February 28th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #556 (2-27-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

This woman at the mall got super offended when I asked if I could pet her son… like I’m the one that put him on a leash.


 Now’s the time to buy or sell…

Now’s the time… If you are planning to sell your home in the near future now’s the time to start sprucing up and making repairs. The prime selling season is coming up and interest rates are still at near all-time lows… great for buyers and sellers. Home prices are going up so if you are thinking about buying make sure to get pre-approved for a loan or you may not have a chance to get the right home when you find it. It doesn’t matter if you are buying or selling find a reputable real estate agent to represent and advise you… it will only make or save you money. I work for one of the largest real estate companies in the word, Century 21, and we have buyers. If you have a home, ranch or just property to sell, give me a ring and we can do it all for you… Call me at 707-372-7007 for free advice.


I Was Really Bummed…

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I was really bummed out at the city council meeting Tuesday night when the newly appointed city treasurer, Dane Bassinette, just didn’t show up for his first meeting after being sworn in. His council buddies appointed him the open paid (elected) position after the public booted him from elected office in the last election…Oh well.

That isn’t what bummed me out through. What really did it was when your mayor and councilmembers Jerry and Scott said they didn’t have any problem with professional panhandlers begging for money throughout the city. The three said it didn’t bother them for these folks to hold up signs and beg for money. I had asked the city attorney to bring about an ordinance like Vacaville is doing to restrict professional begging to areas not around traffic, businesses, ATMs, etc. Especially around the busy intersection and streets around Wal-Mart.


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I was under the apparent mistaken notion we were elected to represent the voters and the public, not a couple of bums sad eying people and begging for money… I asked for Dixon to have what Vacaville will have shortly to make shopping, banking, getting gas, etc. an occasion where a woman doesn’t have to roll through a stop sign or sit unconf\ortaly waiting for a light to change while some beggar holds a sign up and woefully begs for cash. Who are these people? Are they needy? Are they homeless? Are they from here? Or… did they come here because Dixon folks are such a soft touch?

I’ve had many people tell me it makes them uncomfortable to have a sign put in their view begging for money. Some have said it caused them to make moves in their cars they wouldn’t have done under normal conditions. Several women at the city council meeting even said it made them uncomfortable and would like to see it restricted.

But your Mayor Jack and councilmembers Jerry and Scott said the beggars were OK, and they were OK with it and didn’t want to restrict them unless it was a really dangerous situation… Look at the tape yourself… I don’t know if they did this because I proposed the changes in the law to restrict these professional bums or if they really believe the liberal BS they were spouting. Councilmember Scott and his “minister” people would like to help them. If so, they can certainly go out to Wal-Mart and bring a bum home for lunch/dinner and give them a spare bedroom and a place to stay and a few bucks…right?   I mean you have to believe anything they scribble on a piece of cardboard and you know they are truthful…because…they look sad? I’ve seen beggars in Vacaville check their cell phones and one hiding his Starbucks cup when people approached. Another gathered his gear and walk way across the parking lot to his car.

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How many times do you see “will work for food” or work for anything? I respect the guys who hang around 7-11 and will take whatever work they can to help support their families. You do-gooders want to help someone who needs help, help get them work.

So the outcome at the present time is Vacaville will restrict and boot out as many of the bums as they can who will, through their grapevine I’m sure, hear that Dixon is wide open and receptive to them by a majority of the city council.

I believe in helping those who want to be helped and move on to something better, not enabling those who don’t. And before you bleeding hearts start the tsk, tsk, tsk, do the math. We’re going into our 49 years of the Dixon Community Christmas programs. Just say we averaged seeing 75 seniors a year, and only 300 families and only 500 children, plus vets and other special cases…what’s the total? They’ve all been screened and from this zip code and we knew they deserved help… and we helped.

 No Free Sign For Vets or Kids Cancer Drive!

Your city council also screwed the American Legion AND THE St. Baldrick’s Foundation (raising money for children’s cancer research) by not allowing them to have a few minutes on the new gaudy electronic billboard out on the freeway… Keep up guys and you’ll finally understand how I got elected.  


American Legion Post #208, Dixon is holding a fund raiser this Saturday, Feb 28 from 1 to 4 p.m. They’ve raised $1,815.00 so far…with only 16 participants. You can just donate money or have money donated for you to have your head shaved in support of the effort, Call 707-592-8463 for more information. The St. Baldrick’s Foundation is a volunteer-driven charity committed to funding the most promising research to find cures for childhood cancers and give survivors long, healthy lives. People donate money and have their heads shaved to show they care about helping to find a cure for childhood cancers.  I participated in this in the past. This year Dixon’s Mayor Jack Bachelor will do what he does at the event.


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 The wife asked me a question and before I could answer said “hold on, I can’t hear you. I’ve gotta turn on a light.”… WTF?  The dark was too loud?

I just don’t understand pedophiles… kids are just so annoying.

I was in the eye doctor’s waiting room … there’s apparently an old people’s throat clearing competition here today.

I’m willing to bet even money that Pope Benedict will appear on Celebrity Rehab this season.

I’m so confused when the TV voice before a show I’m about to watch says “for mature audiences only”… can I watch or not?

Parents learn too… when the first kid swallowed a coin we immediately took him to the ER.  The second did it and we calmly waited for it to pass thru.  When it happened with the third one we deducted it from his allowance. 

Oatmeal:  A grain based breakfast food that may help you lower your cholesterol so you can live long enough to one day get cancer.

Some days I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum… then I take a good look around at everyone here and realize maybe I already am.

White Zinfandel is a wine that comes from the refrigerator region of your house.

Someone once defined “monogamy” as the practice of not having sex with one person at a time.

The National Mall in Washington, D.C. is the only mall in America that doesn’t have a Sunglass Hut.

Sometimes it seems “H” is the eighth letter in the alphabet as well as being Jesus’s middle initial.

Wheel of Fortune is Jeopardy for people who have an associate’s degree in cosmetology.

More and more couples who own their own homes find themselves paying rent… a regular payment made to a landlord on behalf of their children who majored in sociology even though they were told not to.

A drug store, aka a pharmacy, is a retail establishment where a person can buy condoms and any other random thing they can grab so it looks like they’re not just buying condoms.

My friends most commonly describe me as “who?”

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use “sliced bread” as our basis for great inventions.

One of the kids snuck into my study last night and left a note saying he had broken one of the keys on my keyboard… I onder hich one?

Why a man would want a wife is a mystery to some people… why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery!

