Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

If you ever worry about what people think of you keep

in mind they probably don’t think about you at all.

 

 

 

 

 

          The Yolo Frontloaders Gun Club is having their Black Powder Seminar this Saturday, June 15^th and it’s open to the public.  The event starts at 9 am and runs to 2 pm with a cost of only $7 per person, which includes lunch and beverage.  Seminar located at the Yolo Sportsmen’s Association Club house with the opportunity to fire a muzzleloader on the Specialty Range after lunch.

          The seminar instruction includes learning the basics, such as:  black powder muskets, rifles, shotguns and pistols, basic equipment, loading, firing, troubleshooting, safety and cleaning,  tomahawk and knife throwing, and historical references on the mountain men their revolvers and civil war history.

          Ear and Eye Protection is Mandatory and will be provided if participants don’t have their own. No experience needed, just a desire to learn about Black Powder Shooting. For more information contact

Karissa Anne Alarcon, (707) 678-9216 or (800) 872-7703 or just show up over in rural Davis.

 

 

From the Email Bag…

 

Ted: Your comment about the president calling the gay black basketball player and telling him how brave he was for admitting he really does love his fellow man and not calling the families of any KIA veteran’s families was spot on, again. I know this isn’t a popular opinion but I am also bothered by the fact when a police officer or firefighter looses their life thousands of fellow policemen or  firemen show up (at a huge cost to the taxpayers I might add) along with the governor and other politicians. I wonder how many would show up if they had to pay for it with their own money. When the body of a KIA serviceman comes some it is usually at night, with the casket escorted from the plane by a few fellow service members and then a subdued ceremony without any thanks or fan fare. Has Obama personally thanked even one family? This just isn’t right. Thanks for letting me air my beefs and keep telling it like it is. W.B Dixon.

 

Just A Taste of The Oklahoma Storm

 

Late Sunday night and into early Saturday morning the northeastern area of Solano County (including us) had a small taste of what the people in Oklahoma deal with…without the destructive tornadoes. A little before and a little after midnight a dry lightning storm roared into our area producing over 8,000 lighting strikes and 60 small fires according to CDF. We could see the cloud to ground strikes from our bedroom window and the thunder shook the windows. The cloud to cloud strobe lighting and huge bright ground bolts are exactly what I described a couple of weeks ago that we experienced for many hours sitting on the edge of the most powerful recorded tornado in recorded history. A lot of people in this area had never experienced thunder like that or have seen huge bolts of a lightning strike. The analogy I gave of being in a bowling alley with the florescent lights flickering out now makes sense to many people. Picture that little storm we had, lasting through the whole nighttime hours. Believe it or not you even get used to the loud crack of the lightning bolts…On the bright side of that trip we did get to see lightening bugs again.

Once again: Instead of giving money to the Red Cross for expensive salaries and perks why not just send a donation to the Moore Oklahoma City Council for its use to really help the locals there. Now they are saying it was the biggest (over two miles wide) and highest wind speed ((maybe close to 300 MPH) in recorded weather history. We can tell you just being in Tulsa Oklahoma during that time and getting the edge of these storms was an eye opener to say the least.

 

More Random Thoughts…

 

A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into cheaper gasoline.

 My uncle works so he can afford the amount of alcohol it takes to keep him going to work.

 I miss you like an old man’s urine stream misses the commode.

 I strenuously object to the city’s recycling plan…it makes me look like an alcoholic to the garbage man.

My wife is worried that her latest donation to the Salvation Army will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90′s.

 Ya know, I think most people spent more time picking the teams for their NCAA brackets than the papal conclave did electing pope Francis.

 If I’m ever in a position where I have to run for my life I’m gonna die…..I’m sure of it.

 My neighbor’s idea of a happy meal is a bottle of vodka, a fistful of Xanax and a cookie.

 There is a rising new trend called “anal bleaching” and as a medical professional I’d generally be against such a practice….then again, there are some a**holes on the city council who really do need to lighten up.

 Don’t be afraid of putting on a few extra pounds…remember that fat people are much harder to kidnap.

 Some days my ready supply of sarcastic smart-ass remarks just doesn’t add up to that days demand.

 Occasionally I take a long look at my wife and think…damn!  That’s one lucky woman!

 Whenever I weigh myself I automatically subtract 8 pounds…I don’t think having brains and being well hung should count against me.

 My anger management classes really tend to piss me off.

 The public is so stupid I can actually hear the words being misspelled as they speak to me.

 I was a smart-ass kid and we didn’t have “time out”…..we had what was called “time’s up!” and then I would get my butt beat.

 I don’t understand why marijuana is still illegal….when people smoke it the only thing they’re a threat to is snack foods.

 Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

 I have to be honest about this…being around your kids makes me want to give myself a vasectomy with my toenail clippers.

I’m much too politically correct to ever tell you to go to hell…but may I suggest a carnival cruise?

Don’t cry because it’s over…smile because her new boyfriend looks like a troll.

 I’m just one dumbass away from going completely insane.

 Sinkholes…just one more friggin’ thing to add to my long list of anxieties.

 As I ride my unicorn through the forest of talking flowers all I can think about is how darned weird you are.

 Wal-Mart is the preferred choice…going to Target requires a shower and cleaner clothes.

According to the latest government calculations we will be able to retire 3-5 years after we die.

You had me at “hello”…and lost me at your pre-sneeze face. 

If I make you breakfast in bed a simple thank-you is all I need…not all this crap about how did I get in your house.

Patience is what parents display when there are witnesses present.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at the mental hospital.

I love water…especially when it’s frozen and surrounded by scotch.

I had a hard time convincing my kids that just because I give them advice it doesn’t mean I know more than they do…it just means I’ve done more stupid carp.  

When we were little they didn’t call it “behavioral disorders”…they called it being a little brat.

I ran into our high school homecoming queen the other day…she was bragging that she hadn’t changed much and in fact could still fit into the earrings she wore in high school.

 

It Did Nothing…

 

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my 12 gauge double barreled (a shotgun) right in the doorway.  I gave it two shells and left it alone and went about my business.  While I was gone, the mailman  delivered my mail, the trash man picked up the trash, a girl  walked her dog down the street, and quite a few of my neighbors  drove past the house.
          After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented with to do so. In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself.

         Well, you can imagine my surprise nothing happened, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.  Either the media is wrong and it is the misuse of guns by people that kill people, or I’m in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well I’m off to check on my spoons.  I hear they’re making people fat.

 

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Many were the times that people commented that former mayor Mary Ann Courville was an embarrassment as an elected official.  I believe one person’s quote was “she is as dumb as a stone”.  I now understand the phrase “keeping the devil you know is preferable to electing one you don’t”.  Unfortunately for the majority of you who were snookered by the lies and deceit of the last campaign, you now get to enjoy the fruits of your dupes.

Tuesday’s council meeting, I am only going to touch on two topics, was distasteful but enlightening to those who can’t quite seem to wrap their heads around what I have been telling you for years.  This council is an unquestioning body of boobs in its rubber stamping union majority and control freak commander.  Some where along the line, Jack Batchelor has decided that he prefers the strong mayor style of government.

By taking advantage of a city manager who is financially challenged, (aren’t we all?), he has applied the full weight of his thumb to get compliance with his goals.  Bold leadership, to BJ, is to never listen to others unless they occupy a higher position in the food chain from you.  Total control is a dictatorship, and not a benevolent one at that.

During the mayor’s commentary on “an update on the Morning View movie studio project”, Batchelor made statements that prove he believes he is superior to the rest of the council.  Also, you really shouldn’t tell lies, Jack, when you know people talk.

