July 14th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #736 (7-13-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 

 

*By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email:  For the 734 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman.com

*One has to have the courage of their convictions or their words mean nothing

 

NRA Dixon Dinner is tonight, Friday the 13th

Sorry,Had to change my column this week!

I told my first wife, Linda, after watching the super bowl half time show, “If Intel ever puts on a drone show anywhere in the area we’ve got to go see it…and you know what? On July 5th, rescheduled from July 4th because of the winds,  Intel indeed put on a show for all of our service people for the 75th anniversary of Travis Air Force base…and we went. It was only about a 10 minute show and took about an hour to get going but it was worth it! What we saw were about 500 drones put on what will surely be the fireworks shows of the future. The quality of the pictures isn’t that great because I took them with my cell phone, but you can still get the idea.

The photos ABOVE are as follows: #1the drones appeared. #2 a fireworks like burst, #3 The Golden Gate Bridge, #4 a salute to the 75 years in California, #5 “No Bounds” the Travis AFB 75th’s motto (it opened in Fairfield-Suisun as an Army air field in 1943, a really good year!), # 6 The  base’s  KC-10 and C-17 . #7 the California Bear logo, # 8 the American flag which drew a huge cheer from all of those watching and # 9 another fireworks simulation. How cool is all of this?

How did you spend the 4th?

            Our retired USAF neighbor and his son invited about a dozen people on the fourth for their amazing “Southern Crawfish boil”. We trapped the crawdads, they and their guests added, giant shrimp, potatoes, corn on the cob, sausage, seasonings and other stuff and when it was ready poured it on the table and everyone ate until they could eat no more. The photos show the crawdads we trapped live before and cooked afterwards. Heck of a way to finish up the fourth coupled with a brew or two. Trapping the crawdads just goes along with the wild asparagus, magnum lemons, wild artichokes and now blackberries, black bass and stripers we’ve harvested…that I’ve written about in the last month or so… Right around the corner comes deer season, duck, dove, pheasant and goose seasons… none of which you can buy, but all of which can be harvested right in our area… so you go ahead and buy your store bought, processed meats and stuff and we’ll stick to fish and game and veggies we harvest ourselves and have meals you can’t buy… and it doesn’t get any better or fresher than the crawdad boil… and BTW the corn was the best I’ve ever eaten…All coming from within about 10 miles of town.

 

Never quit learning or trying new things

Almost weekly I urge readers to get off the couch, put the damned phone down and get OUT and do stuff… and make the kids go with you. Many of you know I’ve jumped out of an airplane (skydived), walked on the bottom of the ocean, been in the jungles of South America, hunted caribou in the sub artic, and been through the Panama Canal. Scuba dived in Tahiti, hunted (bow and gun) and fished throughout North America, Mexico and Canada… But one thing I had never done (or ever thought of doing) was to ride and electric scooter, until this past week. # 1 those things really move and #2 kind defeats the purpose of not having to scoot doesn’t it? But they’re fun but I can see where they can be dangerous.

 

More Things for Thought!

*According to new research spiders use global electrical fields to fly hundreds of miles… perhaps one day they may even possess the technology to defeat a rolled-up magazine.

*”Correct me if I’m wrong”… probably the number one thing married men never have to say to their wives.

*”If they could see me now…” I hum loudly as I’m handed a rusty trash can lid attached by a chain to the door key for what is sure to be a filthy gas station restroom……”around back.”

*”God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”… which explains why I’ve never been in a threesome.

*As I age I have determined that I have lived a life much like an oatmeal-raisin cookie… no one’s favorite, but perfectly respectable and not unwelcome.

*All the neighbors who survived their firework accidents are out in the street…high-fouring each other.

*I just apologized to a chair after walking into it… let’s focus on my impeccable manners before judging my sobriety.

*Today, I intend to stand at my front gate and recite Bill Pullman’s speech from the Independence Day movie hopefully as awkwardly and woodenly as he did…but to add to the majesty I shall be holding a sparkler.

*I spend an unfortunate amount of time asking “what’s wrong with me?”… after almost every meal.

*The really amazing thing about July 4th is that people who normally one would barely trust to hold their umbrella have nearly unlimited access to unpredictable rockets, bombs, and fire.

*If you’re bored enter 42.3601 degrees north and 71.0589 degrees west into google earth… you can watch me sunbathe naked.

*My colb is making everything I say today sound really nasal… however; on the plus side my pronunciation of French words is nearly flawless.

*I think my imaginary girlfriend… has too many other imaginary boyfriends.

*I wonder if middle-aged white woman Elizabeth Warren’s Native American name is dances with wolves like no one is watching?

*My wife found a spider in the shower this morning… if you might be interested the open house is next Saturday.

*The “old man” of pawn stars fame has passed away and people from all over want to pay their last respects… but in keeping with the show they’re calling in experts to see what they’re worth.

*I just saw a commercial for a medication that relieves opiate induced constipation… now if they can come up with a pill to stop lying, stealing from family and prostitution opiates will be nearly devoid of side effects.

*I’m pretty sure ISIS has my dental hygienist on their short list.

*Beginning August 7, for $600 you can host your wedding at a taco bell including 15 guests… conveniently there is also a dollar store down the block where you may register.

*I could have been a monk… but I missed my chants. (moan)

*I got weighed at the doctor’s office this morning prior to my appointment and conveniently the nurse told me she deducted 3 pounds for my clothing… but she must have forgotten to deduct my 22 pound wallet.

*Turned the wife on last night… I used the c-pap hose to swing onto the bed like Tarzan.

*My mother-in-law invited us to come over because she had a “ham in the crockpot”… and if that isn’t the perfect euphemism for a fart, then what is?

*Kale is one of our most versatile health foods… it can literally fit into any trash can.

*I haven’t trusted politicians since our freshman class president failed miserably in his attempt to initiate “brownie Fridays”.

*I gave my girlfriend a gift of some expensive lingerie from Victoria’s secret and she said she really thot it was more a gift for me than her… if she wants to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.

*The most romantic thing a woman has said to me before sex… “Its half now, and the rest when we’re dome.”

*I’m having some minor outpatient surgery soon and the anesthesiologists instructions say no food after 5:30am and only clear liquids until 9:30am… as I recall, isn’t vodka a clear liquid?

*I never understood why they were called ‘chicken tenders’… until I had one caress my cheek.

*Just read we should all replace “I’m sorry” with “thank-you” so instead of “I’m sorry I clogged your toilet” say “thank-you for allowing me to clog your toilet”….thus replacing negativity with positivity.  Wtf?

*In an article about strange laws on the books one cites that in Indonesia the penalty for masturbation is decapitation… so, technically, it does make you go blind.

 

Ted: here are some Bumper-Stickers Seen on Military Bases

… some military expressions that are reminders of the work

that is being done in our behalf!  

  • 101st Airborne Division- “When it comes to Combat, we care enough to send the very best”
  • “When in doubt, empty the magazine”
  • Sniper – You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”
  • “Machine Gunners – Accuracy By Volume”
  • “Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything”  
  • “U.S. Marines – Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club”
  • ” U.S Air Force – Travel Agents To Allah”  
  • “The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight”
  • “Death Smiles At Everyone – Marines Smile Back”
  • “What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil
  • “Marines – Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775″
  • “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It
  • “Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”
  • “It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It was Our Job To Arrange The Meeting”(Gen H. Norman Schwarzkopf )
  • Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just a Vulgar Brawl” 
  • “One Shot, Twelve Kills – U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support “
  • “My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College and Protest”
  • “A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy – Blessed Be The Peacemakers
  • “Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the US Marines don’t have that problem.

The American soldier does not fight because he hates who is in front of him;

he fights because he loves who is behind him.