It’s my friend’s birthday today.  He doesn’t drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his girl… we’ve absolutely no idea how to celebrate.

Janay Rice said that what happened in that elevator with her husband Ray was “God’s plan”… God must not like her very much.

I bought an album from a conservation society called the “sounds of the Rain Forest”… the first half was birds chirping, the rest was chain saws and bulldozers.

Thinking of having children… learn about getting small children prepared to play in the snow by wrestling mittens onto an angry octopus.

Smiling releases endorphins which in turn relieve stress… now all I have to do is explain that to my proctologist when he finishes the exam.

Fun fact:  Bears hibernate in winter to escape Christmas music.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve visited Chernobyl… eight.

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive… “Hi!”.

 Getting married is easy but staying married is difficult… just ask my girlfriend, her husband drives her crazy.

The year is 2240 and all fossil fuels are depleted.  Our only source of coal is Santa Claus… therefore we all must be naughty for the sake of mankind.





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February 21st 2015
That’s Life©1966 #555 (2-20-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com


“Gong Hey Fat Choy”


The world’s largest annual human migration is now well underway as 2.8 billion trips are made across China in what is known as Chun Yun, when students, migrant workers and office employees living away from home will make the journey back to celebrate with their families. Those born in 1919, 1931, 1943, 1967, 1979, 1991 or 2003 are goats/sheep, who can count their lucky colors as brown, red and purple. Their characters are supposedly kind and peaceable, while their best months are supposedly August and November and their lucky flowers are primroses and carnations.

It is China’s most important holiday It started yesterday and Chinese New Year is the longest national holiday in China, spanning a total of 15 days, and New Year’s Day is the most important date in the Chinese calendar. The first three days of the New Year are a statutory holiday but usually most people will have the time from New Year’s Eve to the sixth day of the New Year off from work.

I was in China/Taiwan one year just at the start of the migration… Incredible is all I can say. For the working laborers this time is the only time of the year they get to visit family. Many work 12-15 hours a day seven days a week for the rest of the year. The trains and busses are filled past capacity and it seems like the whole countries are on the move… because they are.

The only other “gong hey fat choy story” I have is the time, years ago,  an oriental man in Sacramento ran a stop sign and I laid on my horn and he yelled something at me in Chinese. The only words that came to mind were “gong hey fat choy” so I yelled that back at him as nasty as I could… He suddenly calmed down and drove off bewildered trying to figure out, I Guess, why I wished him an angry happy new year in the middle of the summer… true story!



Not Joking About This Babble


            We were at the COSTCO in Woodland  a week ago Saturday after our grandson’s 9th birthday party at the Heidrick Ag History Museum and we seemed to be the only English speaking people in the entire packed store… I’m not kidding. After I became aware of it I asked my first wife Linda to listen and see if she could hear anyone speaking English…She didn’t. The last time I saw/heard something like this was in a COSTO (or Sam’s) in either Hong Kong or Taiwan; and I heard more English spoken there. It was a little unsettling. I counted six nationalities I could kind of identify and many I couldn’t…spooky. I flashed upon the idea I had been transported to the biblical Babble or woke up in a foreign land. One of the ethnic minorities bothered me more than the rest. I stereotyped the ugly A**hole in my mind, and I almost said something with the way he was berating his little, young and cute hooded wife (?) over her choice of strawberries… What an ugly, mean dirty looking tyrant. I wanted to tell him what country he was in and tell her she didn’t have to put up with his crap and tell her about community property and free legal advice but Linda thought it wouldn’t turn out well if I did… Oh well, maybe some folks from the People’s Republic of Davis will hopefully get to her.


Another Train Wreck


            About 9 p.m. Sunday my phone lit up (thanks Eric) with reports of a train blocking the RR tracks in Dixon reportedly because it hit a shopping cart placed on the tracks… Real funny huh? The reports I received said it blocked the road for over 25 minutes. I couldn’t verify with the PD by my info came from people at the scene. Anyway again, real funny… especially in light of the West Virginia train wreck the next day.

You all realize this is the same stuff coming through Dixon on a regular basis, don’t you? I have asked the city to request emergency grants from the county, state and federal governments to complete two overpasses to give our residents and emergency officials a way to both a way to respond and to get the hell out of town if one of these rolling time bombs goes off here. The rest of the city council has agreed and the city manager is supposed to be getting communications off to all of our elected officials asking to immediate help and consideration.

For any of you idiots who want to put things on the tracks just look at the following information. A train carrying more than 100 tankers of crude oil derailed in southern West Virginia on Monday, sending at least one into the Kanawha River, igniting at least 14 tankers and sparking a house fire, officials said.  Oil from North Dakota’s shale fields was still burning in West Virginia a day after a train carrying more than 3 million gallons of crude derailed in a snowstorm, shooting fireballs into the sky, according to published reports.


APTOPIX Train Derailment

Related Stories

Reportedly hundreds of families were evacuated and nearby water treatment plants were temporarily shut down after 19 tanker cars left the tracks and caught fire, leaking oil into a Kanawha River tributary and burning a house down to its foundation. Luckily no one was reported killed.



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She believed me when I told her concentration camps were for people with attention deficit disorder!

 Guys who resent their friends for not sharing their hair products are “gel less”.

 It’s not condescending if they’re stupid.

 This strip mall is certainly misleading… I should probably put my clothes back on now.

 I once had a hangover so good that I crawled out of the bedroom naked and then slept six more hours on the kitchen floor.

 Apparently we’ve lost a five-year old.  He went missing right after someone said “bath time”… he’s short, naked and sporting 20-23 Spiderman Band-Aids.

 I think I now know the stress level of a guy disarming a ticking time bomb… my wife stood and watched me as I unloaded the dishwasher.

 I find it real cute how pedestrians seemingly confuse “right of way” with “immortality”.

 One thing I’ve never purchased is wind chimes… I just can’t see myself saying “it’s just too quiet. ya know what would be nice?  Some noise.” 

 This guy at work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas… his name was Roger.

 I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn’t scare too easily… but I just beat the crap out of a motion activated air freshener.

 There is nothing sadder or more pathetic than waking in the morning and anxiously turning to gaze into the love of your life’s face… and finding she’s deflated during the night.

 I wonder what “don’t touch” is in braille.

 When having dinner at my brother’s house I asked “where are the kids?”.  He said, “I grounded them.”… I spit out the meatball.

 My 11-year old grandson is looking for a summer job… he’s a pretty decent bartender if anyone’s hiring.

 I know this is only our second date, and I hope I’m not moving too fast… but I’d like permission to re-name your damn cat.

