December 15th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #707 (12-15-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Here Today Gone Tomorrow

            I was at a luncheon last Friday at the San Francisco Hilton with San Francisco’s Mayor Ed Lee, (the city’s first ever Asian-American Mayor) with well over 1,000 other elected officials from all over Northern California. Ed Spoke for a little bit welcoming everyone to San Francisco. He looked and sounded good. Here a week later Ed, 65, suddenly is dead. He was grocery shopping at Safeway Monday when he collapsed; he died early Tuesday in the hospital. The point? None of us know when it will be our last day, our last Christmas, our last goodbye, our last kiss or our last smile… So you better not pout, you better not cry I’m telling you why… You never know what tomorrow will bring. Check your personal Karma scale and see where you think you rate. If its low work on getting it higher.

 

Has Everyone In California

Gone Completely Crazy?

 

You decide: The CA Legislative Year Closed on Friday….So what did they Accomplish? …You Won’t Believe Some of the new Ca. laws! Check out #13… the last one

Fellow Californians: Friday will be the end of this legislative year. Here are some of the highlights of this session:

`1. SB-1: increases your gas taxes by approximately 20 Cents (Nov 1) and your vehicle license fees by an average of $100 (Jan 1st).

2. Passed Cap N Tax which will increase gas 0.63 to 0.93 cents a gallon change and the taxes that go with it.  So do the math projection…    (0.12 + 0.63 = 0.75/gallon + current $3.10/gallon = $3.85/gallon)Proposed increase on a new tax every residence will pay for tap waterin the State!

3. A$3.46B parks bond to pay for parks in “disadvantaged communities” meaning Los Angeles. The debt service will be over $200 million a year. The good news is some money goes to help fix the Salton Sea which should have always been a State responsibility!

4. Law to release any lifer (murder, rape , child molestation, etc.) who is 60 years old and has already spent 25 years in prison! Charles Manson qualifies (sorry Charlie you croaked too quick) today and the Melendez brothers that murdered their parents could be released in about 12 years? What about victims?

5. A new $10 charge on all residents living in Mobile home parks to address living condition enforcement in those parks?  Why does the Left embrace these regressive taxes on the poor?

6.We picked an official dinosaur of the State of California. Really? Yes!

7. Blackmail Tesla to either unionize with the United Auto Workers Union or forfeit State incentives to buy their electric cars! Just another Jerry Brown Union Grab!

  1. Reduce from a felony to a misdemeanor the purposeful intent to transmit the AIDS virus to a unknowing partner.
  1. Give preferential treatment to prisoners convicted of serious crimes that are less than 25 years old because their brains are not mature enough to understand right from wrong.Whaaat? If the brains of our kids don’t mature until 25, why do we allow them to vote?
  2. A bill to require our true sex be omitted from drivers licenses? Whaaat?
  3. Free legal services for illegal immigrants…of course!
  4. Establish safe “injection zones”run by government to oversee people injecting heroin! You have to be kidding me? Yep, it passed!

 

California the land of fruits and nuts!

 

San Francisco and Sacramento are “sanctuary cities” where you can get away with murder in one; and be given $1,000 each month if you are a gang member who doesn’t get caught doing anything illegal. In both cities you can be re-deported ad infinitum and never have to fear any arrest by federal authorities and local law enforcement has to treat you with kid gloves and apologize if they have to arrest you, but they promise to let you go before the feds arrive. Also: Mayor Crazy as batcrap Phil in Sacramento wants not only to pay gangbangers to be good, he wants free houses for all bums that want one and he’ll protect them all from the federal government and forgive them for any crimes they do…What a guy! The schmuck.

I CAN ONLY HOPE the POTUS cuts off all federal funds for those cities where elected officials ignore their sworn oaths to uphold the constitution…etc.

 

Text to Neighbor:

          Hi Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing… The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, probably more than you.

I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that’s no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much… I can no longer live with the guilt, and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won’t happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I’ll pay you.

Regards, Alan

THE RESPONSE:

Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa… He took out his phone where he saw he had a second message from his neighbor:

    The second message:  Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured out the damned Auto-Correct changed “Wi-Fi” to “wife.” That’s technology for you, eh?

Regards, Alan

Legal Pot coming in a couple of weeks, like it or not… Merry Christmas!

 

Talk about something that stinks: Napa County and the Solano County Board of supervisors, selling us down the river… without as life jacket… 100 to 200 trucks a day dumping toxic waste from the recent fires just downwind from us. Solano County sold us out…  contracted drivers get $175 an hour while waiting or driving… WTF FEMA? Who got the sweetheart contract and how? Who’s raking in the big bucks and why is everyone turning a blind eye? I would think this would be a matter for at least the Grand Jury, if not the District Attorney or Attorney General to look into, don’t you? Someone’s raking in millions while our dump space is rapidly decreasing which can only mean higher rates for us in the future and airborne diseases flowing our way on the prevailing winds… Merry Christmas. This plus the round the clock hundreds of trucks bring San Francisco’s garbage and hospital to this rural Dixon Dump too. Such a deal. With the millions they are raking in maybe the garbage guys will lower our rates?

More Things for Thought

*Gauging by the force at which the empty Thin Mints box impacted my face… I believe my wife has discovered I ate the rest of her cookies.

*I would never say that my wife was a lousy cook… but I will tell you the Super Glue people have been asking for her gravy recipe.

*This generation suffers from a lack of simple, educational toys……as a kid my Tonka dump truck was instrumental in teaching me to not pinch the crap out of my finger between two metal parts.

*My wife finally admitted it……..the best thing about being a granny is the panties.

*So, he judges people, watches them when they aren’t looking, laughs a lot, has a belly, eats an insane amount of cookies and looks great in red?……I think I may be Santa!

*How satisfied am I with my job…I’m thinking of getting a colonoscopy just so I can miss a day of work.

*I brushed my teeth without watching myself in the mirror……now everything is scrubbed clean up to my eyebrows.

*The cavemen got lots of exercise, drank pure water, breathed clean air and ate a strictly free range organic diet…..and died by the age of 35.

I remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen…….now I know what a “runner’s high” is.

*Apparently my signature move is playing hard to want.

*For obvious reasons my Christmas letter will not contain the “How Many Butts I Touched This Year” chapter……..the one that I usually conclude with.

*A woman just gave us the answer……..”Yes, it’s the ‘sighs’ that matters”.

*While paying for some Christmas gifts I asked the cashier if they had any gift boxes……she told me they ran out of gift boxes in 1984.

*We don’t assign household chores based on the traditional roles…….rather; we use the “he does whatever she doesn’t want to do” method.

“If I can see four inches of cleavage your shirt may be too low cut”…….is something you should never have to say to your grandma.

*It is just SO exhilarating to finally win an intense argument with the wife……….AND I did it without even waking Her!

*I think new parents stress the baby’s weight and length because they have no other relevant information about them…..they can’t say “meet Bob, a free spirit who practices yodeling!”

*I was probably going to pass the field sobriety test….until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.

*When you really think about it what is chicken broth………nothing more than the chicken’s dirty bathwater.

*I intentionally stay a few pounds overweight because it wouldn’t be fair to all the skinny people if I was this handsome, intelligent, funny…….and thin.

*Somewhat appropriately, my mother’s last purchase at Bed, Bath and Beyond, right before her death…….curtains.

*As they strapped the convicted murderer into the electric chair he suddenly realized…….they would soon discover the three ounces of contraband popcorn kernels he’d hidden in his rectum.  

*The biggest myth about travel is “packing light”….light is available worldwide from the sun and other artificial sources.

*Take it from me…….I suffer from the opposite of kleptomania.

*The Death Star in the Star War’s movies was said to be 100 km to 160 km in diameter with a crew of 1.7 million……would it have killed them to show us the cafeteria?

What idiot called them ‘ex-fiancées’…….rather than ‘near-Mrs.’  “?

*In 1979 a phone call initiating from inside your own home was a reason for terror……these days it simply means someone’s too lazy to shout or come downstairs.

*Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor…he didn’t feel well.

*The grandkids asked if I had a plan for the zombie apocalypse…….hell, I don’t even have a battery in the smoke alarm and we know fire is real!

*Jesus said to his disciples, “remember, everything the light touches is God’s Kingdom.”…….Judas asked, “Isn’t that from the Lion King?”

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December 8th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #706 (12-8-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

It’s coming quick, just 17 more days until the big day. Kids are getting excited and starting to behave and Dixon Toys for Tots/Community Christmas Programs, Inc. is gearing up for the big weekend. Between now and then hundreds of volunteers will do their annual thing to make the season the best possible for the young and elderly… God bless them all… which reminds me of the old English verse…

Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat,

Please put a penny in the old man’s hat,

If you don’t have a penny a half-penny will do,

if you don’t have a half-penny, God bless you!

