

I Didn’t Need Another One Anyway!

2011 pig

            Just found out from my inside city hall source I came in second for a special Dixon City Council award be given out  shortly, after the county/state  accompanying awards are made for the presentation of this honor.

Your city council reportedly held a closed door session and decided to give out the first RPITA award.  When I first heard about it I thought it was an award for news reporting…you know Re-Peat-A.  Then I thought it might be Representing People Ingesting Tasty Animals… I’d deserve that one. Come to find out the RPITA doesn’t really stand for that…to make matters worse I was edged out of the very first award of its kind the city council will give by my fellow columnist Mike Ceremello.

The council, ignoring the Brown Act apparently decided, behind closed doors, to give Mike the award instead of me. The vote was three two with council members Jack, Steve and Jerryin favor and Dane and Thom opposed. The opposition wanted to give it to me instead. They finally bowed to the pressure and by a 5-0 vote the council’s censorship committee decided Mike should be the recipient of the first award… which is ok. I’ve won over 50 awards of various kinds over the years for the GOOD things I’ve accomplished and done…This will be Mike’s first I think.

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            Anyway to make a short story long I found out, again from my inside source at city hall, the acronym actually stand for  Royal Pain In The Ass…and being the understanding person I am I will admit Mike probably deserves it more than me. He’s worked a lot harder to earn this recognition.  (I.V. Publisher, Dave Scholl came in a distant third.)Nice of the council to take the time to recognize his accomplishments and his readers will be happy to know no good deed goes unpunished.  I understand the mayor will abuse his title once more and proclaim a day in the near future Ceremello PITADay in Dixon. This could be the kick off for Mike’s 2014 campaign to return to the city council seat he wore so well.

From The Email Bag…

 
Dear Ted,
Enjoy your thought provoking column and while I don’t always agree, you pretty much hit things right on most of the time. BTW, for the sake of accuracy, the word is “cojones” and not “cajones.”  That is unless you are using the word as big boxes, drawers, coffins, etc.  :)    (Ted: Don’t mean coffins when I use the term, thanks…and I’ve been told you do have to have big cojones to write some of the stuff I do. For the record I think mine are about average size.) Thanks for your service to the community. Art P.

 Copy of president's finger

 

Dear Pres. Obama:

I’m planning on moving my family (and extended family) to Mexico for my health.  I would like to ask you to assist me.  We’re planning on simply walking across the border from the United States into Mexico and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements.  We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.  I’m sure they handle those things there the same way you do here.  So, what I’m asking is if you would inform your buddy, the President of Mexico that we’re on our way?  Please let him know that we’ll be expecting the following:

Free medical care for the entire family. English speaking bureaucrats for all services that the family may need, whether we use them or not.  Please print all Mexican government forms in English I would request that my grandkids be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bilingual) tutors tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

We would like the grandchildren to see the American flag flying on one of the flag poles at the school. Please plan to feed the kids both breakfast and lunch at school. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license as a form of identification so I can gain easy access to government services.

Although I will acquire a car and drive I don’t want to make any effort to learn the laws or buy insurance… can you fix this? In case the Mexican cops don’t get the message could you see that every police car has at least one English speaking officer?

We would like to receive food stamps and rent subsidies. We’ll need some kind of income tax credits so that, although we don’t pay Mexican taxes, we’ll receive money from the government please arrange a similar deal like the $4500 cash for clunkers bail-out so we can have a nice car.    Wherever we settle we are planning to fly the use flag from our roof top, put U.S. Flag decals on our car and have a huge fourth of July celebration. We would like to not have any complaints or crap coming our way because of this.  It would be nice to have a job without having to pay any taxes or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business we might choose to start and please enroll me in the Mexican social security program so we can have an income in our golden years

I’m sure these are actually pretty easy requests because you already do all this for all of his people that walk over the border in our direction.  I’m sure the president of Mexico won’t mind repaying the favor.  Please also ask the Mexican president to ask all of his people to be nice to us and never say any critical things about me or the family or about the strain we may put on their economy. Thank-youJ.S., Dixon

 

 

Drinking In Galway

Yess 

“As good as this Bud’s Bar in Dixon is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home.  In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s…. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.  When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”  “Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get your urges taken care of, all on the house!” The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.  “Did this actually happen to you?”  “Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

 

 

Puns for Educated Minds

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1.  The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.   I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3.  She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.  A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.  Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

9.  A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

14.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15.  The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.  A backward poet writes inverse.