I can understand the mayor being invited to hear about a potential project affecting employment and the reputation of our town.  What I can’t understand is why he didn’t bring it to the rest of the council immediately.  You aren’t a one man show, Jack.  You don’t have the brains or competence to handle something this large 

Don’t try to con us into believing that you had no input into putting Mary Ann MacDonald, who has no commercial real estate experience, and Helmut Sommer on the team Carpenter selected to pursue the Dixon Downs property.  Rotary, Chamber, DDBA, bad old boys and girls club … get the picture.  Maybe that is why you initially opposed the project in the Southwest, Jack, or don’t you remember doing so in the meeting I had Jim Lindley call?

Then we move on to your other denial, that you have done nothing wrong in dealing with this project.  While some would castigate you for even looking at it, I do not.  I have a problem with your methods.  Not Jim Lindley’s methods, but the methods you endorse or force him to use.  To imply to land owners or their developers that property with entitlements will have those entitlements removed or not honored and will remain as ag land forever is illegal and foolish.  But you wear the title of fool quite well, Jack.

You can say you did nothing wrong but I know you were in at least one and maybe two meetings where your staff issued these comments.  Your silence does not relieve you of your responsibility.  Where is the wisdom of putting all of your half baked eggs into one basket given Carissa Carpenter’s long string of failures, excuses, and lies.

Jim Lindley continues to claim it is not his responsibility to “vet” a project proponent.  On its surface, that might ring true.  If you are going to forego any other proposal on these parcels while you wait for your dream project, keep on dreaming Jim, you are not going to accelerate anyone’s performance nor prove your wisdom in going in this solitary direction. 

Speaking of Carissa Carpenter, I caught her in at least three lies in the last week.  First, she claims that Howard Kazanjian did not send an email to the Sacramento Bee.  Second, she claimed that Kazanjian was still on her team.  Third, Carpenter claimed that many of the letters of intent had “expired”.  Then there was the KOVR Channel 13 interview with George Lucas himself where he stated off camera that he had never heard of Carpenter.  This woman wouldn’t know the truth if she was on Sodium Pentothal.

Yet both of these fools, Lindley and Batchelor, expect there is not only a possibility that she can deliver, they are counting on it.  This is the leadership you elected and I don’t mean Lindley.  As your mayor, I would have given free rein to Lindley to use his expertise to accomplish his goals in a legal and above board manner.  He has the proven track record in doing this.  Instead we have a micro-managing mayor who spends as much time at city hall as do most of our staff.  According to the city’s own procedural guidelines, no councilman is supposed to be giving direction to staff and that includes the mayor.

I was listening to the interview one landowner was giving to a reporter outside the chambers after this agenda item had passed.  He confirmed my statements in no uncertain terms.  As with most landowners, because he fears the retaliation and backlash, both financial and in restricting his ability to develop his land, he also quickly stated he had nothing against staff or council.  Reminds me of one landowner who is too afraid to speak out because development will be held up and no development has occurred on his property in the 30 plus years he has been working with the city.  Why worry at this point or at all?

* * * * *

Taking no respite or quarter, Batchelor continued his lies and conniving with the intent to destroy or, at least fiscally and financially, damage the Independent Voice by eliminating the newspaper as the low cost provider of legal notices for the city of Dixon.  Much the same as the installation of treasurers with the sole intention of returning banking services to First Northern Bank although they couldn’t match services with other institutions, the idea is to permanently shut down any written or verbal opposition to his faction of “positive” people.

Batchelor claimed that Dave Scholl’s bid was “unresponsive” because he had a “three tiered pricing system”.  Was it unresponsive last year or the year before when it was done this way or was it simply because you knew I, while occupying a council seat, would annihilate your phony self serving illogic if you opened your slimy, fork tongued mouth?  The reason the bid was structured this way was because of what the council did to ignore the low cost bid and provider, simply because it was your personal hatred of the truth printed for all to see.

Splitting the advertising budget between two competitors may be “playing nice” to Sarah Villec, the business manager at the Tribune, but maybe she should get out in the real world of free market competition instead of relying on reciprocal back scratching to generate revenue.  Somehow it is repugnant to those of us with an inkling of morals to sell your soul to the city rather than print the truth about how business is done simply to make a buck.

Jack attempted to make a big point about the low amount of paid subscriptions.  The Tribune lies about how many subscribers they have but no one challenges that.  The court approved Dave’s adjudication request and that is all that is required.  Jack, you aren’t really interested in how many actually read each paper, or the city’s notices.  There is nothing of substance in the Tribune and it reads more poorly than any of Debra Minnema’s failed fluff journalism attempts.

When getting down to voting on this item, it was interesting to see how Thom Bogue got outmaneuvered while Jerry Castañon continues to improve on his imitation of Pinocchio.  While Dane Besneatte continues to blatantly ignore the bid process but admits reading two columns and the comic page comparative pictures (my favorite too), at least he made the motion to split the contract once again despite Jack’s attempt at elimination.

Then Bogue goes brain dead and votes no because he wants to correctly give it all to the IV, as it should have been done two years ago.  Haven’t learned to count to three yet, Thom?  So Thom was the deciding vote against splitting it as Dane and Steve Bird supported it.  Thom makes a motion to make the IV the sole provider and it doesn’t even get a second.  Yep.  You had your support lined up.

So then Batchelor makes a motion to give it entirely to the Tribune.  Only Bogue votes against this.  What the hell, Steve and Dane, you think this is remotely right or fair?

Dane continues to make comments about his fearlessness when it comes to threats of litigation against the city.  Not to tough to be fearless with someone else’s money, Dane, but you were elected to represent us all, spend the city’s money wisely, and not bring your personal biases into your decision making. 

Once again, one can only guess as to what Steve Bird was thinking as he didn’t explain why he was voting the way he did.  Just when you were starting to stand up for yourself and making respectable decisions, you tarnish your own reputation.  I have no need to call you names to demonstrate your ability.  Once was enough and hit way to true.

 Then we have the puppet Jerry Has-ñone.  As I was informed that Jerry had a little problem figuring out the insult, I will explain it in detail.  No cajones and no cerebro.  You elected a follower, not a leader, not a thinker, not an innovator.  Carpenter?  This guy couldn’t find his way out of the home he was building without following someone else’s footprints in the saw dust … and that is before the framing is complete.

Never at a loss to second a motion, Has-ñon voted against splitting the contract and for paying 44% more to the Tribune for legal ads.  I am sure Has-ñon will be right there for Jack on raising sewer rates for an unneeded project because he doesn’t bother to intelligently question anything presented to him.  His silence while being a member of the planning commission was for good reason.

 So you, my good friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens of Dixon need to question your own judgement.  You elected this group of buffoons.  Despite their lies to you telling you this is the way government must work in Dixon, it simply isn’t true.

But I already had proved this …

 

 

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Linda, Little Lulu and Ted (Linda is 5’1″.)

“How’s Lulu”…?

She’s  finally fine

By Ted Hickman from the IV Newspaper 6-14-13

            “How’s that little girl who had the heart surgery doing”? Say, “How’s Lulu doing, is she OK now?” These are some of the questions we get asked every now and then as people continue to inquire about the little, soon to be first grader, who underwent open heart surgery earlier this year.

            The answer is: She’s fine and doing great. Her stepfather called us and said every time they went by Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo on the way to, or back from, Oakland’s Children’s Hospital Lulu would say she really wanted to go there. Her parents told her a soon as the doctors said she could go they would take her. Her stepfather, Daniel Gass asked if we could maybe arrange for a “family pass” so they could take Lulu (aka Julie Scott) to the entertaining, educational/amusement park for a day.

            With one call to the Public Relations manager Nancy Chan, and with the assistance of Lisa Maggard (provided the photos), the PR coordinator, the wheels were put in motion. They asked for copies of the stories the IV and other publications had run on Lulu and shortly after receiving then set a date and a day of “wonderful things” for Lulu and her whole family.

