Posted under That's Life Columns
Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com
I like political jokes… until they get elected!
If you missed the Dixon Chamber of Commerce candidate’s forum for the Dixon City Council election last Wednesday don’t lose any sleep over it. In a nut shell I can tell you how it shook out… just as expected.
The power that be (the three man majority on the council not running for election) boosted their next choice to join their little club; Scott Pederson. Pederson who is currently holding the elected eunuch position of city treasurer is being groomed to join his buddies on the council…who, by the way, APPOINTED him to the treasurer’s post. Pederson proved underwhelming in both knowledge and content in his talks. I’m still not sure he doesn’t think he’s running for the school board because of the numerous times he referred to the school district being down hundreds of students as being one of the city’s biggest problems? Go figure. He also claimed it was a mystery and no one could figure it out. No one asked me. I know exactly where the hundreds of student went…we’ve seen the figures trending down the last couple of years in our annual Toys for Tots program and we have the answer.
So we have Scott worrying about missing school children and the incumbents still trying to convince the public “the government’s doing this for your own good” and they are the good guys for voting for a stupid $7 million dollars hole downtown, doubling your sewage rate, tripling your water rates, etc. Yeah, the public’s gonna buy that effluent. So in one camp you have the hand-picked city treasurer, the vice mayor who used his Dixon city title to try and help out an accused child molester in court (Bassinette) and the man of the people (Bogue) who stabbed the voters in the back with his votes. That’s Group A.
In the other camp that night you have former city councilman Mike Ceremello (the dreaded political bulldog) who knows no bounds, the 18 year old “shucks I’m just a sophisticated local farm kid” and me…that’s how it shakes out.
The money, power, unions, and whatever else they can gather are supporting group A. In group B we basically only have the people. Of course I’m hoping to see the power group bite it and for the voters to start to get a foothold representation back in our local government.
Group A is smug. Group B is hopeful. The sample ballots will be out shortly so remember when you cast your vote. Group A has already gotten into your pockets for $30+ millions and still wants to build another hole or two downtown. Group B wants to save money and build and over pass to offer equal protection both both sides of the city.
Like I said that evening: “Four years ago I helped get the two incumbents elected…tonight I’m her to help get them un-elected.” They screwed us over more than once; only you can give them four more years to do it some more… or kick them to the curb where they belong.
Conversely I’m trying to become the first man in recorded history to win an election without taking anything from anybody and not spending a penny. I know chances are slim but I also know informed voters may surprise everyone. When you see the signs, get the letters and phone calls look and ask and see who’s buying this candidate through these bribes. In my case, as shown in the photo above, grassroots support can surface anywhere… thank all of you who want me to represent you without any strings attached. Whoever you are that made the sign and whoever sent me the photo, thank you… pretty cool huh?
Eat Free and Meet Logue Sunday
Sunday you might want to attend a “meet and greet” free barbeque for veterans and their guests with Assemblyman Dan Logue, candidate for US Congress. It’s this Sunday, September 28, 2014 at 12 noon American Legion post 208 1305 north First Street, Dixon, ca 95620. Please RSVP at: email@example.com… if you can. If not just show up for a free lunch and meet Dan.
More Things For Thought
My mother was one of the strongest women I ever knew… you should see how far she could throw a shoe.
I don’t throw anything out anymore, I just go to some place like TGIFridays and glue more crap to the wall… no one ever notices.
In my experience the quickest way to escape jury duty is when they read out the charges yell… “Oh! come on! Hell, even I’ve done that!”
I’m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same character.
There are hospitals for the criminally insane… and there is congress for the insanely criminal.
If I’m ever on death row I’m going to request my last meal from Chili’s… figure that waiting for my order gives me another year at least.
I just dumped a bucket of ice on the damn cat… you’re welcome Lou Gehrig.
Romantic comedies always give women unrealistic expectations… like porn movies give guys.
Asked a guy in the garden department at Home Depot if he had anything that wouldn’t die… he said “my mother-in-law!”
The wife told me to put on my pajamas and brush my teeth… I said “for chripessakes, dear, I’m a grown man. I don’t need anyone to tell me how to get ready for story time.”
Definitely one of the things on my bucket list, my “100 things to do before I die”… call an ambulance!
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures so I’d know why to wear a condom during sex… they were all pictures of my brother and I.
I spent the entire afternoon throwing darts at a picture of the wife… when she called and asked what I was doing I said “missing you.”
Jackie yelled at me “this is the LAST time I’m gonna tell you to take out the trash!”… thank God that’s finally over!
As I looked around my house suddenly my problem became very apparent. Hamsters, a gecko, 2 cats, a dog, a parrot, an iguana and some hermit crabs… I’m a petophile.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated… she made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Met a girl in a club the other night who said she’d take me outside and show me a good time… in the parking lot she ran the 100 meters in 9.69 seconds.
The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer rest rooms.
I’m not a scientist but if the Ebola virus is communicable I think that means we can talk to it.
If I had known that small oranges were also known as “cuties” when my wife asked me to “bring a few home” we could have avoided all those really awkward introductions.
I told the young lady I met at the concert I was a tenor… she scoffed and said, “you’re a six and I’m being generous.”
The auto-correct function on my work computer turned “likable” into “lickable”… now the new intern is confused by her evaluation.
I was at the veterinarians today and an old man was standing next to me holding an empty cage and crying… I’d cry too if I was that forgetful.
“You the bomb!” “No! You the bomb!” A compliment in America… an argument in the Middle East.
Just got home from Costco with an electric player piano, a 12-pack of BBQ lighters and a kayak… crap! I forgot milk!
I want to open a pizza restaurant and call it “cheesus crust”… our slogan will either be “heavenly ingredients served hot as hell” or “crust has risen!”
I’ve got a lot of sympathy for the caveman that invented the wheel… you just know his mother-in-law continually bitched “she coulda married Grog, he invented fire”.
What was Hitler’s preferred breast size?… not c’s. Think about it… sound it out.
I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time selecting the most desirable potato chips out of the bag… especially for someone who’s going to eat them all anyway.
Defaced Dollar Bill
Ted: You don’t think we’re in a war? A lady in Monte Vista had this dollar bill. This is her story. After dinner she took a $1 dollar bill out of her purse and displayed it on the table. Underneath the words “In God We Trust” someone had stamped the dollar bill in red ink— NO GOD BUT ALLAH. We asked her where she got this dollar bill. She said it was part of her change in Alamosa. We took this picture of her dollar bill. These are beginning to show up all around our country! If anyone tries to give you one of these dollar bills as change, please refuse it and ask them to give you a dollar bill that has not been defaced Send this on to everyone you can. May God bless our USA — And quickly, before what we know and love is forever gone! Your cousin Dr. M. T. San Deigo