 My boss asked if I was ready to take on more responsibility… since I was eating around a sticker on an apple ‘cuz I’m too lazy to peel it off I should probably say no.

 Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn’t work so you’d bang it a few times… tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant.


Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers thru the wife’s hair… it’s a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins.

 If an Elvis impersonator dies suddenly does he become the best Elvis impersonator?   

 If I could be any animal I’d pick a turtle… just for the chance, however slight, that I could be turned into a Ninja.

 Don’t think you’re immune.  We’re all just a whim away from singing “the Lion Sleeps Tonight”… yes, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

 Have manufacturers of picket fences ever gone on strike… the irony would be awesome.

 My kleptomania has always been a challenge… but stealing from this bakery really takes the cake.  

 My 84-year old neighbor must really like working on his car… he’s been under there changing the oil for 3 days.

 I should have been nominated for an Oscar for my role as “man surprised his credit card was declined”.

 So Nicholas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey!  Why the wrong face?”

 Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb… just like screaming, crying and dying.

 He arrives mysteriously, helps others. performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens……..E.T. (1982) PG

 Fun Fact:  Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian and the marathons they were in.



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February 14th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #554 (2-13-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

“Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like fire,

it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.” George Washington



Guess I’ll Do It The Other Way…


Man sometimes you just can’t win. I’m trying to get along with my four other elected officials on the city council but it isn’t always easy. I tried for three meetings in a row to get the council to authorize a survey of the business community on its perception of the city and the way it does business with them.    During the recent campaign I heard numerous war stories about the business community having “troubles” with city hall and Dixon being perceived as “anti-business”.  I didn’t just make this up. So I asked the council to appoint an ad-hoc committee of me and the chair and vice chair of the planning commission (and throw in a staff member if they wished) to come up with a short survey that could be mailed to many of those with a business license. Just a simple questionnaire with easy to answer questions, that could be done anonymously to tell the council the feelings of the business community is all I asked.

We have three councilmen (me, Steve and Jack) and two council MEMBERS Scott and Jerry. Scott campaigned on helping the business community and the voters the right to vote. As soon as he got elected he turned against the voters and their right to vote and to and now doesn’t want to find out how the business community feels about city hall…go figure. He and Jerry insist on backing the city staff without any rhyme or reason to the point of absurdity. Their allegiance is apparently to a paid city staff instead of the voters?

I presented the idea again, for the third and final time Tuesday night in light of three recent occurrences that seem to validate complaints; two against small businesses and one favoring big business.

Anyway, no one with the council 4+1 gang would make the motion so the issued died…Or so they think. Unlike MEMBERS Scott and Jerry, I keep my promises. Like I said, I tried to do it the right way. Get the city’s survey done; hold a “closed session” city council meeting to discuss personnel, etc. They let that idea die…So now I’ll do it another way. I will now try to link with an outside group that cares about the business community, gather the data and have them present it in an open meeting sans any kind of staff protection or glossing over any findings.

If you have a store front business you will probably be contacted one way or the other and will be able to freely answer questions (with both positive and negative comments) without any fear of retribution because we won’t reveal our sources… So business community, relief may be on the way; granted the hard way instead of the easy way but your opinions will be solicited and your elected officials will have to hear you at some point…You have at least lone voice on the council that won’t be silenced. BTW…I’m having my business cards changed to say City Councilman… I may have a “member” but I’m not one.



Lying Brian


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Brian Williams, long time NBC news anchor was suspended for six months without pay… a real life sacrificial lamb. There’s a call for him to resign. I’ll admit now the only reason I’m alive as a journalist is that I pushed an old lady aside (she didn’t have long anyway) and got a seat on a life boat off the Titanic. I also knocked over an old man and jumped from the Hindenburg just in time and was the standby for John Glen for his little trip to space…

But I don’t like to brag or embellish many of the things I’ve done so I just go with the flow and keep the facts to myself  of what I had to do, and wade through at times, to get here… from there. That’s TV journalism BS  talk at its best don’t you think?

All writers have a tendency to embellish; some more than others. Now every news reader on every Sacramento T.V. station editorializes on EVERY story they READ. Channel 3 used to stand alone at just delivering the news but they all now Brian Williams on each and every story…Not all to the same degree but giving their unsolicited opinion on EVERY story is much the same as getting your past facts skewered.

So Brian wasn’t shot at 12 years ago (we were shot at here 35 years ago) and he didn’t see dead bodies after a hurricane…He was carrying 600,000 to 10,000,000 viewers a night (depending on which news source you chose to believe) because people apparently liked him. I would like any of these mega-media-news stars to take a step forward if they’ve never embellished a story for effect… See anyone coming forth? No, and you won’t. What a bunch of crap. Fewer and fewer believe the main stream media anymore anyway. They all lie, sometimes on purpose, other times not so much. It’s the old… “those who live in glass houses” shouldn’t heave rocks syndrome.


Watch your Catalytic Converter



Unfortunately your catalytic converter (no, it’s not someone who has changed religions) on your car or truck can be taken relatively quickly… like less than a minute.  Thieves just use a battery operated “Sawzall” or pipe cutter to cut the exhaust pipe off at each end. We are seeing a rash of thefts along the Highway 80 (nine one night last weekend alone in Dixon) corridor in surrounding cities as well. Vacaville had a bunch over the weekend as well.

Most reputable metal recyclers will not take them, but the ones that do pay up to $100 a piece for them. Very disturbing since the cost to the victim to replace is usually in excess of $1,000. I’m going to post a note on our truck: “Don’t take then chance of cutting off out converter with our ID engraved on it and getting caught. Just knock on the door and ask me for the $100 and I’ll write you a check. That way you still win and I save $900”. Trust me I won’t call the police or shoot you. They don’t do this silently and they don’t like the area lit up by motion sensor spot lights. They probably wouldn’t like a butt full of 12 gauge rock salt either.

I asked our police chief about it and he said: “We are working on increasing public awareness and possibly a prevention program where owners of vehicles bring them in and have the converter etched with the license plate of the vehicle. Please let your readers know that trucks and SUV’s make up about 80 percent of the vehicles targeted because they are higher off the ground and easier to get to. Jon Cox Dixon Chief of Police


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February 8th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #553 (2-6-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com


On average, an American man  under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, where as a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my Dixon friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Surprise Vittles


Memphis Southern Kitchen

1350This isn’t your grandma’s cooking…but it sure is similar! Here at Memphis, we take pride in creating soul food the right way– with down home comfort. Located in the Solano Town Center (Mall), we hope to offer a place to curb those hunger pains in just the right way. Come on in and see what we have cookin’ up today. 1350 Travis Blvd. (707) 803-5753

Yee-haw… Serve up them chitterlings, collard greens, candied yams, fried okra, grits, ribs, cornbread, fried green tomatoes and sweet potato pie… Yeah, right, where would you get something like this in Northern California? Would you believe the mall in Fairfield? They have it all!