Think about it…

 

Squeekly Wheel Gets Greased

For literally years I have been hounding the powers to be to do a couple of things:

  1. Get North first Street paved from the overpass though tow and
  2. Find a solution to the horrendous maiming intersection of Porter and Pit school Roads. To many bad accidents, injuries and deaths have occurred at the blind corner.

Solano County IS currently working to install “four way traffic controls” the intersection and he traffic striping and signs should be up and done in the next couple of days. Finally… see, even a blind hog finds an acorn every once in a while.

  1. The count needs to fix the intersection of Midway Rd and St Hwy113to stop the tremendous loss of life, countless serious injuries, etc. Our Supervisors John Vasquez and Skip Thompson (who are responsible for the road on either side of Rt.113 have pledged to help… to date nothing is officially in the works…BUT…They are working with CalTrans so I was told on Friday to try and get something done. Thanks John and Skip.

Granted I can’t personally take credit for any of this but I can take credit for hounding the powers to be until they either evacuate their bowels or get off the pot.

 

Gun show this weekend in town, big whoopee.

 The promoters charge you; they charge the vendors and give nothing back to the community. If you decide to go, look for Mr. And Mrs. Jack Caldwell’s (Seen above in photo) booth and stop and talk to them. As for the other vendors it’s “buyer beware”. Something goes wrong try to find the promoter or the vendor. You’re better off to sticking with those you know who offer rock solid guarantees and returns.

Insult A Dead Veteran

          Also next weekend, Saturday, December 16th is the annual travesty promoted by a real estate salesman and his firm. To be exact the promoters call it “Wreaths Across America” and this is a travesty where tens of thousands of trees are sacrificed and millions are spent to “honor our veterans at Christmas”. Granted it looks nice but so does food on the table and a roof over their heads for a homeless vet and their Family… Merry Christmas..

At the Sacramento Valley National Cometary for instance about 20,000 graves (being sponsored at $10 a pop) will receive dead green wreaths with a nice red ribbon to somehow “honor” our veterans. I might feel better if they were more upfront about it and tell the truth; it’s to make those still living feel better at Christmas… No way does this honor the dead vets. I know many vets who are buried there and to the man I can tell you they would say they would much rather you take the approximate $200,000 and help homeless veterans, the widows and orphans or the “wounded Warriors and when all that is done, the “stick a dead tree branch with a ribbon on my grave and call it a day”. When I’m planted there I will refuse this honor until the above criteria is met. The rest of you, of course, do as you wish but think of the hypocrisy…  but to me this is a sham promoted by folks who will make money one way or the other. 20,000 wreaths locally alone; do the math X $10 each.  I know this is not politically correct but I have been fighting this every since it began with the same reasoning. Take that money and put it to us where it will truly help the living vets, their wives and children…This is, of course, just my opinion… I am entitled to one aren’t I?

 

Burned out kids taken care of all got news clothes,

 will get coats, food and toys…

A lot of people were concerned about the family who lost their house, by the railroad tracks just off N. First Street and the fact the family and their four children lost everything. Clothes, Christmas presents; everything.

A caring local farmer/grower and his wife called and asked if “we” could track them down (I guessed she meant part of our Toys for Tots crew) and buy all of the kids new clothes. She said they would send a check to cover the expense. Our experienced folks, tracked them down, (the U.S. Navy Vet, his wife and four kids) arrange to meet at Walmart and bought all of the children new clothes and shoes. TFT’s will take care of their food if needed for the three weeks they are out of school and Santa will make sure they get their share of presents just before Christmas… Who said Santa isn’t real? Merry Christma

First Wife Linda Groped by a big Blue Thing at Kohl’s

While shopping At Kohl’s in Vacaville during the Black Friday madness, and armed with a 30% off coupon my first wife Linda was mugged and held captive by the big blue thing pictured above… Haven’t seen her since. Hope she’s ok.

More Things For Thought

  • My moods don’t just swing……they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette.

*I’m tired of people naturally assuming I’ve got a great personality… just because I’m unattractive.

*According to the 25th amendment to the Constitution if the president is incapacitated the vice president becomes the executive producer of The Apprentice.

*Girls like guys that are good dancers… because it demonstrates an innate ability to please the gods to summon rain for a bountiful harvest.

Pretty sure that a mass e-mail goes out to let all the pigeons know when I’ve washed my car.

I could cut my arm off and be covering the bloody stump with paper towels…..and my wife would be hollering “way too many!  You’re wasting them!”

The closest I get to a food diary is my shirt at the end of the day.

One of the most annoying parts of getting older is the incessant desire to want to give those younger than myself unwanted advice.

If you have the ability to talk really fast you have some options in life… become an auctioneer or list the side effects of drugs at the end of commercials.

The same people who used to make fun of the guy in school wearing the Casio calculator timepiece are now sporting the Apple watch.

Saw that my ex-wife was working at Subway… stopped in and had her make me a sandwich just for old times’ sake.

“Stop at two” is probably the best advice for drinking.. .and having kids.

I find it humorous when people tell me they’ll “see me in hell”… as if I won’t find a way to weasel out of those plans, too.

You’re a busy woman… let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.

If dumping the last of the chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong……than I don’t want to be right!

Craigslist has some deals!  I just bought a beautiful 18th century bowl at a great price… it even has a little thing on the bottom that says ‘dishwasher safe’. 

I’d like to apologize to the lady on the bus… I just naturally assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana.

My wife attempted the “Smokey eye makeup” look for a holiday party… and with my typical aplomb I remarked she looked like she’d survived a bar fight.

I accidentally dropped a Viagra into my contact lens solution… now I’m cockeyed.

A new pizza joint opened in town and said they love unusual requests… I asked if they could find my biological parents.

Scientists say that at no time did the dinosaurs and humans coexist…..but the makers of ‘The Flintstones’ clearly dispute this so the answer’s up for grabs.

Because the platypus both lays eggs and gives milk it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.

This year it’s rumored there will be a new Oscar category that is thot to be long overdue… Achievement in Misleading Trailers.

This guy left the synagogue shaking his head and muttering, “I always thought ‘rabbi’ was the plural of rabbit.”

Great words of advice:  don’t bite the hand that feeds you… unless, of course, they’re feeding you kale.

 It’s my patriotic duty to eat bbq and wave sparklers on the July 4 weekend… don’t ruin it with words like ‘calorie count’ and ‘hair on fire’!  

Deodorant?  I’ve never needed to buy any, people just seem to give it to me… complete strangers oftentimes.

I’m old enuff to remember when ‘yogurt’ was ‘hellogurt’.

Before I was married I used to just drive aimlessly thru parking lots……’cuz I had no one to point out the open spots.

In honeycombs why are bees called ‘larvae’……..and not ‘wannabees’?

Until Boyz II Men sang about it I had never realized how sensual chronic flatulence was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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December 2nd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #705 (12-1-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Watch out for Christmas Cons!

 

It started just after Thanksgiving… The sob stories and sympathy sales of stuff all go towards the fleecing of the flock… The “flock” being good hearted people who want to help feed children and get them gifts and stuff for Christmas… Safeway, Walmart, doesn’t matter where these profiteers can pop up anywhere.

5Only give your hard earn money to verifiable groups and people and organizations you know personally or are 100% sure you can trust. You know the Salvation Army bell ringers, the signature gathers, etc. are paid folks and Goodwill is a highly profitable business banking on your soft spot in your heart to give and help others… And you should give and help if you can afford to. Just make sure your donations of money or goods will end up where you them to go and not in just a sleazy organization’s till. Take a minute when you’re accosted and ask a few simple questions like: Do you have a City of Dixon business license (yes non-profits need one too) where does this money go, and how do I know it will get there? Are you a legal non-profit charity; if so what is the 501C-3 number? (All legal non-profits must have one). Will any of this remain local ? If so, how do you distribute what you get? Ever heard of Dixon Community Christmas Programs? Do this and Red flags will pop up all over and they will quickly be done with you and move on to the next “rube”.

Buy and contribute nothing over the phone and for God’s sake don’t give out any personal information or a credit card number over the phone no mater what the scammer tells you, in person, or by your phone or iPad. When buying on line make sure you have fraud protection (or use PayPal) with your purchasing card and be smart and careful and try to know with whom you are dealing..

Buy nothing from the door- to-door scammers and the first thing you say to them is, “Let me see your Dixon business license and permit… Don’t have one? Better get one because the police will be contacting you shortly. Then call the non-emergency police number at 678-7070 and report illegal solicitors. Why? They could just be casing your home for a return visit when you’re not there or asleep.