            This past Wednesday (two days ago) the wonderful people at Six Flags arranged for parking, entrance to the park, lunch and dinner for the whole family. The entire family had a day of private, behind the scenes animal visits including swimming with the dolphins, feeding the stingrays, being kissed by a seal and petting an elephant…all of this for only Julie and her family away from the crowds with special attention being paid to the little girl…She loved the dolphins and was amazed by “all of their baby teeth.” The stingray, “felt funny” when she petted them, the elephant had “rough skin” and the sea lion had a “cold wet nose” when it kissed her on the cheek. The dolphin ride was her favorite as she and her family was whisked around the huge pool, one by one, while holding on the fin of these graceful creatures. That was by far her favorite thing…So how’s she doing? Fine, she spent all day behind the scenes getting a very private and privileged visit with her favorite animals and the family planned to return yesterday and spend the day on the rides…We think Julie will be OK as the memory of the surgery fades while swimming with and the kiss of the dolphin will remain forever.

If you haven’t been to this family friendly place, a half an hour from here, you should plan on spending several days there. You can buy a “season’s pass” on line for not much more than a single day pass. You’ll need one day to see all of the shows and a second day to try and go on as many rides as possible; including the new “Superman” that will give you the willies just watching it go through its paces.

When they found out my first wife Linda and I hadn’t been there since the 90’s they asked us to join Lulu’s family for the day. Wow has it changed. The pace is huge. Wear comfortable shoes and be prepared for weather changes from cool to warm. A water bottle and sun screen are good ideas and checking on line and mapping out what you would like to do is also a good idea.

Good, clean, affordable, educational, family fun really close to home…really, go see for yourself.

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Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

features, photos go to www.tedhickman.com

 

School’s Out

 

            School wasn’t out an hour last Friday when I stopped at an intersection on Pitt School Road. I stopped a little longer than usual to adjust the air conditioner, looked both way and pulled out in the intersection where some dumb kid, wearing a goofy hat whizzed through the stop sign and narrowly missed T-boning my first wife Linda’s car. He literally came within inches of having a really bad summer or a dirt nap. Of course he wasn’t wearing a helmet, never even gave his actions a thought, and was on the wrong side of the road. Somehow I think him hitting me would have been my fault because kids today make no mistakes…right? If you like your kids or grandkids, try to make them wear an un-cool helmet and tell them bikes are supposed to obey all traffic laws just like cars. I found that kids who are reckless and ignore the laws on bikes have a tendency to do that behind the wheel…at least he wasn’t texting. Watch for them the next few months…they’re everywhere.

 

Am I Entitled To My Opinion?

 

            Here’s an ironic part of life exemplified in California. Every person who gets elected to office from schools boards to the governor’s office all the way up to the president take an oath to:  (An example name picked at random) “I, Joe DiPaola, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of California yada, yada, yada. California Constitution Excerpt: (a) Every person may freely speak, write and publish his or her sentiments on all subjects, being responsible for the abuse of this right. A law may not restrain or abridge liberty of speech or press. (b) A publisher, editor, reporter, or other person . . . shall not be adjudged in contempt by a judicial, legislative, or administrative body, or any other body having the power to issue subpoenas, for refusing to disclose the source of any information . . .

Knowing this, don’t you now have to wonder why almost instantly some yahoos like Steinberg and Pelosi call for suppression of anything they personally don’t like. How about the idiots who want to outlaw firearms for our own protection or those who pass laws telling us what we must like, what we can’t like, what we can say an what we can’t say…in their OPINIONS… Who gives a carp about their opinions, they have sworn an oath and violate it almost from the get go…They don’t you say?

The highly overpaid Ca. State lawmakers just wrapped up the FIRST HALF of this year’s legislative session introducing 2,255 bills so far this year. Granted we really do need more laws on the books so up pops 1,429 in the assembly and 826 in the senate. There are now 1,269 new laws which could make their way to the governor’s desk for approval…Don’t get me wrong, some are really serious like “should prison inmates have access to condoms”…we do need a law for that don’t we? I guess it comes down to who’s ox is being gored huh?          

A couple Dixon Liberals have conceded that I am entitled to my opinion and if I want one they will give it to me. They feel they are free to spew out their liberal crap without having to defend it and no one has the right to differ; i.e. from same sex “marriage” to a gay day in California Schools.  

A couple of things I heard about recently re-enforce the fact liberals shouldn’t let first cousins breed because it produces a non-thinking, easy to program, little clones. The Harvey Milk opinion piece I wrote, believe it or not, out of all of the millions of words I have had published, brought about the most knee jerk reaction by only a few from the radical left.

You all do me a favor please…Quite using the oxymoron, “I never read your trash but I didn’t like what you wrote…” Here’s a quote for you, “Don’t read my stuff…if you can’t stand the heat stay the hell out of the kitchen.”  Believe it or not, in this area of the state, my writing represents the MAJORITY and you whiny left wingers may be vocal, but you are in the minority, just like your GTLT and QM’s or whatever. Once again, you’d think the left would at least give me credit for openly admitting I have lesbian tendencies…so I’m kind of like one of them. To the rest of you who can’t read, understand satire, intentions, or innuendos, let me make it plain…Don’t read my stuff, it sounds like it is hazardous to your health.

 

 

Holy Carp, Guns A Blazing-From The Email Bag…

 

• First of all a reminder the publisher won’t let me use the word “crap” because he finds it offensive so when you see the word “carp” instead you’ll get the drift.

 

 

• Ted: I’m tired of hearing the Dixon National Cemetery land was donate. It wasn’t, it was bought by the U.S. taxpayers…Irene and Alvin Hayman sold the 500 acres needed for the national cemetery to the US government to build the newest National Cemetery, contrary to TV and News reports saying they donated. Alvin was a WWII Marine vet…A local Vet. 
• Hi Ted: Don’t know if you ever read the inserts that PG & E puts in the monthly utility bill?  They are proposing a rate structure “allocation change”…there is a chart that shows what the residential rates will be if it goes into effect.  It looks to me like the people that use an average amount of electricity (550 kWh) in a billing period will have a rate INCREASE of almost 8%.  If a household uses 1500 kWh they will get a DECREASE of just under 9%. So much for getting a better rate if you conserve! …MB, Dixon
• Hi Ted,
  Just a quick note to say how much I enjoy reading your column. Thanks for keeping the conservative voice open. We are getting bombarded with so much left wing crap (why does he gets to use that word?) that it makes my head spin. Your words help to push forward true north conservative values. Keep it up! Rod F. Dixon resident
• Ted: The liberal hissy fit thrown by only a couple of whiny pro-gay folks on Face book is a joke. They must realize you have the balls to say what 95+ per cent of the people in our area think but can’t say. They can’t say it because they may have a job (like in the service) or a boss who has a gay relative…There are many reasons why people can’t speak up and that’s why you have such a huge readership. Almost all thinking people would be in a quandary to explain to a child the difference between what married people do to have a child, and what gays do, and not have one. Harvey Milk day is a bad joke put on us by elected people who follow their own Golden Rule (he who has the gold rules)…if you had the gold you could have a Ted Hickman Day in school and talk about good things in the straight world…now wouldn’t that be something? B.J. Dixon

 

More Passing Thoughts…

I’m writing a book about the recession…it starts with chapter 11.

The definition of being polite…making company feel at home when you wish they were.

Ya know how after a big fight your spouse will suggest make-up sex?…Evidently that’s not the best time to ask “does it have to be with you?”

My brother took being sent to jail really badly.  He spat and swore, refused food and drink and smeared the walls with his own excrement…And so we never played monopoly again.

Aren’t statues great?…They show us what great people would look like covered with pigeon poop.

Women and cats are gonna do what they please…..and men and dogs should just get used to it.

The United States has always had an illegal alien problem…..ask any Indian.

If train A left the station going 60 mph, and train B left the station going 74 mph…at what time would I give a crap?

Please understand, this isn’t a simple goodbye…this is “I can’t stand your sorry butt and stay the hell away from me!”

Pain makes you stronger, tears make you braver, heartache makes you wiser……and vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.

 Some people call it “bitching”, others call it “verbal release therapy”…it’s all about perspective.

