Posted under That's Life Columns
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I Called A National Summit Today; True Story
Today being “Black Friday” and all, Vallejo High School being forced to change their Apache mascot logo and the Washington Redskins are being forced to change their mascot/logo. If these were winning teams do you suppose they’d still want them to change? All of the apaches I know don’t have a problem with a proud emblem being used in a positive way.
I feel another change is really important…what you say? Black Friday, it just ain’t right. And to that end I’ve invited to a special meeting: Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, the Mayor, Lois Wolk, the ACLU, Larry Lockwood and the NAACP plus the BET (TV) Network, and since the president was in the area, I’ve invited him too. They are all invited to Dixon City Hall to see about changing the name to like “Charcoal Friday” or to some other color.
Since “Black Friday” means a disaster for merchants and is considered a negative to so many, we need to change the color to…I don’t know, how about “Fuchsia Friday” or even “Fire Red Friday”?
The meeting is called for high noon on what is currently known as Black Friday. I just wanted to show I have at least one “PC” bone in my body. Hopefully the mayor will be there along with his two cohorts and pass the initial resolution once again calling for (at least their attempt at) a local law to make our community more civil…ahead of the rest of the nation. Jessie, Al, Lois and Barak can run with it on the state/national level. They all seem to know what we should be allowed to say, and exactly how we should be allowed to say it.
The city attorney should be able to whip one out in a matter of minutes since he doesn’t need council direction to do something like this. This could be the biggest event to hit Dixon, maybe ever. It will lead the president and the nation into a new era of civility all started by a local mayor and council concerned about how people speak, tone of voice, subject context and what and how they say.
If the president can make health mandatory, allow illegal people to become legal he surely can make it mandatory to follow Dixon’s lead and tell all Americans what they can and can’t say, and how it should be said, don’t you think? Dixon already has the law written and standing by just waiting for the First Amendment to be abolished or for the media to be silenced. Tea and scones will be served but, of course, not by the Tea Party. When you see the line of limos coming down First Street you’ll know the folks are here. Who knows, maybe I’ll get some kind of presidential medal, or the Nobel Peace Prize for this!
All Those Who Want To Pay Double The Sewage Rate Keep Quiet
You heard me right. If you want your sewage rates doubled all you have to do is your usual stay at home, not respond, be quiet, and WHAMO the next thing you know your monthly sewage rates will double…how about that!
Over 5,200 Dixon City residents will wake up one day soon and yell, “What the hell happened to our sewage bill, it doubled.” On January 14, 2014 a public hearing will be held in the city council chamber at 7 p.m. to raise the rates effective April 1, (and that’s no joke) 2014.
This will happen unless you, as a property owner act for once. According to California law if a majority of the affected file written protests of the sewage rate increase prior to the close of the public hearing on Jan 14th the city can’t raise the rates.
They don’t make it easy. You have to be a property owner and write a letter with your APN (parcel number)…(which is on your tax bill) and the name of the property owner and your signature. If by some miracle they get, let’s say 2,651 protests, they won’t be able to raise the rates. If you don’t do this, don’t bitch when the big pinch comes. Send your letters to City Clerk, City of Dixon, 600 East A Street, Dixon, 95620…I’ll be surprised if a couple of dozen people take the time to protest this costly political trap.
Believe It or Not
A guy went into the UPS Store in the Safeway Plaza this week and asked the owner, Chad, for some boxes. Chad explained these were quality boxes and cost a few dollars each. Chad went back to work and a little later noticed the guy stole the Dixon Toys for Toys box right out of the front (inside) of the store. Great Christmas Karma there don’t you think. We don’t know what was in the box.
The Lion Tamer.
A Dixon circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer (we’ll call Nick) in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her twenties. The circus owner tells them, ‘’This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here is your equipment, a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to go first?’’ The girl says ‘’ I will go first’’ She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lions cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge. She throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and licks and kisses her entire body for an hour and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owners jaw is on the floor. He turns to the retired golfer and asks ‘’Can you top that?’’ ‘’No problem,’’ says Nick the golfer…‘’Just get the lion out of there’’.
Did you know the saying “God willing and the Creek don’t rise” was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the President of the U.S. to return to Washington. In his response, he was said to write, “God willing and the Creek don’t rise.” Because he capitalized the word “Creek” it is deduced that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water.
In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term “big wig”…Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ‘straight laced’ wore a tightly tied lace…bodice
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades…’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck…’
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV’s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to ‘go sip some Ale and listen to people’s conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. ‘You go sip here’ and ‘You go sip there.’ The two words ‘go sip’ were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term ‘gossip.’