Posted under That's Life Columns
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4-11-14 must mean something?
*Today at work was fun. I unplugged the copier and put a sign on it that said “Now voice activated”…then just sat back and watched the magic unfold.
The Dixon Police Department has its own take on the women being assaulted and robbed at gun point over by Northwest Park by some black dude with face covering dreadlocks. My sage advice is for women walking by themselves not to carry or show a purse in the first place. Secondly, arm yourself with pepper spray a small framed 38 special, a can of wasp and hornet spray (that shoots out 20 feet and you can gas them before they get out of the car) or a nine iron…and for God’s sake take the stupid ear buds out of your ears so you can hear what’s going on around you.
According to Dixon Police Chief, Jon Cox, “It’s a shame it has come to this but unfortunately this is the way the world is today.” He said he advises women not to make themselves an easy target, try not to walk alone if they don’t have to and always be aware of their surroundings. This is the same advice he gives his 20 something daughter. He is an advocate of the “chemical sprays” but they will only work he added if people have the mindset to use them at the proper time. He added the bad guy act while to good people are still thinking about what’s going on.
Chief Cox also said that’s one reason he doesn’t recommend firearms for self protection at home for most people. When push comes to shove most people will not pull the trigger to possibly end another’s life and while they are thinking about it tables can be turned and you can get hurt with your own weapon. He did acknowledge that a lot of bikers, most hunters and a lot of veterans probably wouldn’t have that problem. (All of the women in our family and extended family know how to use firearms and shoot on a fairly regular basis. To protect themselves or their families they will pull the trigger…and they will hit what they aim for…probably a couple of times.)
Your first words should you should yell are, “Stop and don’t take another step closer,” then if you fear for your life in light of recent events, take whatever action you deem necessary…and make sure to tell police when they arrived you were “afraid for my life.” That will justify about whatever you decide to do.
Ladies: Be brave and be assertive don’t put up with this crap. A guy jumps out of a car and starts towards you, if you can, drop the bastard in his tracks if he gets to you before you can get away.
I was getting my hair cut when we heard about and on lady there said, “It’s a sad state of affairs its come to this, but with this city actively recruiting more than our share of low income, crime producing housing it was inventible I guess.” This seems to be a valid assumption. Look at Fairfield and Vacaville that are now not much different that Vallejo.
The same goes for home burglaries and “invasions”. I’m just waiting for one of these dumb clucks, who think our “country bumpkins” are easy pickings, to pick the wrong (or right depending on your point of view) house. Like a veteran, a member of one of the biker clubs, the American Legion or VFW or a current service person or a cop. The police advise against using deadly force. The group I just mentioned prefers the use of deadly force to protect their lives and the lives of their families. Somehow these dirt balls never seem to choose the wrong house…but it’s just a matter of time.
Remember if push comes to shove and you have to do what you gotta do the first words out of your mouth to law enforcement is “I was afraid for my life and the lives of my family. I was afraid they were going to kill us and I saw (or thought I saw) a weapon.”
I’m not giving legal advice here but if they are in your home no jury in the world would convict you of anything for protecting yourself and your loved ones…I don’t think it’s really even illegal. You have a right to defend yourself and your family and use deadly force if necessary. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.
You gotta be a little careful though, don’t want to whack a Jehovah’s Witness, mail person or the UPS guy.
I had a call from one of the elderly icons of Dixon last week who told me she had just received a call saying her grandson was in jail in Mexico…and because that was a remote possibility she listened for a minute. The caller said he was in deep trouble and she needed to wire bail money immediately. She asked, “Is this a scam?” She was told, “Of course not, we are just trying to help”. She then told the caller she would have his dad call immediately to help out…and they hung up on her…This is the second time she’s been hit with the same scam. Her advice, like mine is do nothing over the phone. No charities, no nothing. If it is an emergency get their number and call them back. If your gut still tells you something isn’t right, call the police and have them work with you to get the answers…Don’t be stupid. Don’t give them anything. Scammers make millions taking money from too trusting seniors and stupid dumb people each year… Try not to be either one.
Margaret And Mickey
Margaret Schroeder and Mickey Rooney both lived to be 93 and died within days of each other. In their own ways they had a huge impact on those around them.
Margaret was married once for a long time. Mickey was married eight times…No match there. They both lived a life that started with no: TV, computers, modern plumbing, phones, satellites, segregation, cell phones, air conditioning…etc. How many things can you think of that didn’t exist before 1920?
Mrs. Schroeder was a kick. Mickey was a kick to but with a capitol D. He entertained millions and earned and blew millions more. Mrs. Schroeder helped hundreds, maybe thousands.
Mrs. Schroeder was a real kick. A few years ago she called and asked if we wanted some stuff for Toys for Tots. She said they were going to disband an organization because the “old women didn’t want to do anything anymore”…She was in her late 80’s at the time. We dove hunted on their ranch for some 35+ years and I remember once asking her if we should not hunt at sunrise on opening morning. She said, “No; go ahead. I don’t mind hearing the gun shots. They remind me of the old days when we would have a group come and hunt and then stay for breakfast”. I asked her about the neighbors even though none were really close and she replied, “If it bothers them it’s their problem…this is our land.” Her late husband, Elmer, was also a great supporter from the time we arrived here in the 60’s when I was editor of the Dixon Tribune. They lived in the Schroeder house in which he was born. It was built in 1873. He backed me every time I ran for election hoping I would “balance out the crooks”. We loved the Schroeder family and we still do…They come from pioneer stock and have anchored the ag community for generations. The current batch of Schroeders from this branch are cut from the same mold…We are happy to call them our friends.