 A quiet man is usually a thinking man…a quiet woman is usually pissed.

 I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

 I just replaced the air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn…and now we wait.

 Forgive and forget…I’m not Jesus and I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

You really never realize how good something is until it’s gone…toilet paper is a good example.

 I’m gonna change my name on face book to “nobody”…then when people post stupid stuff I can “like” it and it will say “nobody likes this”.

I find it odd that there are around 7 billion people on this planet…and only about 10 that I can tolerate.

The Oklahoma Disaster Got Me Thinking

Instead of giving money to the Red Cross for expensive salaries and perks why not just send a donation to the Moore Oklahoma City Council for its use to really help the locals there. Now they are saying it was the biggest (over two miles wide) and highest wind speed ((maybe close to 300 MPH) in recorded weather history. We can tell you just being in Tulsa Oklahoma during that exact time and getting the edge of these storms for a couple of days was an eye opener to say the least.

 

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The Selection by Kiera Cass
publisher: HarperTeen
release date: April 24th, 2012
hardcover, 327 pages
intended audience: Young adult
series: The Selection, book 1

Book Jacket Description:  For thirty-five girls, the Selection is the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth. To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels. To live in the palace and compete for the heart of the gorgeous Prince Maxon.

But for America Singer, being selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her. Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn’t want. Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks.

Then America meets Prince Maxon. Gradually, she starts to question all the plans she’s made for herself- and realizes that the life she’s always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined.

Review: A wonderfully fast and easy read highlighting the greatness of dystopian fiction.

 From the amazing cover photo which originally drew me to pick up the book. The fiery outspoken main character America, is one of the best independently developed characters I have read in a long time. Full of laugh out loud witty lines that keep you wanting more.

America is just an average lower caste five girl who works hard to make ends meet for her family. Living in the newly united country of Illea, people live and die in the caste their families have been assigned to. But America doesn’t care about castes. Her family survives with just enough food on their table every night and she gets to do what she loves, sing and perform, as she secretly hopes to marry the forbidden love of her life. However, America’s life drastically takes a change for the worse when the country announces the lottery- A competition for all eligible girls to compete for the handsome Prince Maxon’s heart and to be crowned Princess of Illea. Even though every girl in the country eagerly anticipated the lottery, American only sees entering as a way to ruin her life. Ultimately, leaving her with the decision of weighing the importance of the duty to her family verses her secret romance.

From the moment the announcer read off Americas name for the selection, her life became a whirl wind and everything started to change as she was suddenly thrust into the competition. However she must find the desire to want to stay not only as a member of the selection but also for Prince Maxon.

The selected girls publically fight, compete, sabotage and form friendships as they all try to be the girl who catches the Prince’s eye. America remains in the competition by being who she truly is, an outspoken and intriguing young lady who throws caution into the wind.  She is soft and caring yet strong in conviction and character.  America is not afraid of telling anyone what she thinks including the prince. Even with her brutal honestly the prince can’t help but be enamored with her, keeping her in the competition purely for her strong conviction.  The richness and depth of Prince Maxon left me in awe and pleasantly surprised bestowing a new meaning and purpose to the storyline as well as depth to the characters he encounters. Giving a new intensity to the book that otherwise could have been shallow and void.  

 I enjoyed every part of this wonderful story from the concept behind the book to the recreated history. Even the authors added Rebel attacks on the palace throw in adventure and show how palace life is not just ballrooms made of marble and crystal chandeliers. But it is one of high stakes, formality and consequences, leaving some to fear and even leave the competition. Forcing America to stand tall amongst the cattiness and forge her own path. Choosing the path not always chartered and in turn making her stand out above the rest. 

I found myself wanting to rush through the book needing to know where America’s heart leads, to take a chance on a future she never imagined or to the safety of familiar arms.

A top pick from 2012. Full of depth and continual spins, it will spark the Fairytale in all of us leaving you routing out loud for the strong willed America and hoping she will take a leap for love. Again, true to form I love a book that was poorly rated by many other reviewers. It leaves you to believe you can’t judge a book by its cover you just have to read it for yourself.

Stay tuned for the review of the next book “The Elite” released this March!

 

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Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

They say that when you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced…maybe that’s why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.

 

 

We Picked A Heck Of A Time…

 

            We didn’t actually pick it, it was picked for us, but either way we flew/bounced our way into Oklahoma just ahead of the big tornado last Monday. We had been invited to come to the 50^th anniversary gathering for our good friends Larry and Cotton Lockwood of Proctor, Oklahoma. As we flew Southwest towards the Tulsa airport that Monday afternoon we experienced a series of rough air patches with white billowing clouds and one final bunch, still above 10,000 feet, that was ominously black and silver a nd boiling up. It was like a bronco ride for a while. When we landed we went to the Bass Pro Shop in Broken Arrow for lunch and saw the TV reports of the tornado that hit the night before and that the one that was hitting NOW.

            We drove to Proctor in winds and rain and that night as we sat glued to the TV and watched in anguish the storms rolled over us. The thunder and lightning was like being in a bowling alley with the florescent lights shorting out. The thunder shook the house and the lighting was non-stop. My first wife Linda and I, being for California and all, had to go out on the porch and watch the show and then kept the curtains open all night so we could see the light show through the bedroom window.

            The folks in Oklahoma marvel how we can live in earthquake country…the thought of an earthquake disturbs these hardy people. The thought of invisible whirling 100/200+ MPH winds coming in the dark night in Oklahoma and picking you up and leaving you and yours in Kansas scares me…and not much does that. Funny thing…*While we were there the 5.7 earthquake hit Northern California.

            The emergency response teams from surrounding areas descended on Moore immediately with so many volunteers responding they needed no outside help. These Oklahoma folks are tough, salt of the earth, religious folks who have lived through rough times before. The amazing thing to me is they will re-build, in the same place and if history means anything the same thing will happen again in the future, just like it did in the past…Just like the Big One will hit us again someday…and life goes on. Live and learn? Live maybe…The the same Oklahoma areas got hammered again last night.

*

 

 

From The Email Bag…

 

Hey Ted: I was writing to see if you could assist the Dixon Soccer Club (DSC) with a couple of things we have going on right now.  First, we are still accepting applications through June 15, 2013 for the upcoming season.  Between June 1 and 15, the registration fee will go up to $115.  Applications can be placed in the drop box located at Dream Home Realty located at 170 West A St (Right across from the A St Deli).  People can also log onto our website at www.dixonsoccerclub.com for more information on what is needed to be turned in with the application.

 The second item is a fundraiser for DSC at the car wash located at 780 N. Adams St in Dixon. For every car that is washed utilizing the “Touchless Automatic” wash on Wednesdays from May 1 to July 1 2013, Adams Street Car Wash will donate 1/2 of all money received to the DSC.  This is a great opportunity for people in town to get their cars washed, support a local business and at the same time support a local youth sports organization…Lamb, Dixon.

 

 

How About Some More Thoughts?