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July 8th 2018
Mike Ceremello’s newspaper columnShotgun Diplomacy As an observer and commentator on human behavior, the week leading up to July 4th has been beyond entertaining. Was it not former US attorney general Eric Holder who proclaimed America was to afraid to have a discussion on race? Evidently Holder’s idea of a discussion was only to hear from people who agreed with his party’s viewpoints. I find a great similarity between this and the uproar of a handful of people over Terrible Ted’s last column advocating a Straight Pride American Month. Considering that I will be running for a council seat this November, I have been warned by many well wishing people to stay out of the fray. Like that will happen. When you have no principles, no strong beliefs, and simply are a politician, that is easy enough to do. In my case, I believe in the freedom to express ideas in print or any other format one would choose, no matter what position a person holds or what the idea is. The reason I can say this is because of my continual education. During my collegiate tour of duty in the field of Geology, I learned of how all the experts throughout history were wrong and yet how strongly they fought for their beliefs. This taught me to question everything. There are those of you who would have us question nothing if it challenges your positions. Another thing I have observed on a rather continual basis is the hypocrisy of the Left. How is it they preach tolerance but practice their own variety of hate speech. Actually it isn’t a variety at all … it is hate plain and simple. Again you don’t believe me? Then judge for yourself. “We’re everywhere. We know how to fight trash like you. We know how to ruin your life. And now we know you’re exactly the kind of scum that needs scrubbing out of the government altogether. May your every endeavor fail. May friends and relatives turn on you like they’ve never done before.” “You will be forgotten. And when you are finally gone and this world is a little cleaner for it, no one will mourn for your passing. I daresay we’ll celebrate it by tagging your gravestone with rainbows, or holding our marches wherever your ashes are spread. To hell with you, you illiterate, loudmouthed, spiteful, ignorant disgrace to humanity.” “Just wanted to write a note and say I think you’re an ignorant vile human being. Your homophobia makes me think you are a very small, ignorant, man or a closet homosexual. I hope your diverse constituents vote you out on your ass in the next election. You disgust me.” Those are just a few of the nicer emails received through city hall or directly to Ted. Funny but I don’t recall Ted saying he hated anyone but just that he wanted a parade for his own kind. Isn’t that what all parades are about, including the ones in which these haters choose to participate? Then we have the plainly ignorant whom I can attack from two directions. “Members of the City Council must faithfully represent ALL of their constituents, without favor or prejudice.” – Tim Goncharoff. Really? Tell me Tim how the election process works. Do Democrats represent Republican views once elected? Hell, even Republicans rarely represent the base once elected. Ever hear of John McCain, Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, or Olympia Snowe? When you are elected to local office do you actually believe those people represent those who didn’t vote for them? Look at this logically. If a highly contentious issue comes before the council and half the people are for it and half against, a council person can only represent half of his constituents’ views at best. As most people coming before the council in Dixon don’t declare their sexuality or homosexuality, Terrible Ted would not be acting prejudicially in making a decision. This brings up an interesting thought. It wasn’t long ago that I was in Cotati, home to typical Marin County liberal lunacy, where a racist, liberal professor had died and the council was considering a replacement for his position. One candidate got up and declared that “she was a lesbian and her partner was there to support her”. While she may have considered it a “qualification” or premium, the council did not. Did that make Cotati’s four council members judgemental, prejudicial, or showing some sort of favoritism? Let’s look at this from a different perspective, that of representing your constituents’ views specifically on a gay rights issue. In 2008 Dixon voted FOR Proposition 8 – recognizing only monogamous heterosexual marriage – by 60.9% v 39.1%. The same vote countywide was 89,292 Yes = 55.82% versus 70,680 No = 44.18%. The Supreme Court nullified this vote of the People by claiming it violated homosexuals’ civil rights. The real result was altering of the Miriam Webster definition of the word marriage. Sort of like it depends what your definition of “is” is. Going on to the next point, it is being claimed that Ted “represents” the city as an elected councilman and its vice mayor. Considering Dixon’s political reputation of being anything but staid and people claiming there must be something in our water, Ted fits into the mold. I would contend that he no more represents the city than he represents every diverse view of our rather independent population. I could say the same thing about our mayor and the other three councilmen or any of their predecessors. More to a factual point, when has Ted or any of the council ever broached the subject of homosexuality during a council meeting. What Ted does or says in his other role as a literary humorist is no reflection on the city or council despite his mentioning the title of his office in obvious referral to how a month gets named for a special cause. Another point is humor. The thought and speech police have no problem in attempting to silence Theodore. I hear no outrage focused on Michelle Wolf, the comedienne not comedian, who relies on “shock” to get her laughs at the expense of people she and her ilk hate. Samantha Bee is another. It seems that conservative bashing has found its way to the suburbs or in Dixon’s case, the rural countryside. Yet not all is negative. While the LGBT(Q) will castigate Ted’s supporters as “deplorables”, ignorant, or homophobic, these same people aren’t threatening violence on those who disagree with their views as is Equality California. It seems that a queer form of Anti-fa has arrived. So let’s look at the opposite view some would classify as “positive”. “God Bless Ted for speaking up about what the majority of this great country of ours believes. The fact that 3% of the country’s population can have such a dramatic affect on the rest of the population is disgusting.” “Just wanted to send an email of encouragement and thanks for speaking for conservatives (that I still believe are the majority) and conservative values. I loved the article. The double standard in this country is just ridiculous. I, by no means have anything against gay people, but the ramming it down everyone’s throats is out of control.” I truly wish people would be a little more cognizant of their words as they write. Perhaps it is just my personal flaw of seeing the obvious humor in careless banter. But then I digress. So now a little insight from Mike. First, this has been blown way out of proportion by the ne’er-do-well posters on Dixon 411 Political and two opposition councilmen on the current council. Perhaps they need a lesson in basic free speech. If you take governmental action as retribution or a repercussion to a person in an attempt to silence him, you have just violated his free speech right and the freedom of the press. The same goes for a censure action from the council. Second, Ted can’t be recalled as it is too close to his seat coming up for re-election if he so chooses. Learn the law, folks, before you start spouting off. Third, having read Ted’s column a couple of times, most of it is statement of facts except for the symbol of barring the gay parade. No where in his column did Ted say he didn’t want it to occur or didn’t mind if it did. If a writer’s description of a group’s antics discomforts you because your mind comes to the conclusion that the description is “denigrating”, aren’t you the one who is really in denial? I also found it fascinating how those who defend the parade want to claim it is about their struggles and the lives that were lost in gaining equality in some shape or form. How exactly does the leather brigade of two men in the parade with one whipping the other honor anything but sexual deviance? Ever see the pictures of naked people on ten speed bikes at these parades? Somehow the struggle got confused with hedonism. Fourth, along with the spewing of hate, we have the Gaystapo going after the livelihood of not only Ted but this newspaper itself. We have the emails attempting to induce advertisers to pull their ads. We have the emails threatening to destroy Ted financially. We have seen this kind of attempt before by the bad old boy group in town. For those of you advertisers who pull your ads, I intend to identify you and tell the real Americans who believe in the First Amendment to boycott your business. It is now a two way street. Fifth, I understand the three major networks were looking for interviews from Ted and hiding behind his truck looking to surprise him coming out of his house. Now that’s professionalism. You want an interview? I am available at 707-678-8575 or 1565 McCarthy Court. You can call ahead so I can put on my suit. I know the wonders of Channel 3 letting Rick Fuller know ahead of time they were coming and then just storming my front door to catch me in less than official gear. Isn’t that right, Rich Ibarra? Sixth, if you think Anti-fa has a lock on thug cowardice, you didn’t hear about the Safeway firework’s booth. Seems like three vans of outraged potential criminals arrived to confront Ted. On Sunday, they ran into the American Legion Riders. Upon seeing what they viewed as stern opposition, they drove to Safeway. When several of the men decided to see if they could answer any potential question this caravan might have about fireworks, the vans promptly left, tires squealing as the men approached. My conclusion to this whole mess? Sarcasm is a lost art. Humor is in the eye and mind of the beholder. You don’t get to dictate morals or immorality to others. Nothing has been gained by those spewing their hatred. In fact, much has been exposed about those people and the ones foolish enough to post on Facebook. Rather than dignity, the gay community condemned itself due to its blatant show of bigotry and venom. Just as much as some want to claim this is some “viral” response, I can only assume due to its low numbers that most of the LGBT community doesn’t give a damn what Ted wrote. Just as the cranks on the Left, in the media and certain vocal individuals, feel they speak for all on the Left, it must be somewhat disturbing that Trump’s popularity continues to rise including defections from within their own party, at least according to the latest Harris poll. Finally, don’t threaten one of Dixon’s own. Many of us don’t appreciate it. If you come for me holding a pipe, as I have now heard is Anti-fa’s MO, just remember. I might introduce you to a bat with your name on it …

Posted under 2018 NEWS Stories IV & Mike Ceremello's Viewpoint

Mike Ceremello’s newspaper column,

Shotgun Diplomacy?

 

As an observer and commentator on human behavior, the week leading up to July 4th has been beyond entertaining. Was it not former US attorney general Eric Holder who proclaimed America was to afraid to have a discussion on race? Evidently Holder’s idea of a discussion was only to hear from people who agreed with his party’s viewpoints. I find a great similarity between this and the uproar of a handful of people over Terrible Ted’s last column advocating a Straight Pride American Month.

Considering that I will be running for a council seat this November, I have been warned by many well wishing people to stay out of the fray. Like that will happen. When you have no principles, no strong beliefs, and simply are a politician, that is easy enough to do.

In my case, I believe in the freedom to express ideas in print or any other format one would choose, no matter what position a person holds or what the idea is. The reason I can say this is because of my continual education.

During my collegiate tour of duty in the field of Geology, I learned of how all the experts throughout history were wrong and yet how strongly they fought for their beliefs. This taught me to question everything. There are those of you who would have us question nothing if it challenges your positions. Another thing I have observed on a rather continual basis is the hypocrisy of the Left. How is it they preach tolerance but practice their own variety of hate speech.

Actually it isn’t a variety at all … it is hate plain and simple. Again you don’t believe me? Then judge for yourself. “We’re everywhere. We know how to fight trash like you. We know how to ruin your life. And now we know you’re exactly the kind of scum that needs scrubbing out of the government altogether. May your every endeavor fail. May friends and relatives turn on you like they’ve never done before.” “You will be forgotten. And when you are finally gone and this world is a little cleaner for it, no one will mourn for your passing. I daresay we’ll celebrate it by tagging your gravestone with rainbows, or holding our marches wherever your ashes are spread. To hell with you, you illiterate, loudmouthed, spiteful, ignorant disgrace to humanity.” “Just wanted to write a note and say I think you’re an ignorant vile human being. Your homophobia makes me think you are a very small, ignorant, man or a closet homosexual. I hope your diverse constituents vote you out on your ass in the next election. You disgust me.” Those are just a few of the nicer emails received through city hall or directly to Ted. Funny but I don’t recall Ted saying he hated anyone but just that he wanted a parade for his own kind.

Isn’t that what all parades are about, including the ones in which these haters choose to participate? Then we have the plainly ignorant whom I can attack from two directions. “Members of the City Council must faithfully represent ALL of their constituents, without favor or prejudice.” – Tim Goncharoff. Really?

Tell me Tim how the election process works. Do Democrats represent Republican views once elected? Hell, even Republicans rarely represent the base once elected. Ever hear of John McCain, Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, or Olympia Snowe? When you are elected to local office do you actually believe those people represent those who didn’t vote for them? Look at this logically.

If a highly contentious issue comes before the council and half the people are for it and half against, a council person can only represent half of his constituents’ views at best. As most people coming before the council in Dixon don’t declare their sexuality or homosexuality, terrible Ted would not be acting prejudicially in making a decision. This brings up an interesting thought. It wasn’t long ago that I was in Cotati, home to typical Marin County liberal lunacy, where a racist, liberal professor had died and the council was considering a replacement for his position. One candidate got up and declared that “she was a lesbian and her partner was there to support her”.

While she may have considered it a “qualification” or premium, the council did not. Did that make Cotati’s four council members judgemental, prejudicial, or showing some sort of favoritism? Let’s look at this from a different perspective, that of representing your constituents’ views specifically on a gay rights issue. In 2008 Dixon voted FOR Proposition 8 – recognizing only monogamous heterosexual marriage – by 60.9% v 39.1%. The same vote countywide was 89,292 Yes = 55.82% versus 70,680 No = 44.18%. The Supreme Court nullified this vote of the People by claiming it violated homosexuals’ civil rights.

The real result was altering of the Miriam Webster definition of the word marriage. Sort of like it depends what your definition of “is” is. Going on to the next point, it is being claimed that Ted “represents” the city as an elected councilman and its vice mayor. Considering Dixon’s political reputation of being anything but staid and people claiming there must be something in our water, Ted fits into the mold. I would contend that he no more represents the city than he represents every diverse view of our rather independent population. I could say the same thing about our mayor and the other three councilmen or any of their predecessors.

More to a factual point, when has Ted or any of the council ever broached the subject of homosexuality during a council meeting. What Ted does or says in his other role as a literary humorist is no reflection on the city or council despite his mentioning the title of his office in obvious referral to how a month gets named for a special cause. Another point is humor. The thought and speech police have no problem in attempting to silence Theodore. I hear no outrage focused on Michelle Wolf, the comedienne not comedian, who relies on “shock” to get her laughs at the expense of people she and her ilk hate. Samantha Bee is another. It seems that conservative bashing has found its way to the suburbs or in Dixon’s case, the rural countryside. Yet not all is negative. While the LGBT(Q) will castigate Ted’s supporters as “deplorables”, ignorant, or homophobic, these same people aren’t threatening violence on those who disagree with their views as is Equality California. It seems that a queer form of Anti-fa has arrived. So let’s look at the opposite view some would classify as “positive”.