Legit causes and solicitors will have the proper credentials and will gladly answer your questions and provide you with answers.  Scammers will hem and haw and dance around any question you ask. Tell them to go away and inform them you will be making a police report and then do so. Many are pros and you will be inclined to buy the bull they’re selling… Don’t.

Don’t leave anything visible in your car or truck. There are already plenty of vehicle “smash and grab” incidents in Dixon as it is. Don’t give some crack head or some other dirtball easy access to your stuff and leave you with a big repair bill. They’ve broken windows for as little loose change lying in the open. They get pennies and you get an insurance claim a deductible to pay and lost time to repair their damage… Sorry but that’s the way things are now days.

Do report anyone or anything suspicious in your neighborhood. You know better than the police what should and shouldn’t be there or happening. We report all solicitors (after I grill them with stuff from above and give them a chance to get the proper permits… seems they never do?)

If you don’t have “NoMoRobo” on both your home land line and cell phone; get it. It’s free and will stop the vast majority of the stupid, ill time, Robo calls and solicitors. Just go on line or have someone you know with a cell phone or computer enter your number and do it for you. It, effective and it’s FREE.

If you are having things delivered make sure someone is going to be home or leave a note to deliver it to a trusteed neighbor if you are not going to be there. “Porch pirates” are now making away with anything that looks like it could be something. Sometimes they follow UPS and Fed Ex and pick up what they leave as soon as the coast is clear… Come on my porch, night or day and you may leave with more than you expected. I’ve been collecting some of our finer, vintage dog poop for a while. Linda is going to wrap and leave it on the porch. In the poop will be a card with a finger extended wishing them a Merry Christmas and one word…Karma… they can look it up or goggle it.

Point being; don’t make yourself, or allow yourself to become a victim or easy target. Just think and follow your gut feelings.  If it doesn’t seem right, feel right, or sound right, chances are very good there’s something wrong… cut and run, hang up, walk away and if that doesn’t immediately work call the police department. If you see a crime or suspicious people or activities call the police department at 6787-7080 for 24 hour non-emergencies. During regular business hours call 678-7070. If you don’t get the response and treatment you think you deserve let me or any other city councilman know and we’ll follow up with the city manager who will take care of things. We have a lot of new officers and some may need additional training.

From the email box

 

On Sun, Nov 26, 2017 at 6:29 PM, Christa Rockel <drockel@sbcglobal.net> Wrote:
\What genius (?) authorized the installation of the new LED street lights in Dixon? The light that they put out is far less than the old lights. I have the suspicion that someone just took the word of the lighting company as to the effectiveness of these new LED lamps. Maybe someone should have tested the real illumination capabilities of the new lights and then made an IMPARTIAL decision before spending who knows how much taxpayer money on something that is less illuminating. To be plain about it, these lights are about as useful as teats on a bull!! Please look into this as it could be an interesting story for the Dixon Independent Voice. I do live in Dixon and am quite familiar with the shenanigans that go on in city hall. If you care to respond personally, you can do so to my E-mail address. My name is Juergen Thode.

 

“I do live in Dixon and am quite familiar with the shenanigans that go on in city hall”… please enlighten me on this subject and I’ll expose and illegal or wrong doing that your “quite familiar” with, ok? Just give me some facts and I’ll run with them!

I will pass this on to the mayor, city manager and the director of public works for a better answer than I can give. I know they reduce cost and save energy.

The answer from the mayor:   Good day to you Mr Thode: To give you a little background information on the LED Lights; back in I believe 2012 or 2013 multiple LED Lights and at the time one of our standard lights were installed at West A St starting at Evans or Pitt School Rd. Each light had a number placed on it and the public was asked to survey them and provide input. The lighting you see today is the one most of the public chose.
  For many areas the change over actually increased night lighting and we have received many compliments to this end.
  Sadly the lights on my street are of such construction they are incapable of being converted and would cost more than the benefit of such conversion, therefor what we get here is not much more than a glow.
  In hearing your complaint I believe there may be an issue with the lights in your area. I would recommend comparing to LED lighting in another area and if remarkably different record the light post number and report it to either the site titled “Fixin Dixon”, City Hall or your District Council Member. Having the light post number is critical.
Thom Bogue

(Mayor of the City Dixon)

 

More Things for Thought

 

*If you were the least bit curious how I rate in our household, my wife has one term of endearment for me… and 74 for the dog.

*I was a fantastic parent… right up until the point where I had children of my own.

*Adults don’t believe in Santa Claus… but they still listen to the weather forecast and show up to vote.

*Whenever I left the front door open my mom would ask me “were you born in a barn?”… which is odd because you’d think she would remember something like that.

*You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are so much neater than the other prisoners.

*No, I don’t have a Fitbit… I’m pretty sure I have a handle on how inactive I am… I don’t need bells and alarms and such.

*People say if you open an umbrella inside you will have bad luck… personally; I think if it’s raining indoors you’ve already had your bad luck.

*My bear’s diarrhea problems are still a concern.  The vet says he’s getting better… but he’s not out of the woods yet.

*When asked by my doctor what I did for exercise I told him I watched golf on TV. He said, rather disgustedly, that wasn’t enough… so now I watch tennis as well.

*The good thing about tea is you can drink it at work… the good thing about Jack Daniels is it looks just like tea.

Only three kinds of snakes scare me:  big snakes, little snakes, and sticks that look like snakes.

*Everyone is aware that if you eat beans you pass gas… but if you eat green beans will your gas be environmentally friendly?

*A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story shorter……now I can add search and rescue, proctologist and veterinarian to my resume.

*Treat your relationships as you would your teeth and give them a little daily attention and they will last a lifetime… he same can’t be said for hair.

*I just joined a new organization called AAAAA… all my automotive road service needs are now done by recovering alcoholics.

*I have days where wearing a hat is the only use I make of my head.

One of the lines that ingratiated me and got me out of a lot of trouble with school teachers:  “Where’s your homework?”… “I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in school”.

*Always stand proud and keep your head up… hides your double chin in pictures.

*What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest…a suicide vest actually accomplishes something when it’s triggered.

*If your butt looks like it has hail damage it might be wise to rethink the spandex pants.

*The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere some yahoo said “I want to set those two fools over there on fire… but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

*Just one of the problems I have with evolution…. when the chocolate chip evolved how did the raisin not go extinct?

*Ever wondered why you don’t see a lot of black people on cruises… they’re not falling for that ruse twice!

*The best answer a tired mother can give when walking her children if asked that stupid question “oh, are they twins?” ……”no. They’re triplets; I left the ugly one home.”

A big storm is coming and people are buying bread, milk and eggs…. apparently you battle bad weather with French toast.

*If a Jewish person gets high smoking weed… would it be considered anti-Semitic to call him ‘baked’?

*This tall, distinguished and obviously successful looking gentleman at the party kept referring to himself as a ‘private investigator’… until his female companion told him the term ‘gynecologist’ was perfectly acceptable.

*”…..so help me God.”….thank-you.  Sir, please state your first name. Last name and occupation for the court… Superman, Superman, and Superman”.

*If you’re a cannibal then technically it’s simply hunting…. not murder.

*Godzilla smashing Tokyo and eating people.  After destroying a mental asylum suddenly he falls over dead and the commanding officer quizzically asks “what happened?”… the answer comes “nut allergy”.

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November 25th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #704 (11-24-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

It didn’t work!

Toys for Tots underway! Collection boxes all over town

Jack Caldwell of California Water Service is seen giving a donation check to Linda Hickman for the local Community Christmas Programs.

  The 50th or 51st Dixon Toys for Tots/Community Christmas Programs is now underway with volunteers preparing to do their parts and hundreds of children and a hundred or so seniors looking forward to Christmas Eve. See related story for place that have collection boxes for coats and toys.

  •     The main thing is the web site www. Dixontoysfortots.org is up and running and has the details of most of the programs available.

    The biggest and most pressing need today seems to be the gathering of 1,000 coats over the next few weeks. By “coats” we really mean clean, warm children’s clothing from new born through high school…To volunteer for that huge project you can call: Pam Murdock at 707-592-7337. This “Coats for Kids” program was started about 30 years ago by my first wife, Linda, and has spread throughout Christmas land… But it started here, by my soul mate, manager and co-chair of this whole thing.

The gift wrapping is being headed once again by Kelly Fletcher and you can get in touch with her by calling: 707-592-2328.

If your desire has always to have been a real Santa’s elf-helper you may call:  Karlie Ocenasek at 916-220-9433… Returning elves have precedence of times and shifts.

If you can help some of the three nights to sign up about 300 families for the programs you can call: Arlene Jimenez at 707-676-5104. She also heads the “food for families” program.

