Posted under That's Life Columns
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Poem – Walk With Me While I Age…
I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my printing it will be worth the effort.“Walk with me while I age”… worth the read. A beautiful poem about growing older… Carp; I forgot the words.
Hang On To Your Nuts; Someone Wants To Grab Them!
With the gazillion of acers of nuts we now have growing all around us there is going to have to be a new business pop up; “We’ll watch your nuts for you” or something like that. Why? Because nut thefts in California are skyrocketing and the nut owners are going nuts trying to stem the flow of the illegal nut thefts and sales; think I’m kidding?
High tech thieves are hacking into trucking companies and stealing their identities allowing them to highjack whole shipments of their high value cargo; mainly almonds, walnuts and pistachios valued anywhere from $150,000 to a half a million dollars a pop. Their nuts then take a sea voyage and end up in Europe or Asia where they bring top dollar… So no cost to buy the product, little risk and a huge amount of money for selling it sounds kind of nutty right? No actually it is a big lucrative business.
According to published sources last year in California alone there were 31 reported theft cases totaling $4.6 million with losses for the past four years totaling over $7.5 million.
California produces more of the three nut groups than any other state with a combined value of $9.3 billion in 2014 alone. Almonds themselves were valued at $5.9 billion by the USDA. Granted all of this is on the grand scale but local growers have their nuts clipped too each year at harvest time…
So it’s come down to this on the local level. If you want to hang on to your nuts you growers are going to have to have someone watch your nuts round the clock come harvest time. It’s no laughing matter really. Thefts from local orchards are a real problem too… and can be a real pain in the grower’s nut bags at harvest time… One quick and sure answer to stem local thefts is the old Oklahoma Lockwood shotgun trick, using rock salt filled shells, with a shot in the trespassing thief’s backside as they try to flee with their booty! You saw they had what appeared to be a weapon right? You’ll probably be sued (hey, your attorney can beat a public defender) but what the hell they won’t be able to sit down in court and word will get around not to mess with you or your nuts!
Want A Quick $5 grand?
Along the same “nutty stuff” lines is a local grower who just had nine trees cut down for no apparent reason other than just plain meanness. This is the second time this orchard has had this happen, last year they cut down seven trees. The recent vandalism last week off of Robben Rd. caused between $8 and $10,000 in damage and the grower is a whole lot less than happy… so much so he is offering a $5,000 reward for the arrest and conviction of the person/people responsible. So you want to pick up a quick, tax free $5 grand? You can do it anonymously through me or this paper if you wish. We won’t reveal the source and just pass the info over to the grower, the cops bust the bad guy, he goes to court and gets nailed and you get five big ones. Or just give me the name, refuse the reward and I’ll take the money as a community service if I have to.
Food Trucks Tonight!
Sometimes it feels like I just can’t win. First of all I didn’t know the city was a sponsor of the Sacramento food truck bunch coming to Dixon every fourth Friday (in the city’s Hall Park) from now through September… This came to the city via the Parks and Rec Commission… Vacaville had like 6,000 people last week at theirs and thousands were peeved at the city for lack of parking and up to an hour wait if they wanted to buy food.
I couldn’t initially see a downside to something like this… Cool, right here in Dixon right? Who would object and why would they? As usual every coin has two sides and boy did I hear from the other side. Here are the points a couple of people made:
- Do all of these trucks have a Dixon business license?
- 2. Who gets the sales tax; Dixon?
- 3. Why is the city sponsoring and organization coming to town to take business and money away from local eateries?
- 4. Will the Solano County health department check them while they are here?
- 5. Will they be using local labor? 6. All of the money will be taken out of town, WTF? 7…On and on.
Sooo… Now being an elected official plus a journalist I need to get both sides of ALL issues and remember to ask if there’s a downside before voting for, or supporting, just about everything no matter how harmless is seems.
Ortho And Its Killer Products
Ortho… According to published reports The giant garden poison maker and humongous chemical business now says it will stop using chemicals that are killing the world’s bees and threating the food supply for the nation… Pretty nice of them huh? According to published information the company said last week it will phase out neonicotinoids by 2021 in eight products used to control pests and plant diseases.
Is this a great company or what? They know what they are doing and act like they are doing the world a favor waiting to sell out all of their poison in the next five years before stopping its use… and your environmentally protective Democratic government? Nada; Demoncrats won’t screw with big contributors. You’ve heard of killer bees? Now you know who/what they really are!
The Sheer Night Gown…
A Dixon guy named Bubba walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price… the sheerer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’ She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, ‘Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!’ He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.
You Want More…?
*There are two sides to every divorce: yours and dipshit’s.
*The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
*I live in my own little world, but it’s ok. Everyone knows me here.
*I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “guess” on it. I said, “Left tackle?”
*I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
*I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get elected.
*The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
*If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make bloody Marys.
*Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
*Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
*No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” When their team’s winning.
*Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
*Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
*Marriage changes passion… Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
*Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
*Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled.
*Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
*I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had any loose fitting clothing I wouldn’t need the freakin’ class!
*Never argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
*Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
*Why is it that our children can’t read a bible in school, but they can in prison?