18.  In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19.  When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.  If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21.  A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’
23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’  The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.  There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.

 

 

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June 15th 2014
Slaves, Serfs, Servants, or Superiors?

Posted under Mike Ceremello's Viewpoint

Copy of 10a

 

At last Tuesday’s council meeting, about the only thing that went right was when Thom Bogue and Dane Besneatte forced mayor Jack Batchelor and councilmen Steve Bird and Jerry Castañon to show definitively where they stood on the subject of listening to the voices of the citizens who had elected them and were seeking to question their decision to fund yet another foolish wastewater project.  After Besneatte seconded Bogue’s motion to put one referendum on the ballot, he then voted with the other three to reject the citizens’ demand for a reconsideration.

 

Dave Scholl, the editor of the Independent Voice, attempted to convey to your elected representatives their true position in the political scheme of things.  The city’s organizational chart shows the voters and citizens above those at city hall.  They, and the staff, don’t believe it for an instance.  So where does that leave you, the citizen and voter in Dixon?

 

I think we have to consider what has happened in Dixon due to the Rotary’s influence which elected at least Batchelor and Bird during this last election.  Castañon’s election was a fluke but could be blamed on union influence which was also highly present in support of Bird.  What I am saying is you need to be looking at who is sending the message and why they are sending it.

 

The “beautiful people” of Dixon, the who’s who of highly connected and well remunerated people of former city employees, also known as the Dixon Positive Action Committee, are a cancerous element and not to be ignored.  Many of you got the message loud and clear during this last election.  I will diverge for a moment to update my analysis from the last column.

 

The real reason that Thom Bogue lost in his attempt to unseat John Vasquez was not due to the people of Dixon.  Despite being endorsed by the mayor, the 1017 who voted for Thom outweighed by 100 those who voted for Vasquez with Gerald Clift far off in the distance and Eugene Ray given the message that he had no message.  What was disappointing, and shows another reason why we can’t throw off the shackles of this new serfdom under which we have become slaves, was the low voter turnout.

 

How do you address the complacency and outright apathy of our fellow citizens, that is three quarters of them, who were registered to vote but did not do so?  While all of you who listened and acted need to be applauded, those of you who sat at home are allowing petty politicians of little real ability like Vasquez to continue in a position which should be countering the liberal lunacy of this State and federal government.

 

No, the real reason Bogue lost overall was his lack of influence among the residents of Vacaville.  What Vacaville needs is the influence of a real paper.  While the Repeater at least got Krishna Abrams right, their continuing endorsement of the status quo left leaves us in our quandary.  Maybe the IV needs to expand at least in distribution?

 

While Terrible Ted continues to rail against Bogue’s lack of knowledge about the Williamson Act, which few outside of farming have ever heard of, the final message of Bogue’s failed campaign is a harbinger for any who would consider running for office from this point on.  The days of minimal spending to achieve political office is over.

 

Vasquez spent some $40,000 to send you glossy flyers which the people of Vacaville considered rather than the true value of the candidates.  If you don’t have the money to get your message out, then you aren’t a “serious” candidate.  It is a sad state of affairs when the most qualified and intelligent among us cannot compete simply because we aren’t wealthy or because we are reluctant to suck up to those who are, while those financiers demand we abrogate our principles to get their endorsement as well as financial backing.

 

There is a way to counteract this political reality.  Each of you need to decide whether it is important to budget money just for this cause, that of political justice and true representation.  Most of you have probably never contributed to a campaign.  Volunteering to help is another avenue.  The point to be made is we need to become more involved or else accept things the way they are.