If you can help with the Christmas Eve senior program call: Monica Sepulveda at 405-365-4455. She needs help on finding and verifying seniors throughout the community that will be alone on Christmas Eve.

Scheduling and time are handled by Tanace Hatchel and she may be reached at 707-330-8626

Anything to do with Santa Claus can go through Jack Caldwell at 707-249-6780.

To volunteer to help build Santa’s workshop and prep for his arrival call:  Fred Vanderwold at 916-813-7408.

To help unload, separate and categorize the hundreds (Dec. 12-13) of new toys to setup for gift wrapping call: Linda Hickman at 707-678-2203. Because of the time constraints this year we really need help for a few hours to get this done (before we can move on to the next step).

Help and Warning

Seems like this time of the year when we can least afford the time or money to deal with garage doors, plumbing, heaters or other vital things… is the time these things take to go kaput.

This is for everyone but especially seniors: Your garage door goes whacky call RW Garage Doors Service and Repairs of Vacaville.  Ask for their “special”, something like $99 bucks and have them come out and help.  If they try to sell you anything else, get a price, thank them, pay them for the basic service they provided and then get a second opinion. This goes for all plumbing and heater/air conditioning folks too. They all have a “special” service call price of one kind or another. Those prices are usually competitive and OK. One penny more however, thank them and get a second opinion. If their information was good it will hold up. Don’t be pressured to do anything because of veiled hints threats or innuendos.

            For heating problem you want to call DHS grad Stephen Niemann at: 707-205-7041 to come to your home and check it out. He doesn’t sell anything… He just fixes stuff and his prices are very reasonable.

Doesn’t matter who, doesn’t matter what. If it sounds too good to be true, or too bad to be true, it probably isn’t. Use your head and get a second opinion on anything that just doesn’t sit right…OK?

 

More Things for Thought!

*If I learned anything from my childhood it’s that if you cry hard enough and long enough … your dead hamster will be resurrected as a rabbit.

*Always walk from the end of the buffet line toward the beginning…that way you don’t waste too much plate space on salad.  

*Someone posted a challenge on Facebook “Ruin a Date in 4 words”… “I have terrible gas.”

*After years of failure the scientist who had been trying to create synthetic urine nearly lost his mind… when he drank his first Miller Lite.

*There’s a support group for actresses that were not harassed by Harvey Weinstein…they’re meeting at a table at Starbucks.

*It would be a little easier if they just reported which parts of the country aren’t on fire and don’t have hurricanes.

*My therapist says I have an addictive, obsessive personality, and the tendency to hoard things… in fact, all 9 of my therapists say that.

*The ever fastidious Sean Connery still has nightmares… about the time he told a woman to “sit on my lap”.

*Relationship status… my sex life is strictly DIY.

*Laughter strengthens relationships and women are attracted to men with the ability to make them laugh… which is why I sleep with clown shoes on.

*I must be scrubbing my hair too vigorously in the shower… all the color is coming out!

*The damn cat reminds me of my wife… no matter what I do me get the same sour and disapproving looks.

*I will never understand how guys can sexually harass women.  I ask my wife 4-5 times “is this ok?”… and that’s just to change channels.

*If you ever feel unattractive just remember you look like your ancestors… and they all had sex!

*If you’re about to be attacked by a werewolf holler “who’s getting a bath?  Someone’s getting a bath!”… and he’ll run off. 

*My pubic hair has turned white… in the evening moonlight my testicles look like two snowcapped mountains.

*Due to the ever increasing demand Captain America will be outsourcing much of his crime fighting efforts… to Captain India.  

*I think my wife believes the louder she sighs the more likely I’ll help with the housework… little does she know I find her deep breathing soothing and it helps me nap.

*If you want to hide a gift for your husband put it in the pantry… placing just one item in front of it should prove to be sufficient.

*Why do they call it ‘fecal incontinence’… rather than ‘premature evacuation’?

*OJ Simpson told an interviewer that Caitlyn Jenner will now live longer ‘cuz women live longer than men… which is true, unless you’re married to OJ.

*If you’re going to get a puppy to practice raising kids… you need to get like seven of them.

*I worked as a male stripper at one time and the girls threw dollar bills for me to ‘take it off’… then they threw five dollar bills for me to ‘put it back on’!

*I don’t mean to brag but I’m the Jimi Hendrix of the kazoo.

*Last weekend a close friend suffered thru a painful procedure where he had his spine and both testicles removed… but he did get some great wedding gifts.

*All you people who keep a phone charger in the bathroom… have you not heard of shredded wheat or raisin bran?

*Wait! What… are you telling me Nutella isn’t Cinderella’s crazy as hell sister?

*I washed my favorite blanket with one of those “scent booster’ thingies…. now it smells like a coconut island breeze summer rain spring meadow cheap hooker.

*My grandson has an awful case of the flu… so I’m letting him lick all the envelopes for my credit card payments.

*On the day we set the clocks back it’s always tuff to know what to do with that extra hour… watch football and skip my chores or nap and skip my chores

BAD PARROT

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.   Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot… The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.  Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly open the door to the freezer… The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?” 
…hope you had a…happy thanksgiving!

 

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November 18th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #703 (11-17-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

 

How Things Really Work           

The Dixon City Council, Left right: Scott Pederson, Devon Minnema, Ted Hickman , Mayor Thom Bogue and Steve Bird

Now more than ever there seems to be some confusion about how local government works and what it can and can’t do. Taking into account this is California which has one of the most complex and screwed up governmental structure in the world we’ll go from there. This state has a senate and assembly that continues creating and passing hundreds of new laws each and every year, needed or not, duplicitous or not.

On the local level things are much simpler; kind of.  There are two kinds of city governments in California. Dixon is a general law city which means we follow the state’s general law as opposed to a charter city which kind of makes its own laws.

We operate as a multi-million dollar a year city business run by a board of directors (city council) with the chairman of the board being the mayor.All are elected to terms and can be changed out every couple of years or recalled sooner if they are really bad. No council person is to dabble in management or micro management of any city employee or department… That’s the city manager’s job

The city council (board) makes the policy; we are just a policy making group. Our C.E.O (city manager) carries out the policies and is charged with hiring and firing all employees (including police and fire chiefs). The council only hires and fires the city manager and the city attorney. He, the city manager, works with the city council and oversees the planning commission, parks and rec commission and traffic study commission which are appointed lay groups set up to advise the council on matters in their areas of interest. He must be an excellent juggler with the Wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job.

The city manager, along with all of his other duties is the chief negotiator with 5 bargaining units (unions) and a group of unrepresented employees. If we had to hire a negotiator for each unit it would be about $25,000 each one for each group each year…  He handles the never ending, day to day, load of stuff that would suffocate a normal person.

The city attorney is a member of a firm that represents six cities with as many as 20 attorneys covering dozens of areas of specialized municipal law. If we had an in house attorney we would have to contract out for each of the specialties which could be over $100,000 for each specialized area quickly running into the hundreds of millions in suit happy California. The law firm we have now has five other cities activities to pull from, both good and bad stuff, which we can use to our benefit without extra cost.

The drive of this council is to streamline and professionalize city staff to work efficiently to give maximum service and keep costs down. We currently have highly regarded specialists serving as our city manager, public works director, city clerk, assistant city administrator, etc. We also have a new fire and police chief who are rapidly filling positions to get to full professional staffs (for the first time in a long time) and cut expensive overtime while improving service to the community.

There was some minor criticism about the amount being paid to the newest hires but as a business we know we get what we pay for. Hire the cheaper person and get cheaper quality of work which will end up costing more in the long run. Remember this is a big business and you are one of the stockholders, you elect your board of directors.  We are prudent with your tax dollars but not pound wise and penny foolish.

The Pot Potpourri

This Bud’s For You!

I have been advocating for medicinal marijuana of people in our area for years. I personally know people who are basically alive today because of medical pot. The many suffering from great pain, cancers and other depilating diseases’ have turned to the medicinal weed where either traditional medicine has failed them or the drugs they are forced to take to live are as bad or rose on their bodies than the diseases’ they have. Anyway it’s finally coming January 1, 2018… legal medical marijuana and along with it; recreational too. Sometimes you get more than you asked for and have to take the good with the not so good. Your city council was set to allow two, then three dispensaries, and as I understand it going back to two next meeting, with my vote; Two to open in Dixon to comply with the new state laws and see where this whole new ballgame goes. Of the two allowable one will be medicinal which will also have recreational and the other may have all kinds of stuff. All and any of it available only to those 21 year of age or older.