Y’all better believe it. We ran across the new Memphis Southern Kitchen (on the top floor just down a ways from the theater; they just opened in October) last Thursday. They offer real Southern cooking right there in among maze of businesses that seem to be continually coming and going. We stopped in to see what they had and ended up having a pretty good meal. I had Jambalaya, deep fried okra and southern “Cole” slaw. Linda had the Jambalaya, fried green tomatoes and okra. Linda’s mom, Mary, had the delicious southern style clam chowder. For desert we split up a great hot peach cobbler with real old fashion yellowish vanilla cream. Even though the motif is fast food like, the service was great with that “home cooked flavor” extending to the servers.

I grew up in Dayton, Ohio not that far from Kentucky and had some southern folks in my life so I knew about these foods. So if you’ve ever had a hankering for these kinds of eats, you all now know how to satisfy those cravings. BTW…The long time Mongolian Bar-B-Que is toast.


Get Rubbed The Right Way


I know I can rub some folks the wrong way and when provoked I have the ability do it on demand. On the other end of this spectrum is Dixon resident Mandi Gantan, the owner of Dixon’s Progressive Healing Massage Therapy. She’s in the same building as Troy Stevens, D.C. over across from Safeway off Lincoln…Any way I hurt my body recently, saw the chiropractor, took the MD’s drugs and still had too much pain. I’ve had therapeutic massages before, mainly on cruise ships where they may help your body but rub you the wrong way trying to sell you crap you don’t need.

It was a pleasure to find a therapeutic masseuse trained in Davis in four types of massage. I’ve only seen her once so far but the deep tissue massage technique she used helped me more than all of the other stuff…in just one hour. After refereeing over 3,000 soccer games, several outdoor accidents and not being 35 anymore I have a few things that hurt.

Getting my first one was like pulling teeth. Linda’s constant… “Why don’t you at least try it, it might help” repeated multiple times finally wore thin and I bit the bullet and gave it a shot… wow, what a help it was. Once you get over the shyness of having a stranger touch your carefully draped body, and relax a little, the results are almost instantaneous. You relax, your mussels relax and your pain relaxes…It’s about as simple as that… Plus it feels good too.

Enough about me… If you are hurting, at any age, and have never considered the non-invasive hands on therapy… you really should. She is close here in town; her rates maybe a little higher than the massage parlors in Vacaville or Fairfield but at least you don’t have to worry about a police raid while trying to relax. Her email is: MandiGatan@gmail.com and her phone number is 707-365-7932. She works only Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays the same hour as Troy is open.

Here’s Some Banana Facts

(From a reader and the email bag)


This is interesting. After reading this, you may never look at a banana in the same way again.

Never put your banana in the refrigerator

Bananas contain three natural sugars – sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber.

A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world’s leading athletes.  But, energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions (like leg cramps), making it a must to add to our daily diet.  Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.  PMS: Forget the pills – eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.  Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.  Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a “cooling” fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan. (Isn’t that the same thing that’s in turkey?)

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body’s water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around so maybe it’s time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, “A banana a day keeps the doctor away!”


PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on your shoes? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe…polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit!”


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January 30th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #552 (1-30-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com


wwwwpissed off

          While we are gorging ourselves on shrimp and crab at the annual St. Peter’s crab feed tomorrow night (Saturday) we’ll be thinking of you. We’ll also think about you next Saturday at the Dixon Game Club’s big shrimp/crab feed at the fairgrounds where about 600 folks will be stuffing themselves with a great shrimp/crab dinner. I’ve been telling readers about these for weeks saying they were going to sell out and to get your tickets early…alas, you didn’t listen and both are sold out. These two are among the best bang for the buck, and truly great dinners, anywhere in Northern California… So next year when I tell you to get your tickets, get them… $40 for all you can eat, you can’t hardly buy a couple of fresh crab for that.


Computer Woes And Solution


            On a fairly regular basis either I mess up my computer or someone sends me something that does… either way it needs to be tweaked or fixed… that’s why you see the “PC Doctor” truck outside our house often… no he doesn’t live here. Robert Dodge AKA, The Computer Doctor, lives in Vacaville but spends a lot of time in Dixon. He touts, “Complete on-site Service” and comes when you call. With two computers and an IPad I have plenty of chances to screw things up. You have problems and don’t want to take the computer into the shop or pay and arm and a leg for in-home service, give Robert a call at 707-447-4417.


Your Chity Council

            Let me bottom line your chity council meeting Tuesday night. Remember I said all along I’m not a good politician; I don’t kiss babies or butts and I can’t stand injustice and political two faced crap. With that being said…

The majority of the council 4-1, (the other four excluding me) voted immediately to spend up to $200,000 in taxpayer dollars in a law suit against the Dixon Taxpayers Association to defeat the taxpayer generated ballot measure they qualified to overturn increased sewage rates. (Never mind in the long run if the city attorney is right, and if the voters do approve the measure, the courts will probably overturn it because it goes against a state health and safety edict ruling so the taxpayers will lose the battle and the war and a potentially lot of money…plus rates will still have to go up just to maintain the status quo.) Using taxpayer dollars to sue taxpayers just doesn’t make a lot of sense does it? Maybe if it was pro bo∙no I wouldn’t have a problem with it… LOL.

This same group you elected wouldn’t immediately get behind the Dixon Historical Society’s chance to get a free good 100 year old donated house (with $20,000 thrown in by the current homeowner towards relocation) and put it on city property next to the chamber of commerce building (also owned by the city) until they could be shown where the money (maybe up to $100,000 minus the $20,000) was coming from. The people of this city have always wanted their own museum and the historical society has a plethora of artifacts and photos that need a home and place to be secure. I think this would be a great asset to the community and have thought so since the 1960’s. I co-wrote the city’s bi-centennial booklet and even back then championed a museum. I wanted to put a museum in the old train station…which a city council tore down and then another built another one in the same spot? I think the public will get behind the effort to have its own museum in an old historic home, next to a historic church, by a new/old train station. The city owns the chamber building and the DFS building. The DHS is only asking for a city owned vacant lot and some community backing to make this a reality. To their credit the city head planning guy, Dave Doswell and city manager Jim Linley both appear to support this effort and want to try and help

Instead of calling for a special election and having the sewage rate matter and the election of the city treasurer on that ballot the council put the verified-legal-ballot measure on the 2016 general election ballot and appointed a political outcast buddy of theirs to the paid treasurer position… but see, they are giving the people the right to vote kind ofbecause they have to.


