Posted under That's Life Columns
Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com
One week after my birthday, tomorrow Nov. 22, 1963 JFK was shot…do you remember it or where you were when it happened?
Fat Lady Doing The Scales
A lot of people want to know about the election results and if the numbers have changed… they did a little. The spread between me and third place stays the same so it looks like the fat lady may sing before long (Remember Yogi Bera’s “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings”… referring to his opinion of opera and the real end of things). Mike Ceremello called and said he was conceding the election and had a two word concession speech…”Bite me”. He also said Ourania Riddle told him there were hundreds of mail-in ballots at the post office that were taken directly to the polling places on election eve… hum…suppose the P.O. and the county are in cahoots to keep Mike from getting elected… I told him to call Ose/Bera for advice.
The county expects to maybe have ALL of the final results, maybe, by today… or so. All of those who crunch numbers and know a lot more about elections than I do say it is a done deal… there are not enough votes left to be counted to make any major changes with six players involved… So I may indeed, once again, become one of your city fathers… Does that make my first wife Linda a city mother?
If so children, your city father would say, remember I can’t promise any miracles I’d be only one vote in five but the other four, especially the three with two years to go on their terms may well listen to some of the things I have to say. I’m not Mike Ceremello and Mike is not me. I fight to win wars, not battles, and we have some very important pressing issues facing our city.
I Didn’t Agree To This Carp
Anybody ask you about any of the following? They didn’t me:
- How did “illegal aliens” become “undocumented residents”? How does an illegal alien get back into the U.S. several times and end up killing two Northern California sheriff’s deputies. Of the 11 million or so now living here how many are criminals in their home country. How many have a variety of diseases like TB or Aids? How many are child molesters or rapists? No one knows and no one is asking are they? WTF?
- How and when did bums, who just don’t want to work, become homeless individuals we have to feed, clothe, buy booze get free drugs and find housing for?
- Who told your governor we wanted to build twin water funnels to help keep the toilets and swimming pools down south filed with delta water? Does he care it will drain the delta and kill most ranching and farming plus wildlife… Who asked for this? Not me. Maybe the mega bucks from L.A.?
- Who said it was ok to transport 80,000 barrels of toxic, high flammable crude oil through Dixon 24/7… at way to high of a rate of speed? Sure as hell not me. We need over passes now before a projected earthquake hits and half of our citizens become French fries when one of these rolling time bombs flops over and explodes.
- Who said it was OK to take all of San Francisco’s hospital waste and dump in just downwind of us in our landfill… when the south wind blows just don’t breathe the airborne pathogens and you’ll probably ok.
- Why do to you have to have I.D. to drive a car, cash a check or use a credit card but not to vote. There are some idiots out there championing to let the 11,000,000 undocumented Democrats vote without showing any ID… Great idea huh? Starting shortly “undocumented residents” can get a Ca. driver’s license which they can use as I.D. DMV is putting on extra 1,000 workers to help (with us footing the bill of course) the illegal aliens get a legal driver’s license…Who besides the state assembly said that was OK?
- Who approved illegal aliens getting California driver’s licenses? Or a college education or free everything we have to pay for: Health, dental, food, housing, education… etc. Who is it that makes these changes without asking us?
- How about the brilliant minds that built the high school with only one way in and out? In the event of a disaster can you image the mess and danger of hundreds of folks/vehicles trying to get in and out? There’s a back road to Pedrick that needs to be explored.
- I have no problem with undocumented folks getting documents and becoming citizens through the front door as millions of Americans have done… as a matter of fact I encourage and support it. I am not in favor of “amnesty” of 11,000,000 or so criminals i.e., illegal aliens, now called undocumented residents, getting a mass pardon and automatically becoming “citizens”. Are you? Can they read, write, are they sick, child molesters, rapists, killers? Can they support themselves and their families, are they escaping criminals charges in their own country… Countries are dumping their undesirables on us with your president’s blessing. He has even ordered local law enforcement to take a “hands off” approach to illegal aliens…WTF? … Look at Detroit, thanks Obama.
- Who said this was OK? I mean seriously WTF?