            As a council member I asked one of the medicinal people wanting to open here if they could see how many people in our area are seriously ill and depend on their products to either help them live or give them some quality of life. I knew there are many when you look at the cancers alone, without counting major, painful, debilitating injuries and diseases’. This is the response I got back:

 “Hello Mr. Hickman: I finally was able to do a more in-depth search of our patient basis at A Therapeutic Alternative in Sacramento to answer your question from the meeting last week.

 Currently, we have 176 patients in the City of Dixon, listed under the zip code of 95620.  In the surrounding Solano area, we have over 500 patients in the county.  Most of which reside in the Vacaville area.  Like we said at the last meeting that I saw you, we are just one dispensary in Sacramento.” (So the actual numbers would be a lot higher).

 

More Email bag… Suggestion for new monument

Ted: I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.  Now that many are destroying all the historical statues, there is a lot of room for a new one.

We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Barack Obama, who never told the truth, because frankly, Hillary never could tell the difference.We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else’s money … magnificent to say the least!

Thank you,

The Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee

P.S.:  The Committee has raised $2.16 so far. Actually, somebody donated $1,000,000 but did it thru the Clinton Foundation. The Foundation sent the $2.16 on to us with the Clinton family keeping the balance for ‘administrative expenses’.

 

The Israeli’s are developing a new airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full body scanners.  It’s an armored booth you step into that will not x-ray you, but rather will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.  Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.  It will also eliminate the need for any long and expensive trials.  So if you’re in the Tel Aviv airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion shortly thereafter the following announcement:  “attention to all stand-by passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat has come available on flight 670 to London”…..you know their security is working

 

 

More Things For Thought 11-10-17

 

*With its resplendent colors and invigorating chill autumn is my favorite time… to ponder my complete insignificance in an uncaring universe. 

*As I entered the holiday office party with homely old bob who perspires a lot…..I realized what they meant by ugly sweater.

*I started letting myself go… at the age of 4.

*The face my wife makes when someone passes gas…is the same one she makes whenever she opens clothes from me at Christmas.

*Why would I ask my doctor if my heart is healthy enough for sex… it’s not the organ I want to use?

*The hooter’s people didn’t seemingly go for my pitch to open a chain of Mexican restaurants… called tooters.

*As my dentist snapped on his latex gloves prior to my exam… I made the mistake of dropping my pants.

*Can you imagine how good drug-sniffing dogs would be if they all wore breathe right strips?

*Wouldn’t it be cool if all jobs were run like professional hockey… one employee smacks another one in the mouth and all H.R. does is sits him in the hall for 5 minutes.  

*I don’t think it’s fair that having a big ass is only in style for women.

*In the 1800’s if you raised a child to adulthood you got someone to help you till the fields… now all you get is a $100,000 tuition bill.

*Why don’t they make men’s underwear out of the same stuff they make those sound-deadening walls from?

*I just want to be skinny enough that when I jog up a flight of stairs… my fat ass doesn’t make the Richter scale record a 5.0 or greater!

*For some reason every time I tell my wife there’s 10 inches of snow… she always thinks I’m exaggerating.

*Every morning I celebrate the fact that humans aren’t like dogs… I wouldn’t want to be watching the today show and suddenly see Al Roker licking himself.

*I have a very vivid imagination… as I was explaining in a Paris sidewalk cafe yesterday to George Clooney, Kate Upton and Barney.

*But what do you do if your wrist is too fat for a Fitbit?

*Oh man!  It just breaks my heart to know that I live in a country where a large number of its citizens can’t believe that that yellow stuff isn’t butter!

*I played a tree in my first grade school play and I was very convincing… I got peed on by four dogs in the parking lot.

*Ever wondered why they call the new husband the ‘groom’ at a wedding… when grooming is one of the things we’re the worst at?

*I’m not the one to ask about style… I thought a man-bun was a sweet roll with nuts.

*Now that the boy scouts are accepting girls a viable alternative might be boy sloths… where dads show sons how to avoid chores, take naps, and sneak off to watch sports in bars.

*I’ve been married for more than 25 years… a ghost is my only hope for ever experiencing moaning in the bedroom again.

*I have found out that it’s really true the color black makes me appear to be less fat… especially if it’s from turning the lights off.

*Been having a lot of trouble sleeping… since I found out there’s something called the clown spider.

*My wife jabs me with an elbow if I ever say anything inappropriate at a party… or walk past her in our house.

*If you wear a Bluetooth phone thingy in your ear you can say ‘you’re an idiot!” to just about everybody you walk past.

*I got a really good deal on a fur coat for my wife… what kind of an animal is a ‘faux’?

*The wife and I did some role playing in the bedroom last night… she was ‘interior designer’ and I was ‘furniture mover’.

*My employer has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s little league games… ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.

 

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November 4th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #701 (11-3-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Email me at: Tedhick@gmail.com

A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital,  saying that “after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex”.  A hospital spokesman replied:  “Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

“Don’t ruin a good today by thinking about a bad yesterday. Let it go!”

 

Time Changes Saturday *IS&IS (Tomorrow)

            Only in America would this nation of sheep let its elected officials rule them with absurdity like Daylight Savings time.

  1. It doesn’t save daylight.
  2. It doesn’t get dark earlier because the time changed
  3. Contrary to some people’s thinking it doesn’t get darker of lighter earlier or later because you change the time. The time doesn’t change and neither does anything but time pieces.
  4. It’s supposed to save energy and let the crops get harvested with more working hours in the day… Stupid, and if it ever did serve a function that has long since passed. It needs to be done away with, like now. With all of the hundreds of stupid new laws the California legislature passes each year can’t one of these fat hogs at the taxpayer trough get a bill passed and signed to do away with this antiquated practice?

Anyway, It’s time to turn your clocks back. Daylight Saving Time ends Sunday, Nov. 5 – meaning when the clock strikes 2 a.m., we’ll be “falling back” an hour, with the clocks turning back to 1 a.m. For morning people, that means there will be an extra hour of sunlight in the morning. However, that also means your evening commute may be in the dark. Americans, except for those in Arizona, Hawaii, and a few territories, participate in the practice, which is meant to reduce electricity usage by extending daylight hours. Despite being practiced by many, lawmakers in several states are increasingly trying to avoid the time change, claiming it is unnecessary. Daylight Saving Time occurs twice a year where we change our clocks forward an hour in the spring and back an hour in the fall.

Below are fast facts about the twice-yearly time change:

  • Sunday, November 5, 2017 – Daylight Saving Time ends at 2 am. Set clocks back one hour.
  • Sunday, March 11, 2018 –Daylight Saving Time begins at 2 am. Set clocks ahead one hour.
  • It is “Daylight Saving Time” (singular), not “Daylight Savings Time” (plural).
  • Beginning in 2007,Daylight Saving Time starts in the United States on the second Sunday in March and ends on the first Sunday in November.
  • Timeline: 1784 – The idea of daylight saving is first conceived by Benjamin Franklin.
  • 1914-1918 –Britain goes on DLS during World War I.
  • March 19, 1918 – The Standard Time Act establishes time zones and daylight saving. Daylight saving is repealed in 1919, but continues to be recognized in certain areas of the United States.
  • 1945-1966 – There is no federal law regarding Daylight Saving Time.
  • 1966 – The Uniform Time Act of 196 establishes the system of uniform Daylight Saving Time throughout the United States. The dates are the last Sunday in April to the last Sunday in October. States can exempt themselves from participation.
  • 1974-1975 – Congress extends DLS in order to save energy during the energy crisis.
  • 1986-2006 – Daylight Saving Time begins on the first Sunday in April and ends on the last Sunday in October.
  • August 8, 2005 –President George W. Bush signs the Energy Policy Act of 2005 into law. Part of the act will extend Daylight Saving Time starting in 2007, from the second Sunday in March to the first Sunday in November.
  • 2007 – Under the new laws, all of Indiana now observes Daylight Saving Time, where only certain areas of the state did before.
  • Exceptions in the United States: In the United States, Hawaii and most of Arizona do not follow DLS.
  • The US territories of Guam, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands and American Samoa also do not observe DLS. California does, of course.
  • What countries follow Daylight Saving Time? About 70 countries around the world observe DLS.
  • Many countries near the equator do not adjust their clocks for daylight saving.
  • Neither China nor Japanobserve DLS. That’s over a billion and a half people smarter than us.
  • Some countries refer to “Daylight Saving Time” as “Summer Time.” I refer to it as *“IS&IS… not to be confused with ISIS… My acronym stands stands for *“It’s Stupid & It Sucks”.