“God Bless Ted for speaking up about what the majority of this great country of ours believes. The fact that 3% of the country’s population can have such a dramatic affect on the rest of the population is disgusting.” “Just wanted to send an email of encouragement and thanks for speaking for conservatives (that I still believe are the majority) and conservative values. I loved the article. The double standard in this country is just ridiculous. I, by no means have anything against gay people, but the ramming it down everyone’s throats is out of control.” I truly wish people would be a little more cognizant of their words as they write. Perhaps it is just my personal flaw of seeing the obvious humor in careless banter.

But then I digress. So now a little insight from Mike. First, this has been blown way out of proportion by the ne’er-do-well posters on Dixon 411 Political and two opposition councilmen on the current council. Perhaps they need a lesson in basic free speech. If you take governmental action as retribution or a repercussion to a person in an attempt to silence him, you have just violated his free speech right and the freedom of the press. The same goes for a censure action from the council. Second, Ted can’t be recalled as it is too close to his seat coming up for re-election if he so chooses. Learn the law, folks, before you start spouting off. Third, having read Ted’s column a couple of times, most of it is statement of facts except for the symbol of barring the gay parade. No where in his column did Ted say he didn’t want it to occur or didn’t mind if it did. If a writer’s description of a group’s antics discomforts you because your mind comes to the conclusion that the description is “denigrating”, aren’t you the one who is really in denial? I also found it fascinating how those who defend the parade want to claim it is about their struggles and the lives that were lost in gaining equality in some shape or form.

How exactly does the leather brigade of two men in the parade with one whipping the other honor anything but sexual deviance? Ever see the pictures of naked people on ten speed bikes at these parades? Somehow the struggle got confused with hedonism. Fourth, along with the spewing of hate, we have the Gaystapo going after the livelihood of not only Ted but this newspaper itself.

We have the emails attempting to induce advertisers to pull their ads. We have the emails threatening to destroy Ted financially. We have seen this kind of attempt before by the bad old boy group in town. For those of you advertisers who pull your ads, I intend to identify you and tell the real Americans who believe in the First Amendment to boycott your business. It is now a two way street. Fifth, I understand the three major networks were looking for interviews from Ted and hiding behind his truck looking to surprise him coming out of his house. Now that’s professionalism. You want an interview? I am available at 707-678-8575 or 1565 McCarthy Court. You can call ahead so I can put on my suit. I know the wonders of Channel 3 letting Rick Fuller know ahead of time they were coming and then just storming my front door to catch me in less than official gear. Isn’t that right, Rich Ibarra? Sixth, if you think Anti-fa has a lock on thug cowardice, you didn’t hear about the Safeway firework’s booth. Seems like three vans of outraged potential criminals arrived to confront Ted. On Sunday, they ran into the American Legion Riders. Upon seeing what they viewed as stern opposition, they drove to Safeway. When several of the men decided to see if they could answer any potential question this caravan might have about fireworks, the vans promptly left, tires squealing as the men approached.

My conclusion to this whole mess? Sarcasm is a lost art. Humor is in the eye and mind of the beholder. You don’t get to dictate morals or immorality to others. Nothing has been gained by those spewing their hatred. In fact, much has been exposed about those people and the ones foolish enough to post on Facebook. Rather than dignity, the gay community condemned itself due to its blatant show of bigotry and venom. Just as much as some want to claim this is some “viral” response, I can only assume due to its low numbers that most of the LGBT community doesn’t give a damn what Ted wrote. Just as the cranks on the Left, in the media and certain vocal individuals, feel they speak for all on the Left, it must be somewhat disturbing that Trump’s popularity continues to rise including defections from within their own party, at least according to the latest Harris poll. Finally, don’t threaten one of Dixon’s own. Many of us don’t appreciate it. If you come for me holding a pipe, as I have now heard is Anti-fa’s MO, just remember. I might introduce you to a bat with your name on it …

No Comments »

July 7th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #735 (7-6-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 734 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

Final election results in; Devon Minimized

For the last two weeks I’ve been promising “final results of the recent election.”  Dixon election results are in and here they are: All of those I endorsed to you were re-elected to the positions of  Solano County Supervisor, Sheriff, District Attorney and Assessor so none have to face election in November.

Dixon’s entrant in the races, Devon Minnema, lost the Supervisor’s race in all Dixon precincts including his home district that elected him to the city council two years ago.

Two fires in two weeks?

This is what it looked like on our street! 

  Last weekend we were at Letts Lake just out of Ladoga and Stoneyford and as we were headed home we saw the Clearlake fire blow up and watched the fire spread over the foothills as we headed home on Highway 505. I told Linda I thought it was near Clearlake which, as the crow flies, wasn’t that far from where we were… It’s amazing how just looking at things from a slightly different angle can give you a completely different view of a situation that may not be accurate.

This past weekend we were headed home from Dillon’s Beach on Highway 1 when we saw the Brooks fire blow up and we watched it spread all the way home.  From two hours away I told my first wife Linda, that’s by the lake “(Berryessa”).  When we got to, and then left Vallejo, it looked like it was at the lake. By the time we hit Vacaville it looked like the town of Winters was in flames. When we left Applebee’s just after dark, we were amazed to see a black blowup of smoke in the night’ skyline looking again like the City of Winters was being destroyed…  It wasn’t until we got home and saw on the news it was near Brooks, between the Indian Casino and Highway 16, which is near were the fire from the week before was halted… and going towards Indian Valley Reservoir. That’s the way the Brooks fire was headed. The Cache Creek Elk herd roams that whole area of the fires…not good for them or the scattered few people that populate the area… It had grown to 70,000 + acres at press time.

So we got home and saw the incredible sunset, (see photo at the top) the south wind picked up and the staggering heat dissipated in short order. That was the good news…  TV showed people in Bezerkley eating in an outdoor restaurant with like dandruff on their clothes from ashes from the winds and fire.

The south wind was now blowing hard so we opened the windows and in a little when I looked over at the Black IPad and my black phone case, and the top of my drink container… all of which were coated with the fine whiteish particulate here in Dixon… If you see it, you know you know you’re breathing it into your lungs …not good. I’m guessing a lot of people didn’t even realize they were breathing potentially dangerous particulate into their lungs all night when they were sleeping with their windows open…We wouldn’t have known either if it wasn’t for the white dust on the black things.

So the fire story has another chapter. Remember the huge “Burney fire” about 36 years ago?  When our eldest son was about 5 we were on a deer hunting trip around Burney, way the hell and gone back in the unpaved boonies when all of a sudden a game warden came flying up with his red light and siren on…I freaked because I thought we may have done something wrong…But he just said to follow him there was a huge forest fire and we needed to get out “NOW”. He said for us to start out quickly and he would go on and look for others and asked us to warn any others we would see. So, we still hadn’t seen any smoke or anything, but we hauled the mail trying to get to the highway…and then, around a bend in the road we saw the fire with flames and smoke hundreds of feet high.

          Just before we got to the highway we had a flat tire and the guys coming behind us saw a little boy and me and said they would help us change the tire but we had to hurry, the fire was closing in on us. They asked where the jack was and I had never used it on our Ramcharger we were driving so I’m looking and they said, “never mind”, brought out a floor jack from their truck and in a pit stop that would make NSCAR jealous had the tire changed and we flew out of there at breakneck speed to the highway.

We hit the pavement and the fire fighters and law enforcement said, “floor it, and go like hell, and don’t stop until a couple of miles after you clear the flames… after you go we’re closing the highway. So a semi panicked five year old kid and I went flying through a terrifying tunnel of flames with fire shooting from both sides of the road arcing into a tunnel. We felt the heat and our little trooper was concerned but didn’t panic. It was hot even at over 80+ mph and some paint was blistered on both sides of the 4wd vehicle. It left a lasting impression on both of us and he still remembers it. That’s why when I see I fire fairly close I make sure there’s nothing I can do to help and then get the hell out of Dodge…And we didn’t get to hunt, and of course didn’t even get a quail, squirrel or deer that trip.

Linda found a Dinosaur for Mayor Bogue!

                    

Dixie (long neck), ‘Pixie” and “Beasty” in photos.

Like I told you the last couple of weeks, Linda doesn’t give up easy. After she couldn’t get “Dixie” the Dinosaur for our Mayor, she tried to get ‘Pixie” but the owner wouldn’t give it away. Not one to be dissuaded she’s now trying to get “Beasty” for a tourist attraction for our for our downtown area. No comment from the Mayor yet but if there’s a Dinosaur destined for Dixon Linda will find it!

 

More Things for Thought!

(Caution: The followuing is only for the open minded with a sense of humor.. If that’s not you, don’t read any further!

*Most of the calories I burn at the gym… are from pulling out my wedgie.

*Ancient Rome was at least 6 times more densely populated than New York City is today… and yet still much easier to find parking.

*If you think your husband is an amazing man, hard-working, a wonderful provider, and your best friend, quickly call your doctor… you’ve found the correct dose of your medication!

*This guy at the urinal next to me must really like my wristwatch.

*I’m not saying I’m more vegan than you are…  but when I pass gas it smells like pine cones.

*Of course you do realize that your most annoying friend…. has already started their Christmas shopping?

*You are 50 times more likely to be killed by a swarm of bees than win the lottery… with my damn luck I’ll be killed by the bees the day after I win the lottery.

*My wife likes to tell everyone that our new puppy has been “fixed” which implies that there was something wrong with the dog…I just call a “spayed” a “spayed”.

*Pretty much everyone I’ve ever met has told me to quit exaggerating.

*Sex and the aroma of freshly baked bread… God’s way of apologizing for everything else.

*It’s a little known fact that the cheetah, the fastest animal on our planet, only needs to drink every 3-4 days… I only drink on the weekends.

*My wife would bring a sweater if NASA sent her to the sun… “Just in case”.

*What was one of the things I’ve learned from marriage? When she says “we should repaint the bathroom”… she actually means me.

*I hate spelling errors… you mix up a couple of letters and your whole sentence is urined.

*I just finished writing my first rock opera/ play.  It’s about our savior opening Judea’s biggest and best ice cream shop… it’s called “Jesus Christ, scooper star.”

*I love when people apologize for ‘not calling you back’… as if veiled mourners were lighting candles for that return call.

*I told the wife I would like the boys every other weekend… she reminded me we were still married and living together so I would have to see them daily.

*I’m curious as to why parlors seem to only deal in ice cream or tattoos.

*There’s a new material called “magnetoelectric multiferroic” that will allow smartphones to run for up to 3 months on a single battery charge… or 3 days if you’re a 17-year old.

*Do amphibians have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water?

*I like long, romantic walks in the opposite direction from women that get really aggressive… when trying to catch the bouquet at weddings.

*I hate it when I mix my metaphors… and all hell breaks wind.

*Kids never remember a thing you say… unless it’s something you shouldn’t have said.

*Outgoing chairman of Starbucks Howard Schulz who is leaving the company will be presented with a gold watch… in keeping with corporate policy it will be inscribed “howerd sholze”.