 

Getting back to the main thrust of this column, which ties in nicely with what was just said, is what our options are to change a deaf council, a council who truly believes it is superior to all of us.  As I see it we have two distinct and separate options.  There is the initiative process and there is the recall process.

 

An initiative to place the rates on the ballot requires 15% of the registered voters to demand it through signatures which we have already shown we can gather in less than a month.  We have six months to collect these signatures.  This will force a special election costing the city close to $100,000.  That is on them for refusing to listen.  Bird, Batchelor, and Castañon made that choice by not allowing the voters to see this as a November election item, which they had the ability to do Tuesday night.

 

A recall of these three takes 25% of the registered voters and we have 3 months to collect the signatures.  This is a more permanent solution to our problems.  I attempted to cut the head off the snake at city hall by running against Jack Batchelor during the last election.  I did not devote the time to convincing people on a door to door basis that Jack did or even Steve Alexander did.  Essentially what Jack did is “smile to your face and stab you in the back”, a weak paraphrase of that old Motown song, Backstabbers.

 

You might be asking yourself but what about Dane Besneatte.  After all, he seconded Bogue’s motion to put one item on the ballot and then voted against it.  Dane will get his comeuppance in the election when you get to tell him what you think of his style and half hearted support.  Remember, Dane, it isn’t about what your beliefs are short of backing constitutional principles, it is what the citizens desire.

 

For those of you who didn’t see the meeting or know what this is about, I will try to put it in a nutshell for you.  We, the citizens of Dixon, opposed the actions of the council to take out a $33 million loan to pay for improvements to the sewer plant head works and existing facilities because the council had already raised rates on current rate payers to pay for their portion.  Of this loan, $28.5 million is designated for an “activated sludge” project which will only remove one constituent from the wastewater stream while lining the city up for a final “tertiary” treatment process running another $50 to $75 million.  So this increase to $45 will eventually become about $100 per month.  Are you liking it so far?

 

Next, we have found a company whose technology actually takes boron and heavy metals out of the waste stream.  This solves the State Water Board’s concerns at a minimal cost of around $1.35 million which includes construction costs.  An additional $500k is needed to put in a Genus Bacillus project which will reduce the flow to the plant.  If this is done rather than the activated sludge, you don’t have to haul away the accumulated sludge nor discontinue the cheapest treatment method known to man, which is percolation ponds.

 

Now anyone with a tiny bit of common sense, intelligence, or both should be able to see where this should logically go.  But your gift from Rotary and the beautiful people don’t fall into this category.  They have proven time and again that power and control is more important to them than serving the community.  They believe putting on a firework’s display or flipping hamburgers at some function amount to true community service great enough to justify being called “citizen of the year”.  Their supporters include dead people who signed out referenda and neighbors of the mayor who put down incorrect addresses hoping to thwart the will of the majority of us.

 

When they found out we had actually collected far more signatures than were needed, they used legal nitpicking to invalidate the petitions even though we signed affidavits swearing under the penalty of perjury that we had included the exhibit with the signature sheet.  This council and city government will do anything to have their way and they spit on the citizens’ demands in an attempt to drown your voices.  But the arrogance does not stop there.

 

Attempting to be civil, remember this is a Devon and Debra Minnema thing, we presented our case calmly and rationally to these unreasonable people.  A comment attributed to our city clerk, Suellen Johnston, was that “the reason you were so nice was because you knew you were wrong”.  For someone who does a barely passable job as city clerk, who did not inform the proponents in a timely manner that the signatures were verified as being sufficient while they spent that time scrambling to find a way around this, I have only one thing to say.  The city clerk’s job can be made an elected position too.  All it takes is another petition.

 

So you have a council whose only desire is to wear out the public.  Many of you have been calling for a recall.  I am not going to do it for you.  I need fifty (50) volunteers willing to gather 50 signatures of registered voters over a period of ninety (90) days.  The rotten three will be the target.  You can call Dave Scholl at 678-8917 or Ourania Riddle at 678-9468 to volunteer.  We will help to organize this but it is time for others to step up.