It Was Cow Tipping…?
When I was young and even when we first moved here in the 60’s a lot of talk went on about “cow tipping”. No, you didn’t give them money for any extra milk they gave you. Supposedly when a cow is sound asleep you can rush it, push on it on its side and knock it flat to the ground. Then, you laugh like loons and run.
Putting a new spin on an old urban legend is the San Francisco version called “car tipping”. The city rascals are taking the little “Smart cars,” which weighs about 1,500 pounds, and tipping them up on end or over…by hand.
Don’t think this is completely a new thing. Back in the early 60’s when I was in high school we had a math teacher who was an ass. I was with six football players who turned his Volkswagen Bug car sideways in his carport…don’t know if they ever got it out…Guess the smart cars aren’t as smart as they thought or they could turn themselves back over…or photograph who done them wrong.
We don’t condone that kind of behavior here of course…but you gotta admit it’s funny as hell.
Believe It Or Not
This really sucks… The U.S. Post Office is coming out with a stamp honoring Harvey Milk. If you live in Dixon you might want to get in line early as I’m sure they will be in big demand. It will first be issued on May 22, which is also Harvey Milk Day. If anyone needs help with what to do with them after you get one, I can tell you how and where to stick them…but I ain’t licking one. The U.S. Postal Service released the design of the new stamp commemorating the gay rights activist and American politician, Harvey Milk, on Monday. It will be the first to feature an openly gay politician. Milk made history when he won a spot on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in in 1977, becoming the first elected official to openly identify as being gay. He made history again when he was the first openly gay elected official assassinated. This happened the following year when Dan White, another city supervisor who had recently stepped down but wanted his job back, got PO’d, and shot him. He was also the subject of the 2008 biographical film Milk, starring Sean Penn.
What we are going to do is ask our congressman, John Garamendi to have the post office come out with a stamp honoring someone who has really done something for a lot of people and who should have a day and even a park named after him. As a former elected official who once the youngest elected person in the state, and the first non-gay BLT person to demand my rights…I think I stand a good chance.
Notice how Harv has the GLBTQ flag on his stamp. We put my flag on mine. This is a real usable, legal stamp and I’ve ordered 20 of them for proof. The release date on my stamp is today and is not yet available at the local post office. I’m sure they will immediately become collector’s items.
The True Story Of The Chicken Gun.
Too funny not to share! Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist! Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard four pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent, along with several frozen chicken rounds, to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo — “Defrost the chicken.” (True Story)
More Things For Thought…Some Spitters.
*I used to date a girl who thought making out in the backseat of a Honda was her civic duty.
*The news just carried a story about a nun giving birth so now its official…a nun is getting more action than I am!
*My entire working knowledge of automotive repair can be summarized by that children’s song “the wheels on the bus”.
*Definition of a slut: A desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
*Don’t you just love how people say they are “expecting” a baby…as though it may be something else like a penguin or a lawnmower?
*Judging by their knives the Swiss Army is comprised of mostly bartenders and fix-it men.
*When I was in the first grade and I’d tell my parents what we’d done in school that day they’d act amazed…and I’d think “shouldn’t you know this crap already?”
*If a cannibal ate a comedian that would lead to some funny crap.
*Ya know if tomatoes are a fruit…that makes ketchup a smoothie!
*All the staff of the sperm bank assembled in the parking lot for a fire drill several minutes before the alarm went off…it was a premature evacuation.
*You’re the reason I get out of bed in the morning…that, and I have to pee.
*I’m going to the gym now. I don’t say this to impress anyone…I just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
*Condoleeza Rice’s less successful sister is apartmentleeza rice.
*The headlines read “Police find two nude corpses in bank vault”…I can only think of one reason for that, safe sex.
*Bruce Willis says he’s going to keep playing the same movie roles…you know what they say about old habits.
*People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
*I’m really tired of women coming up with all sort of excuses not to mess around…like “I’m tired” or “I have a headache” or “I’m your sister-in-law”.
*Next time I get in a fight with the wife I’m gonna go tighten all the lids on the jars.
*They found Richard III’s skeleton buried in a parking lot…the time stamp on his ticket stub shows he owes $8,772,964.
*My granddaughter just asked how to spell “bourbon”…she’s either asking Santa to be good to grandpa or writing to child services.
*Why is there “head and shoulders” shampoo…who’s shampooing their shoulders?
*Sent the wife a text asking if the plumber came to fix the leak and if our 5 year old grandson spent the day with her…she sent a text back “he’s naked on the couch”…I was afraid to ask which one!
*Grilled cheese is just regular cheese…except it’s been forced to account for its whereabouts last nite between 9:00 and 11:30pm.
*Someday someone is going to call me “sir”…without adding, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
*My neighbor is a micro biologist…we’ve never seen him.
*I’m not a racist. I hate all races equally…but especially the 100 meter dash.
*Some people age like wine…others like *milk.
*Has anyone besides me noticed that at this point you can get more gas for a $5 bill at taco bell than you can at a gas station?
*The sign at the zoo said “please don’t touch the animals”…so I put away the book of poetry I was reading to them.
“I’ll be back!” Is what Arnold Schwarzenegger said as he put on a two-man horse costume…Mooan.