*I’ve been saving cardboard boxes…  so when I retire I won’t be homeless.

*Did you ever realize at one point you held a world record for being the youngest person alive… then some schmuck came along and ruined it.

*A Florida security camera revealed an alligator rearranging a family’s patio furniture… with the departure of the Gaines’, HGTV is seeing this as possibly a replacement show.

*”God, I love doggy style!”…. She said excitedly, as she put a top hat and a bow tie on her golden lab.

*When one of the boys was about 7 he ticked me off so badly I pressed every one of the elevator buttons… knowing each new rider would blame him.

*My mother was such a big fan of circumcision… she cut all the collars off our shirts and we were never allowed to wear turtlenecks.

What neighborhood fireworks looked like…

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June 28th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #734 (6-29-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

“Pixie” the Dinosaur coming to Dixon?

 

Dixon’s Mayor, Thom Bogue, can be tenacious. When he feels strongly about an issue he peruses it to the bitter end… and so it is with Dixie the Dinosaur. He thought it might be a great idea for Dixon to have “Dixie” back as a tourist attraction to help the local business community, and to that end got enough support from the city council to have the staff at least look into the matter and report on the feasibility of paying $25,000 to buy the huge monster, (that stopped traffic on highway 80 when it was standing just off the West A Street over pass) at the gas station. The council never did authorize buying the thing, before, during, or after the research; instead city staff was simply asked to look into it.

City Manager, Jim Lindley, doing his due diligence, found the guy who was trying to con Dixon into buying Dixie, for one, didn’t own it and two, didn’t have possession of it… Minor problems huh? So Dixie died another death and became a non-issue… or did she?

Not to be one to give up without a fight Mayor Bogue talked my first wife, Linda, a well know garage sale negotiator, into trying to buy a Dixie for Dixon and gave her a bogus Account Sans any money to set forth on her dino-buying spree…Well, Linda is another stubborn one and was determined to bring the mayor back… something. So this past weekend she found “Pixie” (see photo above for proof), contacted the place that had it, and asked if the owner wanted to sell it for nothing. She drove a hard bargain but they refused. She told them she was authorized to write a check on a non-existing account, right there on the spot… if they wanted to off the creature… Surprisingly the gas station attendant refused to part with it without the owner’s permission and he admitted right up front that he didn’t own it… She left her card and Linda’s still waiting to hear from the real owner(s) and find out if they have any interest t in offing Pixie…. So the drama continues…

 

Don’t Forget July 1, 2018 Starts SPAM

SPAMStraight Pride American Month!                        

 

Last Sunday ended LGBTQF-WTF month Yea! (*Don’t get me wrong I support the First Amendment, as much as the next person, and support the rights of grown men to wear skin tight short-shorts and go-go boots and don tinker bell wings with wand and prance down the streets of San Francisco) with tens of thousands of folks dancing and prancing all over American celebrating the fact they are different than most of the rest of us and showing their “pride” in being so.

       Our real, straight SPAM, Dixon Rainbow Flag of sorts over Northwest Park! (See Below)

Now before anyone gets their pantyhose in a knot, this is not really legally anti anything; instead it’s pro-family; and proud to be a straight American, and me expressing a private opinion… So there! If you remember last week I proclaimed the Month of July as SPAM …(Straight Pride American Month)…(as Vice Mayor don’t know if I can, but what the heck). Now hundreds of millions of the rest of us can celebrate our month, peaking on July 4th, as healthy, heterosexual, fairly monogamous, keep our kinky stuff to ourselves, Americans… We do it with our parades in every state and county in this country with families celebrating together. We honor our country and our veterans who have made all of this possible (including for the tinker bells) and we can do it with actual real pride, not some put on show just to help our inferior complex “show we are different” type of crap. We ARE different from them…We work, have families, (and babies we make) enjoy and love the company (and marriage) of the opposite sex and don’t flaunt our differences dressing up like faries and prancing by the thousands in a parade in nearby San Francisco to be televised all over the world… *And yes, before it becomes an issue, I do believe in faries; I’ve seen them in SF for myself.  Let’s see if I can remember the Peter Pan story about believing in faries…oh yeal, so according to “Wikipedia” faries are powered “bypiezoelectric” crystals which can be energized by sound waves like made by clapping. So, right now if you don’t want any faries to expire, you can clap your hands. See, I do have a heart I just can’t type and clap at the same time… so I had to make a hard choice didn’t I?

Dixon FIREWORKS

We’re At Safeway!

 

Like to play the percentages?  Look at the chart below before you light off and M-80’s or any other illegal fireworks. Want to know what the ER sees? Look at the chart and remember it when you light any (including “safe and sane”) fireworks and have a bucket of sand and a hose nearby… and enjoy a safe holiday.

It’s that time of the year again. The time is at hand once again when our hardy band of Dixon Toys for Tots volunteers join the Dixon American Legion organizations in a100 degree temperatures, and spend 12 hours in a plywood box filled with gun powder,  at Safeway to earn money to help families in need at Christmas time… Our booth and some of our volunteers are pictured above.

What? You never heard of “Christmas in July?” Somehow I don’t think this is what they meant… Anyway our dedicated group will occupy the booth from 10a.m. until 10p.m. on July 3rd and for morning shift on July 4th. For this we get one-seventh of the profits for Toys for Tots. It is a good start for our yearly funding raising and we have been doing every year in conjunction with the Legion since fireworks have been sold in Dixon. When you buy from this booth you are helping support veteran’s causes and Dixon Toys for Tots.

Why does this booth out sell all others? Because it is fully manned every hour of every day and has items the other booths don’t have. The experienced full staffing means no to little wait time and customer service that can help you get the “best bang for your buck” so to speak!

 

Talking About Fireworks,Warning!

Although Dixon is one of the few places in the county where you can buy and set off “Safe and Sane fireworks” all others are illegal and now come with a high price tag to ignite in this area. All others are also illegal in all cities in Solano County and in the unincorporated areas. The new fine system in Dixon will be an expensive lesson for those not paying attention: The fines will be: $500 for the first offense; $750 for the second and $1,000 for the third. Plus you can be cited for each illegal fireworks you possess so it can ruin your holiday to do something stupid…. And those mortars the dummies are setting off now, bad boys, what they gonna do when they come for you? They are going to write you a citation that will cost you at least 5 big ones right off the bat. And who’s going to do this? The entire police and fire departments can and will write the tickets and the police department is near full staff for the first time in decades with a bunch of new officers who would love to become heroes to the seniors, people with pets and parents of young ones who want to see you busted. Do us and yourself a favor and don’t set your bombs off here this year…if you do I hope they catch your sorry butts and the courts make an example of you…so there. Don’t say you weren’t warned…again.

Solano County Friends of the NRA dinner to be held in Dixon

 

 

The Dixon Game and Conservation Club will again be hosting its annual “Solano County friends of the NRA” fund raising dinner in July at the Old Dixon Vet’s Hall, at 231 North First Street in downtown Dixon on Friday July 13, 2018.The event is held to raise funds to support shooting education, youth programs and firearms education.

There will be the traditional live and silent auctions plus many games and many firearms available to win.

The $70 (each) dinner diner tickets can be obtained by Calling Ed Coffelt at 707-678-2777 or emailing him at Coffelt@SBClobal.net, or from any game club member.

Oh, BTWLinda & I plus Fred & Linda Vanderwold and Shane & Missy Nichols  along with the John  & Andrea Kett and members of the Dixon Game Club will be working the dinner again this year… See you there?

More Things For  Thought

most of the calories i burn at the gym…….are from pulling out my wedgie.

ancient Rome was at least 6 times more densely populated than New York City is today……..and yet still much easier to find parking.

if you think your husband is an amazing man, hard-working, a wonderful provider, and your best friend, quickly call your doctor……..you’ve found the correct dose of your medication!

this guy at the urinal next to me must really like my wristwatch.

i’m not saying i’m more vegan than you are………but when i fart it smells like pine cones.

of course you do realize that your most annoying friend…….has already started their Christmas shopping?

you are 50 times more likely to be killed by a swarm of bees than win the lottery……with my damn luck i’ll be killed by the bees the day after i win the lottery.

my wife likes to tell everyone that our new puppy has been “fixed” which implies that there was something wrong with the dog………i just call a “spayed” a “spayed”.

pretty much everyone i’ve ever met has told me to quit exaggerating.

sex, and the aroma of freshly baked bread……..God’s way of apologizing for everything else.

it’s a little known fact that the cheetah, the fastest animal on our planet, only needs to drink every 3-4 days……..i only drink on the weekends.

my wife would bring a sweater if NASA sent her to the Sun……..”just in case”.

what was one of the things i’ve learned from marriage?  when she says “we should repaint the bathroom”……..she actually means me.

i hate spelling errors……you mix up a couple of letters and your whole sentence is urined.

i just finished writing my first play.  it’s about our Saviour opening Judea’s biggest and best ice cream shop…..it’s called “Jesus Christ, Scooper Star.”

i love when people apologize for ‘not calling you back’… as if veiled mourners were lighting candles for that return call.

i told the wife i would like the boys every other weekend…….she reminded me we were still married and living together so i would have to see them daily.

i’m curious as to why parlors seem to only deal in ice cream or tattoos.

there’s a new material called “magnetoelectric multiferroic” that will allow smartphones to run for up to 3 months on a single battery charge…….or 3 days if you’re a 17-year old.

do amphibians have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water?

i like long, romantic walks in the opposite direction from women that get really aggressive…….when trying to catch the bouquet at weddings.

i hate it when i mix my metaphors…….and all hell breaks wind.

kids never remember a thing you say…….unless it’s something you shouldn’t have said.

outgoing chairman of Starbucks Howard Schulze who is leaving the company will be presented with a gold watch…….in keeping with corporate policy it will be inscribed “Howerd Sholze”.

i’ve been saving cardboard boxes…..so when i retire i won’t be homeless.

did you ever realize at one point you held a world record for being the youngest person alive?……then some schlimazel came along and ruined it.

a Florida security camera revealed an alligator rearranging a families patio furniture…….with the departure of the Gaines’ , HGTV is seeing this as possibly a replacement show.

“god, i love doggy style!”……..she said excitedly, as she put a top hat and a bow tie on her golden lab.

when one of the boys was about 7 he pissed me off so badly i pressed every one of the elevator buttons……knowing each new rider would blame him.

my mother was such a big fan of circumcision…she cut all the collars off our shirts and we were never allowed to wear turtlenecks.

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June 22nd 2018
That’s Life©1966 #733 (6-22-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 732 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

What do you do when the thermometer Hits 100?

