Bud Fanning Calls…
It’s about 8:30 a.m. last Sunday morning and I get a call from Bud Fanning (the owner of Bud’s Pub downtown) about a hot air balloon just clearing the railroad tracks and power lines and landing in a small space between the back of the Cornerstone Church and the north side of the apartments in the Pulte subdivision. I sleepily said, “Yeah Bud OK, take a picture for me will ya?” I hung up the phone… Then to our surprise voices were coming from the heavens above as we opened our eyes. We ran out back (like 10 steps) with ma in her nightgown and me in my cap and looked like we just woke from a long winter’s nap. Up in the sky our eyes did look when right on top of us a dozen or so looked down on us… so much for the poem type crap.
This balloon couldn’t have been more than 100 yards or so high and we could hear them talking, and we saw them, and they saw us. The gas bursts scared the hell out of all the area dogs.
It was on then. I ran in, grabbed my camera, put on a minimum of clothing and took off for somewhere… I wasn’t sure where. I followed the balloon and had to make an end around down Porter Rd. to Midway and the back way into Pulte just in time to see this one land.
Come to find out five balloons landed in the relative small space all not much more than 100 yards apart from each other. I asked one of the balloon deflators if they chose this small space to land in. He said, “We all (two different companies) took off from the Yolo County Airport and this is where the currents brought us. You kind of have to land where you land you know”… Now you know the whole story. I know some ranchers and farmers who aren’t too keen on landing wherever please… you know?
Ever wonder how Brussel sprouts grew? On a stalk… now you know!
True Story: News Update from Canada
(From our friend John) The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.
“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.
“I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?
A Beautiful Poem
Let’s stop the name calling
Let’s quit bawling
Your party lost
My party won
So let us be friends
Let arguments pass
I’ll hug my elephant
You kiss your Ass!
Wow! That was quick!
More Things For Thought
*I’m smarter than I look. I was going to say ‘more intelligenter’… but I didn’t know how to spell it.
*Who was the clown that called it a “Brazilian” and not a “tropical smoothie”?
*They recommend that one start reading to their children as early as possible… I’ve found 4:30am ticks them off pretty well.
*Life is way too short to spend time on matching socks.
*Why a man should ever want to marry a woman is a mystery… why a man should ever want to marry two women is a bigamystery.
*Never ask WebMD for medical advice… I’ve gone from a mild headache to clinically dead in three clicks of the mouse.
*Unless you’re a bottle of olive oil your virginity has absolutely no bearing on your quality.
*Your phone’s screen is brighter than your future… but that’s really none of my business.
*Did you know that if you go outside and light a candle under the moonlight and then repeat the name of the person you love three times… you’ll look really stupid?
*Cheating is like eating fast food… you do it, you enjoy it, and then you end up feeling like crap.
*Whoever currently has possession of the voodoo doll of me would you please scratch my butt… I’m in public and can’t do it.
*My sister-in-law’s gynecologist recognized her at the grocery store… I told her she needed to wear longer skirts.
*I wonder if the clothes in china have a tag in them that says “made around the corner”.
*I’m such a bozo. I was just introduced to a girl from Scotland… and the only thing I could think to say is “your people make great tape!”
*Why is “yolo” so popular all of a sudden… was there a problem that people actually think we live twice?
*Ever look at one of your ex’s and think ‘was I blind drunk during our whole relationship’?
*My voice may sound like a thousand dying cats… but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to sing along when my favorite song comes on.
*It’s no longer “boxed wine”… the classy name for it is “cardboardeaux”.
*What would happen if you gave a Viagra to a snake?
*After all this Starbuck’s cup controversy if Taco Bell was smart they’d start serving their burritos in little cardboard mangers.
*Don’t people with bumper stickers realize it takes a well-worded tee-shirt to really change a person’s deeply held beliefs?
*I used to play the triangle in a reggae band… but I left ‘cuz it was just one ting after another.
*Hillary said: “It’s time to have a woman in the white house”… Bill thinks, “hmmmm, been there, done that!”
*Is throwing rice at the bride and groom at a Chinese wedding considered lucky… or a food fight?
*The only way to get conservatives concerned about the climate change issue is to convince them the climate is gay.
*”Fruit” and “urinal” give a bad name to cakes everywhere.
*I don’t make fun of those less fortunate than me, but it’s not a matter of the moral high ground… I just don’t know anyone less fortunate than I am.
*Statistics say 29% of people sleep with their pets in bed with them… So I tried it, but by morning my goldfish was dead.
*Whenever I’m feeling fat I try not to stress about it… and just keep my chins up.
*After my prostate exam the doctor was leaving the room just as the nurse entered and uttered the three words no man wants to hear… “Who was that?”