 

As Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence, “Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, …”.  This is exactly what has occurred in Dixon.  Our right is to remove those who care little for our circumstances or finances.  Our right is to put people in office who will represent our desires.  It is our right to have representatives who will force city staff into their proper place in our society, rather than our unconscionable, uncaring, aloof and arrogant present bunch of miscreants.

 

I have attempted to work with these people advising them from the podium.  You have given your advice through the petition.  They have ignored all input other than staff.  We have allowed Jack Batchelor to line committees with his penal system buddies and think alike friends.  Then there is the attitude which permeates city hall.  It will take work to change this but it must be done.  Sooner rather than later.

 

“So you say you want a revolution? …”

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June 7th 2014
That’s Life©1966 #518 (6-6-14)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

The publisher of the newspaper censors me every week…yet the last issue had a front page boxed teaser saying, “Dixon  housing element plan needs pubic attention.”I mean come one now-would you let me say something like that?.. And just how would that be done anyway?

 

Election Results; How Embarrassing To Our Mayor

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I don’t know about you but I was one of the lucky ones who, just a couple of days before the election, received a robo-call from “Dixon’s Mayor Jack Batchelor.” He informed me that he and the citizens of Dixon were backing (now past) current Solano County District Attorney, Don DuBain for re-election and that I should vote for him too…I’m glad Jack throws the title the people of Dixon loaned him around so freely, and speaks for me by backing political candidates…As he and his Bird dog (councilman Steve Bird) and city treasurer did in this past election. I have one question Jack, councilman Steve and whatever the other guy’s name is…What happens if you and the “people of Dixon” back the wrong horse? I guess we’ll find out since Du Bain lost his incumbent seat and Jack and his cohorts got to see underdog Krishna Abrams kick his butt.She won every precinct in Dixon, thank you voters for getting to the truth through the stacks of BS your local “leaders” spread. She is a tough, talented woman who will do a good job for us.

I guess the infamous Dixon PAC lost its punch with people huh?

I was pretty well on with my projections for the results. Our supervisor John Vasquez did win the election with the required majority in the primary just as I predicted. Everyone likes John and he is great about attending to the needs of the public. He’s never failed to return an email or phone call even when he wasn’t our supervisor. The Vazquez family is kind of like the Kennedys’ of Solano County.

Dixon’s underdog and dark horse Thom Bogue came in a weak third. Thom shot himself in the foot early on by publically admitting he didn’t know what the Williamson Act was and he limped home third in the four man race after that. Even with that voters did what I urged in Dixon and voted for Thom won and he won most of the precincts but overall got less votes that he did when he ran for city council I think. This once again proves money and knowing your stuff talks and BS walks. Sorry but that’s the way it is.

The voters beat down sonny boy Wolk and Dodd, like I asked thank goodness, and went for former Marine Charlie Schaupp as I suggested.

 

Only In California; Grants and SEX

azzzzzthe loook

Here we go again, ready for another Ripley’s moment? These are for real.

Democratic Senator Ricardo Laragot the senate to pass a bill (SB201??)  26-11 to make it easier for illegal immigrants to get taxpayers money to pay for in-state tuition and qualify for state funded grants like Cal Grants (free money). Get this: Laura said the program is needed for those illegal students don’t qualify for $6,000 gap at UC’s or the $3,000 gap at CSU’s…while our kids go without and do without. This bum needs to be thrown out of office and the rest of the elected officials in California better wake up and dance with who brung them and start showing their allegiance to the taxpayers and citizens of California.

Second Ripley (believe it or not)  The loonies in Sacramento, this time lead by Democratic Sen. Kevin de Leon, (see a pattern here?) got the senate to approve a bill 27-9, to require colleges to tackle campus sexual violence by making young people sign a form saying they both agree it’s alright to have sex…I’m not kidding. I can just see this in action…”Huff, puff, moan, groan…Wait; You have a pen, paper, you know, so we can sign this form so we can …We don’t want to be thrown out of school.”