LT4 - CopyIMG_9804

New council guy Scott, top photo, who campaigned for the people’s right to vote, went against them on the sewage issue and wouldn’t allow the people to vote on the treasurer position either. He and council thing Jerry,bottom photo, both trying to sound wise and political (but came off as condescending dummies) rebuffed the public and spit in their faces by helping to appoint former city council person Dane to the open city treasurer position… You remember Dane? As an incumbent he finished an embarrassing sixth out of six candidates in the last election. But the gang of four turned their pseudo lame duck council into the fab five by adding Dane back on the dais and put him into the elected position of city treasurer for the next two years. So… the voters kicked Dane to the curb and the council, once again ignoring what the voters wanted, dug him up from the political grave and made him a paid city official without giving the public a chance to vote, once again. Don’t get me wrong Dane is qualified for the position and if he were elected I would support him fully…but HE WASN’T ELECTED…he was soundly defeated at the last election… the voters wanted him out. Ex-councilman Mike Ceremello, also qualified, also applied for the position (yeah, like that was going to happen) and was of course shot down.

Council thing Jerry apparently knows he is a lame duck and will not be re-elected and appears to be a mean, non-studying, no-nothing councilmember who goes along to get along. Councilman Scott, who fooled a lot of people has a lot of lessons to learn. He needs to look at his phony, whiny portrayal on video to see the public isn’t buying his: “I see your point, I know what I promised but I’m going to screw you anyway and you’ll forget.” He also reneged on his promise to help improve the business climate by backing the mayor, changing his tune, and now wants the city staff to investigate themselves and have them ask for input from the public… yeah, right again. The anonymous survey I suggested is the only way we will get reliable feedback on Dixon’s business/city cooperation (or lack of) reputation. That way all responders don’t have to fear retaliation, weather that perception is right or wrong.

All the feedback I got after the meeting was Scott comes across as a whiny weasel and Jerry is just plain bobble head dumb. He was dumb as a council person and is just as dumb taking his turn as vice mayor. He, Jerry, doesn’t care for me because I voted against him becoming vice mayor because of his hateful killing of all advertising in this publication because it showed him for what he is. Boo-hoo.  Scott has a problem with me because I called him on some of his campaign lies… again, boo-hoo. I’m not going anywhere and my job for the next two years is to keep these  guys as honest as I can… tough job granted, but someone has to do it. They better get used to it. They lie or squirm or worm and I’ll call them on it. They both could be like Jerry and don’t know nothing, don’t do nothing and don’t say nothing and hope I’ll go away… Sorry fellow better shape and try to do what you told the voters you would or be exposed… your choice. Public: Never forget, remember and take notes… your day to say is coming.

Senior Secrets


Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible… Is that true? 
Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt…”
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband? A: Tell him you’re pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go bra-less. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60 plus year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: “Gosh, I remember these!”
SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor!

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January 24th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #551 (1-23-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

What The Hell…?

 2015 tatoo

I didn’t really realize anyone‘s life was so boring they would actually watch a city council meeting on live feed television. To go you one better than that I was amazed someone was actually watching a planning commission meeting…well, they were and this is a brief synopsis of a telephone call I received… “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AT CITY HALL? They saw me on television in attendance at this meeting so I got the call. The meeting is on tape and everything here is verifiable. I said nothing during the entire LONG meeting.

The short story is a local guy opened a business a couple of years ago out by the freeway doing tattoos for a lot of local folks. The guy’s a real artist and has put his mark on many people I know including members of our own family… That’s neither here nor there. He, for whatever reason, decided to move his successful business from out on Lincoln, just off the freeway, to downtown…Why I don’t know, but that’s what he wanted to do. So he figures (I guess, because I haven’t talked to him) he already had all of the permits and licenses he needed (already being in business in the city limits) he’d just rent a place on the edge of downtown, across from the Dixon Florist Shop and move his business there…

Whoa there partner…he forgot this is DIXON where me are men, the sheep run scared and bureaucratic tyrants seem to be ruling city government. To make this long story shorter he was apparently stopped in mid-move and forced to beg the city to allow his business in the downtown zone. Was he given a temporary use permit (pending city council action) to allow this? NO. He is now involved in what will end up being a very costly five to six month bureaucratic battle to allow him to bring more business downtown…No kidding, go figure? He said after the fact he found out he was wrong and is now just trying to make things right… He’s not a city zoning expert he does tattooing for a living, give me a break.

Who reading this could do without income for five to six months? That’s what the sub- head bureaucratic, apparently with the blessing of the head bureaucrat, has done to screw another independent Dixon businessman. Why you may ask? Good question.

At the planning commission meeting Tuesday most everyone spoke in favor of this guy moving his business across the street from the florist shop on East A Street. That’s about everyone present including the flower shop operator and some downtown business folks. The end result, with several planning commissioners not happy about the lengthy process, is that maybe by mid-April he “might” be able to be back in business. I don’t care one way or the other about him or his business it’s the lack of fairness and the inconsistent process that concerns me.

Dixon unfriendly to business…? Where’d you head that? This is what I heard time and again in running for office. That has been my charge for a while and I’ve asked the city council to appoint a small committee to survey the entire business community for anonymous opinions on the good, bad and ugly about the perception of the city’s attitude towards business development.

On the other side of the coin community members complained about a developer putting directional signs up all over town for his subdivision and said they thought it was illegal…and I guess it is kind of, depending on who you know. The guy behind many people’s misery, Dave Doswell ( the city’s Community Development Consultant ) said unflinchingly that he allowed the signs to go up in many places including city property pending approval of proposed changes to the zoning and planning laws. Who gave this “consultant” this power?

He admitted taking it on himself to allow the developer to put his signs on city property and acknowledged the developer was breaking the law by putting up “weekend signs” (they go up on Friday when city staff isn’t working and come down Sunday before they return to work). He said it was illegal and he “would talk to them about it.”

wwwwpissed off

 So apparently he, Dave Doswell, somehow bypassed the planning commission (once again) and the city council (once again) and gave what is in essence a temporary use permit to this developer to illegally put up signs with the understanding if he couldn’t change the laws to allow it, the signs would have to come down…No kidding, that’s what he said.