 

• I sincerely believe that what each of us wants is acceptance…especially by rich, young, attractive members of the opposite sex with an unquenchable desire for kinky sex.
• What’s the difference between a “good ‘ol boy” and a “redneck”…they both raise livestock but the redneck gets emotionally involved.
• How do you know if you have Irish arthritis…you get stiff in a different joint each night.
• Don’t get your skivvies in a twist…it doesn’t solve anything and it makes you walk funny.
• Damn!  I’m in trouble with the old lady again. I went into the kitchen and she was trying to hammer a nail with the back of a scrub brush.  All I said was “honey, you’ve got to use something harder than that to hammer that nail. You’ve got to use your head.”
• Apparently if my mother-in-law drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases her chances of having a stroke…I’m hoping if I buy her a bottle she’ll drink that down as well.
• How is death a little like sex…it feels funny for a bit and then it’s over.
• The best thing about a nudist wedding is you don’t have to ask…you can see who the best man is.
• As any man who marries a nymphomaniac knows…after a year the nympho leaves and he’s left with the maniac.
• My car’s engine was making an unfamiliar noise…so I just let it run for three hours and now it’s familiar.
• What’s the difference between ironman and iron woman…one’s a super hero and the other is an instruction.
• Times have really changed…yesterday a bum asked me if I could spare $4.75 for a vente cappuccino, light, no foam.
• What’s the definition of “endless love”…a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
• Native tribesman who beat their drums to ward off evil spirits are scorned and ridiculed by the same Americans who honk their horns to break up traffic jams. 
• I pulled my wife broken and bleeding from the wrecked car…as she screamed and pleaded with me to let her try and parallel park again.
• He’s a bad lover…he was once booed by a peeping tom.
• My brother dumped his girlfriend when she told him she was bisexual…the fool said “who wants to have sex just twice a year?”
• I’ve never been in cognito, I hear no one recognizes you there…I have however been in sane.  They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.  
• I love my women to talk dirty during sex…so I do volunteer work at the local Tourette’s association.
• After months of treatment my psychiatrist told me I was cured of kleptomania…..when I asked how I could ever repay him he said, “Well, if you ever relapse I could use a Rolex!”
• My new girlfriend from Chernobyl gives the most amazing French kisses…the things she can do with her tongues are unbelievable.
• Tonight I saved a woman from the shame of prostitution…I didn’t pay her.
• My son was really happy with the turtle-neck sweater I got him for his birthday…the neighbors are really upset, tho, they loved that turtle.
• I will never forget the three words of wisdom that got me through school…cut and paste.
• A prime number…one where a hot chick with a sultry voice answers the phone.
• I was at the senior center today and failed a safety course they put on for us old guys….one of the questions was “in the event of a fire what steps would you take?”…’”friggin big ones” was apparently the wrong answer.
• Recently I was on vacation in Spain and I saw a sign that said “English speaking doctor”…what a good idea! Why don’t they have them in our country?
• After her husband was admitted to the local hospital a woman sued them saying her husband lost all interest in sex….the case was thrown out when the hospital spokesman testified that he was admitted to the ophthalmology dept and “all we did was correct his vision!”
• How can you tell that your paranoid friend has low self-esteem…he’s sure that nobody important is out to get him.

 

 

…For 60 Years…

 

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly
up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name? “Morris Feinberg,” he replied. “Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”  “For about 60 years.”  “60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.” “I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.” “I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.” “I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their
own interests.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”  “Like I’m talking to a friggin wall.”

 

…An Old Cowboy

 

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop and asks the barber for a shave and a haircut.  In the process he complains to the barber that he’s been unable to get all the whiskers off his face because his cheeks are so badly wrinkled from all the bad weather he’s been out in and of course his advanced age.

The barber tells him this is just not a problem.  He retrieves a little wooden ball from off the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin and give the barber a smoother surface to work on.

When the barber is finished the old cowboy rubs his hand over his now smooth cheeks and exclaims that it’s the smoothest shave he’s had in many, many years.  But he was curious.  What would have happened if he had swallowed the little wooden ball the barber had given him?

The barber replied, “No big deal!  Just bring it back in a couple of days like everybody else does!”

 

 

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THIS IS THE UN-EDITED VERSION OF MIKE CEREMELLO’S NEWSPAPER COLUMN IN DIXON’S INDEPENDENT VOICE.

HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:  2rosebudd2@sbcglobal.net

 

By Mike Ceremello

 

While I continue to berate you, the populace, on your total an abject apathy toward anything politically being done to you, I have to wonder if you will wake up at all or whether you are so comfortable in your own cushioned solitary lives that you will meekly go into the oblivion of history.  Right is not right any more and lies are the truth.  But don’t let it bother you …

 I read Terrible Ted’s commentary on “pro-queer day in public schools” mainly because I received an email attributed to “Robert ‘Rodvt’ Petrick” complaining about Ted’s lack of humility and sundry attacks on the LGBT coalition.  I believe LGBT stands for Low Growth By Transition referencing the left’s love for the elimination of human population on this planet.

 It seems that Mr. Petrick is of the opinion that commentary with views opposite of his own are unacceptable.  This should not be a “right/conservative” or “left/liberal” issue.  It is a freedom issue.  Somehow “hate speech” by the American Nazi party is allowed because of freedom of speech, a crucifix in a glass of urine is art, but queer, retard, or nigger isn’t allowed to be spoken unless you or a family member belong to one of those groups.  If you are so bold to state this, you are attacked in an effort to silence you.

 I found Ted’s opinion on the subject of Harvey Milk day and his comments about Jason Collins, the gay black basketball player whose only claim to fame is he is a gay black basketball player, to be intelligently thought out and well stated including all of the intentional puns and innuendos which I am sure went right over the heads of most including the pseudo-intellectually gifted Petrick.

 The biggest fault I find with minority complainers of all ilk is they simply want the playing field reversed so they can foist their control and loss of freedom on the rest of us, like that should be our penance.  You are against slavery but because some white person owned a slave, all whites should be made slaves.  How does changing who suffers, make the experience acceptable?  If it was wrong it still is wrong.

 This is like saying “Well Tricky Dick Nixon covered stuff up during Watergate so you can’t blame Obama or his administration now that the shoe is on the other foot.”  Like hell I can’t.  It isn’t acceptable to me that the IRS is politically targeting anyone, that Woodrow Wilson used the Sedition Act of 1918 to attack freedom of speech and the press, or that our current politicians of both parties are liars, cheats, and con artists.

 I congratulate Ted on being bold enough to stand up to the intolerant on either side of an issue and express himself in no uncertain terms.  I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death to defend your right to say it.  How far backwards have we regressed or is this the liberals definition of progress related to “progressivism’?

 To show you the duplicitous application of this on a local level, just view this last council meeting where your POS mayor, Jack Batchelor, claimed that passing a resolution asking the FDA to ban “menthol” in cigarettes was not mandating the banning of menthol in cigarettes.  “It is about the kids.”  No, it is about the government making decisions for you.  It is against the freedom to choose.

 Yet, being the good democrat apparatchik that Jack is, I would suppose that he has no problem supporting abortion.  Isn’t that “about the kids”, Jack?  Wouldn’t banning abortion also be about saving lives?  You believe in choice in this instance, Jack, when there is no chance of escape for the victim as there is in predisposition to cancer.  You and your party are hypocrites as well as being out and out liars.

 Before I leave Jack, the other item on the agenda at city hall this last week was the approval of an activated sludge project.  Although this project was put on hold by a wastewater committee that neither Jack or his henchman Herb “Double” Cross could control, it was considered at a workshop just a week ago where Jack told the lie that “nothing is going to be voted on tonight and many more meetings will occur before a decision is made”.  Liar.

 What is funny is that we were told this project was estimated at $12, $20, and $25 million dollars.  Rates would have to double to finance this and all the other projects needed given the $25 million figure and $36 million total cost of all projects.  At this council meeting, the total cost decreased to$30 million with $11 million being the cost of the sludge project.  Yet with a decrease in costs, the rate increase actually was bumped up $2 to $26 total.

When Thom “Darth” Bogue actually fell off the fence into the light for a change, he came up with an option no one has explored.  Unfortunately he believed those at the EPA and their illogic rather than talking to scientists which the consultants also seem to avoid at all costs.  The point is that punching the effluent in a diluted state to a level where it eventually percolates and disperses was not an area of expertise known to our consultants.

 The consultants from Stantec did identify three cities or areas where this is being done.  Excuses were made as to why it wasn’t feasible rather than finding engineering solutions to the supposed problems.  Rather than explore possibilities, which is for what Bogue was really fighting, the rest of the council bought another unneeded and debatably ineffective project at large costs to the people for whom they work.