Stuff from the City’s happenings

  1. Marijuana: Voters approved it for recreational use, medical use, and a 15% tax… Voters; both statewide and in Dixon. So the city council is now trying to work out the guidelines and get answers to questions which have yet to be asked. We’ve approved up to three places to setup in the industrial zoned area business including one complex already tagged the “Marijuana Mall”  as one local resident called it… away from kids, schools, churches, etc. These three will be our learning base and we will have to adjust the rules to fit the game as we go along. What is known they will pay A LOT of money for the right to do this business and much of that money will go into policing them…the way it should be, right?

  1. SalesTax: This much is a given, a truism if you will. The Parkway Blvd Overpass out by the high school must be built and it must be done ASAP. The total impaction of traffic at times will not get better until this thing is finished… and talk and meetings isn’t getting it done. The problem is the funds are not there and won’t be until development runs amuck and lavishes Dixon with boatloads of cash…And that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Meanwhile the traffic problem, created by the school district gets worse daily as development is occurring. The cost to finish this beast is about $15,000,000 (million). The cost for a new Fire department annex for the south side of town is another $5 mill. The question is: Where do you get the funding? The answer isn’t from the local homeowners if I/we have anything to say about it, and I/we do. I want to see these two projects done and the streets repaired but I don’t want me or any other home owner or taxpayer to

    foot the bill. Great, right? Then where do you get the funding? After exhausting the city staff by having them research and get every conceivable funding source I/we came up and settled on a local sales tax. The experts we’ve talked to said it is the only way to painlessly get the needed funding without gouging the local home owners and taxpayers. So I’m really pushing to get the measure on the ballot for next year’s 2018 election to give you, the voters, options and let YOU decide. The phone survey many of you are getting doesn’t explain this measure will cost you nothing but a partial per cent up to a penny on things you buy locally, but will produce funding to take care of our most pressing needs Why not let Walmart shoppers, fast food fanatics and others buying stuff, help pay for the service they want and use? Each quarter cent (a quarter of a penny) would produce about $700,000 a year and A half cent tax would produce, of course, about 1.4 million  and a whole penny about  $2.8 million a year for a the one cent sales tax increase. It would be a kind of painless way to share our fund drive for needed revenue for us to get what we need.  The full cent would be a penny more per dollar. Many area cities have gone this route and we either sit on our hands or get off our duffs and get things moving. I’m tired of hearing the same gripes over and over again…Here’s a chance to get things done. Let’s get this on the ballot and see what our people think about it OK? A majority of the council appears to agree on getting this issue on the ballot next year.

Don’t like it, don’t but anything and let the Davis and highway shoppers pay for our roads, they use, our over pass, and our new fire department sub stattion...

  1. The Fireworks fine is fine! I don’t about you and your neighbors but me and ours have had it with the idiots firing off heavy duty motor fireworks that shake our windows, scare the hell out of our dogs and wake babies from their sleep. They’ve had and want it to stop, now. We’ve had police and fire chiefs nicely ask the hooligans to cut it out and they laugh in their faces and say… “Catch me if you can”… Well guess what? Your city council is about to wipe the smirks off their faces with an ordinance coming up for approval next week. We “borrowed” it from Elk Grove whose chief said it brought illegal fireworks in their spread out community to an abrupt halt last year…So.., wait for it; we are going to use their approach. No sense in reinventing the wheel or paying our attorneys to do what Elk Grove has already successfully done. How’s is work? Simple, get caught setting off illegal fireworks and it’s a $1,000 fine, period. Plus an added bonus of $50 for each other illegal one found…Plus maybe even federal charges if the explosives warrant it.

The police or firemen show up to a party setting off these bombs and everyone laughs and gives them the old “it wasn’t me line”. That worked before. Now it won’t. The Homeowner will receive their guest’s bill for in the form of an “administrative citation” (ticket) for $1000 plus $50 each for all of the others illegals found. Wanna throw a big party with drinking and explosives for Christmas, New Year or the 4th? Go ahead and make our day. The city coffers can use the money. No excuses, no three strikes, you’re out like it is now… $200, first, $500 second and $700 third…One strike you’re out and you pay the fiddler No fair your say? Too expensive your say? There’s a simple solution. Don’t shoot off these dangerous bombs or let anyone else do it on your property and you’ve got no problem. Have money to burn? Be one of the first to get busted so we can make an example out of you and your soon to be poorer friends.

  

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October 27th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #700 (10-27-17)*

Posted under Independent Voice News Stories & That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

 

Four Generations at the soccer field

 

A very unique surprise awaited 13 year-old, C.A Jacobs eight grader Shannon Hickman, when she came to her Dixon soccer game last Saturday and was greeted by: Left to right standing: Grandmothers Suzie McCloskey, from San Diego, Linda Hickman (Hagerman) and seated her 90 year old great grandmother Patty McCuskey, of Lafayette, and 93 year old great grandmother Mary Hagerman, of Dixon, who both came to see her play for the first time.

In all four generations of her family were at the field from both sides of her family and were gathered together for the first time with mom, dad, grandpas, grandmas and great-grandmas.

 

Another Milestone

#700 consecutive Columns in a row?

700 weeks? That’s like, a lot…700 consecutive, every week, non-stop for 13.46 years, that’s loyalty huh? That’s about 98,192 words a year or about 12,764,499 words total which many of you have read. Thanks, keep reading please…It makes it worthwhile… and makes the time spent each week more justifiable.  It takes at least a couple of hours for each offering not counting photos and research.

And once again I’ll explain: If you read things and you think they are funny, clever, well written or worthwhile I probably wrote it. If not, I probably “borrowed it” from someone or some place.

Reportedly thousands of you read this “hard copy” each week and about 200,000, from all over the map, have read the digital version on the tedhickman.com web page… where the uncensored version appears each week. Some of the jokes you don’t see here are rated PG14 by the publisher and when he blushes or his wife has a fit over content they get cut (but not trimmed) … but… many are too funny to waste so to the web page they go.

I don’t have a specific goal in mind I’ll just keep on keeping on as long someone wants to read this stuff and I feel motivated to put pen to paper, as it were. When I run out of interesting things to write about or cover I’ll just quit.

I started writing this original column in Dixon in the 1960’s and it’s been around, off and on since then. It became copyrighted in the past decade or so but everything I do, photos and all is usually available free to readers upon request. I started it up again here when the current I.V. publisher was very ill and asked for my help. I started the original version of this newspaper called which was called “The Dixon Newspaper” that morphed into today’s publication. The column first appeared when I was editor of the Dixon Tribune for seven years where we won the paper’s only first place state and national awards. I have also edited and written for other publications over the years from the Sacramento Union to the Bee to the Sac Metro C of C publication which I started. Blah, blah, blah… So here we are and here we stay until…? Pretty simply if you like it, read it. If you don’t, don’t. Thanks to those of you who do and have nice things to say occasionally.

 

From the email bag…

Another voice; What Americans want…


… Ted: I like the way this is phrased because it recognizes that the political class are “bought and paid for”.  I believe that the basic premise is correct:  If you listen to Trump, he is hitting many of the hot buttons of the electorate.  But you have to listen to him and not be distracted by his showmanship and obnoxious behavior.

I like the list of 13 things that I, as a senior American citizen, want.  Trump is at least talking about issues that most Americans are concerned about.  My mantra about Trump is this: Truthfully, We are usually in agreement with most of what he says but wish someone else was saying it. We are offended by his brash manner. We are getting older and our tickers aren’t what they used to be, but what matters is that he covers most of the 13 things we as seniors want – at least I do for sure.

  1. Hillary: held accountable for her previous wrongs!
  2. Put “GOD” back in America!
  3. Borders: Closed or tightly guarded!
  4. Congress: On the same retirement & healthcare plans as everybody else.
  5. Congress: Obey its own laws NOW!
  6. Language: English only!
  7. Culture: Constitution and the Bill of Rights!
  8. Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before & during Welfare!
  9. Freebies: NONE to Non-Citizens!  Drug testing for all government handouts to citizens.
  10. Budget: Balance the damn thing!
  11. Foreign Countries: Stop giving them our money!  Charge them for our help!  We need it here.
  12. Fix the TAX CODE.

And last but not least.

  1. “RESPECT OUR MILITARY AND OUR FLAG!

Amen brother.

 

More Things For Thought

*The wife and I are still having some disagreements with our ‘pre-need’ planning… she’s refusing to provide a canister of helium for the guy that does my eulogy .

*Poor pick-up line:  “hey girl, heaven must be missing an angel… ‘cuz you look like you ate one!”

*I told my insomniac wife to look on the bright side… her sleep disorder keeps her way below average on the annual consumption of spiders we all here so much about.

 

*She said “I don’t believe in casual sex.”… I replied, “I’ll wear a suit.”

*Thanks to this face I’ve been forced to work on my personality and wit for decades.

*My grocery store changed its layout.  It was better the other way… so I’m slowly and quietly moving everything back.