What do you do on a hot June night except turn on the AC, watch TV and go to bed.  Granted that what most folks do but there are a few of us outdoorsy types that see this night swelter time as the signal to pick up the gigs and traps and go out into the night to gather bull frogs and trap crawdads… which is what we just did. Pictured are Shane Nichole, left and Randy Aguirre with just a few of the bull frogs we freed from local area waterways. The other picture shows a curious lab checking out a couple of hundred crawdads being cleansed for cooking. If you’ve never has frog legs and crawdads you really don’t know what you are missing… and they are free for the taking… except for the hot long hours it takes to get them. There are places in the area you can buy crawdads but I know of no place that sells fresh frog legs or the whole frog.

And the winners are…

 

 This is your Supervisor, District Attorney and Sheriff as elected by the people of Dixon!

I Found these on the street;

What do you do?

 

I had been hearing about people finding needles/syringes around town which in itself is disturbing… but now I’ve heard about the meth heads and heroin users apparently shooting up in the parks at night and leaving their dangerous tools behind… where kids could find them… WTF folks?  Use if you must, but why in the hell would you just discard your syringes and needles where others can find, step on them or curious kids pick them up?

Wonder if there’s a way to lift prints off of them; track down the dirtballs that do this and give them rent free housing for a while?  Probably not.  It wouldn’t be cost effective if they could find them, and cost is always our primary concern, right?

When I found them (pictured above and below) couple of days ago I didn’t know what to do either. I wasn’t going to pick them up, I knew that much. So I called the non-emergency number of the police department (707-678-7080) and asked for a police office to respond. When the officer arrived I told him I knew one was a drug needle but thought the other one lying near it was a broken ball point pen… As you can see in the photo; one was a syringe with needle attached and the other lost the needle portion but still had stuff in it. He picked them up and put them in a bio-hazard tube and took them for disposal…. That’s what I, and Dixon Police Chief Robert Thompson suggest you do if you or anyone you know should come across this dangerous garbage… and tell your kids what to do if they should come across one… Show them these pictures and warn them of the dangers.

 

Ted: This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina in Susiun.  I noticed a man with a long blade knife running down the dock towards me, dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted “Allah be praised!” and “Death to all Infidels!” when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of the weight of all the explosives he was carrying, and I knew that if he didn’t get help he would surely drown!  Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the moral code that requires a person to get help to those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department.

It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded.  I’m starting to think I just wasted four postage stamps.

 

More Things ForThought

*I’ve been trying this “a shake for breakfast and lunch” diet… but unfortunately there is only so many times I can go to McDonald’s without buying fries.

*A majority of American public school teachers come from the bottom 25% of their college classes… no wonder the kids can’t read.

*My strategic donut reserves have been depleted… commodity markets are about to get volatile.

*A group of pandas is known as an “embarrassment”… or a family reunion.

*If you think your day is going bad and your risk of failure is high always remember… both Lee Marvin and Forrest Gump got shot in the butt and went on to greatness.

*Thank God there are only muscle aches and not fat aches.

*Mussels taken from Puget Sound are testing positive for oxycodone… talk about two birds with one stone!

*There’s the Doubletree, the Four Points, La Quinta, Motel 6 and the Super 8, apparently hotels/motels are like golf… the higher the number the worse you are doing.

*Four out of five times what we call “gut instinct”… is just gas.

*Is it possible to have a ‘pregnant pause’ as a result of ‘unprotected text’?

*Fairy tales teach us that if you cry outside birds will come and do your laundry… reality, however, taught me that no one really gives a crap; especially the birds.

*A survey found that 64% of Americans preferred the company of their cat over their significant other.. this survey was conducted by my wife.

*Jokes about crappy jug wine are a really great example… of Ernest and Julio Gallo’s humor.

*My doctor told me to have a sensible meal for dinner… so I took some extra time and talked some sense into my pizza.

*She said lets go to bed and do naughty things… fast forward to jumping on the bed with our shoes on and giggling uncontrollably.

*Marijuana contains more than four times the THC than it did 30 years ago… which means our generation had to smoke a helluva lot more dope to become lazy.

*Before marriage the bride fantasizes about spending a life together… after marriage she fantasizes about spending the life insurance alone.

*My granddaughter asked me if it’s illegal to be deaf… which tells me I did a poor job of explaining “legally deaf” to her.

*Muchacha is my favorite Spanish word… it sounds like cows dancing.

*When I told my therapist I’d spent several hours trying to think of a word for the time I spent training to become a mailman… she told me “that’s preposterous!”

*The neighbors decided to make their own sextape… then she got all pissed off when he held auditions for her part.

*Studies have shown that dolphins can communicate over cell phones and apparently recognize who they are ‘speaking’ with… although they can’t afford waterproof phones.

*I forgot to check my lottery ticket this morning to see if I won… I could be wasting a whole day at work.

*If you buy a copy of the New Testament on tape and then play it backwards… it’s actually a narrative of Joseph explaining step-by-step how to build an Adirondack chair.

*I just heard my son and his friends say they were going to roll a fatty……I told them the obese have enough problems without getting robbed.  One more teachable moment.

*Found out yesterday I’m colorblind and it’s the dandiest thing… just came out of the green!

*The man who invented the gas-station roadmap died this week…after several failed attempts he was simply folded in half and stuffed in the casket.

*If you want to watch decades of a family’s love, trust, and respect go right down the crapper… hide their remote.

*So, what’s the suspension like on one of these?  Does it maintain good stability under stress?  What’s the spring rate? Bra shopping.

*My mother-in-law told us her greatest hope…she wants her eulogy to start with “her reign of terror is finally over.”(Just kidding Mary)

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

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June 14th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #732 (6-15-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

For the 731 Past consecutive columns 

That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

NOW; You Play You Pay!

 

Only “Safe and Sane”

fireworks are legal

and are allowed in the city of Dixon

            So you wanna have  a few brewskis with friends a show off your newest earth shattering fireworks that rattle windows, wake babies and make them cry, have senior citizens leave town if they can, and encourage pets to run away from home, huh?

As of yesterday getting your jumbo gunpowder jollies just got a lot more expensive. The city council just put into effect an enforcement tool which calls for fines of $500 first offense, $750, second and $1,000 for the third… Plus extra fines for extra illegal fireworks you may have… and the masses are rooting against you.

            The police and fire departments are now armed with these dynamite new tools to shut you fools down. Granted it is a cat and mouse game but we have sharpened the cat’s claws and teeth and they’re coming to get you… But they can use the help of the public. You if you hear or see illegal fireworks call the Dixon police 24-hour police non-emergency number (707-678-7080) and report it… no matter the time of day or night… YOU can help put a stop to this dangerous and outrageous invasion of personal space, peace and quiet


 

Local college bends over backwards for: 

“LGBTQ Pride”

The Solano County Community College Board, operating with taxpayer’s money, has passed a resolution proclaiming June as LGBTQ Pride Month. Our Solano students must be so proud.

I Want to make a proclamation

To offset this I am proclaiming July as NOT LGBTQ-WTF aka… Straight pride month…You know…  I hereby resolve that I proclaim the month of July to be celebrated as… I am proud to be a heterosexual, monogamous, married to the opposite sex, straight individual that knows what goes where and why. But I’m not going to try to shove this down you throat, so to speak, you can be one or not, that’s your choice. And to be fair, once again, I’ll admit I do have lesbian tendencies… so there!

School Resource Officer for Jr. High; now a high priority

Now that we have a high school resource coming on board for the fall (armed cop on campus) we need to start on one for the junior high. It’s much better to have one and not need them than it is to need one and NOT have them. It’s the school’s responsibility to educate them and keep them safe at school while it’s the city’s responsible to keep them safe and free from the type of bullying, assaults and intimidation taking place at both campuses currently. The junior high resource officer can work half day there, not sticking to any schedule and the other half day splitting their time up at the remaining elementary schools establishing a trusting network and “go to” person if trouble is in the air. It’s a shame it has come to this, but it has. We as a city need to be proactive, not reactive. There is nothing more worthless than calling the police to report a crime if it could have been prevented in the first place.

            The city and the school have agreed to provide one officer for the high school starting with the new school year. This position takes extensive training and will be a specialized position within the local department. I’m asking the city to provide a second officer for the junior high and the rest of the schools… hopefully enough on the council agree to make this happen. We have grandchildren going into junior high, coming out of junior high, half way through high school and one just graduated, and friends that have children spread throughout the elementary system so we have a pretty good handle  on what’s happening.

Public safety has to be the number one priority for local government stretching from the young to the elderly and all groups in between. Kids are being threatened, bullied or otherwise intimidated and don’t want to go to school and more parents are being forced to “home school” their children to provide a safe, comfortable environment for learning. The district can’t figure why enrollment (and thereby ADA dollars) continues to shrink and look everywhere but inward for the answers.

Splash Pad Water Playground Equipment…

And Water Play Features

My Splash Pad is pleased to offer fun, colorful, and unique water playground equipment or water play features for commercial water parkslight commercial spray parks and residential “splashpads“.

Our Water CannonFire HydrantFlower ShowerWater UmbrellaRain Sticks, Sun SprayBirdieMini Mushrooms, Rain BlastersBucket Dump , all of the animal and dog water park features are all proudly made right here in the USA (Ohio) and manufactured with the highest quality materials at the hands of skilled craftsmen.

Crafted from heavy wall marine grade fiberglass, our features have some of the highest wall thickness in the industry. NO steel to rust or PVC that breaks!

  • They are built to withstand vigorous play.
  • They will not rust.
  • I’m asking for the parks and recreation commission to immediately look into this new recreational device for children and see about getting a couple of trials set for Dixon.

 

More things for thought

*For a more lifelike simulation I wear a fisherman’s vest and bring along a cooler of beer… when I get on the rowing machine at the gym.

*Beautiful people are much less likely to be convicted by a jury… which is really quite ironic since they’re much more likely to find love in prison.

*How much do prostitutes charge to let you win an argument?

*The closest I’ve ever come to eating seafood is chips-ahoy… a cookie with a nautical term in the title is darn well close enough to seafood for me.

*Why is the floor creaking upstairs?  Does the damn cat weigh that much…jeezus, I hope the damn cat weights that much.

*Nostalgia is what happens when you remember something from your past… while forgetting that you thought your life was crap at that point as well.

*If I like my job am I a “gruntled” employee?

*I’m not sure about Ambien causing one to make racist remarks… but I can confirm that pairing Maker’s Mark with sizzling Hot Pockets at 1 AM will make you “like” all of your high school crush’s Facebook photos.

*Saw a girl I have a crush on at IKEA with her fiancé but you know what they say… when God closes a ‘Storas Innjorden’ he opens a ‘Fonstarvivig’.

*For all athletic Gemini’s looking forward to summer:  sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you… good luck on your next mountain bike excursion.

*The most obvious sign you should probably quit drinking is if you’re having the thought…”Should I quit drinking?”

*The great songs of our generation ask the eternal questions… where have all the flowers gone?  How can you mend a broken heart?  Who let the dogs out?