 I expect these types of actions from Jerry “Has Ñone” Castañon.  Only responsible to the union who barely got him elected, Mr. Has Ñone will continue to not listen, not learn, and continue to provide a palpable example of the Peter principle.  Hopefully those in the community can understand that Jerry is not a representative of the abilities of the rest of Latinos, but, as all of us are, products of our own inherent capabilities, genetics, and educational efforts.

 Jerry voted with Jack against freedom earlier.  Jerry votes with Jack on almost every issue.  Jerry reminds me of Rick Fuller from this aspect more than Steve Bird appears to be fulfilling this role.  It would be my guess that some enjoy the role of puppet less than others.  But given Has Ñone’s inability to fathom what is going on even after having it explained to him, I doubt that he even has a clue that he is getting played.  Now my question is “was it really YOUR idea, Jerry, to look at the city attorney contract?

 Enough of the city cretins and their incompetence, let’s head on over and see to what the school district is up.  I will remind you once again that we are examining the lack of your participation and acceptance of the decline and destruction of our society through the actions or inaction of local governmental agencies.

 You can’t make this stuff up.  On the school board’s agenda were two items related to improving the performance at all of our schools which are failing miserably in their task of educating your, as I have none at this juncture, children.

 The first item was specific plans for performance improvement at each of the “sites” or schools.  Herb Cross again asked the intelligent question “is this working?” prefaced by the statement that this same rigamarole was brought before him in each of his years of tenure on the board.  Susan Girimonte, Anderson Elementary principal, told Cross that progress was being made and that improvements were occurring.

 Fellow board member Joe DiPaola at least admitted that he hadn’t been able to access the material on this item over the internet.  Evidently Herb didn’t see it either or just ignored the fact that Girimonte lied to him as the document on this subject stated plain enough for me to see that “performance has declined over the last three years” with the excuse that the increased population of Hispanic learners in the district was the primary cause of this failure.

 Once again, Herb, you are following the pathway to insanity by doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.  You were on the right path, you just didn’t follow through.  But what should I expect from the demonstrated leadership and tactics of the Batchelor Cross brain trust?

After this, and intending to address the fact during a later item on the action plan for student performance improvement, I waited for two and one half hours just to have the item pulled from the agenda because two board members were absent including the president who was supposed to be a half hour late.  Why are you even considering “an action plan” when you already have “site plans”?  Where was the commentary from our highly educated school board professor and “education professional” Irina Okhremtchouk?  Maybe she is a victim of jet lag?

Another issue was the sale of the old school farm.  As I have stated many times in the past, Dixon is comprised of the “haves”, those who belong to the inbred little group who control the financial dealings in this town, and the rest of us who are here to pay the bills they run up with their hair brained projects.  I was a little suspect of this whole deal seeing that Gary Archer was the realtor involved.  I found it interesting that he was only charging a 2% commission on raw land where 10% is normal much as it is with commercial real estate.

According to Joe DiPaola, the listing was not placed in a MLS service for wide spread advertisement of the 107 acre parcel for $750,000.  You have to wonder if this isn’t going to be another “sweet heart” deal for one of Archer’s buddies or even Cross’s.  The other odd thing is the shortened time frame for acceptance of bids.  What’s the rush if you are trying to get the best price for the property and want it advertised to the widest audience?  This smells more than fishy…

One final topic: Where’s the movie studio?  I hear that no one is hearing anything but excuses from Morning View and Carissa Carpenter.  What happened to that “rush rush” time line, Carissa?  The latest was that escrow would be opened in two weeks.  Two weeks has come and gone and you have no contracts of sale to take to any escrow agent.

I am not saying that the movie studio still can’t happen.  What I am saying is enough talk and let’s see some action.  You are holding up landowners with residential entitlements from pursuing other opportunities because our city manager is eating your pie in the sky pipe dream and interfering with development.

Quit making promises and touting how wonderful this will all be.  How about just delivering?  My bet is you can’t and never intended to …

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.

♦publisher: Delacorte Press

♦release date: May 14, 2013
♦hardcover, 341
♦intended audience: Young adult
♦Rating: ♥♥♥

Book Jacket: It was bizarre and inexplicable, and after it happened, Ingrid Waverly was forced to leave her life in London behind. She had to trade a world full of fancy dresses and society events for exile in gothic Paris with her mother and her younger sister, Gabby.

In Paris there are no grand balls or glittering parties, and disturbingly, the house rented by Ingrid’s twin brother, Grayson, isn’t a house at all. It’s an abbey. A creepy, old abbey with a roof lined in stone gargoyles that could almost be mistaken for living, breathing creatures.

And to top it all off, Grayson is missing.

Yet no one seems to be concerned about Grayson’s whereabouts save for Luc, a devastatingly handsome servant who has some deep and dark secrets of his own.

There’s one secret about the city that even Luc can’t keep hidden, though: there’s a murderer on the loose. And every day that Grayson is missing means there’s less chance he’s still alive.

Ingrid is sure her twin isn’t dead—she can feel it deep in her soul—but she knows that he’s in grave danger, and that it’s up to her and Gabby to find him before all hope is lost.

And yet the path to him is more dangerous than she could ever imagine.

 

 

Review: With a tragic and disgracing string of accidents, Ingrid Waverly and her family must pack up and move to Paris. Exposing them to a world of common people, that are too worldly in their mannerisms, relations and social encounters for the reserved era.

A city caught up in the new 1890′s, one that is stripped of fancy balls and parties and replaced with a strange and peculiar new world. A strange city where houses are lined with stone gargoyles, and even the streets are not safe to roam in the night. For there is a new fear that lurks in the darkness, leaving no young woman safe from its murdering lair.

The moment Ingrid and her sister Gabby arrive in their new home all seems amiss. The strange and peculiar hover all around them as they learn their new home is an abandoned abbey with a  roof lined in the same stone gargoyles that laden the city,  however they can almost be mistaken for living creatures. Yet the strangeness of Paris is soon forgotten, when Ingrid and Gabby learn their brother is missing and even though the others don’t share their alarm they still know something is gravely wrong.  

No one seems to be concerned by the strange disappearance but Ingrid and Gabby know there is something amiss and soon take it upon their selves to find their beloved brother, Grayson by themselves.  Through the servant boy Luc, the girls are lead to discover more than just the whereabouts of their brother but also that of a new society and a new danger that is more than any nightmare can create. Leaving Ingrid to discover the real reason behind the strange stone gargoyles and if they really represent the nightmarish form in which they are intended.

While this is one of the most creative spins on creatures of the night, this book is one that is filled with depth and a complex storyline. With strong character development, this story is carried out in even more complexity, with many characters being introduced into this first book of the trilogy.  I found it sometimes hard to follow the many storylines intertwining each character.  Don’t worry, love interests are abound and sometimes confusing as Ingrid and Gabby’s  heart’s struggle and flutter over the many men who enter their lives.  It is not a quick read but one that is worth taking the time to read and digest.  A true gothic read, that is beautifully set with great historical accuracy of Paris in the1890’s.  The Beautiful and the Cursed, is a story of self awareness, where finding out who you are and the powers you might actually possess can be seen not only as cursed but as something beautiful.

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Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

 

 

“Trust me the government is doing this for your own good”…

Guess I Should expect to get audited by the IRS and have my phone records seized after this huh?

 

Senior Lemon Picker…

Sally M. from Davis decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

 The woman was applying for a job in a California lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the Cal. and had worked as a social worker and school teacher but was out of work and really needed the money.

            The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?” “Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I’ve been divorced three times, owned a Nash Rambler, a Pinto, a Fiat and voted for Obama.”

.

  

Short Shots…Ka-rear Day?  

• I heard two days ago was Harvey Milk day in all California schools…with a glamorized book and all. Did your child come home asking about the contents of their new book (or even tell you about it) or ask you to explain how guys doing guys is a “normal,” and now accepted thing? Does the glorification of the country’s “first openly gay man elected to public office” seem worthy of child indoctrination in every school in California? Do you find this kind of hard to swallow?