*I’m one of the kindest, most considerate people you’ll ever meet… but I will admit if someone was having a seizure in my bathtub I would probably throw my laundry in.

*Boss at work:  “hey, look at my new shoes!  They light up when I walk away!”… me:  “doesn’t everyone?”

*The wife said: “remind me if I’m ever on life support not to have you in charge of pulling the plug!”… right.  As if I could ever get to the head of that line.

*What idiot called it a “transplant”… and not “re-organizing”?

*That was insensitive and I really must apologize… I asked you to stop being stupid without considering how incredibly difficult that would be for you.

*I painted one room, and then the hallway and then the room next to it looked kinda shabby… I’m guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand.

*Brenda in accounting forgot to draw on her eyebrows this morning… I have no clue what kind of mood she’s in.

*Paddy and Mick are in an aeroplane and mick says, “paddy, if dis aeroplane turns upside doon will we faw out?”… Paddy says, “naw Mick weel always be pals!”

*Day 8 of quitting smoking:  I have 7 gallons of blood to donate. Various types… none of it mine.

*In the movies almost any schmuck can hotwire a car in ten seconds… in real life it takes me probably 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental.

*It’s just total crap how little frolicking I get to do… I was made for frolicking.

*As I was driving some stranger yelled “hey, what’s your problem buddy?”… so I was honest and said I drink too much and can’t stop eating chips.

*In my heart I believe that the majority of people are good, but migawd, the bad ones are so loud and very annoying.

*Somewhere out there is a guy with a man bun, wearing his new romper, with his fidget spinner in one hand and his vape in the other…..and he needs his ass kicked.

*I think we’re all just hoping to find that one person…….who will just simply love us for the awesome disaster we are.

*Our entire universe is probably in a tiny glass jar somewhere, placed on a shelf in an alien child’s room as an old science fair project… that got a C- .

*What do you call a person that’s happy on Monday…retired!

*When one of the boys was young he was acting up so I googled his behavior… according to my research he’s a honey badger.

*Shag is a funny word.  To a carpet maker it’s a long pile rug.  To a pipe smoker it’s a type of tobacco.  To an American it’s a dance… and to an ugly Englishman it’s just a remote possibility.

*Four is the only number that has the same amount of letters as its actual value… and no, you can’t say “to” does.

*When I see ‘just married’ I tend to think it means ‘only married’ as if there are higher forms of commitment… but they just settled for marriage.

*Oh really?  Well, you thought four inches was huge when we were talking about spiders!

*Instead of saying a package is ‘family size’ it would be more helpful if they gave a time frame… like ‘three hours’ worth of cookies’.

*I want to apologize to D.C. comics for saying that the Lex Luther becoming president story line could never happen in real life.

*If, just by chance, I would ever overthrow a government in an English-speaking country… my first act as new leader would be to un-silence the “p” in words like “coup”, “psychoses” and “ptarmigan“.

 

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October 27th 2017
What Did You Do Last weekend?

Posted under Feature Stories from the IV & Hunting/Fishing Articles & Independent Voice News Stories & That's Life Columns

Why Not Try bow hunting for flying  pheasants

By Ted Hickman IV outdoor editor

Pictured left to right: Shane Nichols, Me, Lacy Lockwood and “Lady” the French Brittany  on point. The second shot is of Lacy bagging a bird kind of the easy way!

 

First picture is me shooting, the second is my arrow missing.

The big picture shows an arrow from my bow and an arrow from Shane’s bow  about to criss-cross in the space where the bird just was (a miss).  The bottom photo shows the dog on point, Shane about to shoot and Lacy backing him up. The smaller picture shows Shannon with a bird Shane just harvested.

You talk to people, especially non-hunters, about hunting pheasants with a bow and arrow and they think you’re kidding…But we have been doing it since our sons, now in their 30’s, were in their teens. Granted it’s not the easiest or best way to put meat on the table but it sure as heck is more sporting. When we have three archers shooting we will hit a bird or glance and arrow off (with no harm done) several times out of five shots. On a good day we will harvest one outright about one out of every 6 to 10 shots… That’s 30 arrows collectively from three shooters, having been flung into the air. You have to realize the point of an arrow is about the size of the end of a ball point pen and the body size of a big pheasant is about the size of a small Nerf football. There is a lot of skill involved but luck is certainly a factor. It’s hard to prepare for this type of outing. We have had shotgunners in the field smirk when they see us with our pointing dogs and bows and arrows only to watch their jaws drop when they see a bird fall from the air.

            The photos above came about when we took our visiting guest, Lacy Lockwood from Oklahoma out to Hasting Island pheasant club for his first pheasant hunt. We hunt whitetail deer on his family’s ranch but they don’t have pheasants… or chukar either. Lacy was able to harvest several pheasants and chukar to take home for rare meal for Oklahomans in his part of the state.

We were joined in the field by our son Trey, his 13 year old daughter Shannon and our friends Fred Vanderwold and fellow bow hunter  Shane Nichols. Having Trey to take the photos allowed me to hunt for a change. We used our Brittany point dog and Fred’s pointing lab to find the birds. Bird hunting getting too easy or you getting bored, take up this sport there’s even a special California bow hunting season for wild pheasants… slightly harder but still doable!

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October 22nd 2017
That’s Life©1966 #699 (10-20-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

 

What did you have for dinner Sunday?

          We had fresh grilled salmon and fresh Striped bass Tacos for Dinner. What did you have? While trolling for striped bass near Liberty Island last week we caught three stripers and then the fourth fish hitting a Rebel “broken back” lure was a surprise fresh run 19 pound  King Salmon. Salmon are being caught throughout the delta and in the Sacramento River but it was my first fresh water one to boat. I was thrilled and it was delicious.

        While schools make their annual Northern California fatal fall run the fish are scattered and hard to specifically fish for so luck has a lot to do with catching one the further you get away from the river’s main run. They don’t feed on their spawning run so you have to get something close enough to them to motivate them to bite. You can tell when the run is on by the flotilla of boats in both Sacramento and Rio Vista…You can do it too. Go on line, get a guide and go catch a really fresh dinner.

 

From the Email Bag…

Hey Ted:  “Check out the bill board sign on hwy 80 east between Vacaville and Dixon. A Kaiser advertisement with two men holding hands. Just when you think it can’t get crazier! I guess they need this 2% of the population to stay in business. Sent from my iPad”

Just wonder why the folks that were so upset of the photo of the girl in the bathing suit on the May Fair announcement board haven’t said a word about the huge highway poster in Dixon of two mem holding hands in an ad for Kaiser… like you said, “the times they are a changing… and there isn’t much it seems, we can do about some of it… Ken G. Dixon

 

Where’s It At? (between the A and the T?)

During a recent press conference, a reporter with MSNBC hollered from the press corps, “Where is President Trump hiding his tax returns?” Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, astutely responded, “We’ve found a very secure place and I’m certain they won’t be found.”

“And just where is that? ” asked the reporter, sarcastically. Mrs. Sanders grinned sardonically and said, “They are underneath Obama’s college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration…”Next question?”

 

Yes, One for the power of the People; US! Kneel on this NFL!

It’s not quite the No Fan League yet, but on Sunday, NFL stadiums illustrated the damage that has been done by the seemingly endless national anthem protests, which have driven away thousands of football fans. Dylan Gwinn, writing on Breitbart, called it the “’new normal’ in the age of anthem protests: empty seats.” Multiple games were played with clearly visible holes in the stands. Good for you all! Are the commissioner and owners this week going to do anything but wait and see if it blows over? Not unless everyone boycotts sponsors and games until it really hurts their pocketbooks, then they might put it to the players they own and make them appear at least,  to show a little respect for all of those who keep these huge whiny, wealthy, hypocrites both free and safe.

 

Seventh Annual Hickman Corn Maze

For the seventh straight year the Hickman corn maze will open 24/7 until Halloween. It is a specialty maze in a pumpkin patch designed for blonds and senior citizens. The cost is only $4.95 and if it takes longer than four minutes and ninety five seconds that to get out we will return your money, give you a free pumpkin and arrange for a ride home for you… Such a deal! See the two other local competitive Halloween/pumpkin places in today’s paper.

The first two pictures  are from the Silveyville Pumpkin and Christmas Tree Farm just across the freeway off Pitt School Road. Go across overpass and take first turn (road)  to the left The third picture is from the Cool Patch Corn Maze and pumpkin stuff just outside of the city, across the A St. Overpass on the left..Can miss it. You ought to take the kids to both. They’re just a few minutes apart and are very different from each other.

 

 

More Things For Thought

Growing up was certainly the stupidest idea I ever had as a child.