So in summation Doswell has apparently arranged for a temporary use permit that he himself granted for a developer, but shut down and crippled a local owned business that made a mistake and has asked for temporary use permit of sorts, (and was denied , you know unlike the one he apparently gave the developer) to provide time to straighten matters out.

How can this happen you say? Beats the *%#@ out of me.



Sarcasm of the day…


  1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people.     I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
  2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
  3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
  4. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
  5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?      That’s common sense leaving your body.
  6. I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
  7. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
  8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”.      I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
  9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers.  If you find one, what’s your plan?
  10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.



Senior Computer Skills…


  Tech support:    What kind of computer do you have? Customer:         A white one…Tech support:    Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen. Customer:       Your left or my left?

*** Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it..

***  Customer:         My keyboard  is not working anymore. Tech support:    Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer? Customer:          No. I can’t get behind the computer. Tech support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer:           OK Tech support:    Did the keyboard come with you? Customer:          Yes Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in.

*** Customer:            I can’t get on the Internet. Tech support:      Are you sure you used the right password? Customer:            Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was? Customer:           Five dots.

*** Tech  support:   What anti-virus program do you use? Customer:          Netscape. Tech support:    That’s not an anti-virus program. Customer:          Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer..

*** Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

*** Tech support:     How may I help you? Customer:           I’m writing my first email. Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer:          Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

This one and the next   are our personal favorites!  A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support:     Are you running it under windows? Customer:   ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

And last but  not least!  Tech  support:    ‘Okay Bob, let’s  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’ Customer:          I don’t have a P. Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob. Customer:          What do you mean? Tech support:   ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob. Customer:   I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT





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January 17th 2015
That’s Life©1966 #550 (1-16-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

*If reincarnation is real those people who got “YOLO”                  

 tattoos are gonna look pretty silly.


Hit The Big 550

2014 Col1

Yep, you heard it here first…Today I hit the big 550… five hundred and fifty consecutive newspaper columns and closing in on 200,000 views (from all over the world) on the web page carrying it. That’s 10.5 years without missing a week or re-running an old one.

I started writing this back them when the publisher was seriously ill with cancer and our daughter-in-law, Lindsey and I jumped in to help him out. She became editor for a while and I re- started this column I had written, “That’s Life,” as editor of the Dixon Tribune from the mid- 60’s to the early 70’s. The current publisher took over the newspaper I started as The Dixon Newspaper after I let go because of a bad business choice of a partner. He changed the name and here it still stands today.

This publication, with all of it pros and cons, stands alone in this area of the country as one of the last “mom and pop” publications that is not limited (only persecuted) by government controls or big dollar concerns. It is an open forum which allows an exchange of ideas, local news, and pretty much uncensored columns like this one. Very few things are turned down for publication…

But it is a private business not a governmental entity and the publisher calls the shots. Conservative by nature this publication is a bright beacon just next door to the People’s Republic of Davis which has the beginning of the ultra-liberal disease infecting this whole country. Someone has to stand up for our old cherished values and Judeo/Christian values. Someone has to speak up for the injustices felt by those who pay the bills, enforce the laws, believe in God and want to see sanity returned to this country and city. This city would be a lessor place without this publication… Sermon over, amen, brothers and sisters!



Interesting Huh?

tedhead shot

At my first city council meeting of 2015 four members of the city council did a hatchet job on this paper by rigging the bid process so the I.V. publisher couldn’t possible get the bid for the city’s, taxpayer paid, legal advertising. They violated their oath of office and did this all out of spite, meanness and a just plain hateful mentality. Was this legal? It probably wasn’t and it was tacky too.

During the discussion a fat cat area union talking head (and former losing city council candidate) came forth and said I shouldn’t be allowed to speak on the issue since I make money by plugging my Realtor® business in this column…which I’ve rarely done. He and a one term woman council person loser said the same thing… My response from the council dais was… nothing. My response here? Bite me!

Duh, you didn’t think I was bright enough to check with the city attorney before I spoke. By the way, I like this city attorney guy he seems to be a real straight shooter. I’ve worked with many in the past and he appears different because he seems to tell it like it is, not like the powers to be want to hear it.

So anyhow, now that Ian and Kay have made it an issue, I do sell real estate part time, just as several of our different city committee people do. I try not to be full time with Century 21 over on Ary Lane and only handle a couple of deals at a time. So if you want to buy or sell think of me, you’ll get custom service. I’m good at it, being doing it quite a while and have a great support team. See my card below… There’s a plug huh? Thanks Ian and Kay, I wouldn’t have thought to do this without you. BTW: Selling real estate is how we earn our living. This column is a hobby… kinda.



PS: I don’t get paid to write this column and I have no vested interest in the newspaper



Ready For This? Probably Not!



According to published reports many federal agencies and organizations like the NFL and more than a third of the Fortune 500 companies are now trying to expand their vendor lists by explicitly encouraging bids from gay, lesbian and transgender contractors. This is on top of giving preference to people of color (white is not a color) and undocumented democrats. All of this is being done in the name of supporting diversity.

I have a question for you. How do I prove I’m a lesbian? I’m pretty white, but I could put ~`over my name and become a minority and then apply for special preference everywhere I guess. How do they prove they’re gay? On second thought I probably don’t want to know.

Getting a chunk of the $500 billion federal goods and stuff each year however, will be tough. At the present time the federal government recognizes businesses owned by veterans, women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Native Americans and Asian-Americans and Asian Indians. The LGBT (Let’s be Girls and Boys Together?) is urging your president to make the feds give 5 per cent to their group because of who and what they are… they doubt the existing Republicans will help them in their quest… Ya think?

Again, as I’ve said before, I have many lesbian tendencies, I am a person of color, a senior, a vet, with a bad hip, and I’m putting `’s  over my name (`Ted Hick`man) and I’m going to apply for some of the free handouts. When they refuse I’ll sue using a public defender and then I’ll be able to retire.

Since earning the right to do business by hard work and reputation is now passé` I’ll just sit back and say gimmie, cause I’m far from the norm and think myself special. After all how many old, white, male lesbians vets do you know? Send all complaints about this piece to: some1whocares@yahoo.com.



More Things For Thought


2014 Smikley - Copy

*It’s easier to compliment a lady when you’re with a toddler… “son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes”.

*Ever wondered why there aren’t any good side effects… just once I’d like to see a prescription bottle with a little sticker that says “May cause extreme sexiness”.