I think we need to close our borders before the Ebola crowd descends upon us for treatment and just refuses to obey our wishes like the dumb broad back east who said she wouldn’t be confined for the incubation period because she knew more than the doctors…and just went out in the public…she could have been the new typhoid Mary and what would she have said…”I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to kill so many people”. Who said this was OK? Not me for sure.
The liberals need to toughen up and the conservatives need to lighten up and remember this is the USA and it should always be American first…
- Who said it was OK to spend BILLIONS in the sand overseas on zillions of zealots who don’t like us, don’t trust us and want us to be like them? Pull our troops out and let them kill each other…they have for centuries and will again if and when we ever leave. They promise death to all of us infidels… I’m all in favor of turning the whole region back to sand and let them start over again… Or let the military take control and finally give us a chance to win a war instead of having a “neighborhood organizer” call the shots.
The point of this rant is Americans feel helpless… the majority didn’t even vote in this past election… Nobody asks us anything. The government just takes and takes and some yahoo makes these stupid decisions and we are helpless to do anything about it… except pay for it. Change is coming, it has to. The system is broken, the powers to be work for themselves and not those who elected them. We have become a nation of weenies lead by a man in which even his own party and country has no faith.
More Things For Thought
When my grandkids finally figure out the Jamaicans, the Irish and wizards don’t all have the same accents I’m probably going to get fired from story time.
A customer almost died in front of me today… but then I made myself slowly count to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer.
Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari you are bound by ethics to offer me some of your food… legally it’s called “squid pro quo”.
I’d like to offer a big shout out to the waitress who checked my ID the other night, and then ruined the quaint charm of the moment by saying, “wow. Your… your like older than my dad!”
The cop took a long look around the potato splattered room and then said “I’ve never seen anything like it”… he then took a long drag on his cigarette and added, ‘it was a mashacrre”.
People ask me what I’m really into these says… I answer “debt”.
Biology: The science of writing awesome bios.
Customers never cease to amaze me. Today some guy came in and said “I want to return this gum… it tastes awful”… I said, “Sir, that’s not gum, its Band-Aids.”…. “Oh, well, I want to return these Band-Aids. Some fools been eating them”.
I did a somersault for the first time in years today… I know that’s not really something to write about but I’m getting bored laying here waiting for the paramedics.
Had trouble sleeping this morning… they added a trumpet to the band in the early church service.
Ya know, duct tape can fix almost anything but it can’t fix stupidity… but it can muffle it.
When the kids were little and a solicitor would call we used to hand one of them the phone and say “It’s Barney for you.”
I’m an ok dancer until I whip out my finger guns… then I’m just majestic.
I spotted a spider in the bedroom so I did what any red-blooded American man would do… I started an argument with the wife so I could sleep on the couch.
Give a woman an inch… and she probably won’t call you again.
I’m old enough to remember being the TV remote.
I’m really happy with it being shorter and the ladies seem to like it that way too… what I say to my barber.
Oh, ok… I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite… but good call.
My neighbor finally confronted me about clothing missing from his clothes line… I nearly filled his pants.
I lost my balance on an escalator… fell down the stairs for two hours.
A lady friend asked me what I look for in a relationship… “A way out” was apparently the wrong answer.
When they say all expenses paid… does that include bail?
I just watched a fifteen-year old girl who was busy texting walk head long into a lamp post… I’m no longer an atheist.
We were at the beach and a guy out in the water was yelling “Help! Shark!”… we all just laughed. We knew that shark wasn’t going to help.
Like most parents my wife and I love to watch our beautiful son while he sleeps… freaks his wife out, though.
In China the labels on stuff reads “Made by someone you know”.
I spent about 10 minutes watching someone try and parallel park… I didn’t actually see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
I just opened the freezer door and the vodka bottle just kind of rolled out into my hands… no way am I going to ignore this sign from God.
I told my kids and grandkids they could no longer call me dad or gramps but only by my professional titles… connoisseur of lukewarm, half-eaten food, broken toy engineer, and butt-wipeologist.
Word of the day….Obama: I opened a bottle of scotch and drank it Obama self.