*The twenty-something twin hotties that live next door are having plumbing problems and are using our shower, so you know what that means!… more hair in the drain.

*The wife dislikes cooking… but she is super-excited to debut her new cookbook “toast on a paper towel, 365 ways”.

*Every evening from 7 to 8pm the neighbor’s child practices the piano… with what sounds like her face.

*I was in the grocery store when one of my favorite dance songs came on… and while no one could keep up with my choreography security did let me finish the routine.

*I’m not real fastidious with the housekeeping… but I do want it tidy enough so that if someone drops in it doesn’t look like we’re six days into battling a poltergeist.

*Rip Rosie O’Donnell… oh! Sorry! It’s Hugh Heffner who died, I thought they said huge heifer!

*At my age rolling out of bed early in the morning is easy… getting my sorry butt up off the floor is another story!

*Every morning a huge German shepherd defecates on my front lawn… today, to make matters worse, he brought his damn dog!

*I like to make lists… I also seem to like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what’s on the list when I’m at the store.

*Charlie brown grew up to be a good grief counselor.

*They should make another taken movie about Liam neeson being under-appreciated for trying to take care of his family… “taken 4: granted”.

*Apparently the circle of life is not referring to a donut… I’m so confused.

*Everybody always talks about how Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine chapel on his back… but no one ever mentions how long his arms were.

*I don’t like the word ‘scampi’… it sounds like seafood that is trying to run away.

*Evelyn says that Betty’s daughter is a lesbian… but I’ve never noticed an accent.

*I treated the wife to one of those discounted “fish pedicures” the other day and I must say I was very pleased with the results… those piranha don’t mess around!

*I completely endorse the concept of minimalism… so much so that I actually own hundreds of books on the subject.

*The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.

*After the week I’ve had I really need to get taken out… on a date or by a sniper, either one is fine with me at this point.

 *I‘m at a wedding and I remark to the guy next to me “isn’t the bride an ugly dog?”….”do you mind?  That’s my daughter you’re talking about!”….”I’m sorry I didn’t know you were her father!”… “I’m not.  I’m her mother!”  

*Just a thought… shouldn’t women have a ‘girlnecologist’?

*If it could be arranged and if I had to be water boarded by the Taliban…  I’d like them to use a soft serve ice cream machine, preferably chocolate.

*You can lose a lot on a no sugar, no carb diet… I tried it and immediately lost my will to live.

*I met a woman at a bar last night.  She looked, walked and talked like a lady… but when she drove me to her place and parallel-parked on the first try I thought “wait a minute….”

*If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you… I’d probably start thinking about you!

*At our high school reunion a woman inquired of me “are you wearing the same clothes you wore on the last day of school?”… I replied, “You told me to ‘never change’!”

  *Before marriage she fantasizes about spending a life together… after marriage she fantasizes about spending life insurance proceeds alone!

*Work from home?… hell, I don’t even work from work!

*My 14-year old grandson doesn’t know the name of the street he’s lived on for the last 6 years… we’re taking him to the vet to be micro-chipped.

A liberal friend asked me what I thought he might need in order to defend his home and family from home invasion. I suggested a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells. A few days later he sent me this picture and asked me how to make it all work…  BTW: He voted for Obama — twice.

   

For you people who thought I was kidding last week…Ta Da.

 

Told you I was a bumper sticker carrying member!

 

#

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October 14th 2017
That’s Life©1966 #698 (10-13-17)*

Posted under That's Life Columns

Feel Free to Email: Tedhick@gmail.com

Mark Twain: “The fear of death follows from the fear of life.

A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

 

What Did You Do Last Weekend?

I just keep asking this question to make a point. There are so many thing to do every weekend in this area I can’t count them all. But maybe I’ll hit on something that will get you off your butt, off the couch, and away from things life the NFL disrespecting our Vice President in his own home state, by none other than your S.F. 49ers… (their “owners” should be ashamed when their players/people they own, embarrass them on world wide T.V. (does that not have a racist ring to it? … and NBA malcontents… Screw them, turn off the TV and go out and do something.

I mean like last week my first wife Linda and I went pheasant hunting with her new lightweight 20 gauge O/U shotgun I got her last month for our 50+ anniversary… You kind of run out of new ideas after five or so decades… She had trouble swinging the older heavier one and on her first shot with the new one she actually swung and shot too soon… Better early than late I guess. Our Brittany pointed and waited for her and I (was taking photos) to verity she got this one for sure. She had “shot” a couple birds in the past few years but other hunters shot about the same time so she was never truly convinced she got the birds although everyone said she did. This time there was no mistake since she had the only gun in the field… Not bad for a 70 something grandma huh?

Sooo… That was Friday. Saturday we went to our granddaughter’s soccer game in town at 9 followed by attending Lambtown where we then worked our shift, and had a good FFA bar-b-que, on the run, as I rushed off to the Lions Club poker tourney/ fundraiser.

Seriously folks, if you’ve never been to the Lambtown celebration at the fairgrounds (this year had a record attendance,) or had a fun evening with a great bunch of people playing cards and donating to one of Dixon’s prime charity supporting organizations, you should mark your calendars for next year; I guarantee you will enjoy them both.

            I’m perturbed I arrived at Lambtown a little late and just missed the PETA protesters. Pat the Mayfair manager was delighted I missed them. She has the Greg Coppes attitude of: “Don’t give them what they want and make a somebody out of a nobody… “Ignore them and they will go away, she did and they did; much better than my confrontation method which I’ve done twice at the fairgrounds. Two years ago on the first day I showed them my press credentials and said I had a few questions. After asking what their belts and purses were made of and what kind of interior was in their cars I asked what vegetables they had murdered today to sustain themselves… I asked for a pamphlet, they wouldn’t give me one and left. After the first day they didn’t come back to “work” for  the second. They did come, saw me heading towards them and I guess  decided it wasn’t a good day to hassle people and left without handing out a flyer. I was told I may hear from their legal people but apparently they chocked on a piece of spinach or something because I’m still waiting for a challenge to my first amendment rights. I am a bumper sticker carrying member of PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals (no kidding I have a bumper sticker from the Broken Arrow Oklahoma Beef Jerky outlet to prove it. BTW I/we (the whole family) do belong to that PETA group and the poor beautiful bird that gave up its life to Annie Oakley Hickman made a fine dinner… My buddy is a member too and had fresh salmon for dinner. Like I said, what did you do last weekend? I have Levis older than most of your so there is no reason for you to be married to your couch or the indoors when there is so much going out in the world. A fishing buddy of mine, Fred Vanderwold, went salmon fishing in the Sacramento river while we were pheasant hunting and he and two buddies limited out on fresh run fish (2 apiece, that’s six fish). Don’t have a boat? You can Gogglea sac river salmon guide and you and yours can make the trip yourself.

Hilary In the PROD; V.P. Pence In Sacto

Yep, Monday saw Hilary go to the People’s Republic Of Davis to address a sold out audience there to hear about and buy her book, “How I lied and screwed up a sure thing and made fools of the mass media”… or “What Happened,” or something like that. UCD used to be Ag school, now it’s a liberal foreign student body made up of mostly of English as a second language wealthy students… who lined up to listen to her whiny crap. Meanwhile in Sacramento VP. Pence visited at the same time, a day after leaving an NFL football game right after the national anthem and the S.F. 49ers embarrassing themselves, us, our state and their owners by kneeling, knowing the V.P. was there. Hope these ingrates are happy… outside their little patting each other on the backs cliques, they are all considered woefully morally inadequate.  Sacto’s Mayor Steinberg’s troops greeted our vice president with sign like “you stink”, and worse. Daryl must be so proud… You schmuck.

I’m embarrassed for him, our state, our vets, and feel pain for our nation as the mass media again tries to make news where there was none and create and print fake news… enough is enough. When they start their crap, for the first time in my life I just turn them off, turn off the news, the NFL and NBA.

POTUS: “I asked @VP Pence to leave stadium if any players kneeled, disrespecting our country. I am proud of him and @SecondLadyKaren”… US too!

Some More Things For Thought

  1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

  2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

  3. The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle.

  4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

  5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

  6. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo. No one knows why.

  7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2″ by 3-1/2″.

  8. During the chariot scene in “Ben Hur,” a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston’s wearing a watch).

  9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries).

  10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

  11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

  12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

  13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

  14. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.

  15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

  16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this?

  17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That’s the opposite of the norm.

  18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA.”

  19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

  20. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

  21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

  22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

  23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

  24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

  25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest..

  26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

  27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, “Elementary, my dear Watson.”

  28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

  29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

  30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

  31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

  32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

See… now wasn’t that calming and nice for a change?

Not to mention how much smarter you’ve now become!

 

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