*When she reaches that point in the argument where she stops crying and waving her arms don’t let your guard down… you’re experiencing what behavioral scientist refers to as “the eye of the crapstorm”.

*The rumor is lots of people are killed because they didn’t check behind the shower curtain… be smart, peep before you poop!

*In movies do the actors wear costume underwear or undies from home… this is somewhat, albeit briefly, confusing.

*If the human race has a “signature move” it’s gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

*All these Valtrex commercials are misleading… are herpes a prerequisite for kayaking and rock climbing?

*Thank God they’ve developed gluten-free products… remember a few years ago when people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?

*The wife started clipping coupons so we could save money… she keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.

*Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents… but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.

*Satellite radio is broadcasting NASCAR… ‘cuz there is nothing more exciting than listening to people drive.

*I don’t understand bow ties… what? Is your neck a gift?

*That last phone call with the wife was so boring… I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.

People used to go all around the world for spices.  That must have been underwhelming… “guys, I’ve been gone three years and this is cummin.”

*People hiking with a long stick never really seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.

*I’ve gotta be more careful… my astrologer just told me that someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money.

*All you artists can now stop painting… we have cameras that can take perfect pictures of anything.

*I root against my college football team.  After all, they put me $50,000 in debt…. it would be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.

*The wife bought four grapefruit spoons… for all those times in your life when four people are eating grapefruit at the same time.

*Dating is good practice for parenting… you learn not too care when someone is crying in a restaurant.

*I wish James Bond movies gave a more accurate picture of his jet lag and traveler’s diarrhea.

*Documentaries must provide about 90% of the employment opportunities for violin players.

*Would someone please tell my grandkids if I’d wanted to listen to high-pitched screaming all night I would have become a murderer?

*I believe in a woman’s right to choose… except when it comes to what movie we’re going to watch tonight.

*Wow, buddy!  That marijuana leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your fast food outfit pop!

*If Seal was my friend I would never miss an opportunity to ask him, “want to go clubbing?”

*Marriage:  or as I like to call it, The Wonder Years… wonder why she’s mad this time, wonder why all my stuff is on the lawn, wonder when she changed the locks, etc.

*Goldfish are the only pets with the decency to die just as the novelty wears off.

*My “earthquake kit” is just a tuxedo… in case of a disaster I want to look like the most important person to save.

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January 16th 2015
An opinion…Censorship

Posted under IV EDITORIALS & News Stories

An editorial in Dixon’s Independent Voice Newspaper today 1-16-15

By the I.V. Staff

            The general public needs to be made aware of an action taken at the Dixon City Council meeting this past Tuesday night.

The Profit Batchelor (Mayor Jack Batchelor) and his tribe awarded a rigged bid for the city’s legal advertising to an out of town owned newspaper. The city’s policy has always been, and continues to be they say, a preference for all city business is to be given to any locally owned and operated business and another preference to and for local veterans. The owner of this newspaper meets the requirements for both policies; the other newspaper meets neither preference qualification, prints less and charges more.

The Profit Batchelor and his tribe consisting of followers Steve, Jerry, Scott and Ted were selected by the majority to lead this city. The action the Profit and most of his tribe Tuesday Is…Is right in line with other radical leaders in the world to promote censorship and control the media. The Profit Batchelor and at least three of his followers are still mad because this newspaper endorsed two other candidates in the last election not of Profit Batchelors Tribe, thereby causing the political beheadings of two of his faithful followers…Councilmen Thom and Dane. They were replaced by newcomers heretic Ted Hickman and new follower Scott.

Heretic Hickman is the only member of the council endorsed by this newspaper. The publisher of this paper ran against the Profit in a previous election…so bad blood there. In the crowded council chamber only two people, another fat cat, union fed, former council race loser and a one term woman loser spoke up to approve the council’s action and oppose the heretic’s right of free speech. The heretic informed them he had already checked with the city attorney and was well within his right to speak. The majority of the audience spoke in favor of either sharing the legal advertising or re-bidding the whole matter in a fair and equal basis. The Profit and his followers overtly disrespected them.

So the Profit Btachelor and his followers lead by the anxious union fed Councilman Jerry took away any chance for a fair bid for this newspaper and awarded all of the city legal advertising to the only other newspaper in town. Heretic Hickman asked for the matter to be fairly re-bid and new councilman follower Scott immediately turned his faith to the profit and just like follower Jerry spit in the face of all Americans. They did this by joining the four-one vote to give the taxpayer’s dollars to a newspaper with much less circulation and pay more in tax dollars to do so… trying to doom a local publication all for spite, in a continuing effort to censor the news and run this publication out of Bagdad… We mean Dixon.

Is,Is there any justification for four member of the ruling council, who swore to up hold the constitution to ignore their vow to “Make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or the abridging of the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”.

            They all swore to obey and uphold these tenants and only Heretic Hickman held true to these beliefs. The other four apparently learned nothing from the defeat of both of their elected colleagues at the last election and don’t apparently see they only have two more years of tyranny before the voters also send them packing. So Heretic Hickman will apparently have to fight the dragons of censorship and curious other doings for two years by himself. That’s alright, he’s done it before and the public at least has one trusted elected official it can count on for the truth.

As far as this paper goes the Profit and his followers are trying to extinguish the one shining light of freedom of speech and press in this community. If you object to this outright assignation attempt on your free speech, and free press rights, you can help by shopping with the I.V. advertisers and telling them you saw their ads and by taking out a subscription to help offset the costs of fighting tyranny on a weekly basis. The publisher’s phone number is 707-678-8917. If you can help with ads or subscriptions feel free to do so. The mailing/subscriber list is private so the Profit and his sect won’t be able to get to you or your business.

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January 2nd 2015
That’s Life©1966 #548 (1-2-15)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email:Tedhick@gmail.com

Local Public Defenders Demonstrate Against Police?


I know how to fix the police/poor abused innocent person problem… How about when a police officer tells you to do something… do it. This isn’t tough and you won’t get shot. If there’s perceived injustice tell it to the chief or the judge… Or more simply obey the laws; knock off drinking, drugs, rapes, robberies, looting etc. There problem solved!

Take a peace officer or deputy district attorney to lunch … they are about the only ones protecting us…The Public Offenders (defenders) sure as hell aren’t. They should be made to wear body cameras and let the rest of us see just how good of liars they are. Thankfully they are all second class attorneys and they lose many more cases than they win… or our jails and prisons would be even more over crowded. These taxpayer paid sleezeballs held a demonstration on the court house steps in Vallejo against police officers… common opinion among thinking people is they just plain suck.