*I mean, I had to pay a gym membership so technically they’re not free weights.

*Girls are suckers for a sad story so I always tell them how my dad left us on my 8th birthday… I leave out the part about how he returned with my cake, although it wasn’t chocolate, so it’s still sad.

*At least my meth-using neighbor mows his lawn… it’s at 4 AM and he’s naked, but still.

*I love books.  You can put them on a shelf.  Shelves that conceal a fireman’s pole, that leads to a cave where you keep a fast car…decorated with bats.

*My dad says he hates boxed wine ‘cuz he can’t tell how much he’s consumed… I’m glad I got his mechanical skills and not his sensibility.

*This guy walked up to me and said he knew me from somewhere but was unable to remember where… I asked if he’d ever worked in a liquor store.  Guess what?

*Now that I’m older I’ve found I’m afflicted with the eyebrows that are tangled with the fury of a thousand Scottish grandfathers.

*A pregnant woman was standing in line in front of me so I asked her if she knew what she was having..

.”probably the chicken tenders”, she replied.

*I guess if Porky Pig is going to flash someone he just takes off his bow tie?

*The black tip of the banana is called the “bananus”……..otherwise known as the “little brown tip at the bottom of the banana that no one in their right mind eats”.

*Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis (EIA) is am allergic response to physical activity with a myriad of symptoms like hives, itching, wheezing and diarrhea… one more opportunity to diddle your way to a disabled parking placard.

*Thinking of going into the hotel pool but I need to test the water-to-urine ratio.

*Big Pharma just released some Viagra tea bags.  They do nothing for your sex life… they simply keep whatever you’re dunking in your tea from going soft.

*Have you noticed that when a long-time zoo animal dies they always refer to it as “beloved” or a “crowd favorite”… as if there’s some animal named “Jimmy the Zebra” that everyone hates.

*Elton John has won Grammys, Oscars, Golden Globes… and the Denny’s Pancake Eating Contest.

*After what happened to Lance Armstrong I’m kind of worried… do you think they might come after my bowling trophies?

*And what’s this “kids eat free” crap?  Kids always eat free…when was the last time you saw a 4-year old pick up a check?

*Craft beers are predominately made from barley and hops which have high levels of calcium and silicon good for strong bones and teeth… maybe why my dentist and bartender are partnering in a brewery/dental office.

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June 8th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #731 (6-8-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

For the 730 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

And just like that; she graduated DHS Last Saturday

We joined what seemed like 1,000 other parents, grandparents and friends on a cool Saturday morning to watch our granddaughter follow in the footsteps of her father, Joel, and uncle, Trey as she took part in the DHS graduation ceremony at the football stadium which saw 237 of her fellow classmates of 2018 also receive their diplomas.

Air horns blared and confetti cannons shot clouds of bright and shiny pieces of paper into the stiff morning breeze making for quite a spectacle. (See photo below). The DHS band played and sounded great and the usual staggering really hot temperatures held off until the brisk ceremony was over.

So our first grandchild cleared the high school hurdle and will now be off to college… while we still have one entering junior high, one getting out of junior high, on starting high school and one half way through.

Just when you think, whew, no more fifth grade band concerts to suffer through with a forced smile. No more plays, basketball, baseball, volleyball…whatever…doesn’t matter folks, it never ends and when it’s done? Well it’s really over but when it is then what?  I’ll tell you what; Our time is over and we give up our bleacher seats to the next set of parents and grandparents watching, rooting, laughing, crying, caring and supporting the next batch of kids from childhood to adulthood in a special little city and a special little school district that they will not appreciate until they travel elsewhere and find not all other the places are like the utopia they’ve had in their home town of Dixon, California.

With all of the accolades, speeches and words flying it was uncomfortably obvious that no mention was even made of Superintendent of Schools Brian Dolan who nursed these kids from kindergarten through graduation. He never missed an event in which this group participated and had the love and respect of the entire student body and their parents; quite a faux pax if you ask me.

Ted: According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, the only way to appease the Gods and have the volcanic fires stop is to deliver a human sacrifice. The sacrificial human must be pushed into the fires coming from top of the great mountain volcano… According to long tradition, that sacrifices needs to be a celebrated AND wondrous leader who was born in Hawaii… Former President Barack Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it…Mac, Yolo.

 

Ted: This afternoon, for wont of anything else to do I decided to run some errands on my bicycle.  So I went to the post office, went to the ATM, and then stopped at the liquor store.  I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels.  I took it out and placed it in the basket on the front of my bike and started to mount up and ride home.

Suddenly the thot occurred to me that if for some unknown reason I should fall off my bike there was a danger the bottle might break and I would have lost the whole bottle of JD… And what a waste that would be!  So… I just drank it all, pitched the bottle in the trash, and proceeded to cycle home… It turned out to be a very wise decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on my ride home from Safeway; go figure…John, Dixon

Election: Elation, Erection or Dejection?

Depending on just how much studying you did, how much you researched the candidates and where your horse placed, you are probably really happy, excited or downright depressed.

I didn’t tell anyone how they should vote but I pointed out some facts about our local county folks running and all those well qualified incumbent folks won handily… supervisor, sheriff, DA. etc.… None have to run in the general election in November…. Which means less mailers, ads and cyber trash cluttering up our lives…yea?

Maybe a lot of folks just don’t really care on the local level… or they are just satisfied with the status quo, or the challengers are just lacking, brains, experience or a proper support mechanism. . However a lot of our people did vote in the primary and a lot didn’t.

But folks should care, especially at the state level where we will all be paying for those results for years to come whether you voted or not. If didn’t bother to vote the shut the hell up, you really don’t have a voice and have no right to complain…and that’s the truth.

Sad part is I/We have to pay for your laziness and must suffer through at least four more years of take away from us and give to others, bend over backwards for minority power groups or however they do it in the LBGT community, and push our children out of classrooms from grade school to college to make room for the DACCA darlings and their scholarships we give them free… while our children pay through the nose for education IF they can even get the classes they want. WTF?  Just remember the government can’t give anything to anyone it doesn’t take from someone else… and that someone is US. We pay for all this crazy crap and the hundreds of new laws we pay these idiots to pass each year; even though they, and we, know they are not necessary… but they have to justify their positions and outrageous salaries and perks we give them to screw us at each and every turn… year after year… and what we really need is more state and federal laws on the books huh (that’s sarcasm)?

More Things for Thought

*One obvious rule when you’re over 60… You better try to pee before you go anywhere or do anything.

*In Canada it’s much too hard to get a gun.  So if you wish to get revenge on someone you most often will do a “house egging”… or a drive-by “bagpiping”.

*A relationship is not just about the heartwarming feelings, the happiness and the physical connection… it’s about getting yelled at for something you didn’t do.

*This afternoon’s self-inflicted injury was caused by 1 part hammock, 2 parts “what the hell is crawling on me?” and…….oh migawd!  Wtf just bit me?

*I found out that the proper response to “top of the morning to you” is “and the rest of the day to yourself”… Crap! I went with “screw you!”

*I farted when I tried to reenact the crane kick scene from the karate kid.

*Ahhh, my wife… I met her at a topless Jell-O wrestling match.  It was her turn in the ring and I knew we would get along fine when I saw her eat a corndog in a single bite and then spit out the stick.

*If aliens ever decide to abduct me I hope they do it on Sunday night rather than on Friday night… because I really would hate to lose a weekend.

*Let’s be honest… really, when was the last time you saw a drunk skunk?

*I may be wrong but I think the rise in childhood obesity got its start when we started sugar-coating all the information we feed them.

*Two roads diverged in the wood, and I?  I took the one most traveled… knowing it had the best chance of leading me to a McDonald’s or Starbucks.

*When you see a group of nudists playing volleyball… that’s when you understand why god gave us clothes.

*You know you’ve given up on your diet… when you insert an Oreo inside a cream-filled donut.

*I think physical education teachers are the real winners in life… they can wear shorts and/or sweatpants to work every day and it’s completely acceptable.

*Someone asked if I go camping… huh?  Our ancestors evolved over years and years and provided us with HD television, pillow-top mattresses and flush toilets.  Why would I sleep outside?

*Just saw my financial advisor spinning an advertising sign for a taco joint at major highway intersection… this can’t be good.

*I’d love to sleep naked but I’m afraid I’d scare the darn cat…

*I find it ironic that my wife gives me the silent treatment… when she’s pissed off because she thinks I never listen to her.

*The damn cat’s worst habit is hacking up those disgusting fur balls on the carpet… especially since there’s an easy-to-clean hardwood floor right next to it.

*Spicy mustard is great on a sandwich… if the only thing you want to taste is spicy mustard.

*Reincarnation as a cat is my ultimate hope.  An entire lifetime of being rude coupled with the ability to get comfortable and nap wherever you please… and people go out of their way to appease you.

*He gazed in the mirror and took a very critical look at his beard… and realized that ‘hipster’ and ‘homeless’ look just about the same.

*I just want to get in pretty good shape and lose enough weight so that if I ever lost a limb or went blind… your first damn thot wouldn’t be diabetes.

*Last night I learned that ouzo is the Greek god of regret.

*If you ever want to reach 100% accuracy when confessing your sins take your wife with you and have her help out… she has a list.

*It’s a little known historical fact that most pirates peg-legs were made from end tables…discarded by frustrated Ikea customers.

*My “well, maybe if you had taken a nap today like I did you wouldn’t be yawning” logic to the wife… was met by both of her upraised middle fingers.

*I solved the problem of getting dizzy whenever standing up… by simply not getting up.

*Kid rock’s brother, fraggle, knows better lyrics.

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June 1st 2018
That’s Life©1966 #730 (6-1-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com 

For the 729 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman

 

Wild Artichokes…

A couple of weeks ago I ran a piece about the wild asparagus we harvested out in the country and said how much sweeter it was than typical store bought stuff. For years I wanted to hit the Liberty Island area when the wild artichokes were just right and try them out. They are ready and at a premium right now and we took the boat and grabbed a dozen or so.  They are smaller and even more prickly but sweeter and a heck of a lot less expensive that their giant cousins in the store. Just like asparagus, their season is short and its labor intensive to collect but both wild veggies are worth it. My first wife, Linda, boiled down a batch and we just ate the little hearts and they were delicious.

Dixie’s Dead Again?

The short lived excitement of  bringing “home” Dixie the Dinosaur of the highway Cheaper Gas Station fame has apparently died from due diligence by one of our councilmembers and the city manager. Long story short: The guy that claimed to own it maybe doesn’t and his frantic “buy it today for $25,000 or else” ended up, or else. Councilman Steve Bird was tipped off by a friend that the ownership of the 15 ton Sinclair Gas Station logo was in question which sent city manager, Jim Linley on a fact finding mission (as instructed by the city council) only to discover proof of ownership could not be established in the time frame requested by the self-proclaimed “owner”… So it looks like the Dixie’s deal is mostly dead for real this time and Dixon will remain dinosaurless  which is a shame Because I had some good local real dinosaur stories (right from this area) to tell from a man who was born and raised on Putah Creek, by Stevenson’s Bridge, before the dams went in.