  My conservative friends have asked if there will also be a Dan White Day where crackers and Twinkies will be served to each student with the explanation of another San Francisco man, former police officer and elected official whose life style led to express his beliefs in an entirely different way. I think probably not…I don’t think  he will even receive a mention in schools… which will unbalance the whole Ying/Yang thing going on in this crazy state. (Daniel James “Dan” White (September 2, 1946 – October 21, 1985) was an elected San Francisco supervisor who assassinated San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk, on Monday, November 27, 1978, at City Hall. In a controversial verdict that led to the coining of the legal slang “Twinkie defense,” White was convicted of manslaughter rather than murder in the deaths of Milk and Moscone. White served five years of a seven-year prison sentence. Less than two years after his release, he returned to San Francisco and (reportedly) committed suicide. San Francisco Weekly (surprise!) has referred to White as “perhaps the most hated man in San Francisco’s history.“)

Before you bruise your typing finger with the few screams we’ll get about being “homophobic” or “anti-gay” or “racist” or any of the other crap I get on rare occasion from the few left wing nuts who read this column, let me tell you something. The vast majority of our readers, both here and on line, are hard working, taxpaying, citizens who are also entitled to their opinions. If they are upset about their government sneaking in a pro-queer day in public schools, they have that right. Now California, “The land of fruits and nuts,” can brag about it being the land of Milk and Twinkies too, with only Milk being forced fed in schools.

Like I’ve said many times I thought “don’t ask-don’t tell” was a fair, good thing. I don’t care where Harvey stuck what, where or with whom as long as it was between consenting adults in private. But now the Demon-crats have succeeded in making their gay life style appear to be acceptable to the majority and are being forced on to school children state wide…They think this is acceptable to the majority…butt I don’t believe that to be true. I guess time will tell. This is where their rush to get millions of undocumented demon-crats citizenship may backfire. Most of those waiting for citizenship are God-fearing, religious, down to earth folks who listen to their church leaders and don’t buy this “gay is good,” or “ marry whatever you want”  fad currently underway.

 

• The Obama folks are providing $100 million in new aid to Syria U.S. officials said last week, but the money is for “humanitarian purposes only” and not linked to any decision to arming Syrian rebels, yep. (see photo above).
• Call Ripley’s: A new bill approved by the California State Assembly gill give “transgender” students the right to use public school restrooms and participate on sports teams that correspond with their “expressed genders”.  I guess  “I’m feeling my feminine side today so I’ll use the girl’s shower” might make high school even more interesting…WTF? I mean really…
• Poor Wal-Mart only earned $3.78 billion of $1.14 per share in the quarter ending April 30. That compares to $3.74 billion and $1.09 last year for the same time. Wall Street was disappointed because they fell one cent short of the projected $1.15 per share on revenue…How am I going to sleep at night knowing this sadness exists in the world?
• The Dixon May Fair Junior Livestock Auction again created a little controversy when one kid got $8,500 for raising a turkey that wasn’t even a champion…not that a champion fair turkey is worth a 10^th of that amount according to critics. The livestock buyers knew what was going on. One lamb sold for $8,540 (most sell for $500 to $800) and a pig $9.880 (most sell for $800 to $1,000) or a goat that got over $10,000 while the others went for a couple of hundred. Those complaining feel these huge ridiculous sums would do much better being spread out among the kids who could really use the money with the wealthy donors quietly giving the kids they selected money on the side. The critics don’t understand this is show and tell time for some folks with big bucks but each case of the outlandish prices has its own story…Each year these seems to be a  youngster or two with a special story that sees the ag community step up to the plate to give a helping hand. Fair insiders know the stories…Many of the kids involved in the auction know also what’s going on.  Those not in the know? They are just left to wonder what the heck happened. ..Sa La Vie.

 

  

 

Men Teaching Classes for Women at 
The Dixon Adult  Learning  Center 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By May 31st,  2013

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. 
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM. 

Class 2 
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or bitching about it for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion. 
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. 

Class 3 
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. 
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. 

Class 4 
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase– Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. 
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video. 
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM 

Class 6 
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and  Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 
  Can a  Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! 
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. 

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. 
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 
How to  Parallel  Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations. 
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 

Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 
How to Shop by Yourself. 
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Sent to me by a friend now somewhere in the Federal Protection Program . . .

 

 

Alabama Football

I know many of you are looking forward to football season.  Well, here’s a little recap of last year…Coincidence?  Just wondering… Alabama beat Arkansas, And Arkansas fired their coach. Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach. Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach. Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigned…….Boy, I wish the white house had a team!

 

 Who’s The Smartest?

A Jewish fellow happens to walk into his favorite bakery just as an Arab man also enters the establishment.  They give each other the “stink eye” and sort of confirm their inbred dislike for one another.  After a few moments the Arab sidles up to the Jew and says “Arabs are so much more clever than Jews…I just stole three pastries and stuffed them in my pocket and the owner has no clue.”

The Jewish guy says, “Well, I’m going to show you there is no one more shrewd or adept at theft than a Jew.  Watch and learn.”

And then the Jewish guy says to the owner, “Give me a pastry and I’ll show you a magic trick.”

The baker loved a good magic trick so he handed the Jewish man a pastry.  And the Jew gobbled it right down.  He then asked for another pastry…and of course ate it just as fast.  The baker was a tad perplexed but was willing to go along with the program.  The Jew then asked for his third pastry and devoured it.

The bakery owner exclaimed, “Hey, what the hell?  What goes on here? What happened to my pastries?  The Jewish fellow answers, “Look in the Arab’s pocket.”

 

 

Med School

 

When I was young my intent was to go to medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam.
The deciding question was, “Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect.” Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

 

 

Is Pollution Bad in Dixon?

State Figures show and tell

 

 

State score (lower is better)

2.24 to 15.192

15.192 to 28.144

28.144 to 41.096

41.096 to 54.048

54.048 to 67

Primary City: Dixon
ZIP Code: 95620
Total Population: 20553
State Ranking (lower percent is worse) 26-30%
Pollution Burden Score (0 – 8.8, lower score better) 6.3
Population Characteristic Score (0 – 9.5, lower score better): 4.4
State Ranking Score (0 – 67, lower score better) 27.72
Ozone Percentile (0 – 100, higher worse): 33.72
Diesel Percentile (higher worse): 47.09
Pesticides Percentile (higher worse): 79.25
Traffic Percentile (higher worse): 50.06
Cleanup Sites Percentile (higher worse): 55.14
Groundwater Threats Percentile (higher worse): 96.28
Haz. Waste Percentile (higher worse): 65.19
Imp. Water Bodies Percentile (higher worse): 94.22
Solid Waste Percentile (higher worse): 88.1
Asthma Percentile (higher worse): 56
Low Birth Weight Percentile (higher worse): 8.27
Education Percentile (higher worse): 59.53
Poverty Percentile (higher worse): 33.52

 

 

More Random Thoughts…

  

 

My wife and I met at a castanet class…we clicked.

I went to the nursery today and bought a Christmas tree.  the salesperson asked “will you be putting that up yourself?”…no, you damn fool, I’ll be putting it up in my living room!  

My girlfriend thinks I’m very mature but she also thinks I’m incapable of being faithful….my wife on the other hand….

I’m the youngest of three…my parents are both much older. 

My wife and I decided we don’t want children…if you do we’ll drop them off tomorrow.

My uncle has a weird hobby, he collects empty bottles…which sounds so much better than “alcoholic”.

We have a beautiful little girl we named after my mother-in-law…in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow.

So what if i can’t spell “Armageddon”…..it’s not the end of the world.

I wonder what the word for “dots” looks like in Braille. 

I think vests are all about protection….a life vest protects you from drowning, a bullet-proof vest protects you from gun shots, and a sweater vests protects you from pretty girls. 

What does the word “meteorologist” mean in English?…it means liar. 

I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless and stupid…..she said “don’t be silly.  you’re not old”. 

The guy who draws pictures of criminals is a con artist.