What A Difference A Day (Month) Makes!

2015 Mike1

            You don’t think so? Just ask the very public former Dixon City Councilman/Vice Mayor Mike Ceremello. He went from having a little bump on his neck for months to a baseball sized malignant tumor in a matter of weeks and spent Christmas Eve undergoing a 10 hour plus emergency surgery (See story elsewhere in today’s paper). He’s home now and his number is in the phone book if you want to call him.

The point being Mike is kind of a health nut that works out at the gym all the time and is in good shape for a man his age. This tumor just pops out of nowhere and grew faster than imaginable… we witnessed it first hand, and its size change from week to week was nothing short of amazing…Where am I going with this? The point is you never know. Here’s a healthy guy who works out regularly, doesn’t smoke or drink and he gets blindsided with a malignant tumor which seemed to come out of nowhere and maximize to huge proportions kind of overnight… You know the old saying; “There but by the grace of God go I”.  Keep this in mind for the New Year and concentrate on what’s really important in life.

The kids act up, so what, they’re kids. Bills piling up… pay them as you can. Anything in your life short of really bad health or family tragedy is manageable… maybe not exactly the way you like but given time it will work out. Mike’s case is a sober reminder the fickle finger of fate could point at you or yours at any time so maximize the good times while you have them… we have no assurances of what tomorrow may bring… Amen brothers and sisters, the sermon is over.


Jr. Hunters Don’t Pass This $800 Chance Up!

The Dixon Game Club is giving away a record five (5) California Lifetime Hunting Licenses.  In order to be eligible you must have a California Junior Hunting License. You then need to submit a letter to the Dixon Game Club with your name, age, address, telephone number and a brief statement indicating why you like hunting.  Send your letters to The Dixon Game Club, 250 West Mayes St, Dixon Ca, 95620 no later than February 1, 2015, at which time your name will be entered into a drawing which will be held at the club’s annual Crab Feed on February 7, 2015.

Winners of the drawing will be contacted by a club member after the dinner and you will receive your lifetime hunting license at our club meeting in March 2015



 Take A Cab Home

From the email bag…Ted: With New Year’s Eve just past us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a “social session” with family or friends.  Well, two days ago, this happened to me.  I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots.  Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That’s when I did something I’ve never done before – I took a taxi home. Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don’t know where I got it, and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.  Happy New Year and be safe out there… Your cousin Marty!




Get Tickets Now Or Not At All…

The Dixon Game Club is hosting their annual Crab and Prawn Feed on Saturday, February 7, 2015, at the Dixon Fairgrounds Madden Hall. This event is open to the public and Doors open at 6 pm for no-host cocktails with dinner at 7 pm. The Dinner will be served by the Dixon FFA students.

There will be a raffle with lots of prizes. Tickets are $40 per person and are now available by calling (707) 678-9155.   Leave your name and a contact number and someone from the club will call you back or you can email jjkett@sbcglobal.net regarding tickets.  Note: Tickets will not be available at the door because this dinner always sells out quickly so don’t wait.


IRS Investigates

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.” Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of fine Barbados Rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.” IRS AUDITOR: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.” Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know”?



                                                Don’t Be A Dummy!



Once again I need to warn local folks about telephone and internet scams…some people are falling for them. While I had the computer guy here working on one of the computers I got the famous email: “Fed-Ex tried to deliver a package to you and you weren’t home. Click here to arrange for delivery information”… or some words to that effect. I said, “That’s one of the malware bogus emails isn’t it”? He said, “Did you get a notice on your door saying they tried to deliver…”? Duh… I was going to delete it anyway.

I opened some email from somebody on my laptop last week and everything was ok until I rebooted and when I did it wiped out my entire computer taking it back to the first day I bought it…all emails, folders, column, emails, etc.,…gone. He came here to restore it and found the hard drive damaged to the point where it had to be replaced and is now copying everything over to a new one. He was able to recover most of my stuff he thinks. So now unless I know an email is from a trusted source, like someone I know well, I won’t open anything. He, “The PC Doctor” Robert Dodge, out of Vacaville said even that isn’t fool proof. He said the virus, or whatever, may have been imbedded in a friendly email and the sender had no clue. I have anti-virus, malware, etc. It didn’t do any good.

Sooo…don’t be a dummy. Don’t open anything from anyone you don’t know. Don’t buy anything over the phone or give out any information.  If someone calls and says your grandson/daughter is in jail and needs immediate cash to get out (several Dixon people have received this one) let him rot and. When we got the call I told the caller, “Screw him, let him rot he probably deserves to be there anyway… let his parents take care of it”. After a prolonged silence they hung up.  Our grandson is eight so I kinda figured it wasn’t him.

Tell the callers that get through the Do Not Call listing (you are on the free federal do not call list aren’t you?) what Linda and I say. “Sorry we don’t buy or donate anything over the phone period. Send me any materials you might have and we’ll see.” You know they never ask for our address and we never get anything… Nothing from the Vet, heart, crippled children, save the toads, police and fire saviors, etc. Go figure!

 Happy New Year!

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January 2nd 2015
Former Vice-Mayor Undergoes

Posted under News Stories & Uncategorized

Former Vice-Mayor Undergoes

Emergency Surgery Xmas Eve


What A Difference A Month Makes…

By Ted Hickman


2015 Mike1

2015 Mike

            Early last year former city councilman/vice mayor Mike Ceremello felt a little lump on his neck. He didn’t think much about it. In October all of a sudden it started to really grow and during the election it got bigger and bigger. We only saw him once a week or so for lunch so the exponential growth was alarming to my first wife Linda and me. The all of a sudden it took off at an alarming rate seemingly doubling in size each week. Not having health insurance at the time he got mired in the system and it took a while to make his way through it.  When he finally got to the right person, just before Christmas, he was called in for a consultation and went almost immediately into surgery.

He spent over 10 hours in surgery on Christmas Eve to relieve him of his Squamous Cell Carcinoma (skin cancer) malignant tumor. Amazingly he came home five days later and surprised everyone involved “With how went the surgery and everything went.” His doctors told him being in good physical shape really helped him through the process. He works out regularly with weights and exercise.

Even more amazing he said he had no pain from the baseball size growth (with a golf ball size on top of it) and after the surgery didn’t even need drugs for the pain. He said he feels fine and can’t wait to get back in the gym.

They took a skin graft from his thigh to cover the chunk they took off his face and he said Tuesday of this week he we feeling no pain in either area.

The prognosis is good for a full recovery he said, and expects to start radiation treatments soon.

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