 

City Election coming… I’m up next!

Others see a big difference, I don’t…. Maybe a little greyish hair and I don’t weight 112# anymore, but not a big difference from my campaign poster in 1972 or ’78 or whenever it was. This was the poster that got me elected back then when I joined a council made of four men old enough to be my grandfathers… The only one still above ground is Ron Dupratt (yep, that Ron Dupratt of Ron Dupratt Ford)… and I bet he could tell you some stories. We found this old poster and you know it’s funny; my campaign spiel is still the same… I was elected to four year terms in 1968, 72, 76 and 78 which took me into the 80’s…I skipped the 90’s and the first 2,000 years and sat back until 2014 when I was encourage to run again to “bring some common sense back to the council”…  And when I was surprisingly elected what I did bring is decades of political history and knowledge…

What was odd about that historic election is I didn’t take a penny from anyone, received and solicited no endorsements and was outspent by thousands of dollars with a crowded field… and still the voters saw through the money and the B.S. and hired me for another term to bring some common sense, (and “no beholding to nobody”) approach back to local politics. You may never see that happen again…trusting the voters to do due diligence on their own and see through the cash cows, mailers, signs, backers, special interests, ads, signs, tricks, gimmicks, signs, etc. and voted for a candidate on reputation and past accomplishments  alone…

We’ll see if it still holds true if I run for re-election for the November election.  I’ve always been elected and represented by all of the voters of the city and now that I’ve been put in a “district” I will still continue to represent all of the voters no matter what, and people that know me, know that. My “district” just happens to be my general neighborhood that has always statistically supported me and I’m hoping folks will ‘hire” me for another term to let me finish the many projects I’ve helped get going. More on all we’ve done in the last four years along will come later.

I was a young 22 year old know-it-all (which has changed to a know less than I thought) who, after my first four years on the council decided I knew it all, and would run for county supervisor against a slovenly, cigar smoking textbook real “good old boy” with money to spend and a pool of indebted backers waiting in the wings… Ray Church, from Rio Vista.  He called me and said he had $10,000 and unlimited backer’s cash in reserve and asked me if I thought I could seriously compete. He was a fat slob of a man and I heard wasn’t opposed to a stiff drink on a regular basis… but he was loaded (in more ways than one) and the puppet of those big money boys who controlled the county. I was just a poor Dixon City Councilman (that’s what we were called back then) who happened to be the State and National award winning newspaper editor of the Dixon Tribune at the time.

Did that bother me? Nope. I just said something like: “I don’t like you or what you represent and I will try to make you spend as much money as I can and get my points acrossfree. People back then said I had “more ball than brains”… That probably hasn’t decreased much with age. I lost but like our junior councilmember running this time took condolence in the fact I got as many votes as I did.                                                    Everyone except my first wife Linda, loved the show… you know, no holds barred, no muffler on the mouth, and basically just calling things as I saw them (right or wrong).  So our junior city councilman Minnema is just kind of Déjà vu all over again. A little more polished maybe, and maybe a little smarter and savvy for his age but he isn’t unique, and the stakes have changed. He’s running to trade a city job paying about $500 a month for a county job of over $100,000 a year. I think it paid $25,000 back them which would still have been a step up from the $150 a week at the Tribune and like $75 a month for the council…But, Yep, I’ll be off and running again soon and unlike the BS you hear and read about with everyone running for office I do have a list of unfinished things that need to be done and I plan to see them through!

 

I DIDN’T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST,

BUT HAVE FOUND THEM TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.

 Law of Mechanical Repair –After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity –  Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability   The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers  – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal, and someone always answers.

Supermarket Law – As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
Variation Law  If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.8. Law of Close Encounters   The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.9.

 Law of the Result    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.10.

 Law of Biomechanics –The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.11..

 Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena  – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave before the end of the game or performance. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.12.

 The Coffee Law  – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.13.

  Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.14.

 Law of Physical Surfaces  The chances of a slice of buttered bread or toast landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.15.

Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.16.

  Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.17.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy  As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.19.

 Doctors’ Law  If you are sick, make an appointment with the doctor. By the time you get there you’ll feel better… But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with pets and the veterinarian also.

 

Ted’s Secrets to Inner Peace.

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then you are probably the family dog… And you thought I was going to get all spiritual.

 

Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.

If you can’t eat it or play with it,

Pee on it and walk away

 

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May 25th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #729 (5-25-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

By Ted Hickman …

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 728 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman.com

Dixon “Dixie” Dinosaur May Be Coming “Home”?

Dixon Mayor, and local businessman Thom Bogue, has been looking for way to “invigorate the downtown area” since the day he was elected. He is half-heartedly backing the downtown plaza idea even though he’s balking at the escalating price tag.  Anyway, he brought a proposal to the city council meeting Tuesday to buy the famous Dixon “Dixie” the Dinosaur and bring it back. It was a big attraction (so big at times it caused traffic problems) when it was displayed at the gas station on the highway at the A Street interchange (see front page story). Local realtor, and chairman of the planning commission Kevin Johnson, and Dixon Chamber of Commerce head, Carol Pruitt, spoke enthusiastically in favor of the idea and offered to head up a fund drive to raise the needed money to pay for the purchase and upkeep. They said the idea has “gone viral” in favor, on social media. The price tag for the purchase alone is said to be $25,000.  I gave the needed third vote for the city manager to explore and complete the transaction if everything checks out… More next week…. But Dixie “might” be coming home… and people will flock here to see it once again; except this time in town; if not we may be able to resell it at a profit.

It’s currently on Twin Sisters Road in Suisun Valley and is 71 feet tall and weighs about 15,000 pounds. There seems to be a question of ownership and rights which is being explored by the city manager and he will report options back to the council at its next meeting which give the public plenty of time to voice an opinion about buying it…  if that becomes an option. The object was to get it here to help the downtown business community with an actual item that will bring people off the freeway and into town. It caused a major ruckus and a lot of attention and visitors the last time it was here when it sat just off the freeway just off the West A Street interchange.

Election’s now; Don’t Know Who

To Vote For This Time?

So you don’t know who to vote for? You still need to vote. Locally there are only a few choices you can make and objectively here’s why you should vote for the Following.  All photos by me…

The Solano County Supervisor’s race (district 4) boils down to two people to represent us at the county level…

District 4, includes Vacaville west of Peabody Road up to Marshall Drive, north of Marshall Drive to Nut Tree Road and then west of Interstate 80 to the Yolo County line, Dixon and the unincorporated area north of Midway to the Yolo County line.

  1. John Vasquez, 67, current Chairman of the Board, lives in Vacaville and has served our area well since we became part of his district. Just see the safety improvements in our area roads. As far as county/regional business goes some of his decisions may be debatable… but he’s been good to us and our rural area plus always backing the city when called upon. He has a strong backing of business, labor and other elected officials for his willingness to work for and with local government. He knows the ropes, serves on important committees, works well with others, and has the juice to get things done.
  1. Devon Minnema, 22, didn’t list his age on the ballot and is serving his second year of a four year term as an elected Dixon City Council person. He arranged for the endorsement by the Solano County Republican Central Committee, although not a unanimous choice. Highly controversial and in his early 20’s he feels confident he can make the political jump from city to county politics. His support base is lean but he will garner a lot of votes from millennials, the anti-incumbent haters and many local voters simply on the fact he is from Dixon… and should at least carry Dixon.
  2. Tom Ferrara, 57, Sheriff/Coroner (see photo below with D.A.) has served as sheriff for the past six years, department running good. He is a very visible person for a law enforcement officer. He is in touch with our community as well as most in Solano County. He has been at just about every public event held in Dixon and knows this community and our people. His opponents have some gripes but no actual experience at this level. Read their info in the sample ballot.

Running unopposed but good people to vote for with no reason to vote against… I know and endorse all three for what that’s worth…

  1. District Attorney, Krishna Abrams (see photo) (Dixon Resident)
  2. Treasurer/Tax Collector/County Clerk, Charles A. Lomeli (Dixon Resident)
  3. Assessor-Recorder Marc Tonnesen

 

MoreThings For Thought*”Limerance” is defined as the state of infatuation with another with a strong desire for reciprocation. Although not primarily sexual… the damn cat has this feeling for the can opener.

*Pluto is no longer a planet, and there may be a 51st state soon… looks like fifth grade was a total waste of time.

*Dolphins capture and suck on toxic pufferfish in an attempt to get high… who doesn’t?

*Dr. John Kellogg invented corn flakes as a healthy, ready-to-eat, anti-masturbatory breakfast cereal for his mentally ill sanitarium patients… I must be eating them wrong.

*My fortune cookie read… “going paperless, my butt!”

*Of course I date much younger women… they wouldn’t have established an ‘age of consent’ if they didn’t want us to use it.

*I hate it when the barista asks me if I want whipped cream.  It feels like there are only two answers…”yes, please, I’m fat.” or “no, thank you, I’m fat”.

*Some people ‘dance like no one is watching’… I tend to eat like that.

*When things get dull I like to visit the graves of people who said “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”… and make inordinate amounts of noise.

*Welcome to parenthood.  You’re about to begin several years of trying to convince a sleepy person… to go to sleep.

*First, we’d like to welcome all of you to “Swinger’s Club” and apologize if you thought this was about wife swapping… now, who wants to give me a push?

*You’re only young once… after that you have to come up with some other reason for acting like a child.

*The worst part of singing when you drive is not being able to close your eyes when you hit the really high notes… this creates one of the most horrifying faces a human can make.

*”Please stop saying I’m crazy!  You’re starting to sound like the waffle iron!”

*I was pushing the stroller and a stranger approached and said, “Aren’t you cute!  How old are you?”  I replied, “35”.  The stranger says “I was talking to him”…. I informed him, “he doesn’t know how old I am”.

*A great example of “guilt by association”… the horse I rode in on.

*Wilkie, a killer whale that resides at a French aquarium, can say ‘hello’ and “bye bye” through its blowhole… and I still can’t manage ‘Chrysanthemum’ on the first try.

*Note to Baskin-Robbins employees:  stop giving me larger scoops then my granddaughter… it’s ruining our relationship.

*Keep in mind if you’re continuously in charge of the vegetable tray or the salad for holiday dinners… the family has zero confidence in your culinary skills.

*I’m not fat… I prefer to think of myself as difficult to abduct and hard to conceal.

*The washing machine is on the fritz and the laundry has really started to pile up… at this point I’ve started wearing old Halloween costumes.

*I waited 3 hours at the hospital lab for a prick that lasted just a few seconds…….so I get it ladies, I completely get it.