I can understand you being pissed off at me….but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?

 I had a hard time completing our HR departments course on sex in the workplace…i didn’t realize “harass” was one word.

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas…democrats have no ideas.

Time may be a great healer…but it’s a crappy beautician.

In my lifetime we’ve gone from Eisenhower to Obama…JFK to Al Gore……if this is evolution in a few more years we’ll be voting for plants.

Thanksgiving used to be its own holiday, not Christmas part 1.  You ate, you drank, you took a nap and nobody woke you up and said “let’s go shopping!”

 If hell is real I’m sure it was modeled after junior high school.

There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.

When I was a kid I had two imaginary friends…..and they would only play with each other.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky…but there’s never any gum under them.

 So I’m at the wailing wall standing there like a moron…with my harpoon.

I was at a bar nursing a beer…my nipple was getting quite soggy.

I’m plagued with a flurry of odd thots…can an orphan eat at a family restaurant?  Can a fat person go skinny-dipping?  Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

 Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

When you’re in love you go to bed early…when you’re married you go to sleep early.

Gas prices really aren’t that unreasonable if you consider you’re buying a bad-ass dinosaurs in liquid form. 

Girl Scout cookie season is timed to occur just when you’ve given up any chance of adhering to your new year’s resolutions.

My dad used to say, “Son, if you do that you’ll go blind.”…and I’d respond, “hey, pops, I’m over here!”

It’s really obvious Cinderella was written by a woman…if a man had written it the prince would have had her in the sack ’til midnight when she would have turned into a pizza.

I’ve noticed the strangest thing about men that hang out in bars…they only have one of two reasons to be there, either they have no wife to go home to…or they do.

 

 

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Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

“Trust me the government is doing this for your own good”…Wanna bet I get audited by the IRS and have my phone records seized after this?

 

 

A Rose Between Two Thorns

 

            Yep, that was me in the Dixon May Fair Parade…a rose between two thorns with poor old Ben Romero caught in the middle. Ben was a former “Citizen of the Year” as was Jill Orr (and me too of course) who is seen mugging me much to the delight of the driver, Angela Meissenheimer.  My placement in the parade, between two blonds I picked on a little in the past, was the work of the devil no doubt. Many along the route seem to think the pairing was amusing.

This was far and away the biggest crowd I have ever seen. We’ve viewed the parade every year since like 1967. Many people shouted out many things as we crept our way down the parade route…much of it was good I think. Angela kept telling me to hang on because she had been offered a lot of money to hit the gas or brake at the right time and send me flying…but deep down, I like to think like most blonds, Angela and Jill really like me.

The fair itself was “nice” according to my sister visiting from Florida and was everything an old fashioned Ag. fair should be. The new fair management was smart in chucking the infield seating for big events and cramming everyone into the grandstand so they could sell out the limited seating…looks a lot better than hundreds of empty seats.

 

The citizens of Dixon proudly showed off their newest elected city council person, Steve Bird, riding up high on a fire truck wearing a camo skirt during the parade, giving those thousands on the ground a unique view of a local politician.

In the fair itself, with 10’s of thousands of folks coming and going over the four day period, was an interesting cross section of humanity. Let me give some observations that might hit home for a few:

• Drinking cold beer in hot weather doesn’t necessarily make you a better person.
• We saw a lot more tramp stamps than nice tattoo art work…what the hell are some of you thinking? You know that crap doesn’t wash off don’t you?
• Many in that same mind set seem to think bellies flopping out under tops that are too small is somehow sexy… along with smoking and stuffing their faces with fair food…guess again.
• And you cool dudes (who are a little behind times, literally) with your sagging shorts and hats on backwards and tats…really defy how you are perceived by anyone other than those of your kind.
• Many of the women wearing very little should wear more. Many of the guys need to wear their shirts on the outside so little kids won’t ask their mom, “Is that man going to have a baby?”
• On the plus side I watched again as the Ag kids and their folk in the livestock areas took the time to be kind to the yuppies and their offspring to answer really elementary questions about market animals. Yes, many were mortified to find out the 4-H and *FFA “market” animals would end up on a plate somewhere…Good Lord we’re eating  fluffy…but just where do they think our future foods are going to come from? These kids are learning how to be producers and are our food’s future. Without youth groups like 4-H and *Future Farmers of America we’ll have to figure out how to live on crusty air, wood chips, dirt and polluted water.

 

Phone Repair Dateline: Dixon, Ca …

 

 

A Dixon farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called… and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

            The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

 Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

 4.  After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

 Which demonstrates that some problems can be fixed by pissing and moaning …Thought you’d like to know.

 

 

Men Teaching Classes for Women at 
THE ADULT  LEARNING  CENTER 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By May 26,  2013

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. 
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. 

Class 2 
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion. 
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. 

Class 3 
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. 
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. 

Class 4 
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase– Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. 
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video. 
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM 

Class 6 
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and  Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 
  Can a  Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! 
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. 

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. 
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 
How to  Parallel  Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations. 
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 

Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 
How to Shop by Yourself. 
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Sent to me by a friend now somewhere in the Federal Protection Program . . . 

 

 

Imported Food We Eat, And The Junk We Buy

 

Green Giant frozen vegetables are from China, and so are most of Europe ‘s Best. Arctic Gardens are Okay.  So is Birdseye. Never buy the grocery store garlic unless it is clearly marked from USA or Canada, the other stuff is grown in people poop (even worse than chicken poop). China is the largest producer of garlic in the world. U.S. is next.
           Buy only local honey, much honey is shipped in in huge containers from China and re-packed here. Cold-FX is grown and packed in China and is full of fecal bacteria. If the country of origin is not clearly marked beware. If produce, ask an employee. Watch out for packages which state “prepared for”, “packed by” or “imported by”. I don’t understand the lack of mandatory labeling, especially the produce.
The country of origin should be clearly shown on the item in the store. I go to the local farmers’ markets in season and keep a wary eye open the rest of the year.
 
          Please read this very carefully, and read to the very bottom. It’s important for all of us. How is it possible to ship food from China cheaper than having it produced in the U.S. or Canada? For example the “our family” brand of mandarin oranges says right on the can ‘from china ‘. So, for a few more cents, buy the Liberty brand. Gold brand or the dole is from California Beware, Costco sells canned peaches and pears in a plastic jar that come from China
 
         All “high liner” and most other frozen fish products come from china or Indonesia . The package may say “pacific salmon” on the front, but look for the small print. Most of these products come from fish farms in the orient where there are no regulations on what is fed to these fish.
 
          Recently The Montreal Gazette had an article by the Canadian Government on how Chinese feed the fish: They suspend chicken wire crates over the fish ponds, and the fish feed on chicken s–t.
If you search the internet about what the Chinese feed their fish, you’ll be alarmed; e.g.., growth hormones, expired anti-biotic from humans. Never buy any type of fish or shellfish that comes from these countries: Vietnam , China , Philippines
          Check this out personally. I did. Steinfeld’s Pickles are made in India – just as bad!Another example is in canned mushrooms. No-Name brand came from Indonesia. Also check those little fruit cups. They used to be made in Canada in the Niagara region until about 2 years ago. They are now packaged in China! While the Chinese export inferior and even toxic products, dangerous toys, and goods to be sold in North American markets, the media wrings its hands!
 Yet, 70% of North Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended! Well, duh! Why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges?
           Simply do it yourself; Canada and the U.S.!
           Simply look on the bottom of every product you buy, and if it says ‘Made in China ‘ or ‘PRC’ (People’s Republic of China, and that now includes Hong Kong), simply choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products, and you will be equally amazed at what you can do without.
 
Think about this:
           If  200 million North Americans refuse to buy just $20 each of Chinese goods, that’s a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our favor…fast! The downside? Some Canadian/American businesses will feel a temporary pinch from having foreign stockpiles of inventory.
 Send this to everybody you know. Let’s show them that we are intelligent, and NOBODY can take us for granted.

 

 

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