Posted under That's Life Columns
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It’s strange to think that there was a time when the most information a tablet could hold was five commandments.
Yep, that’s what I heard… and you’re hearing it here first. Some folks are pressuring Dixon Greg Coppes to run for Senator Lois Wolk’s senate seat (she’s termed out) against Assemblyperson Yamada (who’s termed out in the assembly) in 2016.
Greg, former Dixon American Legion Post 208 Commander told me he’s exploring his options and hasn’t ruled it out… but he didn’t say he ruled it in either… He would be a chance to recover some sanity in state government.
Beginning in 1995, Victoria’s Secret began holding their annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, which is broadcast on primetime American television. Starting with the 1995 fashion show they are “a combination of self-assured strutting for women and voyeuristic pleasures for men—and lingerie becomes mainstream entertainment.” …Wikipedia.
Anyone watch the Victoria’s Secret TV special the other night? The beautiful (I guess they had faces) seven foot women who weigh about 100 pounds strutted their stuff. The epitome of the “meat show” this was a show place for the Mensa level beauties.
When they completed their walk out to the runway and back without losing what little covering they had, or tripping, they did a fist pump and mouthed “nailed it”. I mean you gotta give these beauties credit… They were, after all, able to talk a few yards, blow a kiss, turn around and walk back… They all were nervous and stressed out but came through it basically in one piece. Thank goodness or I might not been able to sleep knowing one of them broke a nail or stepped on a costume or Lord forbid, stumbled on their short walk…Whew… they all made it safely and celebrated their victories with each challenging trip down the run way… And you think you have stress in your job arena!
Nelson Raises Reward To $1,000
Dixon’s Ty Nelson whose found-lost cat appeared in this space last week has upped his reward offer to $1,000 for the arrest and conviction of the person(s) responsible for stealing the family pet and taking it on a one-way journey to a nearby county.
The three year old cat was gone for six weeks and Nelson never gave up hope offering a $500 for its return. He paid the reward to a lady from Yolo County who found it and took it to a vet that found Nelson through a chip planted in the adopted critter’s ear. She didn’t know about the reward but he made her take it. He had also offered $500 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person who cat napped “Taylor” and dropped her off near Stevenson’s Bridge. He has now upped the reward TO $1,000 FOR THE INFORMATION.
A friend of Nelson’s sent me a hand written letter which reads as follows: “Ted: I read your article on Ty Nelson’s cat. I also know Ty and some of his neighbors. I never thought he would get the cat back. I thought it might be in a foreign country where they eat spoiled duck eggs and a fresh cat would be like a Thanksgiving dinner”. (Ty said Mike was just glad he got it back.) Mike Doyle
Colder Than Carp
I don’t have to tell you it is colder than carp outside (remember the publisher won’t let me use the word “crap”. I’ve been telling our Toys for Tots people for at least 10 years we would have a return of the dreaded Tule fog (where you can’t see 10 feet in front of you but the stars are out and shining). Well, ITS BACK…and with a vengeance. The hundreds of poor little kids coming into see Santa Claus this year will really need the jackets we collect for them. The last few mild winters have people thinking that’s the way December is around here… but it isn’t. This is December, cold, wet, windy, rain, flooding, moldy, mildewy, and can be a gloomy funk.
I have hunted in the cold Canada, the freezing artic, and last year in Oklahoma in 1 degree weather… nowhere have I (we) been as cold as fishing in the fog in the Sacramento/Rio Vista Delta. The chill goes right through the best of winter clothing and chills you to the bone… So where’s this going?
The Toys for Tots –Coats for Kids segment is lagging in its coat drive. We need between 800 and 1,000 as of now out count is in the hundreds.
Coats for kids started right here in Dixon. It was the first anyone had ever heard of back in the late 70’s or early 80’s… (This is our 48th straight year of doing these programs). My first wife Linda has always been a pushover for small suffering children and orphaned animals.
We had a foggy winter (like this one) when the kids were coming in to see Santa and many of them who came from Mexico and south of that had never seen really cold weather or snow. They had NO warm clothing. Anyway, one little girl was standing out in the cold (waiting to see Santa) in her best summer communion dress and thin white sweater shivering when softy Linda saw her. She ran home and grabbed a couple of our young son’s coats and put one on her and one on her brother…and that’s how it started and has now grown to about 1,000 coats a year here. We made up the name and now there are hundreds of coats for kids programs all over the country.
Sooo, the point is we need coats and they can be donated at over a dozen businesses around town or dropped by the police department. We need all sizes from newborn to adult. They don’t have to be new… just warm, clean coats and jackets. Many of these kids come from families that can’t afford to run the heaters much and constantly live in chilly conditions.
If you have kids you probably have some coats they’ve outgrown, don’t like or won’t wear. Give them to us and we’ll put them to good use. Or…you can call Elaine Perry at the Dixon Police Department at 678-7070 or Pam Murdock at 685-4485 and they’ll arrange for a pick up. Little cold kids at Christmas time… could be worse… they could be hungry too but that’s another program we’re working on…
Lord, give me patience… ‘cuz if you give me strength you’re gonna have to give me bail money.
The wife told me it was stupid to pay $7 for something… when she could go to the crafts store, buy $92 worth of stuff and make it herself.
Under “medical history” we meant for you personally… not “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928″.
The neighbor told me she doesn’t care what people think about her so I told her I think about her naked… turns out she’s a hypocrite.
I was really bored the other night so I super glued some Doritos to the back of the damn cat and watched her run around the house like a stegosaurus.
It’s “aisle” not “isle”… if someone writes they’re on the “alcohol isle” that means they’re in Jamaica, not the grocery store.
A young lady walked by me with a therapy dog wearing a marked vest… she got a little testy when I asked “what kind of therapy is he in?”
I put on my pants just like everybody else… as soon as the security guard says “sir, you’re going to have to leave the store.”
The Razzi family had more family photos than any other family… all thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
The theory of relativity… time moves unbelievably slow when you’re with your relatives.
I’m really confused. I listened to some Beethoven last nite, then some Lady GaGa this morning… which one’s the deaf one?
Anytime I see a picture of Princess Leia’s hair I get a craving for a Cinnabon.
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married… I don’t mean to start any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?
By the age of 5 years the human child can walk and feed itself… but it doesn’t yet stray far from home as it still relies on parents for tablet/cell phone charging and other maintenance.
Tip: never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words “gruesome discovery” coming from your TV during the morning news.
My biological mother put me up for adoption ‘cuz her cat was allergic.
The phrase “I’ll see you in hell!” should immediately be followed by “and I won’t even stop and say hi!”…otherwise you’re just making plans with someone you dislike.
“Mounting debt” sounds way sexier than it really is.
“Do you, Charles Manson, take this woman who is clearly more insane than you to be your lawful wedded wife?”
When life gives you melons… wear something low-cut.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor where I should put my pants… “over there by mine” was not the answer I was expecting.
Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and Michael Vick….congratulations NFL! Your woman, child and animal abuse trifecta is now complete.
Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse… ‘cuz I can change.
It’s gotta be tough for some poor schmuck somewhere who has to say… “yeah, she left me for Charles Manson.”
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies… for instance, if she throws the knife at you perhaps you should buy her some Midol.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day… so I took my dollar back.
One of the local farm workers had a hand amputated recently in a tragic farm accident… fortunately he was able to find a replacement at a second hand store.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week… I’m very disappointed with all of you.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked… so does tequila.
If two cannibals fight… does that make it a food fight?