*When peacocks mate with peahens they give out a loud “copulatory call” and actually are capable of a fake call to attract more hens… sort of a peacock version of Tinder.

*I would tell everybody how much I detest animal cruelty… but at this point I feel like it’s just beating a dead horse.

*The neighbor kid’s been looking for a job.  I told him there’s a job for everyone and asked what he was good at.  He said his parents said he smelled bad and made them uncomfortable in their own home…”Have you considered cable installation?”

*For the third time I have been overlooked for the position of “royal baby”.

*I’ve started wearing my fitness tracker to bed……..if I’m going to make 2-3 trips to the bathroom during the night I’m damn sure getting credit for them.

*The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished… I’ve never sympathized with women more.

*The human body can grow a complete human being in 9 months, with a brain, functioning respiratory system, eyeballs, the whole deal… yet I twist my ankle and they tell me 2-3 years and it’ll never be the same.

*We had a bad storm a few days ago and the neighbor lost his roof and had no insurance.  I’m starting a gofundme account so I can go to Hawaii… I don’t want to be around all the construction noise

Reagan’s Greatest Hits

“Socialism only works in two places: Heaven, where they don’t need it, and Hell, where they already have it.”~ Ronald Reagan

“Here’s my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.”~ Ronald Reagan

“The most terrifying words In the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”~ Ronald Reagan

The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.~ Ronald Reagan

“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U S was too strong.”~ Ronald Reagan

“I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U S Congress.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the Federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“Government is like a baby: an alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.”~ Ronald Reagan

“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I’ve learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“No arsenal or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.”

~ Ronald Reagan

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under GOD, then we’ll be a nation gone under.”~ Ronald Reagan.

Anton’s Worried!

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May 18th 2018
That’s Life©1966 #728 (5-18-18)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

 Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com  For the 727 Past consecutive columns That’s Life Columns go to www.tedhickman © 5-18-18

 

‘Libertards’ run amuck and we let them?

New Boy-girl-LGBT Scout? Seriously? The BSA, Boy Scouts of America was is a century Old, reliable, United State of America organization as is/was the Cub Scouts and Brownies and Girl Scouts and Campfire Girls… but the libertarda just won’t be happy until the girl scouts are wearing veils, the Boy’s Scouts are in lace up hiking high heels and the boys and girls are mingling at campouts thereby producing little scouts since birth control and sex education and anti-straight teachings are illegal… WTF folks? I mean. Seriously, WWTF?

Mandated, legal, Gay Boy Scout leaders… It’s now illegal to counsel young boys/girls they don’t have to be gay that they do have a choice… how in the hell did we get to this? Can you say liberalism run amok?

Parents make girls join the Boy Scouts. Sacramento Democrats first mandated that boys/men’s could use girl’s facilities and now have outlawed counseling children telling they don’t have to be converted to the GLBT lifestyle if they don’t want to. These brain damaged tweaks at the top of the food chain folks made the DMV give driver’s licenses (Legal ID’s to Illegal immigrants) to non-citizens, make it legal to be illegal, and have taken away any incentive to become a citizen of the state and country they are ruining.

These yahoos give scholarships to non-citizens while American citizens’ children are crowded out of classrooms. They’ve made illegal aliens, “undocumented immigrants”, taxpayers to pay for sex change operation for convicted criminals serving life terms in prison, … and they’ve made it illegal to say what you really think or feel… and Lord help you if you don’t go along and agree with them. They fill the media with fake news and, pushed the pledge allegiance and non-denominational prayer out of our schools and replaced it with sex education telling the positive side of the GALBT life styles… like there really is one. Many of those folks are really screwed up and unhappy and they think everyone should join them in their suffering I guess. Hollywood’s money and wealthy liberal weenies control what millions think because we are a nation of sheep and our youngsters look up to the low IQ’s but good looks and lots of money in Hollywood, and the professional athletics that flaunt their obscene wealth.

You’ve got a new governor, lt. governor, attorney general and other state high ranking officials waiting in the wings to be “elected”  (they are outright campaigning on those principals) who will try to make California a complete “sanctuary state” and give even more to “takers”; You know the takers…Don’t work, don’t want to work but take  FREE housing, food, medical, dental, education and now are demanding even more free crap that YOU pay for, not the elected officials. YOU pay for all of this crap. While our “leaders” lie, collect obscene salaries and perks, cheat and abuse young and old, men and women, restrict our rights, we sit back and prepare to elect the next wave of twisted souls all dressed up and neatly packaged to sell their image to the lazy voters. Enough is enough. When do our “citizens” wake up and smell the stink of overt wealthy mass media manipulation of minds?

The media’s moguls have been out to control the uncontrollable President Trump. They hate him because he can’t be bought or sold and somehow got the American people to open their eyes and ears to make him, what will probably go down in history, as one of the greatest American presidents. That is a dangerous trend and if it can’t be curbed the entire power structure in the nation could shift from a few in power to the many…and boy, are they afraid of that.

You think not? Ignore the left winged propaganda fed to us daily by both the print and mass media-media. And look at the facts:Obama, who history will remember as probably the worst presidents this country was ever coned into voting into office bowed down to the Muslim extremists (America haters) and they laughed behind his back, took our billions of dollars he tried to buy good will with and screwed us at every turn. He got weak kneed when when threatened by fat boy Young Kum Sum and his threat of nuclear weapons.…  He bowed down before Muslim leaders and brought hundreds of thousands of Muslims from American hating countries to the US and gave then free housing food, money and everything all Americans must work hard to obtain. They in turn enlarged their settlements, set up their own little governments and told Americans to keeps their hands off and not interfere with their “religious freedoms”.

Now here comes POTUS President Trump. They bow when they meet him and quake when he speaks. The big mouth fat boy Korean leader who was going to attack our country got his butt handed to him when Trump called his bluff and drew a line in the sand which fat boy rapidly retreated from, let political prisoners go, offered to destroy his nuclear toys and agreed to sit down and see if he can’t broker peace with the most powerful man on the planet.. Trump does everything from a posture of strength and resolve, the bullies have been brought to their knees, the stock market continues to hit record highs, the in balance in trade with other major players is starting to even out. Unemployment is at a record low and personal income is climbing to new heights…and still the associated press, and the three major networks daily trash Trump and TRY to make him look bad however they can… To what end?

The point of all of this is: Elections are coming:  Speak up when you hear made up trash talk and ask for facts. Speak up when you know you have disaster looming with the democratic cadre with which they are planning to rule California for the foreseeable future. Newsome and his hand pick crew for all state offices’ are a hopeless disaster waiting to happen… They want a sanctuary state and want to import as many future democrats (undocumented immigrants”) as they can to support their future agendas. Why else would they burden with working class with this uncontrolled fiscal disaster? I men, heck, come to Sacramento and the communist Mayor there will give you free housing, money ( plus $1,000 a month each month you aren’t caught breaking the law, no kidding), free food, phones, medical, dental education, lawyers etc. (everyone should have a home, Mayor Phil says and no one should have to work if they don’t want to and the taxpayers should feel honored to work 24/7  to provide all of this for those who just flat out “don’t want to do nothing”.  Again,I can only ask WTF?

 

God’s Plan for Aging… from the email bag.

I receive between 50 and 100 emails every day from all over and thousands of spam messages each week; thank goodness for the spam filter. I try to pick out one each week or so that I think is either funny or educational and share it with you… such as the one below. Thank you Walter Peters!

Ted:  (Old but worth seeing again huh?) Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are, walking from room to room more, getting up and down more, getting excited more, deep breathing more, remember —–it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you continually mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

*There might be something wrong with your school system… when your 15-year old thinks algebra is the gross green gunk in your fish tank.

*I hate it when we set the clocks ahead one hour… now I get my usual wake-up erection when I’m on the bus to work.

*Sears used to offer both cocaine and syringes in its home catalog… this was back when sears was profitable.

*I don’t exercise… it seems like a waste to die healthy.

*I just made her the happiest woman in the world.  I got down on one knee, took her hand in mine, looked her in the eye and asked… if she would like to go with me to target.

*Last Sunday was palm Sunday… the observance of the onetime Jesus was able to hold a basketball in one hand.

More Things for Thought

*Albeit brief, no bond is stronger than the one that exists between husbands… waiting outside the kohl’s dressing room for their wives.

*When I awaken in the morning and get out of bed the fact that everything hurts… lets me know that I’m still alive.

*Oscar Mayer wiener mobile motorists, who are responsible for getting the vehicle to its various appearances, typically ride in pairs… with the one in the passenger seat designated as riding “shotbun”.

*People typically say that chickens are stupid… but I think that screaming about the start of a new day seems pretty reasonable.

*When I was a kid kale was something people ate on a dare.

*If my girlfriend really loved me she’d stop being imaginary.

*During the Olympics in Argentina in 2016 a local headline read, “Mutilated body washes up on rio beach to be used for volleyball”… I would have suggested using a regular ball, but I guess the Olympics are special.

*The traffic must be horrendous in a red light district.

*My wife just tried to kill a small garden snake in the backyard… and by kill I mean screaming as loud as it’s humanly possible to in an attempt to make the snake’s head explode.

*I stopped complaining about insomnia… when I found out I had three uncles who died in their sleep.

*I experienced a religious revelation today.  I realized that God’s favorite word in the English language is ‘amen’… because when he hears it he knows we’re thru asking him for crap.

*I got fired from my job at the funeral home for inventing casketball.

*I’m still laughing about this schmuck back in high school ‘cuz he was bragging to me he had had 10 times more sex than I had… 10 times 0 is still 0!

*I ordered a toilet seat on-line… and now from all the ads I get you’d think I have an insatiable toilet seat addiction.

“I’m sorry I named my daughter Paige; it seemed funny at the time”… one chapter in “the confessions of Nat turner”.

*I just asked someone I thought was Gary Busey for an autograph… she was not happy.

*The marriage counselor asked my why I resented my wife and I told him it was because she made me get out of a line for Bruce Springsteen tickets… something about her water breaking.

*At 6:30 I got up to take the dog for a walk.  At 6:32 I poured a cup of coffee and decided to take a quick look at Facebook… at 7:49 I tramped in dog poop on my kitchen floor.

*I went to the gym this morning for the first time in months… apparently I’m more prepared for exhuming than I am for exercising.

*My wife and I have a rule whoever is driving controls the radio, but with one exception… if I’m driving than she controls the radio.

*I love mint flavored ice cream because it’s easy to convince myself I’m just brushing my teeth… which is a much healthier action than shoveling ice cream down my throat.

*It’s been shown that mosquitoes urinate on you after sucking your blood… talk about adding insult to injury!  

*Always felt sorry for the fat kid at camp who only had white tee-shirts to wear… when the plethora of water guns came out he looked like the winner at a strip joints wet tee shirt contest.

*Life is like a Brazilian wax… the more times you have the carpet ripped out from under you the less painful it is.

 

© 5-18-18

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