I’m sure this will work. Have these nuts never been involved in a relationship? Does this go for the switch hitters too? What the hell are these idiots smoking up there? De Léon said the goal is to educate students as a way to prevent future assaults…

For the universities: Their policies must include an affirmative consent standard which is defined as “an affirmative, unambiguous and conscious decision” by each party to engage in sexual activity. It also requires consent to be ongoing throughout a sexual activity. I am not kidding on this one, its SB967 from your looney tunes in the state senate…Gads. Nine republicans voted against the bill the ones that didn’t are having their heads examined. Forget safe sex, by the time you get your consent notarized the moment will have long passed…wait, maybe that’s the plan all along.

We need more laws like this and we need to pay these clowns more of our money to come up with stupid busy work like these two bills.

 

A Conundrum… That Which Does Not Compute?

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The definition of the word Conundrum is: Something that is puzzling or confusing. Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:
1. America is capitalist and greedy – yet half of the population is subsidized.
2. Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.
3. They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.
4. Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.
5. The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about – yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Think about it! And that, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st Century…Makes you wonder who is doing the math.

 

More Things To Think About

cat 2010

*Apparently I pack an apple in my grandson’s lunch just so it can get out of the house for a few hours.

*Have you ever wondered why we have “non-essential government employees” in the first place?

*Whenever I fill out any type of application and they ask for “race” I add a question mark and then write “anytime, anywhere!”

*When I complained to my first wife  Linda that she was moody she explained herself by telling me “There are just days I’m less inclined to put up with your crap!”

*College is expensive but your student ID saves you $3 at the theater… so, really, it pays for itself if you go to the movies 30,000 times.

*If that had been me in the movie “Taken” my dad would have missed the call and then e-mailed me four days later asking if I’d found a job yet.

*When I was a kid growing up in the 60′s I had nightmares about the Russians… they had authors that wrote really long novels and some of my teachers expected me read them.

*Olive garden really does make you feel like family… last night when we went there the server told a racist joke, asked when I was gonna get a better job and commented on our parenting skills.

*W.A.D. is a simple mnemonic device for remembering the steps involved in properly folding a fitted sheet… 1) wad it up 2) and 3) done.

*Just curious… is there a King Latifa?

*Superman and batman probably had a lot of “capes in the toilet water” accidents when they went to use the restroom.

*I have the body of a great athlete… it’s been in the trunk of my car for days.

* My favorite breed of dog… good question.  It’s either a corn dog or a hot dog.

*Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable tiny dictator.

*When you finally attain the very highest level in karate they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.

*The closest I’ve ever come to a threesome is watching my wife and the nurse roll their eyes at the same time when I’m getting weighed.

*Why don’t they just get Jehovah’s Witnesses to deliver the mail?

*One of my ex-girlfriends was apparently anorexic… ’cause gradually I just saw less and less of her.

*She said she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that would take her breath away… I got her a treadmill.

*Doctors have the potential to be pretty cool superheroes… except for the fact their weakness is apples.

*She’s got the face of an angel, a heart of gold and a body that just won’t quit… who cares that she curses like a sailor and drinks like a fish.

*”Hello, I’m calling about your commercial where the woman looks really happy cleaning the kitchen… what’s her number?”

*”I’d like you to meet my half-sister.”… “Oh, different father’s?”… “No! Shark attack!”

*The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically… soon all the 8′s have top-hats and look like snowmen.

*Chivalry… the study of green onions.

*Jellyfish don’t have brains yet have survived on the earth for 650 million years… great news for stupid people.

*I’m lactose intolerant… which means I will rarely, if ever, find missing children.

*This woman just stared at my beer in the cup holder… she’s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before?

*Just looked in my son’s bedroom and I’m pretty sure it can’t be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere.

 *When Hugh Heffner dies will anyone say “He’s in a better place”?

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